Gotti25 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Met OM a year ago at a night club he is 29 and very single business man from Barcelona lives 5 hours away! We never had sex but he keeps texting and calling he is very attractive and sexy I broke contact with him months ago he keeps texting even while he is on business in europe he is very well aware that I'm married! He said come with me I will take care of everything? Wth why would he go to this extent with someone that is married when he can get pretty much anyone? Tonight he messaged me he was Boston all alone in a hotel wishing I was there with him is this a joke I responded and said my husband is sleeping right next to me he said he can go to hell huh? I am superrr confused?
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Why haven't you changed your number? Why haven't you told him to F off and leave you alone? You answer him, he is going to continue to text you and be in your life, flirty and all. Why is he texting? He doesn't care if you're married. It makes no difference to him because you're paying attention to him. Try ignoring and getting a new number so he can't call you ever again. Problem solved.
wannabdone Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Why haven't you changed your number? Why haven't you told him to F off and leave you alone? You answer him, he is going to continue to text you and be in your life, flirty and all. Why is he texting? He doesn't care if you're married. It makes no difference to him because you're paying attention to him. Try ignoring and getting a new number so he can't call you ever again. Problem solved. Ah.... but see, she likes it really. She wants the texts to continue. She is seeing this as fun. Which they always start out that way. " I will know my boundaries, I will keep them" "we can be friends"...blah blah blah. And you and I and everyone else knows that never works. To answer why is he texting you when he could have anyone? Well possibly he thinks your gorgeous, possible he wants to bed a M woman, as these will not provide any commitments or strings if you will. Question is...what do YOU want to do? Have an A and hurt your H? Or tell him to buzz off...because you are at the cross roads where you can make either one of those scenirios happen. 4
MissBee Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Do you respond to his messages? You like the attention he provides...as believe me, if you did not, you'd quickly ignore him or tell him to eff off and you'd not be here. In fact, you'd never have given him your number at all. As for why he does this? Some people like getting involved with married folks, as they are commitment phobic or have intimacy issues so like relationships where they don't have to give their all or put themselves out there. They like relationships that have some level of unavailability in it or that are doomed from the start. A single woman might ask too much of him...so talking to a married woman who won't ever be there 100% provides for his needs sometimes without him having to "go all the way" as he might need to with another single person. That's most likely the case and not because you are so wonderful or special (although I am sure you are). You gotta be honest with yourself though...YOU gave him your number and YOU want to talk to him. You can't make it seem like this is all him and you're so puzzled.
2sunny Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Block him! Or if you CHOOSE to continue to do it - at least be honest and tell your H.
findingnemo Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 How come he texts you continually? You're responding? Do what most people do. Send him a text saying you are flattered but sorry, you aren't available now or in the future. That it's making you uncomfortable...or ignore the texts altogether. Or...block his number...or change your number. Do whatever you need to do if you don't want to sleep with the man. Why does he keep going? He wants to sleep with you, that's why. It's normal when a man likes you for him to pursue you. Maybe he likes M women. Why wonder what his motives are? What are yours? If you were single, you'd still have the same options as above...unless you want to sleep with him. So no, it isn't another OM. It's another potential A. And you have all the power to do something about it.
KathyM Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Oh, for crying out loud, what's there to be confused about? You have no intention of being faithful to your husband, you cheated multiple times, just put this marriage out of its misery and let your husband go. Maybe your husband will then have an opportunity to find someone who actually values him and wants to be a wife to him. Then you'll be free to chase after as many men as you so desire. Problem solved.
Author Gotti25 Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Oh really Kathym my H doesn't put any effort to this marriage he is married to his job so why you slapping but thanks anyway! 1
2sunny Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 A man can smell someone a million miles away who is willing to cheat with them. You transmit energy - he knows you're willing. Just be honest with hubby and tell him what your plan is. 1
2sunny Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Met OM a year ago at a night club he is 29 and very single business man from Barcelona lives 5 hours away! We never had sex but he keeps texting and calling he is very attractive and sexy I broke contact with him months ago he keeps texting even while he is on business in europe he is very well aware that I'm married! He said come with me I will take care of everything? Wth why would he go to this extent with someone that is married when he can get pretty much anyone? Tonight he messaged me he was Boston all alone in a hotel wishing I was there with him is this a joke I responded and said my husband is sleeping right next to me he said he can go to hell huh? I am superrr confused? He's probably drunk texting you... I'd bet on it.
KathyM Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Oh really Kathym my H doesn't put any effort to this marriage he is married to his job so why you slapping but thanks anyway! So you don't want your husband then, since he's married to his job. Then let him go, and he can be married to his job. Then you won't have a "pretend" marriage, and you can pursue whomever you wish.
Author Gotti25 Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Your wrong missy I want my H I'm not just going to throw away 9 years of life with this person just like that! As for the OM I don't know he called a month ago at 2am I had a missed call then he texted said he was sorry to call at that time knowing my H would be there! H just received a new job which is like creme de la creme so he is way to into it when we go out and about he is attached to his blackberry I am so fed up then if something goes wrong at work he is in a extremely bad mood is impossible to deal with this ****!
