Luckyblue Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I have/had been in a LDR for over 4 yrs with a man in Europe. He is 38 and I am 52! We have never met. Many signs pointed to this being a great friendship even if we could never meet... so I kept talking on skype to him . LONG STORY SHORT, he told me last night never to write him again. So it may be that this is the end. I Just need support today since I had been led to believe that he really loved me as his best friend and soul mate( his words) and that someday we might meet. This changed to " we will never meet" in the past 3-4 mos. And he started having another LDR that I had not known about which became more apparent on his "page" that he led me to look at a couple of times... so I got very upset and panicky as it was only always he and me. I am just very sad and hurt by the change and the reason he gave me to stop writing him was because I told him he led me to his page, and there were songs that he had sent me ( special songs) and now he was sending the same songs to her! I asked if he was in love with her or her with him... cuz if so, I would bow out. That seemed to make him say no we just talk. then i was not on for one night... and wrote him later and then the DEAR JANE letter came yesterday , 2 days after my question. So, even writing this seems pathetic because OBVIOUSLY he is through with me. He intially never told me he has a girlfriend... and after a few mos he told me he had a gf, she works, he does not work and he lives with her and became engaged 2 yrs ago. i asked him when I found out about the new LDR ( She is on another continent as well) how does his gf handle this? I told him now i know how horrible she feels. Anyway, I know he might try to skype or write me again because this has happened once before and he only lasted 2 days. But... this time , it seems he has more status on this website we go to * he became a higher up on the site... woop de doo.. so maybe he is playing this as a career helper because of who I am and who she is, kind of stupid. I know he is embarrassing himself all over the place... i know he used to drink, quit a long time ago and I know he is drinking again and has an alcoholic personality. THe good things about him are plenty but he has not been honest with me, he has played mind games with me and I do think I will recover because maybe the worst has been going on in my heartbreak and acceptance and healing since the past 3 mos of turmoil. Anyway, i think he is a controller, he likes to see who he can control from his chair and keyboard... I dont want to be controlled anymore to be home at a certain time., he never said so but he would give me a small window of time and if I was not there on skype then bam.... missed my chance for the night. I hate to admit it but I was in love wiht him and we both had been on the cam... and I have no idea if he took screen shots, so now I have to worry about that. He knows ALL my secrets. I know he was trying and hoping to influence me to bend to his beliefs ( I am Christian ) and also for me to read things he wanted me to read , etc.. and influence people.. but something else still is feeling that he did love me ... or loved what i provided for him ... I am a pretty energetic and very honest person.. very sincere... he , its turning out, is not honest. is a cheater, a drinker and liar and user.. he has no job and yet is talented in a couple of highly skilled areas. lives off the gf. so why am I sad that now I dont have to be the one that ends it? I dont have to feel torn that I want to stay out on fun outings with the kids... when he might be skyping me. I was just about to get my droid reactivated so he could catch me on that... it used to work out that way quite well... but I had not bothered to do it. He just never would plan a day and time to skype me... and it really upset me that he could not do that cuz i have to work and i have kids! sigh. well, just hoping that I can recover very quickly from this news. thank you for reading.
january2011 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Now that you know the kind of man he is, you can delete and block him from your Skype and any other media. In this day and age, four years seems like a very long time to not even meet once. Hopefully, your next relationship will be a lot closer to home. Focus on yourself and your kids now. He's made it quite clear that he neither wants nor deserves to be in your life.
FitChick Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 You were living in a fantasy world. Unfortunately there are a lot of people like you and him. Do you want a real relationship? If you do LDR again, make sure you meet at the very latest within two months after constant emailing and talking. I've been the victim of timewasters who never had any intention of meeting me but never admitted it until I finally put them on the spot. I immediately went no contact of course. 1
Author Luckyblue Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 I am trying to pick the pieces up. I just dont understand why he cant be the best friend that i thought he was anymore. OH well.. I am going to just not check to see if he wrote me ... I know he wont. I had a dream that he did want to talk when drunk , ... so I guess that is not going to help.
IfiKnewThen Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 i am so sad for you. i am so sad for what i see in my own life. i cant help feel we need God and prayers. I pray this pain subsides fast for us both and that someday they see the light of the pain they caused or contributed to. i am just so speechless. many hugs. hang in there. do whatever it takes to survive and that doesnt harm u or another.
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