tojaz Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 I need to add that during these 3 weeks Ive also spoken with Hubbys Dad, Bf, Grandmother and coworkers! He specifically told me after he found out I talked with his bf that he didnt want me calling him again so i didnt! But i did call two guys that work with him because I was concerned about his mental state! I didnt try to hide the calls but since we havent been talking I didnt mention it and this evening I noticed he had gone on to our att usage bill online and typed in the guys name in where the number goes so i know he knows! He never mentioned it to me though! Ughhh its really no wonder he doesnt talk yet to me i havent given him a chance to cool off without something else coming up! Thats a normal part of the panic, you want to know whats happening and you try to gather as much information as possible, not good with someone with trust issues. Give yourself a break from thinking about it and stressing yourself out. TOJAZ
Author AllieKat Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 And the saga continues.... Just found out yesterday Im preggo! Ugh now I am afraid This poor baby will lose their dad! He isnt happy or upset though prior to this fight we were trying for months to get preggo! We have started talking but only because I wanted him to know I had two positive preg tests! At first he was rude and said yeah right but today he actually texted me to tell me hed go to my dr appt with me. Hes talking to me today but its really just basic and i seem to be doing most of the talking. Ahhh i miss him! I just dont want him to just stick around cause Im preggo
tojaz Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 And the saga continues.... Just found out yesterday Im preggo! Ugh now I am afraid This poor baby will lose their dad! He isnt happy or upset though prior to this fight we were trying for months to get preggo! We have started talking but only because I wanted him to know I had two positive preg tests! At first he was rude and said yeah right but today he actually texted me to tell me hed go to my dr appt with me. Hes talking to me today but its really just basic and i seem to be doing most of the talking. Ahhh i miss him! I just dont want him to just stick around cause Im preggo Congratulations Allie Don't worry if your doing most of the talking, hes still listening. Just don't get into a rush and try to make him hear EVERYTHING thats been on your mind. Give him little pieces at a time and as it is comfortable for him, don't push. In the coming days it might be a good time to apologize for calling his friends etc. Don't try to explain anything, just a simple apology, if you think hes ready for it. TOJAZ
Author AllieKat Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 Thx tojaz- I appreciate how kind you are to me! Dh is better with daughter too he hugged her sinday and told her he loved her! He is still very distant sleeping on couch and Im trying to remember that his hurt didnt just come from a day or words so its going to take more than a few to make him trust me! Im being really nice to him but not pushy Im still giving him space! My biggest fear is that hes just going to keep his distance and be hands off, which is 100% not who he WAS! I was sick tonight and normally he would be helpful but he just ignored me. :-(
tojaz Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 Its hard for him too Allie, just as your constantly wondering what is right and wrong to do, so is he. He will be cautious and mindful of getting too close and opening himself up to hurt again. That caution often translates into seeming cold, especially for us guys it helps to avoid emotional interactions. Thats my theory anyways, its hard to be nice to someone your mad at, so he sees you sick, but knows to come to your aide would mean letting his guard down and possibly sending signals hes not ready to send. Keep moving slowly and see if he continues to warm, don't dive in at the first sign of something positive, it may drive him right back into his shell. Sounds like hes staying static for right now, much better then pushing you farther away!! Stay positive. TOJAZ
Author AllieKat Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 So today Dh came home an hour late so ofcourse Im freaking out! I have crazy thoughts in my head and though I was tempted to look at bank account and att to check to see if he was talking/texting I can honestly say I resisted the urge! Since weve been spatting ive stalked both att calls/text and the bank account to see where he was going! Can you insecure!!! Before this I never did check on anything other the normal banking stuff. I have become so paranoid but I know he can log in and see when it was last logged into and Im hoping the daily checking up on him Ive been doing is over! I want him to trust me and hopefully forgive me. He isnt talking to me today! I asked him a question and he just nodded so Im letting him alone! I stink at being patient but days like these it seems hopeless
tojaz Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 So today Dh came home an hour late so ofcourse Im freaking out! I have crazy thoughts in my head and though I was tempted to look at bank account and att to check to see if he was talking/texting I can honestly say I resisted the urge! Since weve been spatting ive stalked both att calls/text and the bank account to see where he was going! Can you insecure!!! Before this I never did check on anything other the normal banking stuff. I have become so paranoid but I know he can log in and see when it was last logged into and Im hoping the daily checking up on him Ive been doing is over! I want him to trust me and hopefully forgive me. He isnt talking to me today! I asked him a question and he just nodded so Im letting him alone! I stink at being patient but days like these it seems hopeless Good job Allie. I know its hard not to let all those thoughts get in your head. You want to know more then anything. Been there suffered through that. Your also doing well at not pressuring him. He wasn't talking and you let him be. I know how hard that one can be as well (to be honest I couldn't do it) Patience is hard for everyone, but you have to stay on the pace he sets for now, just keep being the best version of yourself you can. TOJAZ
Author AllieKat Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Thx... I'm trying! Not sure hes noticing though! I gotta say the thing that bugs me is his wedding ring has been off now for over a week! That hurts and Ive got no clue where it is! Before when he got mad he took it off and put it on key chain :-( i havent seen if its there or not
worldgonewrong Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I gotta say the thing that bugs me is his wedding ring has been off now for over a week! That hurts and Ive got no clue where it is! My sbtx-wife pulled the same torturous sh*t on me. At first, she put the rings (wedding/engagement) in a predictable place, and then she hid them as she prolonged not-wearing-them. Be aware.
