AngelDollFace Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 (edited) A little history: I am going to try to keep this short. I've been dating a guy for a month and a half now and we're both Christians and agree that moving slow in a relationship is best. When we first met he was all about me for a few days then he backed off... got scared I think... then he'd get close to me again... then back away- rinse- repeat. He wants to kiss and have sleep overs but hasn't tried to have sex with me- actually turned me down once. We went on another date recently and I didn't kiss him - I let him cuddle up to me a little during a movie we watched and I just generally backed off from pursuing him. Now he is pursuing me again... telling me he misses me etc. The signs: He told me once that he couldn't meet me and my friend out for drinks because he didn't feel pretty. He talks a little effeminately at times... elongates words- just sounds gay. He dresses nice- trendy- hollister mostly He is a body builder and shaves his legs- nice looking guy He told me his friends call him gay all the time because they say he acts and talks gay and because he doesn't sleep with a lot of girls or take girls home from the bar. He wears shirts that are like 2 sizes too small- to make his muscles look even bigger I assume. He seems to only want to cuddle and make out He told me he likes gay bars just to hang out in sometimes with his "gay friends" (I haven't met and can't confirm he has any gay friends). And the other day I was talking about my jealous ex boyfriend getting mad that my gay friend flirted with me and my new boyfriend responded, "The gay guy might be into you- most of my gay friends don't call themselves gay- they just say they are very sexual". WTH? He downright asked me if I thought he was gay randomly out of nowhere recently... Me: Hey, enjoying the basketball game Him: Yeah it's good 5 minutes later: Him: Do you think I am gay? I am 32 and I haven't ever dated a guy who brought up anything to do with anything gay AT ALL and in less than 2 months he has brought up conversations relating to gay things (gay bars, friends thinking he is gay, etc) numerous times. I told him that was the only gay red flag for me (him bringing it up all the time). Then he told me he isn't attracted to men so I suggested that maybe he likes gay bars because he has low self confidence and feels like there everyone is different- he said i am probably right. I am freaked out. Now he is making a play for me and I don't know if he is being a good Christian guy taking it slow or if he is trying to be less gay by forcing himself to have a Christian wife/girlfriend like his parents want and expect of him. Also he talks about wanting a child ALL the time but doesn't talk about long term relationships so maybe he is gay and just wants a baby maker!? Also he watches sports on his couch like 5 days a week. I don't know if that means anything or not. Am I reading to much into this? I am sure I am leaving some of the gay red flags out- so many I've forgotten a few for sure. Edited April 19, 2012 by AngelDollFace
Author AngelDollFace Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Help! LOL. I really need advice!!! Guys advice especially. A simple answer will do, "Yes he is def gay" or nope you're reading into it.
january2011 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 he told me he isn't attracted to men If he's not attracted to guys then he's not gay. He might just like the lifestyle.
FitChick Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 One good way to know for sure is to introduce him to one of your gay friends. A gay can always spot another one.
Author AngelDollFace Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 That's really good advice FitChick! Thank you!
mtber75 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 He likes to go to gay bars...That's kinda of like a BIG red flag there. I never heard that because of his low self esteem he goes to gay bar? If one have low confidence, he just drinks alone. But like must religious people, he's probably conflicted about his sexual orientation. He'll probably be ostracized from his community or worst from his family if he comes out. If you guys are close than you should just tell him that you think he is gay. Don't judge! Get him some professional help (therapy)?
Feelin Frisky Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I can't tell you he is flat gay, but something's up with him. He's obviously vain (shaved legs?) and speaks effeminately and goes to gay bars. Walks like a duck and quacks like one as it were. If he's "cuddling" and not making any moves to assert heterosexuality, he's surely not straight. Maybe bi, maybe gay but wanting a child and not very considerate about how he gets it (in other words seeking to use you without the moral core to take care of you like a real man).
Author AngelDollFace Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Frisky & Mtb: Yeah- those are the kinds of things I am thinking. Something just isn't right and I like him but I don't want to be the girl he uses to hide his orientation or be his baby mamma.
Feelin Frisky Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Frisky & Mtb: Yeah- those are the kinds of things I am thinking. Something just isn't right and I like him but I don't want to be the girl he uses to hide his orientation or be his baby mamma. Word. ~~~~~~
wwwjd Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Ima a metrosexual type of guy, but what I read leans a LOT closer to gay than to strait. Especially the asking you if you thought he was part. If he's already got a few gay friends, he'll probably get pulled into it. Already swinging that way quite a bit. But he can act, talk, prance everything all he wants, but until he is sexing with men, he's not REALLY gay, just dainty. Gay means same sex SEX, not colors or clothes or effiminate actions. It's the choice of sexing it up that makes it gay.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Let's see: hangs out at gay bars, has lots of gay "friends", speaks gay, dresses gay, doesn't want to have sex with a female...nope, not gay at all!
kaylan Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 OP I thought you were being nitpicky about everything until I got to the gay bar part. Its one thing for a guy to go to a gay bar with his female friends. Its a bit different when a guy starts going with his male gay friends. Not saying this automatically makes him gay. Its quite possible he isnt, and just is equal opportunity about the friends he has and will hang out with them in their environment. I dunno...wait and see. I do think the "do you think Im gay" questions are simply from his insecurity. People have probably thought he was gay in the past, and if he doesnt feel he is so, than he wouldnt want his woman thinking that either. I say enjoy your time together and not think about it so much. But do keep your eyes open.
JesseJames Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Elbow his balls... then ask him if he's a man or not.
musemaj11 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 He watches sports to see sexy men in tight outfits.
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