Unable to be happy in certain situations that remind you of your first true love?

[average guy]

Hi,

 

Is anyone else unable to let yourself go and be happy in certain situations (for example lying in the grass with the sun on your face) that remind you of feelings that you experienced with your first true love, especially if that relationship ended in a truly traumatic heart-breaking way (such as finding them in bed with someone else) that seems to have deeply affected your life since it was your first real lesson in broken trust and lost love?

 

Thanks

 

A.G.

[sportsloving]

It isn't the little moments that get me, it is hearing a song, or seeing a particular truck drive by ... those are what make me catch a breathe (and sometimes shed a tear). But then my break up was pretty recent, and although I think we are working on getting back on track ... it is still a pretty touch and go time.

[average guy]

I think what it is for me is that I’ll be feeling happy in a certain situation (lying on the grass with the sun in my face J and then suddenly it that experience with trigger memoirs of a similar experience with my first true love (who truly destroyed my ability to trust and love which I don’t think I have ever really recovered from) and what happens next is that I get angry at myself for ever being such a gullible idiot fool to have trusted her with all of my heart. Unfortunately, and very sadly, I’m talking about this affecting me still 25 years after the fact.

 

Has anyone else ever had what should be a good memory still affect them so harshly negatively after so many years? …or am I just too hard on myself

 

A.G.

 

ps. sportsloving, which particular truck sets off the memoires?

[wandering]

It's only been a year since my love left me. Yeah every little thing reminds me of our time together, and it always makes me heart sink. I don't expect it to ever go away, some memories are just too strong to forget. I suppose we just have to live with them.

[sportsloving]

Originally posted by average guy

then suddenly it that experience with trigger memoirs of a similar experience with my first true love (who truly destroyed my ability to trust and love which I don’t think I have ever really recovered from)

 

She didn't destroy your ability to love and trust, you are just unsure of women because of her and hide your heart and don't trust as openly as you once did. It isn't destroyed AG, it is in hiding

 

and what happens next is that I get angry at myself for ever being such a gullible idiot fool to have trusted her with all of my heart. Unfortunately, and very sadly, I’m talking about this affecting me still 25 years after the fact.

 

I think everyone has that one relationship that they think "what was I thinking?!?!?!". But then 25 years after the fact is quite a bit of time to still be beating yourself up over it. Perhaps the next time you are in a similiar situation with the sun shining on your face, you should enjoy the moment for what it is and if the bad feelings start creeping in ... make it a positive experience. You can't go back and rewrite history, but you can overwrite the feelings its causing.

 

Enjoy the moment for what it is, don't let something 25 years ago rob you of all your small joys.

 

Has anyone else ever had what should be a good memory still affect them so harshly negatively after so many years? …or am I just too hard on myself

 

I believe you are way to hard on yourself. Let it go with the past. No one says you have to forget, just don't let it affect so many areas of your today. You have attached the bad feelings she caused to all the good memories ... try to keep the good memories as they were. does that make any sense?

 

ps. sportsloving, which particular truck sets off the memoires?

 

The Red Dodge 1500 Was/is my favorite truck anyways. Then we start dating and I find that he has one, now I search drivers faces lol and check license plates I will still buy one ~ but there are so many of them out there, it can get a bit daunting to be having your breathe catch every other truck on the road

[simplybrill]

It STILL happens to me...we broke up 3 years ago, and even now, if I hear something about the town hes from my ears perk up...

 

If i hear someone with his accent speaking, I cant help but feel my stomach lurch- but im insanely drawn to listen...

 

Its just a process, and it sucks, because I found myself EMAILING him of all things the other day, he probably wont write back, and half of me doesnt want him to, just so I can get away from it all finally and stop living in the past.

 

I even dated a guy a few months ago, just because he reminded me of HIM,,,I know, that was a no-no. Im not going to do that again, because when we broke up it was like breaking up with my first love all over again, 100 times over.

 

Im just taking it one day at a time, and keeping my eyes open, but I cant help but keep my heart guarded because I dont ever want to hurt like that again, and the guys that I seem to be meeting lately just arent the ones I need to be meeting.

[average guy]

Thanks Sportsloving

 

I know this sounds strange, but being a guy who has moved around alot, and raised in a generation where men don't talk about stuff like feelings, I never really had anyone to talk to about relationships and I can tell it would have made a huge difference getting over it as I feel better just having gotten it off my chest now online.

 

You're right, I just need to relax and rememeber the good times and "make it a positive experience"

 

Thanks

 

A.G.

[sportsloving]

Hey AG ~

 

You are talking to the one and only original bud to every guy I ever met (why do you think my ex's call me their friend ? LOL)

 

You think you have moved around a bit? Try living in 11 different states in your lifetime, and a small stint in Japan LOL.

 

But I know what you mean, and I hope you know that anytime you ever want to talk .. you have many shoulders and ears willing and able to listen

 

So they say, every cloud has a silver lining ... look for it in every situation, even if that lining is only a glimmer