Cypress25 Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 The same way I wouldnt wear an American Eagle with a huge eagle on it and blue jeans when I go on a date with a really sweet girl I want to date. The outfit would be fine for the club/bar girl I want a fling with, but for the sweet gal, Id wear a button down of some sort, and nice pants. That's weird. So for you, casual clothes mean you want a fling and dressy clothes mean you want a relationship? Doesn't make any sense, lol. What if you go to a casual place with the sweet girl that you want to date? Would you still dress like a choir boy, even if you were just going to Starbucks?
kaylan Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Like...a hoodie and saggy jeans? What does that say? Depends on the venue. Walking around a neighborhood it says "im just wearing whats comfortable" Wearing it to work or the bar it says "im lazy today" Nice try though.
threebyfate Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 My boyfriend used to use online dating and he said that he only contacted women who said they were looking for a relationship. However, he said that half the women he met wore super low cut dresses without bras, showing a ton of cleavage, to the first date. If they're looking for a relationship, why wear hooker garb that makes it seem like all they want is sex?Why would guys like your b/f make jerkish assumptions about people if they were looking for a relationship? 2
Disenchantedly Yours Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Dave chapelle says it best Dave Chappelle Whore's Uniform Clipta New Video Wave - YouTube That's right..more female name calling... niiiiicccceee...
kaylan Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 (edited) That's weird. So for you, casual clothes mean you want a fling and dressy clothes mean you want a relationship? Doesn't make any sense, lol. What if you go to a casual place with the sweet girl that you want to date? Would you still dress like a choir boy, even if you were just going to Starbucks? You missed the point. A lot of girls associate obnoxious AE, Afflication, and Hollister logos as "bro" clothing. Douchy types. Not all of the clothing those companies make, just the stuff with the huge over the top logos and designs. Generally people who wear that stuff are the douchey party types, so I cant fault girls for thinking that way. Ive had girls assume I was a douchy bro who would ignore them since I was wearing a polo shirt, and skinny jeans with my collar accidentally popped. My buddy popped it and I didnt take notice to it, and then these girls mentioned it to me later in the bar. One of my chick friends has even told me that before she got to know me, she didnt think we'd mesh since I was dressed up as some skate rocker dude. She assumed I was only into skate rock or preppy people. Get my point now...people make assumptions...and sometimes wont go through the trouble of getting to know you because they wanna avoid potential hassle. And I dont wear super casual bar clothing on dates. I always wear something nice but casual-ish...like button down pressed plaid. For star bucks itd prolly be something like dark blue jeans, fresh button down with sleeves rolled up, and top two buttons open. Casual but nice. Edited April 20, 2012 by kaylan
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Like...a hoodie and saggy jeans? What does that say? Touchee, Ms. Gazer. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 My boyfriend used to use online dating and he said that he only contacted women who said they were looking for a relationship. However, he said that half the women he met wore super low cut dresses without bras, showing a ton of cleavage, to the first date. If they're looking for a relationship, why wear hooker garb that makes it seem like all they want is sex? So like where these women buttoned up in their profiles? It was only on these dates where they did incredible Hulk style dress changes? My guess is your boyfriend was attracted to these women from their profiles from their bodies and the way they dressed. My further guess is that some of their pictures in their profiles probably displayed their bodies as well. The thing is, women are told all the time how visual men are. Women are told that a man needs to be attracted to you first. So if you are looking for a man to be into you, you are going to start the way with attracting him through your looks first. You are going to put what you think is your best foot forward. Some women may go over board, some women may just like tight revealing clothing, some may really like and just want sex. But no matter, it doesn't mean you label the woman a negative connotation off the bat. This sounds familiar of men wanting one set of women for eye candy..such as the women that DO dress to show off their bodies vs wanting *their* woman to be a "good girl" and keep it covered for "his eyes only". A touch hypocritical. Because men will simultaneously critisize women for revealing thei bodies at the same time they encourage it for their personal sexual titilation. A bit of a madonna/whore thing going on here. And it is true that people will judge you by the way you look. It is also true that a cover is not indicative of a book. And I think people would probably find themselves in more interesting company if they got to learn about people instead of throwing face value judgements at them. I know that some of the most interesting things I found out about people where not the things I expected of them. And these things were usually positive. It's humbled me and reminded me to keep a more open mind toward people and not just go off my own stereotypes of them. My stereotypes do me more harm then good. I personally always found it fun how people would think I was such a cream puff because of the way I look. When I played field hockey one of the dad's of the other girls said it was a good asset because the girls on the other team always thought they could easily take me, until they actually had to try and take me, and they couldn't. And that's pretty much been my experience through most of my life. I think alot of people thought I was a pushover..which clearly I am not. So sure, you can stereotype people based on social factors. But it's not as fun as getting to know who they really are independent of their dress or looks. They are sometimes the best surprises. Oh and I grew up in a really heavy farm area. My dad was friends with farmers that are quite rich but drive beat up old pick-ups and wear the same pair or jeans for the past 20 years. When you underscore people, you usually miss out. 4
