Reddice Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I'm not sure why, but I feel dissapointed. I guess that's the best way to describe the feeling I'm having. Dissapointed in my ex, dissapointed in myself and dissapointed with life in general. Next week will mark the 3 months anniversary of our split. The week after will be the 3 month anniversary of the official break-up. It will also be the 2 month anniversary of her last breadcrumbs (my b-day), to which I didn't reply. This also means 2 months on NC. So I have a lot to look forward to. I'm even thinking of holding a proper celebration. Perhaps uncork some champagne or a nice bottle of wine. The problem is: I still think about her daily. I miss her like I'd miss the air I breathe. Though I don't think I would reply, a part of me would like some more breadcrumbs... perhaps to know that she is also thinking of me. I'm dissappointed about the fact that she didn't give me any more breadcrumbs. Anyone else can relate with this feeling? The past weeks I have met 2 girls online and have been having some contact with them. I'm proud of myself that I've come this far and I am opening up again for new contacts. It shows me that there are other interesting women out there and that I should not have to fear for being alone forever. However, I believe I screwed up with one of them yesterday and I believe the other one might be friendzoning me. It doesn't really bother me that much though... And this is what troubles me. This is what I am dissapointed about in myself. Because somehow I keep comparing them to my ex. All women out there seem "inferior" to her. Obviously this is not true, as my ex was a filthy, cheating liar. But still, there were so many good things about her. She was sweet, a great cook, caring, a good conversationalist, very pretty (to me, she was the prettiest), very funny and much more. She was basically all I had ever been looking for in a woman. If I were to have a checklist, she'd tick off 99% of the boxes (before the break-up 100%). And still... she let me down. And now I am a bit lost. I no longer know what to look for in a woman anymore. Should I go for the exact opposite? Should I look for something similar? How do I know I'm not being lied to again by the next? If I ever find someone with the character traits I'm looking for, will she even be interested in me? Will she be trustworthy? To be honest, I'm not looking forward to finding out. I would just prefer to turn back time. Seems that life has me by the balls once more.
dsw31 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I'm not sure why, but I feel dissapointed. I guess that's the best way to describe the feeling I'm having. Dissapointed in my ex, dissapointed in myself and dissapointed with life in general. Next week will mark the 3 months anniversary of our split. The week after will be the 3 month anniversary of the official break-up. It will also be the 2 month anniversary of her last breadcrumbs (my b-day), to which I didn't reply. This also means 2 months on NC. So I have a lot to look forward to. I'm even thinking of holding a proper celebration. Perhaps uncork some champagne or a nice bottle of wine. The problem is: I still think about her daily. I miss her like I'd miss the air I breathe. Though I don't think I would reply, a part of me would like some more breadcrumbs... perhaps to know that she is also thinking of me. I'm dissappointed about the fact that she didn't give me any more breadcrumbs. Anyone else can relate with this feeling? The past weeks I have met 2 girls online and have been having some contact with them. I'm proud of myself that I've come this far and I am opening up again for new contacts. It shows me that there are other interesting women out there and that I should not have to fear for being alone forever. However, I believe I screwed up with one of them yesterday and I believe the other one might be friendzoning me. It doesn't really bother me that much though... And this is what troubles me. This is what I am dissapointed about in myself. Because somehow I keep comparing them to my ex. All women out there seem "inferior" to her. Obviously this is not true, as my ex was a filthy, cheating liar. But still, there were so many good things about her. She was sweet, a great cook, caring, a good conversationalist, very pretty (to me, she was the prettiest), very funny and much more. She was basically all I had ever been looking for in a woman. If I were to have a checklist, she'd tick off 99% of the boxes (before the break-up 100%). And still... she let me down. And now I am a bit lost. I no longer know what to look for in a woman anymore. Should I go for the exact opposite? Should I look for something similar? How do I know I'm not being lied to again by the next? If I ever find someone with the character traits I'm looking for, will she even be interested in me? Will she be trustworthy? To be honest, I'm not looking forward to finding out. I would just prefer to turn back time. Seems that life has me by the balls once more. Reddice, I can totally relate to that...100%. It's been a month & 1 day since breakup,17 days since last breadcrumbs my ex gave me.I have had 2 dates with a guy that I just needed things with & I am talking to another really nice guy I just met off a dating site now.He seems to be total opposite of my ex-meaning a really "nice guy."I think he's handsome and all but,all I do is compare these guys to my ex.I'm probably not ready to date since I feel that way(maybe you're not completely ready either?).I'm just taking it slow with him though. I totally wish my ex would just throw some breadcrumbs.Just to think he still cares would make me feel better.I miss him like crazy even though I know it would never work.He treated me bad at the end and I still feel like he is a perfect match for me(if he would feel the same again)He also turned into a filthy cheating liar towards the end. You've just been broken up a little longer but,other than that,I can completely relate! Good job on getting yourself out there again & best of luck!
blindesided Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Wow I was just going to start a thread about pretty much the same feeling. Its been over a month of BU but 2 weeks NC some days I feel ok but days like today I feel like crap. Everything reminds me of him - I see events coming up in my area & keep thinking of how much fun we couldve had. I too am dipping my toe in the dating pool - met a guy went out a couple times - nice guy & cute but all I do is compare him to Ex & its not fair to him. I know I probably shouldnt be dating either & thats why I am not pursuing him & kind of have the attitude on if I hear from him I do & if not I would be ok with that. I need to learn to love to be by myself again - which I did before the EX & I got together. I wish I could take a magic pill & speed time up - I know I will feel better soon -but this process is terrible - I really hate feeling this way Ugh - this sucks
Mr Scorpio Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 And now I am a bit lost. I no longer know what to look for in a woman anymore. Should I go for the exact opposite? Should I look for something similar? How do I know I'm not being lied to again by the next? If I ever find someone with the character traits I'm looking for, will she even be interested in me? Will she be trustworthy? Like most of us -- myself included -- you are grasping for answers that do not exist. Assuming that you want a healthy, long-term relationship, you should seek a person who has the qualities of kindness, compassion, and generosity. These qualities are objective. They exist outside of your ex. Your ex may have had them -- sans the cheating -- but you are looking for the qualities themselves, not as they relate to your ex. As for the issue of whether or not you will be lied to in the future, the answer is likely yes. Self-interest all too often predominates compassion. The best you can hope to do is cultivate a relationship based on a deep seeded friendship, on respect that would discourage such behavior. In this way, the lies will be minor ("yes dear, I love your chicken parmesean even though you always burn the chicken by pan-frying it all the way through instead of only letting it go long enough for the breadcrumbs to stick and then place it in the oven") as opposed to major ("yeah so I ****ed the milkman! big deal!"). 2
fucpcg Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 But still, there were so many good things about her. She was sweet, a great cook, caring, a good conversationalist, very pretty (to me, she was the prettiest), very funny and much more. She was basically all I had ever been looking for in a woman. If I were to have a checklist, she'd tick off 99% of the boxes (before the break-up 100%). And still... she let me down. And now I am a bit lost. I no longer know what to look for in a woman anymore. Keep seeking what you have always sought. I don't know how I'll ever find another woman who I was as compatible with as my ex, but that is EXACTLY what I am seeking, with one exception.... have her be as understanding, and devoted to relationships, as I am. Her best parts, our shared interests. Her worst parts, her lack of compassion for my misgivings (something I had plenty of for hers). Why throw away the best parts because of her inability to fulfill as equally in her worst faults? Gimmie our connection, with equal loyalty, and I'll have my next girlfriend. Should I find all that.... 1
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