Sugarkane Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 As I want to actually be treated with respect and have a relationship. From experience if you do it too soon you just get used. Not too mention I want someone to actually get to know me and actually do non sexual things with. I want more than being someone's blow up doll.
Emilia Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I think you need to pick your men differently. They don't seem to respect you much.
somedude81 Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 How to not have sex until exclusive? By keeping your pants on. 1
Philetus Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 You have to be willing to lose out on potential mates by sticking to your guns. Some men will leave. Some will continue to date you while sleeping with someone else. Some will be intrigued. FWIW, I dated one woman who said she would not have sex with me until we were exclusive. I honoured her wish and put no pressure on her. Three months later she left me because she couldn't stand that I was with other women.
wwwjd Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Find a regular type person that wishes the same. Speak your feelings about it. For specific examples type of advice: I ONLY become very close and friendly before even entertaining intimate thoughts or actions... for example... I don't even desire to KISS someone I don't desire MENTALLY, by mentally, I mean seek connection via our minds, souls, ideals. In my case, I became associated, then friends, then great friends (romatic feelings are sensed and seen from both sides) and finally Best Freinds, at which point deep, GROWN love and then sex came into the picture. For me and my GF, this makes EVERYTHING way better. Sex can be a handshake or popping open a can of Mountain Dew, but to us it is an endless buffet of all the best food, fine wine, and a 9 corse dinner of deep emotional, soul-fulfilling connection and amazing planes of erotic physicality with candles, music, destroyed rooms, angels with trumpets, earth quakes, universe expansioins... ... ya just don't get much of that from a quickie handshake.
the_endlessriver Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 You have to be willing to lose out on potential mates by sticking to your guns. Some men will leave. Some will continue to date you while sleeping with someone else. Some will be intrigued. - Some will make it a prerequisite. This is rare, I would say. Even rarer, of course, in Western places. There is however a thread on here right now by a man wondering where all the virgins in his age group are. He is 20. Sexuality is just another part of the partner's personality that you will have to match up with. FWIW, I dated one woman who said she would not have sex with me until we were exclusive. I honoured her wish and put no pressure on her. Three months later she left me because she couldn't stand that I was with other women. - I am pretty certain that she left you because she understood it is not going anywhere if you couldn't give up other women for a chance with her. I doubt it had to do with her wanting your ----- just for herself 2
NateC Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Find a regular type person that wishes the same. Speak your feelings about it. For specific examples type of advice: I ONLY become very close and friendly before even entertaining intimate thoughts or actions... for example... I don't even desire to KISS someone I don't desire MENTALLY, by mentally, I mean seek connection via our minds, souls, ideals. In my case, I became associated, then friends, then great friends (romatic feelings are sensed and seen from both sides) and finally Best Freinds, at which point deep, GROWN love and then sex came into the picture. For me and my GF, this makes EVERYTHING way better. Sex can be a handshake or popping open a can of Mountain Dew, but to us it is an endless buffet of all the best food, fine wine, and a 9 corse dinner of deep emotional, soul-fulfilling connection and amazing planes of erotic physicality with candles, music, destroyed rooms, angels with trumpets, earth quakes, universe expansioins... ... ya just don't get much of that from a quickie handshake. This is a relationship done right...very hard to come by, but when it does it's totally worth it.
Babolat Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Say no and set boundaries. If he does not respect that, move on. 2
Cypress25 Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Just tell him that you don't have sex outside of committed relationships. He'll either wait for you or move on to someone else. If he does the latter, you'll know you dodged a bullet because he obviously wasn't that into you in the first place. 1
wwwjd Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 This is a relationship done right...very hard to come by, but when it does it's totally worth it. Thanks Natec. I don't think many people even know to try anymore. Saddened.
ThatDudeXO Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Keep your legs closed until they show a decent level of committment. It's really that simple.
carhill Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 OP, how would you define 'exclusive'? Give us some specific examples. For example (not advice), you might share the same bedroom at the man's parent's house when visiting with him. He introduces you as his girlfriend and you likewise. Etc, Etc. How do *you* define that demarcation where you go from not having sex and/or being 'non-exclusive' to having sex because you feel or define the relationship as 'exclusive'? FWIW, I've had the same issues with emotional intimacy in the past, but that's a different topic altogether. I can empathize with your perspective. When it's not synergistic and sincere, one can definitely feel 'used'. The solution is IMO making different choices.
oldshirt Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Unless they are rapists you won't have sex with someone unless you get naked with them and spread your legs and let them introduce their penis into your vagina. Anything that you do other than that is 'getting to know each other and doing nonsexual things." That seems really simple. so what is your actual question here?
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