Author Flummox Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 (edited) So like where these women buttoned up in their profiles? It was only on these dates where they did incredible Hulk style dress changes? My guess is your boyfriend was attracted to these women from their profiles from their bodies and the way they dressed. My further guess is that some of their pictures in their profiles probably displayed their bodies as well. The thing is, women are told all the time how visual men are. Women are told that a man needs to be attracted to you first. So if you are looking for a man to be into you, you are going to start the way with attracting him through your looks first. You are going to put what you think is your best foot forward. Some women may go over board, some women may just like tight revealing clothing, some may really like and just want sex. But no matter, it doesn't mean you label the woman a negative connotation off the bat. This sounds familiar of men wanting one set of women for eye candy..such as the women that DO dress to show off their bodies vs wanting *their* woman to be a "good girl" and keep it covered for "his eyes only". A touch hypocritical. Because men will simultaneously critisize women for revealing thei bodies at the same time they encourage it for their personal sexual titilation. A bit of a madonna/whore thing going on here. Not sure if he was attracted to them. Some of these women contacted him first. I started another thread where I said my boyfriend had low standards, as in he would literally go on a date with anyone. He explicitly told me so. I think some of these women were fat, others had a big nose, and some were attractive. So maybe some of these women were trying to distract from other, less attractive features (like their rolls or their face). I only saw a few profiles and some wore revealing clothing, while others posted misleading only-face photos that made them look 50 pounds lighter than they did in real life. So the women who posted face only photos but then wore revealing clothing didn't really have anything to lose by not wearing a nightie out. I don't think it's a double standard for men and women, so don't turn this into a hypocrisy issue regarding women. I wouldn't take a man who wore shirts to show off his muscles seriously either. I also assume that guys who wear Hollister, etc. are douches. Just because people aren't SUPPOSED to label people with a negative connotation, it doesn't mean they don't. Most people do judge others on their appearance, like it or not. I just don't understand why women who supposedly want a serious relationship would then dress a certain a way that deters most people from taking them seriously. Again, you're also missing the point. This isn't a sport where what matters is your skill. This is dating, where what matters is how others perceive you. You can't impose your own mental state on others. What really matters in online to offline dating, especially, is the first impression you make. If you say online that you want a relationship and then dress like you're walking the streets, what is the person who is meeting you for the first time supposed to think? Edited April 20, 2012 by Flummox
Cypress25 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I wouldn't take a man who wore shirts to show off his muscles seriously either. I also assume that guys who wear Hollister, etc. are douches. Then you need to work on yourself. That's a bad quality to have. You're aware that you judge people unfairly based on their clothes, now the next step is to acknowledge that you shouldn't do that and try to change that pattern of thinking. It's not OK to keep doing it and then try to justify it by saying "Everybody else does it!" No, they don't. If you say online that you want a relationship and then dress like you're walking the streets, what is the person who is meeting you for the first time supposed to think? They're supposed to think that the way you dress has nothing to do with whether or not you want a relationship. It would never occur to me to look at a man's clothes to determine if he was looking for a relationship or a booty call. Most women don't dress a certain way to indicate what kind of relationship they want. Clothes can express a lot of things, but relationship status isn't one of them. There are plenty of women who are currently in relationships and still dress slutty because that's their style. Relationship-oriented women wear all kinds of clothes; they're not limited to conservative styles just because they're in a relationship or looking for a relationship. Honestly, I've never heard of this before, this alleged connection between clothes and wanting a relationship. I don't think there is a connection. 1
joystickd Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 There are women that are well covered up that are promiscuous to the point they are more open than the doors at wal mart. It just goes to show you:lmao:
carhill Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 This thread caused me to remember a great movie line.... Classic example of how sometimes breasts are just breasts.
