uhm_babs Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Hi, I'll be as short and to the point as I can possibly be. I've been dating a guy for ten months. We had a pretty big fight a little over a week ago, and broke up. We've had little contact since then, he's had his parents in town visiting pretty much since it happened. We didn't get a lot of closure, it was by phone, and we both got upset and started to cry, he said he had to go, so we hung up. We've had a couple of txts saying we miss each other, but nothing substantive. I know his parents left today, and I reached out and said hi to him via txt....and nothing. No response at all. We broke up, because the week before we were on vacation with my kids. They are smaller and took up most of my time. It was his first time meeting them in person, and he felt like I wasn't paying a lot of attention to him. We had an argument about it, and instead of talking it through with him, I blew up and got angry and shut down. I got back to town on Sunday night, really late....and we broke up Monday afternoon. Not really talking through anything. We are both in our 30's, love each other very much. I'm heartbroken, I feel sort of lost without him. I don't know whether to give him space and not contact him at all and move on, or do I keep periodically saying hi? This is the first time he's not responded. I have a high level professional position, I cannot afford to be to pieces at work, but I'm not sleeping...blah blah, we all know how it is! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. uhm_babs
Welcome2MyLife Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I'm sorry to say but, you are better off.. I'm not trying to be rude but I speak from experience. If this man is jealous of your children you need to run and run fast.. I had this happen to me when my youngest was 10, my ex was always complaining that I was "too close" to my children and that they needed to leave us alone. It got so bad that the ex started treating my child horrid, dirty looks, name calling and just being nasty. I treated his 3 like gold and this is what I got in return After 4 years we split I couldn't stand it anymore and my son and I were walking on egg shells and so unhappy. We had been apart for two years and he got engaged and ended up hating her kids too and they broke up (I found this out later). He wormed his way back into my life and claimed he changed etc and that we could make this work.. My son was so upset and lost a lot of respect for me.. He would never see him again and the ex wouldn't make the effort to make things right. I was back to walking on egg shells, spending time with the ex when my son wasn't around and spending time away from my son etc. A few other things transpired and he is now my ex again.. Trust me, put your children FIRST.. if a man truly loves you he will love your children and not be jealous of them.
Author uhm_babs Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 Thank you for your input. Maybe I should clarify something that might change your mind. He wasn't jealous of me taking care of them, but when they went to bed, I was pretty tired, and wasn't giving him the attention he is used to from me. Not in a sexual kind of way, but just cuddling, and holding hands, etc...it was never about how much I did for the kids, just about how little attention I spent on him. Does that change your mind? If I thought this were over my kids, I wouldn't be looking back. My three are adopted (my deceased brothers) ages 6, 8, and 13. They've been mind for almost 4 years now. I wouldn't ever put anyone or anything before them. I think that's my struggle here. I got angry and shut down, stopped talking and that pushed our buttons to just walk. It was me, I was hurtful to him, and didn't think through what I was saying....so, maybe I lost him. We've never broken up before. Thank you for your input, and it sounds like you did the right thing. Kudos to you for putting your kids first.
JesseJames Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Am I thirty-something already? Talk with the baby boomer dudes. They all went through all the yelly women that went on tantrums and such, and they know how to non-deal with it the best.
mrz Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 well not sure here. from your story i think the guy is just confused with everything. you said this was the first time he met your kids? well all of that was new for him, i would give him some space to rething and reweigh everything. hope that helps
fucpcg Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 My ex brought her children on our 2nd date. Maybe too quick, who's to say. However she asked if she could bring, and I said yes. At the time I was 40, her 38, her boys 11, 10, 6. Those boys were her life, and if I wanted a life with her, it had to be all of us. For me that was just fine, I LOVED her kids. In the year we were together, I took them to the beach, amusement parks, to their baseball games, the air show, zoo's in all the cities around us, took them hiking with me, watched them when she couldn't, took them ice skating and sledding. What a blessing those boys were to my life, and what a wonderful time we had together as a family. Sounds to me like you are with someone who doesn't enjoy kids, and that isn't right or fair for you, or the kids. 1
immitable Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Does he have kids on his own? if not, he probably got scared panicked etc (felt lie he is a side show to your kids) it is likely you won't be hearing from him. You should have involved him with your children, so he feels respected and needed in given moment. If you want him back, think and thing long about what it is you can offer to him. You are already consumed over your kids and rightfully so, but if he is single and knows he can have a shot at someone who isn't as consumed be sure he is going to go for it and not look back. Just guys perspective.
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