lovinlife2 Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 I'm very new here, but see that many of you have some right on advice to others, so here's my situation. My gf and I have been together 6 mo's as of tomorrow, and our anniverary will be spent with an "old friend" of hers coming into town from out of state. She has confesed and told me only after i asked about this guy, that they had dated back in HS. Right now she is 26. that's not all the bad stuff, but he is staying with her at her place! I have my own place and it is understood that I will not see her until tomorrow night, with him, for our 6 month mark! I understand that 6 months is not that long, but we are very close. While we are very close, I trust her, but am I being a little nieve, or is this just a visit with someone you haven't seen in 10 years to catch up? I can't say that I have complete and total trust, as I have hear her lie to others all the time about stuff. If she will lie to them, I feel that she will just as easily lie to me. I told her that I understand that he is a friend of hers, but it makes me a little uncomfortable knowing that he's staying with her. I may have assumed that if a grown man coming into town to see an old friend who is in a relationship, that out of respect that while he visited he AT LEAST rent a hotel room. am I wrong?
cuteamidy Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 i do not think you are over reacting at all if you are so close there is no reason she cant have you stay over too to make it a bit more comfortable . there is no reason an ex should be allowed if i were you i would not stand for it it is fine if they visit but not stay with here and go on your anniversary date i think you need to to tell her how it is you truely feel and see what she says if you are as close as you say then she will understand
Author lovinlife2 Posted June 19, 2004 Author Posted June 19, 2004 Thans cuteamidy, truth is is when i told her that I was uncomfortable with it, she said "I know know how you have to fell" end of story. I have seen her be very controlling with others and I feel like I am being manipulated to "feel" like it is ok. When it is not. I even told her the same today, and she just keeps on with, 'we'll all have a good time this weekend. We're all supposed to go out on my boat tomorrow too. She gives me the line..." he's porked out and is losing his hair, and baby you know that I love you". Another thing, it feels like a set up...every other word from her has been, "you know I love you, right?" But when I call her out on him staying alone with her, she just says well I'll see you tomorrow. We have talked about marriage here recently and moving in together, and I asked her, if we lived together or were married what would this weekends arrangements be? She saysthat she hopes that I would agree with her to let him stay. and right now she's right, I do not have a say in the decision, b/c we are not living together or married right now, but if I tell you how I feel about something like that, and you do it anyway? that just ticks me off!
Author lovinlife2 Posted June 19, 2004 Author Posted June 19, 2004 The other thing is that since I have already talked to her about this, to bring it up again, I know that I will make a scene of it. That may be my own fault for reacting that way, but who deserves to be treated like that...when she says that she figured that I may have an issue with it, and she allows for it to happen this way anyway.
cuteamidy Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 well i personally think it is all bull why doesnt she have you stay to atleast did she even ask you too
Author lovinlife2 Posted June 19, 2004 Author Posted June 19, 2004 no..she told me that she was picking him up at the airport, getting some dinner, then heading home and that she would see me tomorrow. Then today I even tell her I don't like the idea of her "going out" with another man. You made the right point...I wasn't even invited to stay with her, which has been typical iof every Fri/Sat night since we met.
cuteamidy Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 well you ever hear of the show cheater i hate to say it but i wouldnt doubt if she is but i hope for you she isnt
Author lovinlife2 Posted June 19, 2004 Author Posted June 19, 2004 Thanks cuteamidy, I hope that you're not right too. But what makes it worse, is that she was supposed to call me after he got in, and off course...no phone call. What's even funnier when I ask about this guy, etc, she tells me how much she loves me and so on so on, and that he had pooched out and is losing his hair! Well like I told her, I weigh about 25 pounds heavier than I did in HS, and am losing some hair too, what does that mean I asked her. Oh well. I will do my thing tonight, and confront her about it tomorrow. or should I call her now? what's your opinion?
cuteamidy Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 well i would wait a bit and call her just say that you were worried she didnt call dont make it like you dont trust her it could be worse
Author lovinlife2 Posted June 19, 2004 Author Posted June 19, 2004 Well she finally called, and could tell that something was wrong w/me, so I told her that I still didn't appreciate the way I was being treated in this whole thing..and she got mad at me! My friends say no matter how she seems to show that she loves me, this is a back breaker for anybody. There is no effort to reconcile the actions or even to say, come on over. Is there anyway that trust would survive in this situation...for the lack of respect to me?
Jackson5 Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 Sounds a lot like my ex. She'd do the same thing where she'd get mad at me for crap that she was doing wrong. Talk about a manipulative individual. This might not be what you want to hear but personally, if I were in your shoes, I'd start looking for another GF (in other words, break up with your current GF.) The last thing you want is a manipulative GF. Believe me; I know from experience.
cuteamidy Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 well im sorry she shouldnt have overreacted at all i think that if she has a problem with the way you feel about it it is like she is chosing him over you and that is very wrong i would end it now but if you really do love her you need to talk about it in person again and get it all straightened out so it wont be a problem again
Author lovinlife2 Posted June 20, 2004 Author Posted June 20, 2004 Jackson5, you are very right about her being manipulative. I have started seeing how she is manipulative to others, but really see it this time. We did talk about it last night, still no clusure on my part yet, but anyway, she tells me that she would understand if I had done the same thing. That is a bold faced lie right there, bc just two weeks ago while she and I were out with some friends, I ran into an old female friend, spent like 2 minutes talking, and my gf went off the hook. Even after I intorduced them, even after that I told her that she and never even has a "relationship" at all. Just somebody that I knew through other mutual friends, and we said hello. No today is our 6 month aniversay, and fathers day, and our 2 dads live over an hour apart. She stayed last night after we all went out, including her "friend". Usually, whenever we are together, she is very affectionate, and everybody knows that we are together. Last night, I had friends of our that were out with us asking why she and I weren't together, and who is this guy? Clearly not showing any sign that we are together...except the occassional "I love you" which I don't take for granted, but .... So while we have already planned last ewek that I was going to my dads for the afternoon then meet her at her dads and stay with her tonight, she asks me this morning what I was going to do today? I re-explained what we had planned and that I'd be out at her dads later this afternoon. Then she's like "ok". What I'm getting to is that all of sudden, I don't fee like she's even excited to see me...hell, yesterday I told her that I loved her and she says "that's good". WTF---sorry, but very aggravated as you can imagine. He flies out tomorrow, then tomorrow night, she and I are having the coming to Jesus talk, and I will not accept anything less than "I am sorry" from her...and I don't think that I will get that.
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