Star Gazer Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 This thread caused me to remember a great movie line.... Classic example of how sometimes breasts are just breasts. Then why, earlier in the movie, does ? Later... "How'd you get this document?" "They're called boobs, Ed." LOVE that movie.
carhill Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Yes, that was the clip I was looking for, thanks! I thought that guy was going to fall on his ass, like I literally did one day when a lady looking like Julia came to sell me a dumpster. I liked how the 'real' Erin toned it down playing the waitress in the movie. It must've been a struggle Tools of the trade with the guys they work on, whether the lady is relationship-minded or not, it doesn't really matter IME. Whenever I see them out and working, I smile. I love tools
Star Gazer Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Yes, that was the clip I was looking for, thanks! I thought that guy was going to fall on his ass, like I literally did one day when a lady looking like Julia came to sell me a dumpster. I liked how the 'real' Erin toned it down playing the waitress in the movie. It must've been a struggle Tools of the trade with the guys they work on, whether the lady is relationship-minded or not, it doesn't really matter IME. Whenever I see them out and working, I smile. I love tools And . This scene actually inspired me to stick with my first firm, and actually reminds me a lot of how I handle myself with an adversary in a depo or mediation. My boss was friends with Ed Masry and Jack Girardi. They were the "big time" when I was "growing up" as a lil' baby attorney. Anyway, I digress...
Andy_K Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I kind of like it when a girl shows off her body a bit. I don't judge. I don't seem to be attracting those types though. Pretty much every girl I've dated in the last 6/7 months has dressed extremely conservatively on the first date.
HHC Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 My boyfriend used to use online dating and he said that he only contacted women who said they were looking for a relationship. However, he said that half the women he met wore super low cut dresses without bras, showing a ton of cleavage, to the first date. If they're looking for a relationship, why wear hooker garb that makes it seem like all they want is sex? What does what you wear have to do with if you want a relationship or not? YOU'RE assuming they want sex based on their clothes. Clothes are clothes. You're a fool if you judge a woman on her clothes and not her 2
USMCHokie Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I'm not saying people don't make assumptions, I'm just saying that those assumptions are often wrong. For example, most people assume I'm a teenager when they first meet me because I'm very short. I can understand their assumption, but I'm not responsible for it. It's not my fault that people jump to conclusions based on my looks. ... Not all of us are mind-readers. We don't always know how people perceive us. You might think a woman looks slutty, but maybe she thinks she looks sexy. There's a difference. Some people lack the self-awareness to know how they appear to other people. Just like you lack the self-awareness to realize that you could be wrong about someone. Perception may not be reality, but perception is real. No one is expecting you to be responsible, accountable, or even understanding of other people's perceptions of you. You just have to accept that it happens. Why would you care if someone's assumption about you is wrong?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Flummox Not sure if he was attracted to them. Some of these women contacted him first. I started another thread where I said my boyfriend had low standards, as in he would literally go on a date with anyone. He explicitly told me so. I think some of these women were fat, others had a big nose, and some were attractive. So maybe some of these women were trying to distract from other, less attractive features (like their rolls or their face). I only saw a few profiles and some wore revealing clothing, while others posted misleading only-face photos that made them look 50 pounds lighter than they did in real life. So the women who posted face only photos but then wore revealing clothing didn't really have anything to lose by not wearing a nightie out. I guess in relation to your question, it doesn't matter much if your boyfriend was attracted to them or not. What bothers me more is someone going out with people regularly they are not even interested in. And so what if these women were trying to distract from a less attractive feature? Are you telling me you never used one of your better features to distract from a feature you didn't feel so good about? Heck, I know I have. I got a few features I don't like but I got a few I do and I play the ones I do like up. Such as my hair, I usually wear it down. And I have big eyes, mascara is my most basic make-up look. And I got nice legs and can pull off cute little short skirts. I do those things because they highlight the best of me...physically at least. Because I don't like some of my other features. I don't think it's a double standard for men and women, so don't turn this into a hypocrisy issue regarding women. I wouldn't take a man who wore shirts to show off his muscles seriously either. Iit is hypocrisy on *some* men's parts. Not all. On one hand men complain when a woman looks "slutty", but these same men probably enjoy when women look slutty when it's not