irc333 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Ever try to, just for the fun of it....going along with being friendszoned by a woman just to see what they're actions are? Like they say, "Well, I prefer you as just a friend" Then, you go "Sure, okay, how about I get your # so we can hang out sometime" No response or get their # but they never return you calls. See....she doesn't want to be your friend....this behavior happens all the time. Friends give each other friends their phone #'s right? They still flake out wether it's a date OR friendship...so it's all moot.
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 No. I never had a chick say, "I prefer you just as a friend." since I'm upfront about my intentions quickly.
Cypress25 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 See....she doesn't want to be your friend....this behavior happens all the time. Duh. You're just figuring this out now? "I prefer you as just a friend" is a polite way of saying "I have no romantic interest in you whatsoever because I find you unattractive." Of course she doesn't want to be your friend, she just wants to reject you without sounding like a bitch. Why is this so hard for guys to understand?
dasein Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 It's just a lie told mostly by women. But it is a lie, and identifies the teller as having something of a dishonest character, not some "politeness." Mature adults don't lie in this fashion, so when you hear it, good for you for being able to screen out another undesirable.
Cypress25 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 It's just a lie told mostly by women. But it is a lie, and identifies the teller as having something of a dishonest character, not some "politeness." Well, they think they're being polite. Everyone tells white lies to avoid uncomfortable situations. I don't think the "let's be friends" line is a good one because it tends to confuse guys and make them think you actually want to be friends, but I'm not above telling a white lie to spare someone's feelings. Mine is "I'm flattered but I'm seeing someone." That may or may not be the truth, but at least it saves me from having to tell a perfectly nice guy that I'm not attracted to him at all. Here's a good one. When I was in high school, a guy who I wasn't interested in asked me out. I couldn't lie and say I was dating someone else because it was high school, everyone knew who was in a relationship and who wasn't. I was so unprepared for the situation (I was rather shy then and not used to guys hitting on me) that I just blurted out "I'm gay." I couldn't think of any other way to turn him down without hurting his feelings. I'm not saying it was the right thing to do, I'm just saying it can be difficult to be honest when a person's feelings are on the line.
jobaba Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Actually, here's some stuff I've heard... "I would like to get to know you better as a person but I'm not really looking for anything romantic right now." "I really enjoyed your company (while we were together)." "You're my best friend here in XXX City." In each of those cases, the woman contacted me and continued to want to be friends. In one case, she was absolutely adamant about it and wouldn't leave me alone even as I tried to avoid her. That's right. I'm the nicest, coolest ugly dude out there! Being friendzoned isn't meeting a chick three times or going on three dates and her saying you 'should be friends'. That's straight up rejection. Being friendzoned requires that you are actually friends first. 1
D-Lish Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 It's just a lie told mostly by women. But it is a lie, and identifies the teller as having something of a dishonest character, not some "politeness." Mature adults don't lie in this fashion, so when you hear it, good for you for being able to screen out another undesirable. When I say it, I mean it- and I mean it in two very honest ways: 1) There will never be anything romantic between us. 2) I'm happy to be friends if you can accept this reality. If I simply am not interested in either I won't extend the friendship branch just to be polite. A lot of guys don't want to be friends with a woman and that is acceptable to me as well.
dasein Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 1) it's cruel to even suggest carrying on hoax friendships when one party has romantic feelings, basically requesting someone change their feelings to suit you, and 2) they may remain under the misperception, even though told otherwise, that more can develop. Do women not have enough friends already without attempting to convert unrequitted romantic interests into friendships?
Eddie Edirol Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Ever try to, just for the fun of it....going along with being friendszoned by a woman just to see what they're actions are? Like they say, "Well, I prefer you as just a friend" Then, you go "Sure, okay, how about I get your # so we can hang out sometime" No response or get their # but they never return you calls. See....she doesn't want to be your friend....this behavior happens all the time. If you really want to call them out, say "you dont really want to be friends, why would you lie instead of just saying youre not interested in me?" You wanna tell them how cowardly their character is, go for that.
D-Lish Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 1) it's cruel to even suggest carrying on hoax friendships when one party has romantic feelings, basically requesting someone change their feelings to suit you, and 2) they may remain under the misperception, even though told otherwise, that more can develop. Do women not have enough friends already without attempting to convert unrequitted romantic interests into friendships? Of course we do. Women have a much easier time forging platonic friendships than men do. If I tell a man I only want to be friends and that will never change for me, but he chooses to have a friendship- he needs to take responsibility for that acceptance. If you like a woman and she says she only feels a friendship vibe- you have a choice to say no thank you to that. If you choose to accept friendship terms, a lot of women will welcome a new friend. You're making it sound as if as a man you have no control over a situation like this- but you do.
jobaba Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 1) it's cruel to even suggest carrying on hoax friendships when one party has romantic feelings, basically requesting someone change their feelings to suit you, and 2) they may remain under the misperception, even though told otherwise, that more can develop. Do women not have enough friends already without attempting to convert unrequitted romantic interests into friendships? IF the woman is a cool person and a good gal then I will pursue a friendship. Most times my people picker is good. It's been off a few times. Just so long as your feelings can handle it, it's fine. If it's your ego, well... The day you die, what's more important to you? -The fact that you put all those b@tches in their place by showing them you were man enough not to hang out with somebody that rejected you. OR -You had some real good life experiences and conversations with a good person who didn't happen to find you physically attractive. And that goes DOUBLE for the women. So many people miss out on the chance to meet and hang with some cool people because their only focus is chasing after a@@ and a ring.
dasein Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Women have a much easier time forging platonic friendships than men do. Joke o the day. Better than the Lysol joke I just posted on the cheating subforum. Will remember it next time I'm at a brunch and the "friend" who isn't present is getting her guts ripped out behind her back by her erstwhile "friends." People can't easily change their feelings, what results are faux friendships, entirely on the "LJBF's" party's terms. For this reason, thoughtful people simply cut ties and move on rather than insult someone with LJBF.
