Potential Fatherhood Age Range Questions

[callmegee]

Let's question the men's bio-clock for a change. Not in his ability to father a child, but rather the age range and possibility of raising the kid together.

 

Example: If a man has fathers a child at age 40. The kid finishes college at let's say 25. So he's 65.

 

At what age do men decide not to father any more children? After 50?

 

If a woman wants to have kids/more kids, should she pick a mate that is less than 50 years of age or what?

 

Example: He's 50 y.o. They raise the kid together the next 25 years. He's 75 yo by the time the kid leaves the nest.

 

Do men in the West live beyond 85 y.o these days? Here in Asia, they're considered to be full of years and had a rather long life if they go beyond 80 y.o. Many are dying after 60+.

[january2011]

They raise the kid together the next 25 years.

 

From my experience, in western culture, people normally refer to the 18-year milestone. Having said that though it does vary, especially if we factor in funding the kid through college. And these days, it can be quite difficult to get on the housing ladder, so many people in their 20s are leaving home later and later.

 

I personally don't think I'd want to consider my guy fathering a child in his 50s. I'd say mid-40s max.

[JesseJames]

Becoming a father in the west isn't so simple. You have to find someone sane that won't abort the child, or just randomly spread your seed until something starts begging for money. A lot of us are not thinking so linearly as a woman might do, mostly because we have no control over matters of procreation other than building a sperm bank and then donating sperm.

[setsenia]

Yeah, I have known men that father children at 50 and I've never understood it. You're not young and agile as someone who is 30. My dad's exW was 20 years younger than him and she wanted to have a second kid with him. He's almost 50. He said that although he knows people who have done it, he's not as physically capable (arthritis and other aliments setting in) and he just feels he is at a different stage in life. He always has two adult kids, and he wants to do things like travel.

[FitChick]

They raise the kid together the next 25 years.

Usually they get divorced when the kid turns 18 because they don't have to stay unhappily married "for the sake of the kids."

[dasein]

Probably need to factor robotics into this. For example, at 65, I expect to be mostly made out of metal, able to lift 2-3000 pounds and run at 80 mph. Throwing a football with "Robo Jr." shouldn't be a problem, just keep me well-oiled.

[veggirl]

Hot damn. 38-40 is the max age I'd want to be having kids at, and the max I'd want the man to be too. (don't want kids really ever though) I don't want teenagers living in my house when I am 60! I would honestly kill myself.

[dasein]

I don't want teenagers living in my house when I am 60! I would honestly kill myself.

 

That's why in 2030 you put them in the "learnotron" at 5 and leave them in there until they turn 22 and pop out well-adjusted, competent adults.

 

Then show them the door.

[SJC2008]

I want to be married and have 2 kids by 35. I don't want to be a 40 year old first time father. I'm 30 so I better get on the ball so no more games please to the women I date lol.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

That's why in 2030 you put them in the "learnotron" at 5 and leave them in there until they turn 22 and pop out well-adjusted, competent adults.

 

Then show them the door.

 

I think that's already happening. Except exchange "learnotron" for "tv and computers" and then exchange "well-adjusted" for "mal-adjusted uncompetent adults who want the government to give them everything."

 

Having talked to some of my male friends, they do not want to be having kids into their 50s. Heck, even their 40s in some cases.

[Negative Nancy]

He's 50 y.o. They raise the kid together the next 25 years. He's 75 yo by the time the kid leaves the nest.

 

....which might as well make him the kid's grandfather

 

38-40 is the max age I'd want to be having kids at, and the max I'd want the man to be too. (don't want kids really ever though) I don't want teenagers living in my house when I am 60! I would honestly kill myself.

 

my cut-off point would probably be earlier. i don't wanna be 60 when the kid is only 20, so if i dont happen to find someone suitable, i won't have kids. it would be sad, but i'm not gonna have kids with just anyone just for the sake of it. the risk and chances of ending up as a single mother would be very likely in such a scenario because most men nowadays live in a perpetual peter-pan-state of mind where they dump you and the child for something or someone more exciting and new. To most men nowadays, responsibility is not "cool", nor is sticking through with hard times for the greater goal. Instead, they'd rather mess around with other women behind the woman's back and go out and party while she's sitting there stuck and all alone with the children. I know a few examples where that is not the case, but those are a dying breed. Everything with men today is a huge risk, and you can never be sure if it's worth it in the end.

