Princess71 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 What are some reasons why a person wouldn't want to get into a relationship??
mesmerized Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Flirting with as many men as I want and not feel guilty about it is a huge plus. Avoiding the emotions and drama that comes with relationships is also nice. Not having commitment to a particular person also means a lot more opportunities are open to you. You can move where ever you want, do whatever you want without having to run it with someone first. 1
wwwjd Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I been single for a couple years now, on purpose. Always had girlfriends since kindegarten as far back as I remember. - so it's nice to take a long overdue break (did take breaks tween GFs) - sometimes working with others is a hassle - lots of free time to pursue hobbies, interests without neglecting a loved one - able to chase deeper career goals - meet more people of opposite sex without jealousy, worry, or getting the evil eye - although not my game, potential for much more sex - less emotional roller coasters - you get the whole bed to spread out on - you can do what you want without getting permission or planning a big deal ( I never asked permission but sometimes got that evil eye for not checking) - sometimes their family is a pain in the tush - last GF I had was all about her and her life and mine was fading away as if it was not important or didn't fit in. in the end, she didn't fit in to MY life that I wanted to hold on to. Compromise is one thing and acceptable, but loosing all of you to meld into HER world is not right in my mind.
wwwjd Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 - it is easier to see how you are doing with relationships if you take a step back and really evaulate it while not IN ONE. You can see what you need, want, want to provide and DO provide through self examination.
Author Princess71 Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Okay, I was thinking more along the lines of not wanting to get involved with anyone for any reason. Not date anyone. Just live your life alone. And not because you've been burned or anything. Let's say the thought of a relationship scares you. Would that fear be enough to stop you?
wwwjd Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I wasn't burned. My last was an amicable, polite disagreement about our lives together and it didn't work out. So we went our ways very nicely. I am living alone, by choice and design, but relationships don't scare me. Oh and I am not even dating either. to me... no that fear would not be enough to stop me. But i'm kinda gung ho about NOT getting stopped at anything. Fear the deep end? See others surviving it, jump right in and learn to swim - and maybe loose that fear at the same time.
Feelin Frisky Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Relationships can greatly subtract from one's ability to achieve success. There are things I have been able to resolve and create upon which to succeed in business that I probably would not if I was being tugged back and forth by some selfish pain like my ex-fiance. But she was a particularly unsuitable person for me in retrospect and I'm sure there are women who can be supportive even if that means granting long periods of solitude for the creative wannabe (me). 1
somedude81 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 IMO, the only guys who are going to want to be single, do so because they are good with women and can get laid whenever they want. For most other men, having a GF is the only way for sex.
USMCHokie Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 IMO, the only guys who are going to want to be single, do so because they are good with women and can get laid whenever they want. For most other men, having a GF is the only way for sex. I think OP clarified to mean no dating whatsoever...including no casual sex...
D-Lish Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Sure, fear could stop someone from getting involved. I think I've gotten to that point where I just can't be bothered to make an effort to be with anyone. It probably has a lot to do with being burned repeatedly and just not being willing to take any more chances when it comes to loving someone again. I couldn't even fathom meeting someone and going through the motions of getting to know them at this point. I've been there, done that enough times to be conditioned that relationships fail (for me). Having said the aforementioned, I'm also okay with the idea of being alone, I don't mind my own company. I also don't like having to share the TV.
somedude81 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I think OP clarified to mean no dating whatsoever...including no casual sex... I missed her fallow up post. From what she said, it pretty much describes the girl I used to know. I had no idea at all why she wanted to be single.
TheFinalWord Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 What are some reasons why a person wouldn't want to get into a relationship?? Depends on the maturity level. If someone does not feel they are ready for one b/c of drama or issues in their life (job doesn't allow sufficient time) they may not want on. BUT a mature person will also not lead people on, i.e. excessive flirting. They'll consider how their actions affect the other person. The thing is is that even if you don't exactly want one, I believe that 99% of people still would get in one if they feel they have found someone highly compatible and attractive. I have been in good relationships and I always found I was more successful, accomplished a lot more, and loved having another person to bounce ideas off of. I never felt getting their opinion was a burden. I think if that is an issue that's probably not a good representation of a quality relationship.