Ms. Red Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Met OM a year ago at a night club he is 29 and very single business man from Barcelona lives 5 hours away! We never had sex but he keeps texting and calling he is very attractive and sexy I broke contact with him months ago he keeps texting even while he is on business in europe he is very well aware that I'm married! He said come with me I will take care of everything? Wth why would he go to this extent with someone that is married when he can get pretty much anyone? Tonight he messaged me he was Boston all alone in a hotel wishing I was there with him is this a joke I responded and said my husband is sleeping right next to me he said he can go to hell huh? I am superrr confused? Do I understand your post correctly that you just want to understand why he is doing this? If so, read the thread below by LoveTKO, "Affairs....do they eventually take a toll on you?" and you will get an idea of how a single guy going after a MW thinks. 1
findingnemo Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Your wrong missy I want my H I'm not just going to throw away 9 years of life with this person just like that! As for the OM I don't know he called a month ago at 2am I had a missed call then he texted said he was sorry to call at that time knowing my H would be there! H just received a new job which is like creme de la creme so he is way to into it when we go out and about he is attached to his blackberry I am so fed up then if something goes wrong at work he is in a extremely bad mood is impossible to deal with this ****! Let me ask you this... Do you think that your OM is clairvoyant? Did he sense that you are not happy in your M and came knocking? No way!! He would have come knocking even when you were happily M. So there's no connection between what's going on in your M and the OM contacting you. Don't use the state of your M to justify an A. If you want to sleep with OM, tell your H that you're fed up with the M. Are you? It doesn't seem like it. There is no magical force pushing you to have As. You're doing it all by yourself. So own your choices. Own your feelings of delight that OM is pursuing you and make a decision. Either you want him or you don't. Either you want to stay M or you don't. Or... You want to stay M and have As. That's a choice too. But to say "New OM what the hell"? is disingenuous. OMs don't fall out of the sky...
KathyM Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Your wrong missy I want my H I'm not just going to throw away 9 years of life with this person just like that! As for the OM I don't know he called a month ago at 2am I had a missed call then he texted said he was sorry to call at that time knowing my H would be there! H just received a new job which is like creme de la creme so he is way to into it when we go out and about he is attached to his blackberry I am so fed up then if something goes wrong at work he is in a extremely bad mood is impossible to deal with this ****! So you do want your husband then, supposedly, but you also want attention from other men on the side. Perhaps you should let your husband know about this. Maybe he wants to get some action on the side as well. Why leave him in the dark while you do your thingy? Seems like it would be a fair deal to clue him in that its an open marriage, and then he can decide if that's something he wants or not.
seren Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Gotti, have you tried telling your H how his lack of attention to you and your marriage is making you feel? maybe if he knows that you are lonely in your marriage and want more he might listen. if he doesn't then you will know how much importance he places on it and you. The OM sounds like a distraction and attention which you would rather was from your H. I would tell him that someone is texting you and that because you aren't getting attention from H that the attention from the OM is tempting, flattering and that you would rather have that from him. Being lonely in a relationship is not a good place to be x
Artie Lang Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 if what the other posters say is true(being a serial cheater), then you are living in an undisclosed "open-marriage." I'm not just going to throw away 9 years of life with this person just like that! you already have. you're in denial. 2
nofool4u Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Met OM a year ago at a night club he is 29 and very single business man from Barcelona lives 5 hours away! We never had sex but he keeps texting and calling he is very attractive and sexy I broke contact with him months ago he keeps texting even while he is on business in europe he is very well aware that I'm married! He said come with me I will take care of everything? Wth why would he go to this extent with someone that is married when he can get pretty much anyone? Tonight he messaged me he was Boston all alone in a hotel wishing I was there with him is this a joke I responded and said my husband is sleeping right next to me he said he can go to hell huh? I am superrr confused? Don't be super confused. Divorce your husband and go be with him. That way your H can find someone that won't do this to him. 1
SomedayDig Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Your wrong missy I want my H I'm not just going to throw away 9 years of life with this person just like that! As for the OM I don't know he called a month ago at 2am I had a missed call then he texted said he was sorry to call at that time knowing my H would be there! H just received a new job which is like creme de la creme so he is way to into it when we go out and about he is attached to his blackberry I am so fed up then if something goes wrong at work he is in a extremely bad mood is impossible to deal with this ****! Anyone else just seeing this as (my words) "I'm not going to throw away 9 years of being financially secure! H just got a kick a$$ paying job".....? Give me cake!!
Bellechica Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 You need to search within yourself to see what need the OM is filling for you. Yes, being in a relationship and being lonely sucks. If you want to be in your M, make efforts to find ways to connect with your H. If he is under a lot of stress, offer to give him a massage. You have had an A before, correct? Then you know that the texts can lead to more. You may tell yourself that you can quit any time and that you are in "control" but if it's feeding your need it can lead to more.....
KathyM Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Anyone else just seeing this as (my words) "I'm not going to throw away 9 years of being financially secure! H just got a kick a$$ paying job".....? Give me cake!! That's about the size of it. She wants the hard working guy to continue to support her, and then she'll get her "entertainment" on the side. Having her cake and eating it too. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Oh, please. Yes, there are some psycho stalkers in the world. Generally speaking, though, people will persist in pursuit because the other person is giving them clues that it's welcome. You could shut it down any time you wanted to. You're doing it too. Own it. 3
East7 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Gotti, I remember you had an OM #1 like a year ago. Now OM #2, and the same story, why is he so after me? But you sound to really enjoy being pursued by any guy you meet Either you are trolling and kidding us or something is really wrong with you and your M.
Author Gotti25 Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 So update OM #2 as East7 calls it texted today wants to come out to the city and help him get a hotel room he wants to see me very bad and keeps sayin he is missing me like crazy! I said why should I help you find a hotel room in nyc he is like you live in the city is easier for me you then me I live on the canadian border! I am no troll stupid is my life and is complicated my Marriage is fine I guess things are just not the way I want them to be my H puts no effort into it he just gives and gives everything except his love. When we have sex is just sex like I'm some prostitute not his wife! His taking me to Costa Rica for my bday so will see how that turns out
Artie Lang Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 kudos to you, for being able to compartmentalize like a pro.
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