Shamrock13 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Its been 4 weeks since the BU, and 3 weeks of NC and couple days back some mutual friends contact me. I stayed neautral and positive, but now 2 days later...... I woke this morning balling, dont wanna get up, work out or go to work. All I wanna do is call or text her and ask her to call me. Ask why is she possibly throwing away 6yrs of her and I and her girls cause I dont even know for sure if its over let alone why OMG I cant stop thinking about them
HollyBolly Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Its been 4 weeks since the BU, and 3 weeks of NC and couple days back some mutual friends contact me. I stayed neautral and positive, but now 2 days later...... I woke this morning balling, dont wanna get up, work out or go to work. All I wanna do is call or text her and ask her to call me. Ask why is she possibly throwing away 6yrs of her and I and her girls cause I dont even know for sure if its over let alone why OMG I cant stop thinking about them You poor thing! I know how you feel. I had 2 bad days myself. Whereabouts in Ontario are you? I am in TO myself. I would pm you but I don't think you can pm since you haven't accumulated 50 posts yet. Anyway, hang in there! If you feel you must contact her, then do so. But know that you may end up more hurt.
budley12 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 NC sucks. It really does. Not having contact with the one person who means/meant the entire world to you. But let me say that it does help to heal by staying NC. My BU from my first love was 5months ago and we were together 3 years. We lived together in the dorms and slept over every night. He was my first love and I was theirs... NC is one of the hardest things ive done, but i swear it does help get over the pain. I am still hurting after all of this time but the only thing contact will do is bring up pain. Sure it may be nice talking and chatting for a bit and you may feel better, but after that you will fall and it will be worse. Then there is the... what if? What if I had contacted? Would we then get back together? So on, and so on. It will let your mind race. Ultimately if your ex wants to get back they will make some sort of impression on it. Then go from there, otherwise I would let it be. Its harder said then done but it has helped me.
geegirl Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 (edited) Its been 4 weeks since the BU, and 3 weeks of NC and couple days back some mutual friends contact me. I stayed neautral and positive, but now 2 days later...... I woke this morning balling, dont wanna get up, work out or go to work. All I wanna do is call or text her and ask her to call me. Ask why is she possibly throwing away 6yrs of her and I and her girls cause I dont even know for sure if its over let alone why OMG I cant stop thinking about them Everything you are going through is completely normal, Sham. These emotions will come in waves. The only way to deal with them is to let them come, and let them pass, because they will pass. If you hold strong and you push through, it will pass. It will come again, but as you keep going, days and months, it will slowly be few and far between. You must not give in when you're crashing. You can react and give into those lows but you have to ask yourself if reacting is worth the outcome. I've said this many times on LS, you cannot seek comfort or find solace from your source of pain. She is your source of pain. All she can give you is additional pain. You can break NC but before you do that, try visualizing picking up the phone, sending her a text to call you, and then the tourture of waiting for a response. The anxiety that you would have to go through, checking your phone every 3 minutes with nothing but a blank screen. Now you've added much more pain to an already painful situation. Or she may respond with a few words and what happens then? You get off the phone and you go back to that same painful place you were trying to escape. What then? You struggle again trying to cope with those bad emotions. A temporary fix. She cannot salve your wounds nor can she make all this go away for you. This is something you have to barrel through on your own, with the help of friends and family and whatever coping skills you can find outside of you ex. The only way past this is to go through it. Everytime you wish to break NC, ask yourself if the aftermath is even worth it. Edited April 19, 2012 by geegirl 2
Author Shamrock13 Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Thanks all for your words it is appreciated, yes Holly I got your pm and responded dont know if you got mine. Im in Whitby, Ont. I think beyond the obvious of missing her and her lil girls which is ripping my heart apart is I have not one ounce of closure. Her last communication with me didnt say weather it was over or not. And its the not knowing, thinking maybe shes gonna come back. And if not when do I move on, and I still have a lot of stuff at the house. Why has she not told me to get it, or dropped it off where I live if its over I am a wreck
HollyBolly Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Thanks all for your words it is appreciated, yes Holly I got your pm and responded dont know if you got mine. Im in Whitby, Ont. I think beyond the obvious of missing her and her lil girls which is ripping my heart apart is I have not one ounce of closure. Her last communication with me didnt say weather it was over or not. And its the not knowing, thinking maybe shes gonna come back. And if not when do I move on, and I still have a lot of stuff at the house. Why has she not told me to get it, or dropped it off where I live if its over I am a wreck Closure will not come from her. It is over. That is your closure. Unfortunately for you, you also have to let her little girls go. That is tough. However, they are her girls and there is nothing you can do about that. Maybe, in time, you will get to see them again, but that time is not now. Stop thinking about whether she will come back or not. You move on now! If she comes back, she does, If she doesn't, she doesn't. Pining over something that you cannot control is self-destructive and must be avoided. Get a mutual friend to go over and get your things. Seeing her is only going to hurt you. Try not to think about what she's thinking. That s**t will eat you up. I know it is easier said than done, but you need to focus on yourself.
geegirl Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Thanks all for your words it is appreciated, yes Holly I got your pm and responded dont know if you got mine. Im in Whitby, Ont. I think beyond the obvious of missing her and her lil girls which is ripping my heart apart is I have not one ounce of closure. Her last communication with me didnt say weather it was over or not. And its the not knowing, thinking maybe shes gonna come back. And if not when do I move on, and I still have a lot of stuff at the house. Why has she not told me to get it, or dropped it off where I live if its over I am a wreck It's rather selfish of her to dangle you while she sorts herself out. In any case you are the only one that can give yourself closure. While I know it's hard to make that decision to move, you shouldn't allow her to decide your fate. It's a break-up. Accept that it is a break-up. There is no such thing as somewhat of a break-up, kind of a break-up, not certain break-up. If it was anything other than a break-up, you two would be together working through the issues. Even if this is a break, it's almost always leads to a break-up. If someone chooses not to be with you or has to think about whether they want to be with you, it would be in your best interest to put yourself first and move on. "Stuff" is always an excuse to keep some sort of connection with the ex. As Holly mentioned, please get someone to get your things and cut the cord. Start your healing, and while you will still cling to hope, it's still wise to accept that it is over. If she comes back in time, then you both can decide what to do but please don't sit around and wait for her to make a decision for you. 1
jphcbpa Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 NC means no new hurt [FONT=Comic Sans MS]Let Go To "let go" does not mean to stop caring. It means I can't do it for someone else. To "let go" is not to cut myself off. It's the realization I can't control another. To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To "let go" is to admit powerlessness which means the outcome is not in my hands. To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself. To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about. To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive. To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies. To "let go" is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality. To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept. To "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be. To "let go" is to not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To "let go" is to fear less and LOVE MORE![/FONT]
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