dasein Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Yeah I keep hearing about innuendo, I don't really have a clue how to pull it off though. Get the movie "Tom Jones" from netflix or somewhere (not the singer Tom Jones). Watch that, particularly the dinner scene.
Star Gazer Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 It's mostly about metaphors and body language. And the metaphor part is even optional. The key is to not blatanlty say what you're thinking, like a caveman. Alter it so it isn't so direct. You flirt as much with the expression on your face as you do with your words. Maybe more. Agreed. It's all about subtext. Not being blatant, like whipping it out or being direct.
SJC2008 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 To me flirting calls for witt, I'm funny but not witty if that makes any sense. I can be witty but the plantes have to line up for me. MANY people don't know how to flirt so I disagree that your lack of flirting is what's getting you into the friend zone. The second to last girl I flirted with a little. On our first date I was eating a burger and it was pretty messy. I was like "Wet and juicy, just like I like it". Another time on the phone she said she needed an oil change and I told her "I'll change your oil for you" in a suggestive tone. And this girl was a serious Christian and none of that was over the top for her. Compliments with DEPTH go a long way IMO, don't tell her you like her blouse, tell her her blouse really brings out her eyes!
johan Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Compliments with DEPTH go a long way IMO, don't tell her you like her blouse, tell her her blouse really brings out her eyes! I don't think I would say that. I'd go more for telling her it's being stretched in all the right ways. Ask if they make a sheer version and offer to buy it for her. It's important to smile and not leer at her while you say things like that. Show some class.
sid3 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 You're worrying too much about what to say. It doesn't matter. How you say it with your tone and facial expression is what creates innuendo. And the eyes don't lie, they show fear just as easily as attraction. You can plan a flirt, but spontaneity is the best. You have to be ready at all times you never know when an opportunity will present it self as they are everywhere. For instance I just looked outside, and my new neighbor is mowing her lawn in her bikini top and short shorts.
2sunny Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Whip out your weiner. Ahahahahaha!!!!! On a serious note - its all about eye contact!
Author somedude81 Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 On it's own, that's not flirting. With the right attitude, it might be. Hmm, right attitude. As for innuendo, it's just a matter of adding subtext. Like acting. You say one thing but really mean another. I was a little lost but then I read this To me flirting calls for witt, I'm funny but not witty if that makes any sense. I can be witty but the plantes have to line up for me. MANY people don't know how to flirt so I disagree that your lack of flirting is what's getting you into the friend zone. The second to last girl I flirted with a little. On our first date I was eating a burger and it was pretty messy. I was like "Wet and juicy, just like I like it". Another time on the phone she said she needed an oil change and I told her "I'll change your oil for you" in a suggestive tone. And this girl was a serious Christian and none of that was over the top for her. Compliments with DEPTH go a long way IMO, don't tell her you like her blouse, tell her her blouse really brings out her eyes! Now it's starting to make some sense. You're worrying too much about what to say. It doesn't matter. How you say it with your tone and facial expression is what creates innuendo. And the eyes don't lie, they show fear just as easily as attraction. You can plan a flirt, but spontaneity is the best. You have to be ready at all times you never know when an opportunity will present it self as they are everywhere. For instance I just looked outside, and my new neighbor is mowing her lawn in her bikini top and short shorts. That's what I was talking about as well. BTW, go talk to her, and post pics. Do what Dust does. He flirts all the time and he doesn't ask for permission nor is he waiting that one of the ladies is in the mood for a flirt. He just does. Dust is just so over the top and the things he say just sound retarded. That's definitely not my style.
Author somedude81 Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Get the movie "Tom Jones" from netflix or somewhere (not the singer Tom Jones). Watch that, particularly the dinner scene. The whole scene is very suggestive and she was really into it. I've never had a girl I was eating with look at me in that way.
zengirl Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 The other thing you have to realize, SD, is that not every girl is going to react the same way in each case. So you have to not fixate so much on getting a good reaction from EVERYONE (that's impossible) or every time you try. You have to be comfortable Someone upthread said be like Dust. I think he's a great example of someone who has the confidence and attitude to flirt successfully. Some of that's about being comfortable with your own rules and not trying to take ownership of everyone's response to you (granted, that's not the same thing as the license to be an ******* and some people may have trouble finding the line when they first stop taking responsibility for people's reactions --- I'd say if you try flirting with like 30 girls and they all act like you're a jackass for it, maybe re-think and be reflective and self-aware on what you did to piss them off, but not after 1 or 2 or even 10). It's not your job to control or expect anyone's reactions. This is part of why flirting or asking girls out SOONER would be better for you. It seems like you get too invested and scared of how they will react. Don't go around being a dick or anything, but don't try to be responsible for how everyone views or reacts to you. You have to find balance there.
Els Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I really have no clue. And it's the primary reason why I do so poorly with women. I can make friends and nothing more. Huh?Any examples? A female friend and I were talking about flirting and she started an exchange. We were talking about the movie, The Hunger Games and she said something like, Her: "You know that main character? Somebody thought she was too fat for the role. Me: "No way, she looked good. Her: "Yeah she looked good. And so do you." At that point I just burst out laughing. It was a good transition but was also pretty hookey. . Gosh, this looks like a really good sign, honestly. Seems to me, at least, like this girl is giving out vibes. Are you pursuing her? Going back to this conversation, if you could, what would you have said after that compliment that she gave you?