Edited April 19, 2012 by Negative Nancy

[Art_Critic]

I was 45 when my son was born.. he is now 4.

 

I was at and still am at the perfect age for child rearing.. financially well off and been thru enough in life to know what is important and how to make good decisions.

His Dr mentioned one time that he loves dealing with older parents as they parent differently and don't have a tendency to over react over every little fever or whatever..

 

My wife was younger than I (under 40) was when he was born.

 

I personally think having a child any later than I did would be pushing it.. but that isn't based on anything other than a preference in retirement..

I certainly wouldn't want to be child rearing into retirement and to think of even the possibility of even having a special needs child and having to plan for that after we're gone to me would be something I wouldn't want to have to deal with.

[Andy_K]

I'm 28, with a 2 year old daughter. If I meet the right girl I'd like to have one or perhaps two more, and be done by 35 - I don't want to be a really old dad. We'll see if it works out that way.

[callmegee]

I'm assuming in general that a man after 40 would be more prepared to face life, has eaten a ton of salt from life's experiences, and would be comparably more secure & stable in his career to handle raising kids.

 

20-30 men : still in bachelor mode mostly.

 

30-40 men : if i can catch one i would.

 

40-50 men : surprisingly there's some really good ones single, if i ignore the topic of this thread and jump in without too much worries.

 

Then there's the next question on his & mine age gap. To wide a gap (>20) I'd feel he's too old for me. Younger guys won't get my attention.

 

So those are my self-imposed guide for myself in my quest for a man.

[sally4sara]

One has to consider the quality of the sperm after the age of 35. We have more and more autistic spectrum children being born now because of advanced age fatherhood much in the same way Down's Syndrome cases increase with the age of the mother. As well advanced age fathers bring a higher instance of deformity and mental conditions like schizophrenia.

 

Just because a woman or a man can still conceive later in life, it doesn't mean they should. People intending to put it off till late 30s and on should plan ahead for the child's health by banking eggs and sperm.

[Ursa]

My husband was in his late thirties when we had our son, and now he is 41 and we are getting ready to try for a second child very soon. He also has a daughter from a previous girlfriend, born in his late 20s. We do both feel some time pressure on having this new child (if we are successful in making one), it will definitely be our last biological child and we'd like to do this thing within the next year--or two if necessary--but we weren't in such a rush that we didn't wait for things to slot into the right places first, so we would be optimally prepared for three children. If certain business projects pan out, we might adopt another child, or two, in the future. If conceiving this next child turns out to be a lot harder than it was last time around, for whatever reason, rather than letting it drag out for years of heartbreak and expensive medical procedures (since we already have a child together), we will look into adoption.

 

My husband has seen both sides of the coin. Of course he loves his daughter very much, she's a pretty awesome girl and she lives with us 50% of the time--but parenting through her early years was much more stressful, he says, even though she was an 'easier' baby and toddler than our own miniature berserker Viking. He was more uncertain in his career and his relationship at the time, stressed out by more outside forces, less able to focus on her. Now he's firmly established in his career and in a position to take some flex time, he's in a happier and more stable relationship. Of course, there is a trade-off--while he's healthy and hearty, he's starting to get those twinges in his knees and back, and he does worry about being older when this potential new child is in college. The thing is, nothing is ever perfect. There is always some factor that could be more ideal. He has good genes, good health, the necessary resources, more wisdom than he had as a younger man, and a happy home to offer. That being said, he would ideally like to get the toddler years over with while he's still on the downhill side of 45.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Art_Critic, I think you are a good poster AND a seemingly good man on here so I don't say this to be offensive. You are the perfect age for child rearing because that has been your lifestyle choice. Your heart and mind are in it. And that is what makes you the perfect age for it. And that's awesome. But you were not the perfect age for biologically having a child. BUT there is more then just biology to being and having children. This I aknowledge.

 

Do you believe your wife is also the perfect age for child rearing? Would she be the perfect age if she was your age? I am interested in your opinion concerning her age. Especially since you are older then she is.

[Ursa]

DY, I believe the whole purpose of this thread was to talk about paternal ages, "for a change." How is Art's wife's age germane?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I understand the purpose of the thread. I had a few questions brought up in my head from his comments. Is it a little sidebar? Yes. Is it going to hurt the tread? I don't think so.

