momto3boys Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I feel like i am on a roller coaster ride with my own emotions. I was fine with our separation, then im angry, then im sad. Every time we talk now about child support, visitation, splitting our belongings i just get really angry. im not sure how to over come this. I want to get a long we have two kids together, but it is hard to when i am all over the place. Does it ever get better? lol. 1
analystfromhell Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 It's likely, I'm sorry to say, to get worse during the divorce proceedings. Hopefully yours can be settled out of court or with minimal animosity but from now, until when things are settled so long as the kids are allowed to stay out of it, the burden will be on the two of you to act civilly. If that can be done- and the leftover hostility is allowed to quietly fade you should gradually realize after the divorce is FINAL that you're feeling a lot better. It takes time and a commitment to cordiality and fairness. Try and short circuit any of these three and it'll be a long time- if ever- that things are better.
USCGAviator Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Like you, life came to collect on me about 2yrs ago. Push through and keep your head up. I assure you, there is a great life after divorce.
hopeto Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 well I can tell you that it never did for me I look back and say that it did at the time. I got out meet people, did the party scene etc. here is the thing if you are soul mates it will if you can speak to one another and lean on each other as parents to your children. you are angery cause everything you worked for is now in a disaray. you see I was a stay at home mother. we had our own business etc. when mine ended I had nothing. If I can give you one piece of advice that will be find strength in your children that is the only way I pulled through it.
Steadfast Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I feel like i am on a roller coaster ride with my own emotions. I was fine with our separation, then im angry, then im sad. Every time we talk now about child support, visitation, splitting our belongings i just get really angry. im not sure how to over come this. I want to get a long we have two kids together, but it is hard to when i am all over the place. Does it ever get better? lol. Did it ever occur to you that it's supposed to be this way? After all, for whatever reason, a marriage and a family are being broken apart...which, no matter how commonplace, is still unnatural. In most cases, one partner really doesn't want it to happen, so include those emotions into the mix, and what a mix it is! Sadness, loneliness, anger, guilt, worry... Looking back, it's a wonder most people survive as well as they do. As for getting along, when you come to grips with the fact that everyone has a right to freewill (no matter how wrong their choices might be) and accept that bad things sometimes happen to good people, you can start to rebuild yourself with these hard-earned lessons. I'm betting you won't be rushing into a new relationship anytime soon, but if you feel the need to do that, you're probably getting to the bottom of your various issues. No need to take it personally; we all have them. We can all benefit from being wiser, being more patient and understanding the pitfalls of life better. Knowing these things will enable you to understand his actions and speak up if he's crossing a boundary. Most exes aren't friends, but he must respect you. That respect can be returned if you can truthfully say he's earned it. Life will be what you make it, including how you handle and process things that are not in your control. That's the tricky part, isn't it? As you reach this point in life, focus on your kids and making sure you are in a position to give them what they need from you. Life isn't always sunshine and roses...knowing how to get through the tough times will build the character you need to truly move on to a fulfilling life. Hang in! One day at a time. 1
trippi1432 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 A lot of truth here in Steadfast's post and it's unfortunate that the anger and fighting happen in divorce, but it happens. My second ex and I had been like War of the Roses since he left in 2009, but lately, it's been quiet and he's been more cooperative where his son is concerned. The fact that he is now being more concerned for his son's welfare is an achievement. Unfortunate how it came about....we had a tiff over our son being sick and needing to go to the doctor back in February. The doctor's office is 1500 feet around the corner from his house and he works his own hours...but refused. I had to do a 3 hour round trip trek to take our son and they gave him medication for a chest cold. Three days later, in the middle of the night, he woke me up having chest pains...a trip to the emergency room turned into 3 days in the hospital, two of them in ICU on the Cardiology floor. He had inflammation around his heart from the chest cold he was being treated for; however, they continue to monitor him on re-checks to ensure it isn't something more serious. I think this incident finally drove some things home in my exH's mind...that the world doesn't revolve around him, it's not always about HIM. I can only hope as I write this, it continues to be peaceful and two adults cooperating on the needs of a child....that maybe we haven't, as parents, been able to give our children a feeling of emotional security, safety and a normal life for all of these years...perhaps we can give them that now. It doesn't make up for it, but it's the best one can do sometimes. It's just a shame that it has taken his father 16 years to come to some of his own realizations about his relationship with his son. Momto3boys - Anger is a hard emotion to get through and it can last for as long as you let it. I still have my moments of anger, more at myself for staying in a bad relationship for so long, for the wrong reasons. The hardest part is when my daughter looks at me with tears in her eyes and tells me that she understands and knows why I stayed for so long, because I didn't want her brother to grow up without a father like she did...my exH knew this was a weak point for me and used it as a threat if I ever left him due to the fighting, drinking and gambling. So, instead, I stayed....out of that fear; as I always knew I had the strength and financial security to take care of them...and in that, I did both of my children more harm than good. Things eventually do get better, it's baby steps though, not a race. Realizing you can't go back and change what has happened, you can only work from where you are today and make it better is one hurdle to leap. And realizing you can only control "you", will help move you towards that goal.
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