Els Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Dust is just so over the top and the things he say just sound retarded. That's definitely not my style. I actually really agree with this. Honest to god, if I heard a guy say or do one of those Dust things IRL, it wouldn't matter how buff or hot or cute he was, I'd either burst out laughing or quickly back away towards the nearest security guard. No offense to Dust, he's a fun poster to read on an online forum, but those suggestions IRL would be creepy, period.
Thieves Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 (edited) The other thing you have to realize, SD, is that not every girl is going to react the same way in each case. So you have to not fixate so much on getting a good reaction from EVERYONE (that's impossible) or every time you try. You have to be comfortable. I completely agree. The number one thing that Somedude has to know is that this is not a one-size-fits-all deal. In other words: You are not always going to win with every woman you flirt with, but that doesn't mean you won't ever win with other women as well. He, and anyone else having similar problems with flirting and reeling in the opposite sex, would do themselves a huge favor by learning to relax in regards to rejection. It's difficult to do, but pays off so much in the end. A good way to think of it is that you're gaining more experience just by trying, or getting more practice for the women who you do end up being successful with. Now, as far as the posters who said it's more about how you say it, more than what you actually say, are spot on. And saying that, there are three major things to keep in mind when flirting with a person you're attracted to: tone, body language, and facial expression. After all, which man do you think a woman would become more receptive to in two different scenarios: Man A, the man who is always self-conscious about what he's saying and obviously has a look of nervousness/anxiety in his eyes (and his voice)... or Man B, the man who is fairly comfortable with himself, says what he says rather confidently, and seems to be having fun with the conversation? Do what Dust does. He flirts all the time and he doesn't ask for permission nor is he waiting that one of the ladies is in the mood for a flirt. He just does. I also agree with the Dust comment. Look at many of his posts, and you'll understand why. Plus, developing a good, laidback sense of humor doesn't hurt either. Edited April 20, 2012 by Thieves
Els Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Hrmph. Reading through the Dust-related responses of the other women on this page alone, I guess that's pretty much proof of the 'one-size-doesn't-fit-all' mantra.
sid3 Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 The other thing you have to realize, SD, is that not every girl is going to react the same way in each case. So you have to not fixate so much on getting a good reaction from EVERYONE (that's impossible) or every time you try. You have to be comfortable. It seems like you get too invested and scared of how they will react. Don't go around being a dick or anything, but don't try to be responsible for how everyone views or reacts to you. You have to find balance there. Somedude you should stop worrying about the outcome so much. You need practice is all. And that's going to be difficult if flirting isn't something you enjoy doing because you have little experience, catch 22. Try killing the "want* for the time being and just flirt without intent. Flirt for the fun of it, you'll soon find its so much easier without the expectations. Maybe your definition of success needs to be scaled back a little bit. That may be you're quickest fix, so you don't come across as being under pressure. It's easy to think of flirting as being like chess, its actually more like tennis IMO.
aj22one Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I watched "The Departed" last night (for the millionth time probably). And if you have the movie (or can watch it somehow) watch towards the beginning when Matt Damon's character meets the psychologist in the elevator and continue watching all the way through their dinner together. Notice the energy and cocky funny attitude displayed. Don't focus on the words so much as the general idea. That's really flirting in a nutshell.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 There is a certain energy that a person can fire up (sometimes involuntarily; it can spark on its own) that makes "normal" conversation flirtatious or even sexually suggestive. I think body language is part of it, but it needs to be very subtle. If you are going to get into someone's "space bubble," for example, you need to know exactly how much intrusion is going to be welcomed. Beyond that, and you have probably blown it. But - a person probably needs to experiment with all of that in order to get a feel for what works for them. Flirting is very personal. "Techniques" that can be taught aren't going to work for everyone. You have to discover your own. That means trial and error. Also take into consideration that some recipient of your "trials" won't be receptive to any flirtation whatsoever, so rejection doesn't necessarily mean you did it badly. It just means move on.
