New OLD interest is being suffocating and possessive after just a few days!

[reptilelover88]

Hi everyone,

 

I've met a really nice guy on OLD that I share lots of interests and values in common with and am physically attracted to (from his photos on the dating site and Facebook, at least).

 

We only started speaking about a week ago but the level of contact has rapidly escalated (it's difficult, but not impossible, to meet for a couple of weeks as I'm away at college studying for some important exams). Unfortunately it's now got to the stage where I'm losing interest rapidly because his level of contact is so suffocating! I wake up to texts from him and he basically continues texting me until he falls asleep at night. If I don't text back within an hour or so he texts me again. He texts constantly when I'm trying to revise which makes me very irritable! When I say I have to revise or sleep or whatever, he always gets unhappy and tries to persuade me to keep talking, saying that if I like him I should want to do so.

 

Today he texted me that he would be jealous if I slept with someone else and at that point I lost my patience with him. I told him that I am very independent (which he already knew) and I can't stand possessiveness of any kind - especially when we're not even dating yet! How ridiculous! I hate his presumption that we WILL be in a relationship when we haven't even met or spoken on the phone yet (despite all his attentions he has not yet properly asked me to meet up or even speak on the phone). After my crappy relationship with my ex - which we both rushed into - I'm happy being single for now and really want to take things slowly next time but this guy isn't respecting that and pushing for sex on our first date (not taking 'no' for an answer basically) and immediate emotional commitment.

 

I haven't replied to his texts this evening because I desperately need some space! I'm pleased with myself for sticking to my guns and not giving in to him. I want to be 100% me (after my last relationship where I lost my identity somewhat) and I feel that I am doing that, even if it's not what he wants. I don't particularly care if he thinks I'm being a bitch because I am 100% committed to me and me only at the moment.

 

Am I right in thinking this is a massive red flag? It seems to me like he is trying to 'fast forward' me into a relationship (as explained very well on the Baggage Reclaim blog, which is one of my dating bibles). What do you all think?

 

x

[NateC]

I think you're doing the right thing by essentially telling him to back off. If he doesn't, then it's obvious he's trying to get you into a relationship without you having a chance to know him better. I've seen people get into relationships within days of meeting each other - it doesn't usually last.

[january2011]

We only started speaking about a week ago but the level of contact has rapidly escalated (it's difficult, but not impossible, to meet for a couple of weeks as I'm away at college studying for some important exams). Unfortunately it's now got to the stage where I'm losing interest rapidly because his level of contact is so suffocating! I wake up to texts from him and he basically continues texting me until he falls asleep at night. If I don't text back within an hour or so he texts me again. He texts constantly when I'm trying to revise which makes me very irritable! When I say I have to revise or sleep or whatever, he always gets unhappy and tries to persuade me to keep talking, saying that if I like him I should want to do so.

Today he texted me that he would be jealous if I slept with someone else and at that point I lost my patience with him. I told him that I am very independent (which he already knew) and I can't stand possessiveness of any kind - especially when we're not even dating yet! How ridiculous! I hate his presumption that we WILL be in a relationship when we haven't even met or spoken on the phone yet (despite all his attentions he has not yet properly asked me to meet up or even speak on the phone). After my crappy relationship with my ex - which we both rushed into - I'm happy being single for now and really want to take things slowly next time but this guy isn't respecting that and pushing for sex on our first date (not taking 'no' for an answer basically) and immediate emotional commitment.

 

Oh yes, lots of red flags. After only a week, he's moving faster than the Flash.

 

Block and delete. Hopefully, you haven't given any other contact details to this guy.

[FitChick]

Gee, and here I worry if I reply to a guy's email the next day.

[verhrzn]

MAJOR red bright red fire engine red flag. Get the heck away!

[dasein]

Throw this one back, he's not going to transform into something good for you, guaranteed. Good luck with the next one.

[reptilelover88]

Yeah I think you're right. His dating persona on OKC is 'the vapor trail' which I imagine is what'll happen pretty quickly if this goes any further!