Disenchantedly Yours Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I'm not saying you can't ask whatever question you like. I personally think the topic of maternal age has been done to death on this site--and more often than not it attracts the troll brigade when it's here in the Dating section, which exists halfway under a bridge. Personally I thought it was somewhat refreshing to discuss only the paternal side, as the OP said, "for a change." I find it curious that you were the one dragging Art's wife's age into this, when you are usually the first poster to jump into the fray over advanced maternal age, and start bringing stats on the dad's age into it as a rebuttal. I would have thought you would find the focus on paternal age here refreshing as well, without switching back to the women, but by all means, continue. I'm not censoring you. Aren't you though just a bit? It seems to me that you are impying I am a kind of hypocrite because I had additional thoughts that the topic brought up specific to one poster. Thoughts that wheren't really even asking for a conversation on maternal age. Just a question to one man about his own age in relation to his wife. My question was sincere. It wasn't meant to be harmful. I understand you wanted a post dedicated purely to paternal fertility. My brain operated differently from yours. But it's the same reason why on the threads about maternal fertility, men will also be brought into the discussion about their own fertility. Men and women are linked. Conversations regarding men and women will often become linked in some way. I truly do get wanting to have a pure conversation about one thing over the other though. But I also think it's natural to have questions of life between the genders arise that bring extra elements into the discussion. Layers upon layers. It is after all, the nature of a discussion board. If someone is dead set on having a pure conversation about at a specific topic, I guess it's best to make that clear. My brain just went a different wave length. The conversation is going to flow in the manner that each individual thinks and comments on it. It's also not like my question was so completely off target from the topic anyway. Yes, the topic of maternal age is always done to death. But my question was not exactly specific to women as a collective group and the impact of maternal age on them or on babies. It was about a father's perspective about his own fertility in combination with his partners. It was asked in the spirit of already knowing how overly keen society is on focusing on women's eggs and curious about the opinion of a man regarding his own thoughts on his age in combination with his wife's. A man that is a bit different then the usual set of men that are happy to chime in about maternal fertility over their own. And I am glad that Art shared his thoughts. Although it was not my goal to offend him or disrespect his wife. I think Art is a good guy, which is why I asked him to begin with. I very much agree with his comments here regardless.
Ursa Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 No, DY, I'm sorry. Pointing out that your question seems off-topic, to a post that specifically states it's about discussing paternal age rather than maternal age, is not censorship. Asking you how your question is germane is not censorship. I am sorry if that's how you took it, but trying to ascertain whether someone is making a valid point is yet another spin that online discussions sometimes take.
Ursa Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Thanks Ursa.. I try not to talk about my wife's age too much or even really I try not to mention too much personal info about her.. I don't feel it is all that respectful to her to disclose her real age unless she wanted to do that herself. I know what you mean Art. I have my husband's permission to post about him, but I am never comfortable divulging details about him or our kids and I usually leave them out or fudge them a little bit. Some people might find that weird or paranoid but eh, whatever works. Hey there you all. Thanks for all your comments. I hope I have not hurt or insulted anyone with this thread .... ...but it's been on my mind lately to consider and try dating men slightly older rather than just men (boys) my age. Thus, the direction of the question was towards age range for fatherhood. As the old saying goes, "Wedding is for a day, marriage is for a lifetime". So much to think through and work out before tying the know with someone..... sigh! I've really learned a lot from all of you and I guess there's just no guarantee huh? Thanks for all the replies and keep them coming, if any. Much Appreciation. :) No worries callmegee, most of us are old hats here and I doubt anyone feels insulted by your thread topic. It's worthy of consideration, especially if this is a question in your personal life. I can say that in my own experience and through my husband's filter, some things are easier in one age group, and some things are easier in a different age group. A lot probably depends on the individual's health, resilience, patience, stamina, etc. My husband does acknowledge that going to work the next day after being up with a sick baby half the night WAS a lot easier in his late 20s than it was in his late 30s . @January, good luck with taking your relationship wherever you want it to go. 2
Disenchantedly Yours Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I explained above how I think my question works into the thread. While it's not the most important question to be answered in the thread, it certianly isn't off topic either. And yes, I do think you are engaging in a bit of censorship. Conversations bridge out. It is very rare that you will have a pure conversation about a strict conversation topic. People will account for many more variables. BUT, as I said above, I understand your desire to have wanted this to be "pure". However, my brain did not follow the same path yours did. I'm not going to act like that's something that is wrong when I don't think it is. And at this point, it's you that has made a bigger deal of my question then there really needed to be. It's you that is off topic by making my question more central to the topic then the actual topic. I had already asked my question, you didn't need to throw your two cents in about it, Art would have answered it, and it would have been done. But because conversations are usually more complicated then a pure-one-directed formation, that's how we both got to this little side conversation. When you have so many different minds and people in the mix, you can't control every little aspect. I am sure that people are more sick of hearing us two go out of it then they would have been at me simply asking my question, Art answering it, and moving on. This is the last post I will put myself in the position to justify my thought process to you.
