Eternal Sunshine Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I met around 40 guys online before meeting my now ex. None panned out but there is a couple that are genuinely cool people, I just didn't feel the physical attraction. I stayed friends with both as they wanted to stay in touch. They have actually both become good friends. They were there to chat after my break-up. We catch up for drinks every now and then. One let me sleep on his couch for a couple of days after me and ex split up. I have successfully set one up with a friend of mine. It's not all about finding love
irc333 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Nah, I don't bother, There is this flake coming into town.....NEW in town....came all the way from HI, I emailed her and she told me even though she didn't find me physically attractive, that she'd be cool with having an activity partner or friend. She even adjusted her dating profile as such to reflect that "Even though I stated I'm looking for a long term relationship, I'm not in a place now to be dating" IT's like she's flaking out friendzoning on the men before she even ARRIVES in town. LOL I told her, "Hey, listen, men aren't here to be your buddy or friend, they'r here to date you and probably hope to get physically intimate with you eventually, ....you're in the wrong place for that." Also reminded her she's moving into an area full of hicks, and anyone that she MIGHT be compatible with is already married or spoken for. Basically saying she's going to have it rough....socially. I met around 40 guys online before meeting my now ex. None panned out but there is a couple that are genuinely cool people, I just didn't feel the physical attraction. I stayed friends with both as they wanted to stay in touch. They have actually both become good friends. They were there to chat after my break-up. We catch up for drinks every now and then. One let me sleep on his couch for a couple of days after me and ex split up. I have successfully set one up with a friend of mine. It's not all about finding love
Leigh 87 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I became friends with pretty much all the dudes I met online. They all liked me and would have dated me, but I met my b.f first, then met a bunch of dudes days following him before we got serious. I am still in contact with a couple of them who I plan on seeing occasionally. A lot of people cannot have opposite sex friends unless the people are unnatractive to each other, or not particularly attractive. Just being honest.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Perhaps it's easier for me to have stayed friends with those 2 because I rejected them (not sure how I would deal if it was the other way around). I think that they initially hang on because they hope something "more" will happen. I think they have now given up and are just genuine friends.
Jane2011 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I pretty much never have stayed friends (and never had a particular desire to), but I have a female friend who got to be really close friends with one of the guys she met on OLD.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Actually, I didn't push for the friendship in either scenario. All I thought was "cool guy, too bad I am not attracted" and let them go. Then they would send me a low key friendly message every now and then, or chat over Facebook. In time it developed into very occasional hang-outs.
zengirl Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Generally, no. Sometimes, when I was abroad, I would, but the way expats socialize is just different. Anyone you can stand who speaks English becomes a friend for a time. TBH, I met some girls through OKC (not like bi girls, but just girls to be friends with) when I was in Japan and Korea, and they became friends. I also stayed friendly with several of the guys I dated there, if they weren't jerks, at least for a time. There are 2 cases where I remained friendly in the most recent batch (when I met hubby) where I did -- both were cases where we mutually were not interested in dating, and one was a guy I immediately set up with a friend who was better for him (they're still dating). In neither case, would I consider them particularly good friends. I would say remaining friends is atypical because it requires that both of us not be interested in additional dates. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who still wanted to date me, but I've found it's not uncommon for me to be on the same page as someone as I got older -- both feeling no sparks or incompatibility.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 There is the third OLD friend in the making. In his case, I was attracted but our values didn't line up enough to date. He is poly-friendly and I am not. I enjoy chatting to him.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Zengirl, I wouldn't call any of those close friendships. But I can call them up anytime and they would be happy to talk/give advice. As for if they would want to date me deep down, there is no way of knowing that. I think it would be presumptuous of me to not be friends because they may have feelings. I trust that they know what's best for them.
Jane2011 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I would say remaining friends is atypical because it requires that both of us not be interested in additional dates. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who still wanted to date me, but I've found it's not uncommon for me to be on the same page as someone as I got older -- both feeling no sparks or incompatibility. That's how it was for me. I did find some of the guys I met likeable and friends-material, but I got the sense they were interested in another date, whereas I wasn't, and I wouldn't feel comfortable in that situation.
fucpcg Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I've made about 6 good friendships from OLD. To me, it totally makes sense. I've contacted,and been contacted, by people with similar interests, and now we share those interests. One girl for example, we connected totally on a sports level, but we started chatting right around the time she started dating a guy she had been friends with for a while, who just recently became single. Those two started dating, but her and I had an obvious connection on a friends level, so we kept in touch, I met her and her bf out one night, and now we all play softball on the same team together. Now she is a friend, and her bf is a good friend of mine as well. The bonus for me has been, outside the friendship, is that she tells all her single girlfriends about me, saying if she wasn't in a relationship she'd keep me for herself, so they better get with me quick before someone else does. She gives me glowing references =). I also go hiking, canoeing, biking, play volleyball, and have Scrabble nights all with girls I've met thru OLD.
FitChick Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I am friends with a few guys, one for over fifteen years through his marriage and divorce. He is a very sweet guy but not my type.
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