cerebra876324 Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I've recently met this great girl, Alison. I haven't dated for a long time prior to meeting her. I have only gone out with her for two weeks, but she's always extremely busy and doesn't have time to see me. The few time we've been together have been very brief (less than 2 hours). I can't call her because she told me in a conversation that she prefers face-to-face or texting over talking on the phone. I have a very busy schedule and job, probably busier than hers but I am MORE than willing to make time to spend with her. When I'm with her (only four times so far, and brief) we have a great time. One thing is that she is 30 and still lives at home with her mom. I like that fact that she is so into family stuff, but she says her mom is her best friend and they need to spend a lot of time together. Am I wrong for wanting to see her more? Especially when we've both admitted to each other we enjoy the relationship? She's told me that she really likes me. I've fallen for her pretty hard, I've even cried (I never do this) when I'm alone because I long to see her, or at least speak to her. I've never felt this alone before. I think about her all the time, and she really is an amazing person to be with. We've only kissed (briefly) and nothing more than that. Oh, and I'm 30 also and I live alone. Neither of us have any kids or have been married previously. Any advice? Robert Troy, MI
dasein Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Welcome to the forum. No, it's not wrong for you to want to see her more, just be sure you aren't jumping the gun and getting too invested in someone before they are equally interested. Has she given you indications that she is interested in you also? Usually people make time to see people they want to, busy or not. Keep cultivating other options. Good luck.
Author cerebra876324 Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 Yes, she's given me many signs. Holding hands, she even came over for me to grill us dinner. She has talked about me with some of her co-workers, etc. I know she is (or was) interested. I'm just very confused. I would think she would want to stay in touch with me somewhat? I think a text, email, or call every day or two would be ok?
DjinnAgain Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 . One thing is that she is 30 and still lives at home with her mom. I like that fact that she is so into family stuff, but she says her mom is her best friend and they need to spend a lot of time together. Has she ever lived away from home? Does her mom need assistance? I am considering moving my mom into my house because the taking care of them elsewhere is becoming quite difficult and assisted living is extremely expensive and she really never wanted that anyhow. I think that is different from somebody who has never been on their own. Also, if she likes you she will make time for you. People have different needs for alone time but they all make time for people they are interested in.
NateC Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Yes, she's given me many signs. Holding hands, she even came over for me to grill us dinner. She has talked about me with some of her co-workers, etc. I know she is (or was) interested. I'm just very confused. I would think she would want to stay in touch with me somewhat? I think a text, email, or call every day or two would be ok? Go for it! Busyness does take away a lot of opportunities, but I'm sure making time and creating opportunities for you to spend time with her will be well worth it.
Author cerebra876324 Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 No, her mom doesn't have any disabilities or anything of the sort. I think she is just afraid to leave her. She even said that she couldn't leave her. This is a very special girl, and I think we have so much in common. I just with I knew how to handle this. My gut feeling is that Alison doesn't want to leave her mom, and she sees things with me going to quickly. It's scaring her that she wants to spend time with someone BESIDES her mom. Could that be accurate?
JesseJames Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 You people are busy on the weekends too? Christ you guys need to take a day of leave and rent a boat.
Author cerebra876324 Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 Unfortunately, she is very busy on the weekends. Every time I have seen her is on a week night. And briefly.
january2011 Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I think this is a sign of things to come. She's told you off the bat that she is very close to her mum and they need to spend a lot of time together. Considering her mum doesn't have any disabilities or other health issues, that's a rather odd choice of words, in my opinion. Not only that, she doesn't have time to see you and your dates have been so short that they've been flybys. Why is she so busy? Is it her work? Plus, she has placed restrictions on the communications front. I'd be concerned that all that makes her unavailable to date because it's going to require a lot of time and effort on your part to move this relationship forward due to her restrictions. Plus her mum's always going to be in the picture and you're essentially dating the both of them - she's pretty much told you that they're a package deal. Part of me feels that there's more going on here than meets the eye.