kaylan Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I wanna have all my kids by the time Im 35. 30 to 35 is actually the only range I think Im willing to have kids in.
carhill Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 OP, my dad was 43 when I was born back in the 50's. He died at 69, so witnessed about eight years of my 'adulthood'. I pretty much knew when my exW and I were unable to conceive in our 40's and when our M broke down that my potential as a father was essentially over, simply because women of childbearing age in my locale are either done with that or aren't interested in older men, an increasing trend as time goes on. So, at 52, I call it game over. I'm a good 'uncle' to friend's grandchildren now.
threebyfate Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 (edited) :shrugs: H. was 36 when we got pregnant for our first in 2009. This was using the patch so I'd say fertility wasn't an issue. Since that time, we've gotten preggo twice at 38 years old for him, miscarrying one. I'm currently pregnant with our second child. Apparently we get pregnant just looking at each other! Our first son is beyond healthy. He's so healthy and active, it's nauseating. Had the amnio last week and our second ultrasound today, for our second child. He's fine too, not much into remaining still to get his pictures taken. You're working with statistics, not people. If both parents live healthy lifestyles without heritable genetic issues, babies get made and birthed. Edited April 21, 2012 by threebyfate 1
carhill Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Regarding an older father's genes and the genetic crapshoot, my anecdote is just that. Dad was a WW2 vet, with all which went along with that exposure, and he was a life-long smoker and was sick for a lot of my childhood, ultimately dying of liver cancer, yet he never drank alcohol (the 'classic' cause, like lung cancer for smoking). Apparently, the genetic crapshoot gave me genes along my mother's brother's lines, with long life and few health issues, as I've had essentially none and was a healthy child as well, even growing up in the blue haze. It's really difficult to predict with any certainty how things will work out. I guess I could drop dead tomorrow. One never knows. Live for today. If children are part of today, hopefully they'll get the love and guidance they deserve, from parents of any age.
dasein Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 As far as me not being biological perfect..Well.. Who is ? A person 24 can have defects in their genes and a person 45 can have all his intact and vise versa, there are no guarantees in life no matter age you are. No doubt, based on habits from back in the day, if I did have kids, would be happy if they only had two heads. Lifestyle factors in, it's not all about raw age.
Art_Critic Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I'm currently pregnant with our second child. Off topic but I couldn't pass up the "Congrats to you both".. Here's a bunny 1
threebyfate Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Off topic but I couldn't pass up the "Congrats to you both".. Here's a bunny Thanks A_C. Now that the first scary trimester is over and he's passed his tests with flying colours, we're ecstatic! It was helpful for him to flash us so the technician could confirm his gender. Two boys. A lifetime supply of earplugs will be necessary, if he's anything like his older brother. 1
SJC2008 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I wanna have all my kids by the time Im 35. 30 to 35 is actually the only range I think Im willing to have kids in. Tell the ladies for us Kaylan, We have clocks too! lol.
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