Sugarkane Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 As a woman this is pretty difficult to do. A man can have sex with someone he's not even really that attracted too. Women not so much.
dasein Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Don't know about love necessarily, but I won't bother having sex any more just for sex sake, to go through the motions. There needs to be a psychic or emotional responsiveness to make the sex good hopefully great. If we can't get in each other's heads some, it's usually not worth doing. For the same reason I don't bother having drunken sex any more, buzzed fine, drunk no. 1
dasein Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Yep, mastery of indiscriminate sexual desire is one measure of a man, not a boy. It allows us to preserve an even level of control, and ironically drives women crazy with lust when they know they can't own you in this way, making the sex better. BTW, good to see you around, keep a cool head and you will get PM privileges soon. 1
yongyong Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Your claim doesn't make sense. Are you saying men sleep with hookers just for sex? Are you saying men sleep with women after convincing her he's truly in love with you? Do you know 'you can't clap with one hand'? hope it made sense to you.
Professor X Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 As a woman this is pretty difficult to do. A man can have sex with someone he's not even really that attracted too. Women not so much. It's only the men you sleep with that do that. 1
firehawk_1 Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 to be honest, women these days can more than easily do this than men. it is a shame though, since there are far more one nighters, quick flings, sugardaddie/baby relationships than a proper relationship. I know I can seperate them both. I've never had a fling, never will. when im with someone, 100% love and nothing else. but then, ive only ever had a very very very low number of relationships.
wwwjd Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 say... anyone else notice depression medication sales have doubled over that last couple decades? I wonder why that is?? This whole separation thing works well, huh? OH! See what I did there?
carhill Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I'll have to ask some of my male friends, which is something I've never done. I've always wondered how some of them can talk about women like objects. I think we're old enough now where they won't take offense if questioned about that and about its connection to loveless/connectionless sex. Myself, the best description I can use is that sex without a mutual connection and mutual love feels 'wrong'. It's like masturbating with a warm body nearby and I think a person deserves more than being a 'warm body'. I've done it, mistakenly, markedly during my M after it went bad. 'Sport-fµcking' is what my exW called it. I guess it's good for some people but not for me. 1
RiverRunning Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I'm a woman and I could do someone without any feelings involved. Of course, that's partly from observing men. After dating folks who don't seem to place that much importance on who it's with or when, I find I've evolved more in that direction: just not caring.
norajane Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Men don't always separate sex and love. Once they do fall in love, sex becomes an expression of their love. And having sex is how they feel loved by their woman. Women can separate it, too. They might not choose to do so, however. Some women can't separate the two, especially younger women. They become infatuated if they have sex, or can't have sex unless they are already infatuated. But they don't LOVE the person yet! Love comes only with time and truly knowing a person deeply.
udolipixie Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 As a woman this is pretty difficult to do. A man can have sex with someone he's not even really that attracted too. Women not so much. I disagree on the always bit or applying it to all/most men. I'm guessing from my observations/experiences with men and what it seems the majority of men say: Chemically differ in the oxytocin situationSex is just Many guys regard it as an entitlement, duty, or obligation to fulfill a need in a relationship rather than something done out of pleasure to give & get. It's something done to fulfill a need rather than something done with feelings. To me it's similar to nourishment treated detachedly regardless of dislikes, likes, and enjoyment as a gal I know who drinks concentrated liquids to get her calorie, mineral, and vitamin requirements. Desensitization to women Many guys get confused if different women say different things such as in dating/attraction thinking women are a hive mind operating like Rubik's cube who turn into a pocket pussy that doles out sex and relationships when a guy does this & that rather than human beings. Seems to many guys women are interchangeable differing in youth/beauty aka body parts so if you regard women like that I think it'd be hard to build an emotional connection. Slut double standard I'm focusing on one defense that sex is special for the gal because something goes inside her. It suggests that sex is not special to the guy and who he goes into is relevant it's just a hole to get off. A bit hypocritical when it comes to the whole men express love through sex/feel loved through sex (bs to me as a generalization)
Cypress25 Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 How do men always separate love and sex? This is not a skill you can learn. It's part of your personality. You're either born with it or you're not. It's easier for men because they are not affected by oxytocin (the hormone released during sex) the same way women are. This hormone generally increases feelings of attachment and bonding in women. I say "generally" because there will always be women who claim they can have sex without getting emotionally involved, and I'm sure they can, but they are the exception, not the rule. If you're not like them, don't try to be like them. You can't change your personality or your biological makeup, so don't try to be someone you're not. Personally, I don't think the ability to separate sex and emotions is an enviable quality. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone I don't have feelings for, that sounds awful. I'm glad that sex is a meaningful, emotionally significant experience for me. Otherwise, it would be superficial and pointless.
kaylan Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 As a woman this is pretty difficult to do. A man can have sex with someone he's not even really that attracted too. Women not so much. Bullcrap stereotype. I have met PLENTY of women who can seperate love and sex. Ive had a couple use me for sex even though I really was into them. And I have met plenty of guys who cant. The thing is, the guys who girls are hooking up with the most are usually not these guys....wanna know why? Because these dudes dont do hookups much and are generally in relationships. In which case, a lot of you gals have no idea just how many guys out there actually want sex only in a committed relationship. Personally, I can separate emotions from sex depending on the girl...but its usually a bit hard for me. Out of the women I have slept with, most I have had some feelings for and a couple knew from the get go that id never like them. So usually I sleep with women I have some emotion for. 1
FitChick Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I think it's cultural. How many prostitutes bond or fall in love with their customers? 2
ThatDudeXO Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I hate gender-specific stereotypical statements and this is one of them. I know plenty of women and men that can separate love and sex. You're just meeting the wrong type of people. 2
Cypress25 Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I think it's cultural. How many prostitutes bond or fall in love with their customers? You always use that argument, but it doesn't hold water because prostitutes do not have sex for pleasure. They have to be emotionally detached because sex is just a business transaction for them. You can't compare them to people who have sex that is driven by desire. For prostitutes, sex has nothing to do with desire, lust, attraction, pleasure, love, etc. Most of them are heroin addicts anyway, which helps them not feel. That's not the way most people approach sex. Besides, prostitution is not a culture. Telling people that their deepest emotions are just cultural is really minimizing their feelings. It also doesn't explain why so many women still have intense emotions related to sex when they live in a culture that is telling them to embrace the casual hookup lifestyle. If culture could dictate our emotions, all women would be happily engaging in NSA sex and one-night stands. The women who don't do that are behaving in direct opposition to our culture. They are respecting their own feelings, despite a culture that says they shouldn't feel that way.
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