the woman he is dating. Now I totally get not wanting to date someone because of the way they are dressed. I'm not really critisizing that. Just the labeling. When I internet dated and saw pictures of guys with their shirts off, I wasn't exactly trying to date those guys. But I also don't know them so I didn't make fun of them either. If I was giving advice? I would tell men not to post chest shots unless it's in the approipate setting. Like playing freezbe on the beach or fishing with his dad on a boat. And I would tell women to display enough of their body to give a "hint" of it but not let all the wares out at once. BUT , just because I would advise them to do that doesn't mean I would call them names when they didn't. I also assume that guys who wear Hollister, etc. are douches.Just because people aren't SUPPOSED to label people with a negative connotation, it doesn't mean they don't. Most people do judge others on their appearance, like it or not. I just don't understand why women who supposedly want a serious relationship would then dress a certain a way that deters most people from taking them seriously. Yeah, I think I already acknowledged that people judge based on appearance. I know I get judged based on my appearance and I know I have judged based on appearance. But I've had a few lessons in life that taught me something important that I try to hold onto when I find myself stereotyping. You can shrug your shoulders and say "so what, people judge on appearance and that's the way it is" or you can make a choices different from that. I'm not saying I always get it right. I'm a work in progress. But I try. I'm not just throwing my hands up in the air and saying everyone does it so I'll do it too. And I have found that when I was more open minded and let people show me who they were then jumping the gun on who I thought they were, I had some really cool experiences for it. Again, you're also missing the point. This isn't a sport where what matters is your skill. This is dating, where what matters is how others perceive you. You can't impose your own mental state on others. What really matters in online to offline dating, especially, is the first impression you make. If you say online that you want a relationship and then dress like you're walking the streets, what is the person who is meeting you for the first time supposed to think? No, you missed the point. I just brought up my sport experience because it was a very obvious way people underestimated me based on how I look. Not to make a point about online dating and "skills" and sports and "skills". I was always smaller then the other girls on the teams. I looked like a cream puff, easily taken. But I wasn't. They judged their opponent wrongly for her looks and the fact that those girls underestimated me was their demise, not mine. Because when they actually had to take me on, I played center defense, they couldn't...most of the time. Now I get it, yes people will judge you for your looks. You don't *have* to be one of those people. I also would advise women going on first dates to dress sexy but not overly vampy. BUT, your thread wasn't about advising women how to dress for dates. It was about judging women for how they dress on dates. And I'm just saying, there is an entire world out there of things you can't possibly guess on just because of the way they look or our dressed. And that thought process keeps you within a very narrow box of it's own making. 1
Cypress25 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Why would you care if someone's assumption about you is wrong? I only care if it causes them to dismiss me immediately. If, however, they can look past their initial assumption and see the truth, then I can forgive them for getting it wrong at first. To use my age example, I'm 26 but I've been mistaken for as young as 14. I don't want to be treated like I'm 14 because 14-year-olds don't get any respect. I'm old enough to see R-rated movies and get into bars, and I want to be able to do those things. It matters if people think I'm too young to do the things I enjoy. If people won't give you a chance because of the way you look, it can really affect your life. Luckily, in my case, I can easily prove their assumptions wrong by pulling out my ID. But if they were making incorrect assumptions about my character, like the OP, that would be a lot harder to deal with. 1
insertnamehere Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Why do fishermen buy worms if they want fish for dinner?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 I only care if it causes them to dismiss me immediately. If, however, they can look past their initial assumption and see the truth, then I can forgive them for getting it wrong at first. To use my age example, I'm 26 but I've been mistaken for as young as 14. I don't want to be treated like I'm 14 because 14-year-olds don't get any respect. I'm old enough to see R-rated movies and get into bars, and I want to be able to do those things. It matters if people think I'm too young to do the things I enjoy. If people won't give you a chance because of the way you look, it can really affect your life. Luckily, in my case, I can easily prove their assumptions wrong by pulling out my ID. But if they were making incorrect assumptions about my character, like the OP, that would be a lot harder to deal with. I've had that same experience Cypress.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Why do fishermen buy worms if they want fish for dinner? Because worms get fish and they like to WORK for their meal.