ThaWholigan Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 There is a certain energy that a person can fire up (sometimes involuntarily; it can spark on its own) that makes "normal" conversation flirtatious or even sexually suggestive. I think body language is part of it, but it needs to be very subtle. If you are going to get into someone's "space bubble," for example, you need to know exactly how much intrusion is going to be welcomed. Beyond that, and you have probably blown it. But - a person probably needs to experiment with all of that in order to get a feel for what works for them. Flirting is very personal. "Techniques" that can be taught aren't going to work for everyone. You have to discover your own. That means trial and error. Also take into consideration that some recipient of your "trials" won't be receptive to any flirtation whatsoever, so rejection doesn't necessarily mean you did it badly. It just means move on. Upon experimentation, I find a modified version of the Dust-approach works for me . Somedude, I'd imagine that your wit by itself would carry you towards your goal if you would learn to ease yourself into that character when you are around girls, and simply experiment with innuendo. Start off bait, it doesn't have to be too subtle, most of the girls I flirted with have told me that my innuendo is very blunt but it works for me. It surprises them apparently. Little double entendres here and there. On an unrelated note, Somedude have you tried doing acting or improv? You are a pretty funny dude when you want to be, and you should exercise that side of your character to your benefit. I may indeed take up such a class at some point
irc333 Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Yeah, lately, I've been talking to this woman I've been getting to know ....apparently we're joining a group for a camping event.....we had kinda joked about what kind of swimsuits we would rare.....and I suggested , jokingly....that she should wear a thong...and she was like "Only if you wear a Speedo!" She would even bring up the Speedo comment occasionally, when I'm not making flirtaceious remarks. "I would like to see you in a Speedo" I woudl say the Speedo comment or talking about some kind of revealing swimsuit one would wear is VERY slightly sexually suggestive though...I am just on the tip the.re lol Nothing vulgar Not flirting or being sexually suggestive with a woman is a one way ticket to the friendzone. So how does one turn a casual conversation into something flirty or sexual? Are there certain things that can be done to show interest that one doesn't want to be just friends?
jobaba Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I actually really agree with this. Honest to god, if I heard a guy say or do one of those Dust things IRL, it wouldn't matter how buff or hot or cute he was, I'd either burst out laughing or quickly back away towards the nearest security guard. No offense to Dust, he's a fun poster to read on an online forum, but those suggestions IRL would be creepy, period. Hrmph. Reading through the Dust-related responses of the other women on this page alone, I guess that's pretty much proof of the 'one-size-doesn't-fit-all' mantra. I agree. No offense to Dust, but I think his approach is cheezy. The "Hey Baby, you look good, I'll do _____ to you." Giggle, giggle, swoon... Lol. I could never do that. I need to like SOMETHING besides the woman's looks ... establish some kind of common ground. But apparently it works on a lot of women.
jobaba Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 The whole scene is very suggestive and she was really into it. I've never had a girl I was eating with look at me in that way. DAMN! That was almost better than hardcore pornography.
PlumPrincess Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Dust is just so over the top and the things he say just sound retarded. That's definitely not my style. It's not necessarily what he says. It's his attitude. He has a positive energy while you sound drab. If I just wanted to have a fun flirt, I'd go for him rather than you.
PlumPrincess Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 On an unrelated note, Somedude have you tried doing acting or improv? You are a pretty funny dude when you want to be, and you should exercise that side of your character to your benefit. I may indeed take up such a class at some point Somedude: Variation #1: "No, because even if I became more comfortable with myself, it's not going to help me find a girlfriend." Variation #2: "No, even if I became more witty, women are not into short, average looking guys." Variation #3: "No, I'm going to concentrate on finishing college first. That's more important than women." Variation #4: "No, I'm already funny and I still can't find a girlfriend." 1
Teknoe Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Somedude: Variation #1: "No, because even if I became more comfortable with myself, it's not going to help me find a girlfriend." Variation #2: "No, even if I became more witty, women are not into short, average looking guys." Variation #3: "No, I'm going to concentrate on finishing college first. That's more important than women." Variation #4: "No, I'm already funny and I still can't find a girlfriend." LOL. Sadly, it's pretty spot on though. No more LOL. Be nice if he could adopt a new variation: "No, but great suggestion. Heck, I will try it ASAP. Why not?" Somedude have you tried doing acting or improv? You are a pretty funny dude when you want to be, and you should exercise that side of your character to your benefit. I may indeed take up such a class at some point Acting/Improv classes are GREAT fun. It's really strange because in bringing art to life and "pretending" you actually get to know people on a real level. I minored in Theatre Arts in college and some of my best friends to this day I have met and bonded with through our college acting courses. One tip about improv: always say yes, never reject anything given to you. For example, your partner asks you to open his juice box. You say yes. By saying no you close off the scene. You basically want to be in a state of DOING. It's actually a great metaphor for life. Shy/insecure people in general could benefit greatly from taking acting/improv classes. In fact, some of the best actors are extremely shy folks, like Woody Allen and Harrison Ford. Ford, by the way, feared public speaking and took up acting to "fake his way." He carved out a pretty decent career, wouldn't you say? And all because he TRIED.
joystickd Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 You could say that or just pervert normal conversation. The main thing is when you do it seem confident
Author somedude81 Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 Lot of good info in this thread. Thanks everybody Here's something I've been thinking about. There is a girl at my work that things are just really odd with. Half the time I can't tell if she hates me or likes me. Some times she randomly says Hi to me and half the time she avoids eye contact. The most recent time we spoke we were in the store whorehouse warehouse. In an overly enthusiastic voice she exclaims "¡Somedude when did you get in!" Not knowing what the heck she was doing or what to say I just called her random then she said something I couldn't hear then things just got awkward and she shooed me away. Even then I knew it was a great time to flirt. What would have been some flirty things I could have said? Or something I can do for next time? I can easily have a casual/boring conversation with her where I ask her what her major is, how she likes the job. But that's all boring crap that won't do anything. I need to do something out of the ordinary for me.
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