[riggs]

Let's question the men's bio-clock for a change. Not in his ability to father a child, but rather the age range and possibility of raising the kid together.

 

Example: If a man has fathers a child at age 40. The kid finishes college at let's say 25. So he's 65.

 

At what age do men decide not to father any more children? After 50?

 

If a woman wants to have kids/more kids, should she pick a mate that is less than 50 years of age or what?

 

Example: He's 50 y.o. They raise the kid together the next 25 years. He's 75 yo by the time the kid leaves the nest.

 

Do men in the West live beyond 85 y.o these days? Here in Asia, they're considered to be full of years and had a rather long life if they go beyond 80 y.o. Many are dying after 60+.

 

 

I'm 44, no children and never married. I got started later as for as dating and relationships but I still feel my whole life is in front of me and I definitely want marriage and at least one son or daughter. It's a cliche, but age truly is just a number.

[Art_Critic]

Art_Critic, I think you are a good poster AND a seemingly good man on here so I don't say this to be offensive. You are the perfect age for child rearing because that has been your lifestyle choice. Your heart and mind are in it. And that is what makes you the perfect age for it. And that's awesome. But you were not the perfect age for biologically having a child. BUT there is more then just biology to being and having children. This I aknowledge.

 

Do you believe your wife is also the perfect age for child rearing? Would she be the perfect age if she was your age? I am interested in your opinion concerning her age. Especially since you are older then she is.

 

She was in her late 30's...

 

As far as me not being biological perfect..Well.. Who is ?

A person 24 can have defects in their genes and a person 45 can have all his intact and vise versa, there are no guarantees in life no matter age you are.

 

The discussion of because I was over the age of 40 and my sperm wasn't perfect is really a non-point as my son is a perfect little boy with a wonderful life in front of him.

The debate is really only one of statistics really...

 

The good thing about having a child over 40 today is the testing they do in respect to the fetus.. each test phase you go past they redo the statistical data showing you the chance of having a baby without downs and other issues.

The more tests that are done the less likely the chance is and if a test shows up positive for something then at least you get to deal with it and all the knowledge of what it is before...

 

This testing skews the statistical data.

[Ursa]

I'm not saying you can't ask whatever question you like. I personally think the topic of maternal age has been done to death on this site--and more often than not it attracts the troll brigade when it's here in the Dating section, which exists halfway under a bridge.

 

Personally I thought it was somewhat refreshing to discuss only the paternal side, as the OP said, "for a change." I find it curious that you were the one dragging Art's wife's age into this, when you are usually the first poster to jump into the fray over advanced maternal age, and start bringing stats on the dad's age into it as a rebuttal. I would have thought you would find the focus on paternal age here refreshing as well, without switching back to the women, but by all means, continue. I'm not censoring you.

[Art_Critic]

I'm not saying you can't ask whatever question you like. I personally think the topic of maternal age has been done to death on this site--and more often than not it attracts the troll brigade when it's here in the Dating section, which exists halfway under a bridge.

 

Personally I thought it was somewhat refreshing to discuss only the paternal side, as the OP said, "for a change." I find it curious that you were the one dragging Art's wife's age into this, when you are usually the first poster to jump into the fray over advanced maternal age, and start bringing stats on the dad's age into it as a rebuttal. I would have thought you would find the focus on paternal age here refreshing as well, without switching back to the women, but by all means, continue. I'm not censoring you.

 

Thanks Ursa.. I try not to talk about my wife's age too much or even really I try not to mention too much personal info about her..

I don't feel it is all that respectful to her to disclose her real age unless she wanted to do that herself.

[callmegee]

Hey there you all. Thanks for all your comments. I hope I have not hurt or insulted anyone with this thread ....

 

...but it's been on my mind lately to consider and try dating men slightly older rather than just men (boys) my age. Thus, the direction of the question was towards age range for fatherhood.

 

As the old saying goes, "Wedding is for a day, marriage is for a lifetime". So much to think through and work out before tying the know with someone..... sigh!

 

I've really learned a lot from all of you and I guess there's just no guarantee huh? Thanks for all the replies and keep them coming, if any. Much Appreciation.

 

:)

[january2011]

This has turned into a very informative thread for me. I'm particularly thankful for Ursa and Art's posts as they've given me a lot food for thought, since I may find myself in a similar situation if this LDR heads down that path.