JesseJames Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I think this is a sign of things to come. She's told you off the bat that she is very close to her mum and they need to spend a lot of time together. Considering her mum doesn't have any disabilities or other health issues, that's a rather odd choice of words, in my opinion. Not only that, she doesn't have time to see you and your dates have been so short that they've been flybys. Why is she so busy? Is it her work? Plus, she has placed restrictions on the communications front. I'd be concerned that all that makes her unavailable to date because it's going to require a lot of time and effort on your part to move this relationship forward due to her restrictions. Plus her mum's always going to be in the picture and you're essentially dating the both of them - she's pretty much told you that they're a package deal. Part of me feels that there's more going on here than meets the eye. Things like... cluster headaches or incurable diseases, or even tragedy. It's possible there's nothing majorly wrong, but I suspect that if there is it's in the past and that you should push the envelope a little. I bet you find out what her deal is the second whole day you get, if you get.
Author cerebra876324 Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 I think she is busy because of her work, volunteering, going for walks with friends, etc. And, all of her friends are older. Some even old enough to be her mom. I'm just really confused.
monkey00 Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 She sounds pretty sheltered, and not independent as an individual. If she were I don't think she should have such a tight relationship with her mom. I can only think of sheltered girls that had moms telling them what to do that have this tight of a bond. I would be worried that she might not be relationship material. If guys wind up in a LTR, she should make less time for her mom and more for you...but right now that's hardly the case. I would tread lightly on this. You don't want her mom resenting you in the way that she feels you stole her daughter and took away their quality time. You should try to get on her mom's good side...and from there try to wean them free of each other as you wriggle your way into the girl's life. But it doesn't hurt to discuss what kind of relationship they have either. And from there figure out if you should move on or if she can make room for you. For all you know maybe the girl wants more time with the mom instead of vice versa. I have one friend who's in her early 30's still living with her mom. That's to pay off her school loans, and help take care of her...she even has time for a bf!
january2011 Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 (edited) I think she is busy because of her work, volunteering, going for walks with friends, etc. Wow. I don't think she has time for a relationship. She certainly doesn't prioritise one. Those things might be important to her, but (in my opinion as an outside observer) they are not so vitally important that she can't carve out some time for you, if she is really interested. Thus, I don't think she's really interested. In my opinion, she's making excuses in not giving you more time. My conclusion is that she's leading you on and isn't interested in investing in a romantic relationship because she chooses to prioritise everything else in her life. If you ever get to a stage of committing to this girl, which I think is very unlikely, you might need to be satisfied beng at the very bottom of her list. Edited April 20, 2012 by january2011
JesseJames Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 She sounds pretty sheltered, and not independent as an individual. If she were I don't think she should have such a tight relationship with her mom. I can only think of sheltered girls that had moms telling them what to do that have this tight of a bond. I would be worried that she might not be relationship material. If guys wind up in a LTR, she should make less time for her mom and more for you...but right now that's hardly the case. I would tread lightly on this. You don't want her mom resenting you in the way that she feels you stole her daughter and took away their quality time. You should try to get on her mom's good side...and from there try to wean them free of each other as you wriggle your way into the girl's life. But it doesn't hurt to discuss what kind of relationship they have either. And from there figure out if you should move on or if she can make room for you. For all you know maybe the girl wants more time with the mom instead of vice versa. I have one friend who's in her early 30's still living with her mom. That's to pay off her school loans, and help take care of her...she even has time for a bf! If all her friends are way older, then they've had too damn much influence on her. lol Think of all the horrible things those boomers put in the minds of the x'ers, on the street and in business settings. So many aren't taught to be thoughtful or how to address men properly. I was thinking tragedy might draw them so close, but I really shouldn't underestimate the power of the boomer.
dasein Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Sorry to say, but she doesn't sound very interested in making time for you. Would start cultivating other options right now, and then if something gels with this one down the road, you will have options to consider.
Author cerebra876324 Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 I've also texted her once a while, and she used to respond very quickly and now she replies after four or five hours. And since she doesnt like phone calls, in afraid to call her. I sent her an email a couple of days ago and she has t responded. I just said in the email how much I enjoyed spending time with her, and that she is a nice person. Nothing weird or clingy. I'm just afraid I might have messed up what could've been a good thing.
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