O'farrell Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Life is rough when you stand 5'7. I wouldn't have any problem against anyone's preference if it weren't height because I can't understand it. I see tall and short and tall and short. Not attractive and unattractive. idk why tall is preferred, and because of that, it makes me bitter.
Author joystickd Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 Life is rough when you stand 5'7. I wouldn't have any problem against anyone's preference if it weren't height because I can't understand it. I see tall and short and tall and short. Not attractive and unattractive. idk why tall is preferred, and because of that, it makes me bitter. It's nothing to be bitter about. I know a guy shorter than you that has a hot wife about 5'9". In a way its hypocritical to get mad about someone else's preference when you have them yourself
AD1980 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I agree people are free to be attracted to what they are attracted to its stupid to shame them With that said when you cant attract the opposite sex at all and you look at threads in pof forumsnd other sites where literally a mens height thread will pop up and 99 out of 100 women claim they wont date short men its hard not to get down sometimes and feel unattractive
mesmerized Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Like it or not, height is a part of a man's overall attractiveness. Women deal with their one issues. At the end of the day, for both men and women , only a certain percentage are sought after and the rest have to work for it.
RiverRunning Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 5'8" and dating a guy who's 5'5", maybe 5'6" on a lucky day. His height has never bothered me...to be honest, I prefer men in the 5'4" - 5'10" range. There are women like me. I'm not going to fool you, though: it's not very common, that I've seen. And despite my flexibility - few ever wanted to date me. 5'7" is far from what I'd consider short in a guy. But the height preference seems to go both ways: it seems like a lot of the fellas complaining about it mean more along the lines of, "I'm 5'4" and this 5'2" girl won't go out with me!" rather than "I'm 5'4" and this 5'6" girl won't go out with me!" Once you get to be so short, you have to accept to some extent that unless you're dating women from parts of the world where they're generally shorter, you're likely going to end up with a taller woman. Unfortunately for men, there's not much of a shortage of tall men to go around in the US - which is probably partly the reason why such a strong preference exists. If women couldn't find a tall guy to go out with, or it were much more difficult, those standards would relax over time.
AD1980 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 5'8" and dating a guy who's 5'5", maybe 5'6" on a lucky day. His height has never bothered me...to be honest, I prefer men in the 5'4" - 5'10" range. There are women like me. I'm not going to fool you, though: it's not very common, that I've seen. And despite my flexibility - few ever wanted to date me. 5'7" is far from what I'd consider short in a guy. But the height preference seems to go both ways: it seems like a lot of the fellas complaining about it mean more along the lines of, "I'm 5'4" and this 5'2" girl won't go out with me!" rather than "I'm 5'4" and this 5'6" girl won't go out with me!" Once you get to be so short, you have to accept to some extent that unless you're dating women from parts of the world where they're generally shorter, you're likely going to end up with a taller woman. Unfortunately for men, there's not much of a shortage of tall men to go around in the US - which is probably partly the reason why such a strong preference exists. If women couldn't find a tall guy to go out with, or it were much more difficult, those standards would relax over time. That is true at 5'8 the few women who showed even slight possible interest in me were my height or taller Shorter women then me are the ones ive heard make nasty comments about short men who are still taller then them its bizarre
mesmerized Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I agree shorter women are the worst. I'm short and have only dated men 5'11" and above. I'm not exactly against a shorter guy and there have been ones I found very attractive but a lot of them I just don't find myself attracted to.
O'farrell Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Like it or not, height is a part of a man's overall attractiveness. Women deal with their one issues. At the end of the day, for both men and women , only a certain percentage are sought after and the rest have to work for it. Does not make sense to me. Muscles make sense, great smiles makes sense, personality makes sense, money makes sense. But I don't understand height. Its kind of new to me to be honest. In HS, the cool kids got the hot girls. These included 5'4 kids. In college, all of a sudden height pops up. Im like wtf? The explanation I have heard is that it is associated with the ability to protect. Well that seems more like strength or fighting experience to me. There isn't a correlation between height and the other two, and it doesn't provide any more advantages than disadvantages in a fight.
