MaverickRGT Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 First and formost I would like to thank every one that has read this.. ok here is my story.... it is long sad but true... I m 35 years old and when I was 17 years of age i found the love of my life. and for seven years we tight as two peas in a pod dd everything together.. She was my first in everything first kiss first hug first well you know... well as time went on things started to fall apart as they normally do for a teenage and early twenties relationship... My family hated her because she was and still is a very strong woman and she was pulling me away from my folks and teaching me how to be a man.. but at that time I was blinded by the realtionship I had with my folks. I chose them over her and it only lasted a few more months after that... So i was force to move out of state and lost contact with my love of my life .... well I few years past and I was doing ok moved back home.. and went through the motions of life.. and did the what I thought I was suppose to do.. got a house a good job and I met somebody I compleltly settled for and got married.. But I never got over my one true love.. the Marriage was a complete failure.The only thing that came from that was awesome was my son.. I love my little boy... but anyways...to make a long story short I re-connected with the love of my life through face book.. we hooked up and things were just like they were back in the day... but the only differents is that she was married and had kids of her own.. yes we had an affair.. then the next thing I know she left her husband and we moved into together and for eight months things were perfect.. I was at the high point in my life everything was like it should be.. the passion the love and most important I had my best friend back.. So I asked her to marry me and she said yes.. but a few weeks after that day things got strange and got a little tense. She started to rebel she was talking and texting her ex husband alot.. and the physical part of relationship just stop.. I ask what was going on and what was happening.. she said we can not be together because it was wrong in the eyes of God and the guilt was eating her alive from leaving her husband.. even tho she said there is no love left for him and that she does not want to be with him.. I said to her thats ok I ubderstand I told her to tr to make things right and find peace in her soul.. but time moved forward she had a breakdown and she was unable to cope anymore and things happen that are realy personal.. but after her hospital stay she got out and said we can no longer see each other and she is moving back with her husband I told her I understood.. I wished her the best of luck and told her that I will always love her and will always be here.. well we had no contact for a few weeks and she call and said that she is living in a seprated room of the house and she is a room mate.. she also said she wants to be friends again and she wants to be best friends again... I told her that even tho I have seem strong through this hole thing my heart is crushed and I am hurting like I have never in my life befor.. she said we need to take it slow and do things right.. I said fine how ever you want to play this out... so we went out for lunch the other day the first time in a long time.. ans she proceed to tell me that we are together but not together I said what the hell does that mean . she said it means tha I want to end up with my best friend again.. so I said ok I understand that.. I ask so are we dating other people now or what.. she said no I better not find anybody eles it will crush her.. I said how about you are you going to date other people and she said no..so I said so we are together then she said no we are not but we are ... I still don't get it but I said ok and moved on.. I just don't know what to do.. I how can you be with somebody that your not with and how do you be a friend to somebody that you love so much... lonely hurt confused.. please help
Philosoraptor Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 The affair looked nice to her at the start... the thrill of the honeymoon. That thrill faded and she was left to see what she had done to get where she was now and didn't like what she saw. One needs to take time when leaving a relationship and she didn't even end it before jumping into things with you. Right now it seems that she wants to figure out what she wants out of life and wants you to wait around just incase she picks you. 1
Author MaverickRGT Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 Yeah..I feel like a plan B..that just in case this does not work for me I can fall back on you type of thing.. I know I should move forward i know no not to give myself false hope on her coming back.. I lived with out her for years and my life was never right then she comes back and I am at the highest point of my life.. No she is gone and I right back to feeling the same way.. I don't want to go back to this I know how happy I can be..it just out of my hands and I hate not having any type of control over this situation because it effects me greatly
Exit Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 (edited) Frankly it sounds like a load of BS. I don't think her true intentions are about "doing this right", she's just keeping her best interests in mind. "We're together but not together", come on, that's the crap teenagers pull on each other before they know how to have an adult relationship. If she's nothing more than a roommate with her ex than she should be able to see other people. She's somewhat trying to maintain some kind of relationship there, meanwhile trying to keep you on the line as well, ultimately everyone but her loses out here. Her ex might get hurt, you might get hurt, and she'll ride off into the sunset. I bet her ex gets a different version of the story, I bet she tells him she has moved back in to try to work on things and that she isn't talking to anyone else. As much as you care for her and she makes your life feel complete, you deserve to find someone who can fully commit. I think the best way to protect yourself is to move back from this situation and let it be, tell her if she is ever willing to fully commit then you will reconsider, but you aren't going to do this "together/not together thing". Funny she can request that you don't date anybody else, yet she gets to live at home with an ex husband and who knows what goes on between them. I have a friend right now who got involved with a married woman and she says she is in the process of leaving her husband etc etc. When I see situations like these I just can't help but think, at one point these women were in love with the initial guy and made him feel like a million bucks, promised him the world, and now they're leaving and fooling around with new people, and I just think it takes a certain controlled denial to not tell yourself that these woman will not just turn around and do the same thing to you. I just think it's fishing in the wrong pond. Leave these married/separated women alone, only when they fully rejoin the ranks of single human beings by fully ending their relationships are they worth even the first glance. Otherwise it's just asking for drama. At one point these woman pledged their hearts and lives to someone else and got married, they obviously don't mind breaking hearts. Edited April 20, 2012 by Exit 1
Author MaverickRGT Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 very true exit very true...I never thought at 35 I still would be playing these games... Your right move on and move forward... I just don't know the first step in trying to rebuild ...
esteem-jam Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 ^What everybody else said and: stop calling her love of your life! I wish I never get this "love" then. 1
Mr Scorpio Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 It is in your best interests to stay away from this woman. On this website we call it NC (no contact). It will be the only way for you to fully heal from the ordeal that you've been through. Carrying on this destructive relationship is not good for you, for her, for her ex-husband, and especially not good for your son. You sound like a nice guy from your post, but I really think you need to use your head more in the future. I can understand wanting to avoid loneliness. No one wants to be lonely. But settling for the person that you married? It is probably more common than I would hope, but look where it got you? You're still fairly young and have a good job/house. You still have plenty of time to have a good future and to provide a good foundation for your son, but you need to be wiser with your future.
wilsonx Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Most of the people here do not understand the concept of "The One" You settled and she settled. You are each others "The One" Her marriage might be in shambles, but she has an "attachment" to her husband She wants you and that best friend status back but you have to give her time to figure out how to get there Communicate, Listen, Empathize. There are no "GAMES" here. You are both in a bad situation and it needs some working out on her part for it to work.
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