TheFinalWord Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Sure, fear could stop someone from getting involved. I think I've gotten to that point where I just can't be bothered to make an effort to be with anyone. It probably has a lot to do with being burned repeatedly and just not being willing to take any more chances when it comes to loving someone again. I couldn't even fathom meeting someone and going through the motions of getting to know them at this point. I've been there, done that enough times to be conditioned that relationships fail (for me). Having said the aforementioned, I'm also okay with the idea of being alone, I don't mind my own company. I also don't like having to share the TV. For some reason your response saddens me I can understand why you feel that way. I've been there before too. I've been hurt, burned, the whole 9 yards. But I still believe that there someone out there who won't treat me like that so I stay receptive to the possibilities. However, I have seen my mom and dad (married 35 years) and so maybe that helps give me hope! PS:Get two TVs that's what my mom and dad do
Jane2011 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I want a relationship now, for sure, but a little less than two years ago, I didn't. My reason was that I'd just gotten out of a five year one; hence, I'd had my 'fix' for a long time. I was cool with being single for a whole year after the end of the relationship. 1
USMCHokie Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 What are some reasons why a person wouldn't want to get into a relationship?? I'll be out of pocket for a year coming up in a few months...
D-Lish Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 For some reason your response saddens me I can understand why you feel that way. I've been there before too. I've been hurt, burned, the whole 9 yards. But I still believe that there someone out there who won't treat me like that so I stay receptive to the possibilities. However, I have seen my mom and dad (married 35 years) and so maybe that helps give me hope! PS:Get two TVs that's what my mom and dad do My mom and dad are going on 46 years, and it might in part be to having an abundance of tv's Maybe that's the trick- another flatscreen:laugh: It's okay though, I think what saves me from getting depressed is not minding being on my own. 2
mortensorchid Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 1 Fear 2 Not wanting to be with the person before them 3 Abusive behaviors 4 Been burned in the past 5 Contradictions
udolipixie Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 What are some reasons why a person wouldn't want to get into a relationship?? The reasons I've seen thus far: #1 They are asexual and not interested inemotional/mental investment. #2 They see relationships as more trouble then they are worth or the cons outweighing the pro(s). I see this equally in guys and gals but expressed differently. For the guys it's because of negative attitudes towards women then again it seems like most men have some form or level of this attitude. For the gals it's because of negative attitudes to relationship constraints/structures. #3 They aren't swayed by social/societal stigmas of dateless singledom. I see this more in guys than gals. Most of the gals I know who aren't into relationships or dating are still dating guys they have no interest in because they don't want the crazy cat lady trope on them. I think it's because I don't see much stigma for guys not being in relationships. It seems there's stigma for a gal not having a guy (being in a relationship/married) but only stigma for a guy for not fing a gal (not having sex).
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 1) You don't have to answer to anyone, you do what you want when you want, no matter the day, time or hour 2) You're not responsible for someone else emotions 3) You don't have to live up to someones expectations or demands, whether It's small or big 4) You don't have to feel like you're just number #123490823542 man in her life...but hopefully this one will actually marry her unlike the others so she can fulfill her dreams 5) You don't have to invest your time and energy into a relationship, instead there's no pressure 6) You don't have to worry about the biological clock (typically women in late 20's and early 30's) being a determining factor in the progress of the relationship 7) You can ride your motorcycle without someone nagging you how dangerous It is when you full well already know (except your mom) 8) You save a lot more money (unless you're living together and splitting bills) but dates/dinners/outings add up quickly...when you're truly single you can just rub one out, play some games, then sleep like a baby, make yourself some eggs or get a breakfast burrito in the morning...very cost effective or eat on a diet and nobody is going to mess w that. 9) The fear and effort of having to invest all over again 10) The memories/anguish of past loves keeping you from opening up again 11) Regrets...all yours 12) Not being able to let go of certain things in the past I'll stop at thirteen because thirteen is evil...