MrCastle Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 (edited) You would think reading some of the replies in here, and the stuff people put in their online dating profiles that they just have "preferences" and that's it. They're not shallow. They just have "preferences". Shallow people hide behind that word in order to draw attention away from their shallowness. Shallow people do exist. I've said that countless times on here. They are among us. They're not a myth created by bitter people. Shallow people are real. "Preferences", as I understand it, is the idea of preferring something. Meaning, I prefer to date tall men, but if a shorter man possessed all the positive personality traits and intangibles I look for in a man, I would consider dating him as well. I prefer to date white men, but if a man of a different ethnicity possessed the qualities I look for in a man, I would give him a shot like any white man. What shallow people mean by "preferences", is, "these are the only physical traits I'm interested in. I don't care how good of a person you are. You don't meet them, goodbye". That is not a preference, that is exclusivity. Shallow exclusivity, at that. I think you can tell when someone's shallow by two things: 1.) how much stock they put into physical requirements (do they continuously date low quality people just because they look good?, etc etc) and 2.) how often they break away from their norm, if ever. For example, if a girl says she has a preference for taller men, and her dating history consists only of men 6"+, she doesn't have a preference, she has a demand for taller men. I encounter very few people 6" or over in my day to day life. They call 5'9 average for a reason; most people are in or around that height. So for a girl to only have dated considerably tall men means she's overlooking quality men of average or shorter height. I'm not just pinning this on women. Both genders do it. If a guy you know is only seen with girls who have DD boobs, he's probably shallow. What are the odds the only girls he's been able to date have larger than average boobs? Every single time? How has he never managed to land a girl with average or smaller than average sized breasts? We all have "preferences", the difference is, for non-shallow people, they're willing to make exceptions for those that have other things they look for in a mate. Shallow people will not budge on their physical requirements under any circumstances. That's the difference. Edited September 25, 2012 by MrCastle 2
SteveC80 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 The ones who complain the most are ones who arent the majorities preference
ThaWholigan Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 You would think reading some of the replies in here, and the stuff people put in their online dating profiles that they just have "preferences" and that's it. They're not shallow. They just have "preferences". Shallow people hide behind that word in order to draw attention away from their shallowness. Shallow people do exist. I've said that countless times on here. They are among us. They're not a myth created by bitter people. Shallow people are real. "Preferences", as I understand it, is the idea of preferring something. Meaning, I prefer to date tall men, but if a shorter man possessed all the positive personality traits and intangibles I look for in a man, I would consider dating him as well. I prefer to date white men, but if a man of a different ethnicity possessed the qualities I look for in a man, I would give him a shot like any white man. What shallow people mean by "preferences", is, "these are the only physical traits I'm interested in. I don't care how good of a person you are. You don't meet them, goodbye". That is not a preference, that is exclusivity. Shallow exclusivity, at that. I think you can tell when someone's shallow by two things: 1.) how much stock they put into physical requirements (do they continuously date low quality people just because they look good?, etc etc) and 2.) how often they break away from their norm, if ever. For example, if a girl says she has a preference for taller men, and her dating history consists only of men 6"+, she doesn't have a preference, she has a demand for taller men. I encounter very few people 6" or over in my day to day life. They call 5'9 average for a reason; most people are in or around that height. So for a girl to only have dated considerably tall men means she's overlooking quality men of average or shorter height. I'm not just pinning this on women. Both genders do it. If a guy you know is only seen with girls who have DD boobs, he's probably shallow. What are the odds the only girls he's been able to date have larger than average boobs? Every single time? How has he never managed to land a girl with average or smaller than average sized breasts? We all have "preferences", the difference is, for non-shallow people, they're willing to make exceptions for those that have other things they look for in a mate. Shallow people will not budge on their physical requirements under any circumstances. That's the difference. It's probably better if they don't. Later down the line they will wind up hurting the other person.