tojaz Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Thx... I'm trying! Not sure hes noticing though! I gotta say the thing that bugs me is his wedding ring has been off now for over a week! That hurts and Ive got no clue where it is! Before when he got mad he took it off and put it on key chain :-( i havent seen if its there or not :(Ouch the rings. That hurts, mine took hers off for our first and last MC session. It was a strategic move on her part, and it worked. Threw me off balance and the whole thing was over in a blur because I couldn't stop looking at that naked finger. Thing is, that ring wasn't anything more then a piece of gold and a stone. I didn't love her any less when I took mine off for work. Don't go looking for the ring, and don't worry about whats on his finger, keep your attention on whats going on in his heart and between his ears. He has a lot to digest right now. TOJAZ
Author AllieKat Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Do men look at their wallets and the pictures in them everyday? Just wondering if its a good sign he still has about 12 pictures of my daughter and two of me in there? Lol
Author AllieKat Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Grrr hubby shaved goatee off today! I think its some sort of statement to me! I loved his goatee and hes had it for years so I guess by shaving it off hes asserting his independence? :-(
tojaz Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Do men look at their wallets and the pictures in them everyday? Just wondering if its a good sign he still has about 12 pictures of my daughter and two of me in there? Lol Thats why we keep them in there, so we always have them with us. I am worried that your snooping in his wallet though. Grrr hubby shaved goatee off today! I think its some sort of statement to me! I loved his goatee and hes had it for years so I guess by shaving it off hes asserting his independence? :-( Thats a lot of meaning behind shaving a beard! I shave mine off on occasion for a multitude of reasons, don't think too much of it, if you try so hard to find something to be upset about, you will always find it. If you are serious about wanting to save your marriage you must be totally submissive to your husband from now on. All I'm going to say is.... NO! TOJAZ
Author AllieKat Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 @ tojaz... I didnt have to snoop he paid for groceries tonight and i saw my pic and my daughters still in there not sure they are all atill there but im guessing! We talked more and actually had to go to a meeting together, which sucked cause he didnt talk to me at all there but on the way home we talked about the volunteer program we both belong to, then ran to store for milk! It was awkward but conversation! Tomorrow my big appt at dr so maybe hell soften once pregnancy is confirmed by dr
Author AllieKat Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 Btw tojaz.... Thank you for being so kind and for the advice youve been giving! I really appreciate!
tojaz Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 @ tojaz... I didnt have to snoop he paid for groceries tonight and i saw my pic and my daughters still in there not sure they are all atill there but im guessing! We talked more and actually had to go to a meeting together, which sucked cause he didnt talk to me at all there but on the way home we talked about the volunteer program we both belong to, then ran to store for milk! It was awkward but conversation! Tomorrow my big appt at dr so maybe hell soften once pregnancy is confirmed by dr Glad to hear you didn't snoop and sorry i suspected the worst. Talking is more then you had been getting. Take what you can get, show him you can still be friendly, just let him set the pace. Btw tojaz.... Thank you for being so kind and for the advice youve been giving! I really appreciate! My pleasure Allie. TOJAZ
Author AllieKat Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Just wanted to post an update... We have made up!! And we are both working on commuincating better and making sure this doesnt happen again!! 5
Jstub Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Just wanted to post an update... We have made up!! And we are both working on commuincating better and making sure this doesnt happen again!! Just like that? Did you talk about the root cause? What are you going to do about it? Making up and going back to the old ways will land you in the same exact situation months later.