Fondue Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Clothes and your overall "look" tell a lot about your character. It may also indicate your intentions. Dressing in revealing, tight, attention getting colors may indicate that you're looking for a certain type of attention. You may want to feel desired, feel like people are drooling over you, maybe it's empowering, or just an ego boost. Whenever I see a woman dressed in a short, tight, red dress, I immediately think, she either A) only wants attention, or B) is out to get a quick bang. I don't think that she's looking for a long term man and be difficult to bed, require a relationship before sex, etc. etc. On the opposite side of the spectrum, if a woman dresses more conservatively. Maybe chooses jeans instead of the skirt, maybe uses an extra button up top on her shirt, puts on a little less make up. She may be genuinely confident with her overall appearance without going over the top, or maybe she's not looking to garner a certain type of attention. Maybe she's NOT looking for a quick bang, maybe she doesn't want to be eyed, maybe she simply doesn't want to be approached. This is the kind of woman that makes me think she's a little "safer." She MAY be more girlfriend material, I don't know. But what I do know is, if I'm out looking for possible sexual interaction with a woman, I would definitely approach the one in the short dress. If I'm looking to talk to a woman, maybe exchange numbers, and see where it goes, I will approach the one that's dressed more conservatively. I hope some of this makes sense. It does in my head, not sure how it looks on paper .
Emilia Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Not sure if he was attracted to them. Some of these women contacted him first. I started another thread where I said my boyfriend had low standards, as in he would literally go on a date with anyone. He explicitly told me so. I think some of these women were fat, others had a big nose, and some were attractive. So maybe some of these women were trying to distract from other, less attractive features (like their rolls or their face). I only saw a few profiles and some wore revealing clothing, while others posted misleading only-face photos that made them look 50 pounds lighter than they did in real life. So the women who posted face only photos but then wore revealing clothing didn't really have anything to lose by not wearing a nightie out. I don't think it's a double standard for men and women, so don't turn this into a hypocrisy issue regarding women. I wouldn't take a man who wore shirts to show off his muscles seriously either. I also assume that guys who wear Hollister, etc. are douches. Just because people aren't SUPPOSED to label people with a negative connotation, it doesn't mean they don't. Most people do judge others on their appearance, like it or not. I just don't understand why women who supposedly want a serious relationship would then dress a certain a way that deters most people from taking them seriously. Again, you're also missing the point. This isn't a sport where what matters is your skill. This is dating, where what matters is how others perceive you. You can't impose your own mental state on others. What really matters in online to offline dating, especially, is the first impression you make. If you say online that you want a relationship and then dress like you're walking the streets, what is the person who is meeting you for the first time supposed to think? I think that having a very 2 dimensional, prudish view of people is just as unattractive as an overtly trashy outfit. Why are you so pre-occupyed by your boyfriend's taste in women? Why does it matter what sort of women he dated before he met you? Why does it matter to this extent? Is that because you WISH you were as relaxed as these women when it comes to dating? I don't know how you old you are but this sour puss attitude is very unattractive. I'd say less attractive than a super-trashy dress.
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