Emilia Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 We all have "preferences", the difference is, for non-shallow people, they're willing to make exceptions for those that have other things they look for in a mate. Shallow people will not budge on their physical requirements under any circumstances. That's the difference. Completely disagree. Those that stick with their preferences know what works for them and they don't want to settle on certain things. Those that are more flexible can come to regret it later when reality of long term dating/relationship beckons. I'm suspicious of those that are flexible or 'don't judge'. In my eyes they are either in denial or they don't know what they want. 1
Content Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Completely disagree. Those that stick with their preferences know what works for them and they don't want to settle on certain things. Those that are more flexible can come to regret it later when reality of long term dating/relationship beckons. I'm suspicious of those that are flexible or 'don't judge'. In my eyes they are either in denial or they don't know what they want. WHy? Its not impossible to be turned on by more then one kind of physical trait! I may have some preferences but i find tons of different women attractive..I think in general men have a more diverse taste in women then vice versa.. 1
ThaWholigan Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Completely disagree. Those that stick with their preferences know what works for them and they don't want to settle on certain things. Those that are more flexible can come to regret it later when reality of long term dating/relationship beckons. I'm suspicious of those that are flexible or 'don't judge'. In my eyes they are either in denial or they don't know what they want. There are a lot of things I find attractive in women, and I recognize there are some people out there who are only attracted to a subset of things. I don't see the point in labeling them as shallow and demanding they be more accepting of other traits. Because the day they do is the day they settle and eventually become unhappy with their choice because it isn't what they wanted in the first place. 1
Emilia Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 WHy? Its not impossible to be turned on by more then one kind of physical trait! In that case you don't have a preference for certain things. I may have some preferences but i find tons of different women attractive..I think in general men have a more diverse taste in women then vice versa.. I bet there are certain things you wouldn't want to compromise on though? My last ex liked fat girls. I don't mean slightly podgy or thicker or whatever but proper fat ones. He knew when we met (as we were friends first) that I was sporty and I am quite fit/athletic (though not muscular). He started trying to convince me to put more fat on my body. That was because he compromised on a strong preference. That doesn't make him shallow, just stupid.
lino Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Does not make sense to me. Muscles make sense' date=' great smiles makes sense, personality makes sense, money makes sense. But I don't understand height. Its kind of new to me to be honest. In HS, the cool kids got the hot girls. These included 5'4 kids. In college, all of a sudden height pops up. Im like wtf? The explanation I have heard is that it is associated with the ability to protect. Well that seems more like strength or fighting experience to me. There isn't a correlation between height and the other two, and it doesn't provide any more advantages than disadvantages in a fight.[/quote'] I don't understand it either and I've never seen it in my country. I've never heard a female say how attractive a guy was because of his height. Maybe it's an American thing but then again, Australia is so Americanized... who knows? Also agree that height offers no real advantage in a fight so the 'protection' thing is rubbish. 1
MrCastle Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 There are a lot of things I find attractive in women, and I recognize there are some people out there who are only attracted to a subset of things. I don't see the point in labeling them as shallow and demanding they be more accepting of other traits. Because the day they do is the day they settle and eventually become unhappy with their choice because it isn't what they wanted in the first place. So then what do you define as shallow? Are you going to tell me shallow people are made up?
ThaWholigan Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 So then what do you define as shallow? Are you going to tell me shallow people are made up? No, obviously they are "shallow". I just tend not to use that word myself. My argument is that it doesn't matter to me whether they are shallow or not. I'm not going to try and make them like something they don't like - which is something I see people inadvertently doing online, shaming people by calling them shallow and complaining about their preferences. I think some people who only fall for base physical attributes are a little superficial, but that's them. Shallow or not, that's just their thing.
LittlePrince Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 So then what do you define as shallow? Are you going to tell me shallow people are made up? Isn't it shallow to assume what you are attracted to was ever who they are? If true then doesn't that mean all love is shallow?
MrCastle Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 No, obviously they are "shallow". I just tend not to use that word myself. My argument is that it doesn't matter to me whether they are shallow or not. I'm not going to try and make them like something they don't like - which is something I see people inadvertently doing online, shaming people by calling them shallow and complaining about their preferences. I think some people who only fall for base physical attributes are a little superficial, but that's them. Shallow or not, that's just their thing. Oh alright. As long as you believe they exist. I'm about as peaceful/liberal/open minded/hippie as it gets, but when people are low quality (shallow, cheaters, liars, fakes, etc) I call them out on it. You can call it "shaming" if you want; I just expect more from people and when they fail to meet those expectations, I make vocal my disappointments.
