Falconite Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 He's always had some problems keeping it up, but not too bad, so we've had sex about every other day until recently. Recently, we've tried doing it but he can't get hard or keep it up at all. When we make out he starts getting a little bit hard, but then after I take my clothes off, he gets soft again. Even though we hadn't had sex all week, two nights ago, he told me that he got a boner at night when he was trying to sleep and so he jacked off to porno. He told me that it wasn't something he could control and that it was a one-off, because he had just suddenly gotten very hard when he was trying to sleep. Yesterday, when I found out he had been horny enough to jack off to porno, even though he couldn't keep it up with me the past week, I got upset and told him that maybe he doesn't find me attractive. I don't care if he watches porn, but the fact that he couldn't keep it up with me, and yet he got a boner when alone, upsets me. I suggested that we just be friends only and he started crying for an hour, telling me that he loves me, finds me really attractive, and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. After that, I think he felt pressured to prove that he could have sex with me and we ended up having sex. I feel bad giving him pressure. He also told me that his sex drive is lower than mine, that sometimes he doesn't want to have sex but does anyway because he loves me and knows I want it. I also don't know what to think about him having trouble keeping it up with me, yet when he was alone he could get a boner a couple nights ago. Does he love me and is he attracted to me? What should I believe? Why do guys have trouble keeping it up?
jorgie4 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 There can be many causes of impotence, one being stress/anxiety. Could this be a possibility? Also smoking, drinking, drugs, etc. But it's more likely to be psychological if he's young. Basically, it's unlikely to be as simple as him not finding you attractive...unless he's gay, obviously. He should visit his GP, I'm sure they'll be able to help and offer some suggestions. How long have you been together? Could he be nervous? Have you built up a good level of trust in the relationship?
Author Falconite Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 We've been together for almost a year. He has exams coming up. Recently he's been constipated, could this be a reason? Should I believe what he says, that he still loves me and is attracted to me? He's always had a little trouble keeping it up, but not like this where he can't keep it up at all. He might feel pressure to have more sex because I have a higher sex drive. He said that he's done it even when he's not in the mood because he knows I like it. I don't know if that causes nervousness. What should I do?
jorgie4 Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 It's impossible for me to say, without knowing either of you, but I would tend to believe that yes he is still attracted to you/loves you...unless there are any others reasons to cause doubt. I think men can usually 'get it up' even when they don't particularly find the other person attractive, so I wouldn't think that's the reason. I think all you can do is show him that you're understanding, don't pressure him, and persuade him to see his GP.
gaius Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 What kind of porn does he watch? How old is he? If he's getting full, normal boners when he isn't with you then it's not a physical problem. It sounds like he really loves you but I'm not sure about the attracted part. Maybe he has some kind of fetish/fantasy that he's seen in porn but hasn't brought up with you?
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 Ugh, this reminds me of dynamic with my ex. He had no trouble getting hard and keeping it up, but had lower sex drive than me. I was always complaining that we don't have enough sex. He made an effort - and he could do it - but then would later tell me that he does it only because I told him so He would also watch porn in secret and couldn't stop. He said he felt constant pressure from me to have sex and it's killing all the passion. He also said that if he is not feeling emotionally close he is struggling to have sex. He even used the line "my penis is connected to my heart". Are you guys emotionally close?
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