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Sure, fear could stop someone from getting involved. I think I've gotten to that point where I just can't be bothered to make an effort to be with anyone. It probably has a lot to do with being burned repeatedly and just not being willing to take any more chances when it comes to loving someone again. I couldn't even fathom meeting someone and going through the motions of getting to know them at this point. I've been there, done that enough times to be conditioned that relationships fail (for me). Having said the aforementioned, I'm also okay with the idea of being alone, I don't mind my own company. I also don't like having to share the TV. Ditto. Every single word. I feel more strongly about it every day. I can't go through the motions of letting someone in again. I know that relationships just don't work for me. I am also not really depressed about it. I enjoy my own company and never feel bored. I can think of million things to do by myself and genuinely have fun.
RedRobin Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Why do I avoid relationships?? The 'fear' of becoming complacent, either becoming a parasite or letting another person be a parasite... I'm only interested in a relationship with someone who is devoted to mutual growth. Too many people look for them to fill a hole and close a gap. Not coincidentally, my close friendships are very healthy and not parasitic at all. I'm very open to a relationship... of all kinds. When I walk out the door everyday I do my best to have a smile on my face and a laugh in my voice. Not every day, of course. I've met some great people for new friendships because of that. My life now is 100 times more rewarding than it was even a couple of years ago when my day was spent trotting off to a cubicle. I DO get lonely. I DO long for the warmth of a man I love near me to share my life with. I feel I'm on a path to potentially find that... or at least be happy with the life I currently have if I don't.
RedRobin Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 1) 7) You can ride your motorcycle without someone nagging you how dangerous It is when you full well already know (except your mom)... There are women who enjoy driving motorcycles (note, I did not use the word 'ride', although, I do that too sometimes). It IS dangerous. That is why it is fun Not all of those women are the stereotypical butch-dyke, or washed out biker chick either. Two of the women in my dance classes also drive motorcycles. You could say we are all a bit out of the norm though.
verhrzn Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Maybe they've just spent years trying and have reached a "give up" stage. I'm really sick of all the rejection and trying so hard just to fail. Being single isn't what I want, but it's what I end up with, so I might as well deal with it. I think more single people have this attitude deep down than will admit, and just cover it with a "everything is happy and I choose this!" to protect themselves from tumbling completely into disappointment and misery.
wwwjd Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I think more single people have this attitude deep down than will admit, Now, where HAVE I heard that before?? "DONT YOU TELL ME HOW I FEEL!!!!" hahahahahaha just messing. Naw, I do know what happy is, and I am happy single. For now. I love a great relationship, but I don't enjoy needeless breaking hearts either. So, when I decide to be ready for relating, I'll do that. It is coming soon. But as a single, I'm completely happy. incidently, verhzn, why are you on a website about dating if you are so bugged by it? doesn't it reinforce all teh negative stereo types you wish to avoid? "Guys only want thin, hot chicks" "everyone's getting laid" etc etc... wouldn't you rather NOT see that everyday? just wondering.... 1
verhrzn Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Now, where HAVE I heard that before?? "DONT YOU TELL ME HOW I FEEL!!!!" hahahahahaha just messing. Naw, I do know what happy is, and I am happy single. For now. I love a great relationship, but I don't enjoy needeless breaking hearts either. So, when I decide to be ready for relating, I'll do that. It is coming soon. But as a single, I'm completely happy. incidently, verhzn, why are you on a website about dating if you are so bugged by it? doesn't it reinforce all teh negative stereo types you wish to avoid? "Guys only want thin, hot chicks" "everyone's getting laid" etc etc... wouldn't you rather NOT see that everyday? just wondering.... Well I didn't say ALL single people... Just more than will admit it. There's this current attitude in the culture that admitting you need a relationship gets you labeled as co-dependent, weak, pathetic, etc, and if you have problems in dating, it's because there's something wrong with you. As to why I'm on here... it for sure reinforces the stereotypes. That's partially why I'm here-to remind myself why dating for people like me is BS, and why I shouldn't even bother. It's a way to keep my reckless dating ambitions in check. Plus, it lets me vent my frustration and desperation towards dating, something I cannot do in real life (see point #1.)
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