2.50 a gallon Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Huzzah! But understand, you scared the beegees out of him and it will still take a long time for him to totally forget the "I want a divorce" virus.
trippi1432 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Congrats Allie!! Remember, for future reference, it's okay to not be happy in a moment...and it's okay to talk to your spouse about what is bothering you before it gets to a blow up....unless you are with someone totally unapproachable...then that is a bigger problem. Don't let things build up to resentments to where you get to the point of frustration. Also, don't let this be a playing card in the future...yes, it totally scared him, you would feel the same way if he said that to you as well. As scared as you have been while this was happening is as scared as he was that you said it again. Relationships are as hard or as easy as we make them, I'm glad things are working out for you and your family hun...especially that latest addition. Congrats again! 1
tojaz Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Just wanted to post an update... We have made up!! And we are both working on commuincating better and making sure this doesnt happen again!! :bunny::bunny: Thank you Allie, this made my day! :bunny::bunny: Congratulations! You still have some work ahead of you, but I think you know that and are more then up for the challenge. I'm very happy for you. TOJAZ 1
Author AllieKat Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 It happened over the weekend! My daughter was away with friends. We talked it out in the sense he told me why it was such an issue for to hear those words and explained it to me. Things I didnt realize about him and his childhood. I listened with my ears and my heart and my brain this time. He told me what he needed from me. And then I did the same! We both have some abandment issues. He agreed to go to counseling with me too. He also told me he felt like me not talking to him meant I didnt care and he left me know the calling friend thing just pissed him off more and made it take a little longer to forgive. He said work has been a huge stress and that he needs a new job and when we got into our fight it was just the icing on a crappy week and he exploded!! We are a work in progress but we both adore each other and want this to work 3
tojaz Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 It happened over the weekend! My daughter was away with friends. We talked it out in the sense he told me why it was such an issue for to hear those words and explained it to me. Things I didnt realize about him and his childhood. I listened with my ears and my heart and my brain this time. He told me what he needed from me. And then I did the same! We both have some abandment issues. He agreed to go to counseling with me too. He also told me he felt like me not talking to him meant I didnt care and he left me know the calling friend thing just pissed him off more and made it take a little longer to forgive. He said work has been a huge stress and that he needs a new job and when we got into our fight it was just the icing on a crappy week and he exploded!! We are a work in progress but we both adore each other and want this to work I love it when I log in and see someone whos got it right and at the right time. Wish it happened a little more often. TOJAZ
Author AllieKat Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Well just we all was good again its crap again! I started spotting and decided not to tell anyone or get medical care only to end up miscarrying! I told hubby that i think i actually miscarried last week instead of two days ago and hes furious with me!! Rightfully so! Off came his wedding ring and i said why did you tske the ring off he said because im done with you i want a divorce!!! I lied to him by not telling him i was having issues for over a week! I just didnt want to believe i was having a miscarriage again for the 3rd time! I was convincing myself all would be ok! What a fool so now a month after my hubby and i reconciled we are at odds again! Im not nagging or bugging him this time or calling anyone hes friends with or related to to discuss this i learned my lesson last time! Im just going to hope he can forgive me
tojaz Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Well just we all was good again its crap again! I started spotting and decided not to tell anyone or get medical care only to end up miscarrying! I told hubby that i think i actually miscarried last week instead of two days ago and hes furious with me!! Rightfully so! Off came his wedding ring and i said why did you tske the ring off he said because im done with you i want a divorce!!! I lied to him by not telling him i was having issues for over a week! I just didnt want to believe i was having a miscarriage again for the 3rd time! I was convincing myself all would be ok! What a fool so now a month after my hubby and i reconciled we are at odds again! Im not nagging or bugging him this time or calling anyone hes friends with or related to to discuss this i learned my lesson last time! Im just going to hope he can forgive me This isn't your fault. I can see how he might be upset that you kept things from him, but I don't see that as a reason to storm off like he did. Not if things were going decent otherwise. Something else is on his mind...... TOJAZ
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