Author irc333 Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 There's this one example of a man, professional, early 50's...a professional dentist. Single, and we are a part of this outdoor group, he knew a l ot of the people, but had taken a shine to one specific woman, and a lot of people were going camping during the weekend......it was a long trip to the site, and he asked her to join him ....for "carpooling" purpose, but he had an agenda....he brought his RV with him...good sized one,too. Well, they get there, join up with the group...they even slept in the same RV....but like on extreme opposite ends...because he was being a "gentleman" Well, during campfire gatherings and stuff, he started getting a little too close with her, kind of pretending to be her "boyfriend" Well, anyhow, on their way back home, he asked take a detour to take a walk at a local beach.....she agreed to it, then he asked her to be his girlfriend...she refused and just didn't think of him in that way. This stabbed him in the heart pretty badly, because he went into the woods and expected to come out of the woods with a girlfriend. lol Needless to say, he took her home, he never talked to her for a while...and then the finally are on good terms now...but let's just say he never invited her to "hang out" with him anymore. lol Of course, this wasn't the FIRST time this has happened with he either, A LOT of mature men....like to try to "sneak" their way into a relationship, as to just friggin ask them out on a one on one date or just making their intentions known. THey figure that'd it's just "magically" happen like in those romantic comedies. Of course we do. Women have a much easier time forging platonic friendships than men do. If I tell a man I only want to be friends and that will never change for me, but he chooses to have a friendship- he needs to take responsibility for that acceptance. If you like a woman and she says she only feels a friendship vibe- you have a choice to say no thank you to that. If you choose to accept friendship terms, a lot of women will welcome a new friend. You're making it sound as if as a man you have no control over a situation like this- but you do.
D-Lish Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Joke o the day. Better than the Lysol joke I just posted on the cheating subforum. Will remember it next time I'm at a brunch and the "friend" who isn't present is getting her guts ripped out behind her back by her erstwhile "friends." People can't easily change their feelings, what results are faux friendships, entirely on the "LJBF's" party's terms. For this reason, thoughtful people simply cut ties and move on rather than insult someone with LJBF. Well, you are obviously incredibly bitter when it comes to this subject. If you aren't capable of having a friendship with someone that doesn't return your feelings, don't do it- end of story, move on.
johan Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 (edited) Ever try to, just for the fun of it....going along with being friendszoned by a woman just to see what they're actions are? Like they say, "Well, I prefer you as just a friend" Then, you go "Sure, okay, how about I get your # so we can hang out sometime" No response or get their # but they never return you calls. See....she doesn't want to be your friend....this behavior happens all the time. Friends give each other friends their phone #'s right? They still flake out wether it's a date OR friendship...so it's all moot. I wouldn't say that, because I know what she's really saying. Let's just be friends" is not being friend zoned. It's code, used by both sexes, and it doesn't mean they want to be friends. What it means is that they really don't want anything to do with you. As someone playing the dating game, you're expected to know the rules. If you call her out like that, you're putting her on the spot and indicating the normal sort of let down doesn't register with you. She's going to get irritated, and you risk hearing her say, "ok fine, I don't actually want to be friends. I find you annoying and unattractive and the time I've spent talking to you has just been a waste for me. I never meant to friend zone you, dipsh*t. I meant for you take the hint and take your dumb jokes somewhere else." Being friendzoned is actually having a woman continue to act friendly to you, never truly reject you, and keep you hanging around because she sort of enjoys having you around. And it's good for her ego. Edited April 20, 2012 by johan
DjinnAgain Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 If you aren't capable of having a friendship with someone that doesn't return your feelings, don't do it- end of story, move on. No joke. If someone just wants to be friends with me, I have no problem readjusting relatively newly formed feelings (maybe a few days afterwards without chatting to reset.) Just did it! (A mutual relationship ending can take longer to be okay with friends.) If I say let's be friends, I mean I want the person as a friend. And I will keep them as a friend unless it becomes very obvious they still have feelings for me. If I am not interested in the person at all, I will say not interested. (Side note, back when I was dating at times when I was not ready to date, I had guys tell me they didn't want to talk to me and call if I was ready to date. I can say that I NEVER called one of those guys, even the one I was quite interested in but just seriously not ready to date anyone. Why in the world would anyone want a relationship without a nice friendship at the core of it? Though that is different from "let's be friends" it was another very honest, "I'm not ready to date anybody no matter how great.")
NateC Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 No joke. If someone just wants to be friends with me, I have no problem readjusting relatively newly formed feelings (maybe a few days afterwards without chatting to reset.) Just did it! (A mutual relationship ending can take longer to be okay with friends.) If I say let's be friends, I mean I want the person as a friend. And I will keep them as a friend unless it becomes very obvious they still have feelings for me. If I am not interested in the person at all, I will say not interested. (Side note, back when I was dating at times when I was not ready to date, I had guys tell me they didn't want to talk to me and call if I was ready to date. I can say that I NEVER called one of those guys, even the one I was quite interested in but just seriously not ready to date anyone. Why in the world would anyone want a relationship without a nice friendship at the core of it? Though that is different from "let's be friends" it was another very honest, "I'm not ready to date anybody no matter how great.") A relationship (at least a strong one) starts with a friendship, although I believe the two can be separated somewhat. I've managed to get over someone who didn't share the same interest and remain friends...even after she found a boyfriend (and I'm actually friends with him too, weird eh?). It's very possible...but only given the right mindset.
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