ThaWholigan Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Oh alright. As long as you believe they exist. I'm about as peaceful/liberal/open minded/hippie as it gets, but when people are low quality (shallow, cheaters, liars, fakes, etc) I call them out on it. You can call it "shaming" if you want; I just expect more from people and when they fail to meet those expectations, I make vocal my disappointments. I think if we're specifically referring to "shallow" people, I think half the time it is pointless to vocalize those disappointments because they will probably just think you're a nut and disregard it. I think half the time some people are shallow in terms of only liking physical attributes because they are not entirely sure of what they want in terms of internal characteristics in a person, so they only have physical preferences to go on. Some on the other hand, are more driven by those physical attributes, and while they would need some synergy in terms of mental qualities, asking them to forgo physical attraction in favor of mental qualities would be a fruitless task, because even if they succumbed, they would end up hurting that person or being unhappy. You need to have that balance IMO, and maybe someday they will find a happier compromise, but for now, I leave them to it happily. 1
MrCastle Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I think if we're specifically referring to "shallow" people, I think half the time it is pointless to vocalize those disappointments because they will probably just think you're a nut and disregard it. I think half the time some people are shallow in terms of only liking physical attributes because they are not entirely sure of what they want in terms of internal characteristics in a person, so they only have physical preferences to go on. Some on the other hand, are more driven by those physical attributes, and while they would need some synergy in terms of mental qualities, asking them to forgo physical attraction in favor of mental qualities would be a fruitless task, because even if they succumbed, they would end up hurting that person or being unhappy. You need to have that balance IMO, and maybe someday they will find a happier compromise, but for now, I leave them to it happily. Yeah I can understand that. I'm just fed up (especially on this site) with some people's stance on this issue. Surely I can't be the only one whose met someone and walked away telling myself "Wow, that person is incredibly shallow/superficial". A lot of what's said on here, is backlash at people who make that claim. They're written off as being bitter, or maybe if they met the requirements of these shallow people, they wouldn't call them shallow. So they point out this bias and pretend that shallow people don't exist which in fact, they do. How you deal with people like that is entirely up to the individual but some people need to stop hiding behind the preferences tag and admit there are people out there who are extremely superficial.
ThaWholigan Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Yeah I can understand that. I'm just fed up (especially on this site) with some people's stance on this issue. Surely I can't be the only one whose met someone and walked away telling myself "Wow, that person is incredibly shallow/superficial". A lot of what's said on here, is backlash at people who make that claim. They're written off as being bitter, or maybe if they met the requirements of these shallow people, they wouldn't call them shallow. So they point out this bias and pretend that shallow people don't exist which in fact, they do. How you deal with people like that is entirely up to the individual but some people need to stop hiding behind the preferences tag and admit there are people out there who are extremely superficial. The stance is one of apathy rather than backlash. Especially on my part. I have thought that some people were very superficial about what they liked, but sometimes they overcompensated around people and were actually less stringent than they let on. Either way, there are people who aren't superficial yet they are focused on the physical side of sexual attraction - I don't see anything wrong with that, they are physical people. What I consider extremely superficial, is someone who isn't a very deep person at all, and as such, it reflects in the kind of partners they like, based on physique. People who "backlash" against shallow people do come off as bitter admittedly, because there isn't much point at backlashing against them. Every now and then I advise people to think about what it is they really want, but I don't really attack their physical preferences. Their superficiality is a part of their makeup, and no amount of backlash will change that. Only they can make the quantum leap towards that change on their own, so I leave them to it - giving them little tidbits on the way.
utterer of lies Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I think a lot of people get "bent out of shape" about it because a lot of people's "preferences" actually translate to "prejudices," which is what people get upset about. No, it's not. People get pissed off because of 'preferences' because it means some potential partners (that they are interested in) have a preference that says "not you." A girl who publicly (or OLD) acknowledges that she wants men above a certain height says "You can't have me" to all short guys. Etc. That's why they get angry. Honest people will admit that everyone has preferences. You should just accept that you can't be the dream partner of everybody you desire. 1
Titanwolf Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I'm an advocate of preferences. I'm opposed to restrictions/filters based on immutable traits, without valid reasoning. 2
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