swedishfish Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 we are gay females. we are 45 years old. my lover is paralyzed below the waist which makes sex/making love a freaking chore. she has limited feeling down there but i try my hardest to make her feel something...with finger penetration and orally. i can do her but she can't move enough to satifsy my sexual needs. i bring everything to the relationship...money/financial security, i drive everywhere, i work 50 hours a week, i take the garbage out every week, i do all the shopping weekly, mow the law, snowblow, emotionally avaivable for her, ....she works 4 hours a week and gets 1000 dollars a month disability. what she does bring to the relationship is emotional availablitiy, she is there for me always...listens to my problems, as do i her, she is compassionate, kind, caring, trustworthy and loyal. she would never flirt with anyone nor would she ever cheat on me. she expresses her genuine feelings to me freely. she loves me and is in love with me. what is wrong with me? a lot of people would love someone like this? i love her but am NOT in love with her. she has all the internal qualities i want in a person. I want to go outside the relationship to get my sexual needs filled. we are in a committed relationship, and she knows that i want to do this. she is not to happy about this. my question is.......should i go outside to get sexual gradifiacation? more importantly, i feel like this relationship is 80/20 on my part, i'm tired already???? what should i do?????? please help
january2011 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 she is not to happy about this. my question is.......should i go outside to get sexual gradifiacation? more importantly, i feel like this relationship is 80/20 on my part, i'm tired already???? what should i do?????? please help No, she doesn't want you to. You've arrived at a tipping point where you need to decide how important your sexual needs are compared to everything else you get out of the relationship. Given that you judge her contribution to be only 20%, then it suggests you see the fulfilment of your sexual needs as highly important and therefore it looks like you're headed for a breakup. Otherwise, you'd be cake-eating and that's unfair on her.
Author swedishfish Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 i know! i want the best of both worlds. is it so bad to want to be fulfilled sexually when i bring so much to the relationship????
january2011 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 In my opinion. it's not an issue of bad or good. It's an issue of incompatibility.
HHC Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 i know! i want the best of both worlds. is it so bad to want to be fulfilled sexually when i bring so much to the relationship???? How long has she been disabled? Have you spoken to hr about your sexual desires and needs? It's not unfair to have needs.
Author swedishfish Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 @january....i really love her..but want to get sexual needs met as well. we have been togethr for almost 2 years. i love her in every way , but am not sexually satified. i have talked tohr about me geting it from someone else, she is not happy about it, but loves me enough to let me do it. hhc thank you for your honesty
Author swedishfish Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 she is 45...she was disabled when we were in high school. we have known each other for 30 years. but have been together for 2. i appreciate your input. i dont want to leave her, i just want my needs met. thank u for your honesty, give me more
HHC Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 she is 45...she was disabled when we were in high school. we have known each other for 30 years. but have been together for 2. i appreciate your input. i dont want to leave her, i just want my needs met. thank u for your honesty, give me more I've been with my husband for over 10 years. The issue about the size of his penis, for some reason or another, has been brought into question over the last year. I am a very sexual person and I need sex and enjoy sex - and not just any sex, but good sex. I thought the sex issue and my inability to get there easily was my issue and due to my body. Recently I took on a lover (with my husband's approval) and I found that sex with a man who had a penis bigger than my husbands made sex far more enjoyable and fun. I love and adore my husband. I have no desire to not have him in my life sexually, romantically, and emotionally.. I want him and desire him and enjoy sex with him. I just find myself not being fulfilled by what he can offer. This, of course, is not his fault and I feel like a horrible person for wanting sex with a man who has more to offer downstairs. I in no way want to lose what I have and I have decided I am willing to for go sex with other people to make sure my marriage is secure and my husband feels needed and good enough. It's difficult, because I like sex. But at the end of the day I love my husband I having sex with people purely for sex may not be okay for him and will potentially break his heart, so his heart trumps my hormones. So I understand your position (obviously to a point and not totally). Have you spoken to her about you being with other people sexually? Is that an option?
xxoo Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Is she unable to satisfy you with her hands, mouth, or toys? I don't understand-- do her physical limitations affect her arms and hands? Is she unwilling or unable?
Doneinne Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I don't understand either. You said from the waist down. Can't she lay on her back and you straddle her face? I have done this with my wife a few times.
LittleTiger Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Another one here who doesn't understand. There is a lot someone can do with hands, mouth and toys - assuming her upper body is fully functioning, isn't there some way you could practise new positions that enable her to satisfy you?
Author swedishfish Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 she has very lin=mited sexual experience, only one lover in hte past. she has to drag her body down "there" which takes away from the mment and takes forever. i have tried to guide her to no avail.
Radu Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 69 ? Sounds to me like her having limited experience is the biggest problem, has she done anything to improve that ? She could also do some of the stuff you mentioned you do, like take out the garbage and do the shopping [if there is no need to drive there and you buy small].
whichwayisup Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 we are gay females. we are 45 years old. my lover is paralyzed below the waist which makes sex/making love a freaking chore. she has limited feeling down there but i try my hardest to make her feel something...with finger penetration and orally. i can do her but she can't move enough to satifsy my sexual needs. i bring everything to the relationship...money/financial security, i drive everywhere, i work 50 hours a week, i take the garbage out every week, i do all the shopping weekly, mow the law, snowblow, emotionally avaivable for her, ....she works 4 hours a week and gets 1000 dollars a month disability. what she does bring to the relationship is emotional availablitiy, she is there for me always...listens to my problems, as do i her, she is compassionate, kind, caring, trustworthy and loyal. she would never flirt with anyone nor would she ever cheat on me. she expresses her genuine feelings to me freely. she loves me and is in love with me. what is wrong with me? a lot of people would love someone like this? i love her but am NOT in love with her. she has all the internal qualities i want in a person. I want to go outside the relationship to get my sexual needs filled. we are in a committed relationship, and she knows that i want to do this. she is not to happy about this. my question is.......should i go outside to get sexual gradifiacation? more importantly, i feel like this relationship is 80/20 on my part, i'm tired already???? what should i do?????? please help Do not cheat. End it and grieve the loss. You aren't in love with her so being with her is unfair. Not only to you but to her as well. It's cruel to go ahead and sleep around when you know it will hurt her. Or stay and fix things together. Do counselling or even sexual therapy might help.
Recommended Posts