USMCHokie Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 [sits back] I will finally understand what all the fuss is about. Kam, are you drownin' in dudes yet...?
Author Kamille Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Kamille, you are a college professor, right? Yes. What would you recommend? Kam, are you drownin' in dudes yet...? I found the function where I can block messages that have less than 50 characters and that seemed to curtail the flood.
Author Kamille Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 And as for the bolded ... yes it is an ego crusher. Big time. I can sympathize with why you don't want to do that. But that's what guys have to go through every time they message a woman, and more or less every time they show an interest in a woman. I tried to resist writing that last paragraph. I really did. Fine, for you Jobaba I'll make an exception to the no soapboxing rule. This time.
M2155 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Sites operate differently but I use one where I can keep my whole profile private and only send it to those I decide I want to chat with. Of course this limits all the guys who may otherwise be interested in me, but I didn't feel like dealing with the messages anyway that I was not going to take interest in. iME when I had a cute profile pic I got tons of messages but 70% not even inmaithili my basic criteria so I am ok with how I do it for now. I used to do the emailing photos through Match but guys always wondered what I had to hide. I didn't want to put my picture up because my town is fairly small and I knew a lot of people in my search results so I just preferred not to be found. If I lived somewhere else, or was just more open, I would do it. It's definitely easier to have pics.
Jane2011 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Kamille, you are a college professor, right? Yes. What would you recommend? I guess the email pic attachments other people mentioned. You might even mention in your profile that your reason for having a pic-less profile is that you're in a very public position and prefer not to post pics but would quickly send them. That might be a lot of information for viewers of your profile; however, if you are concerned that people would assume "unattractive" if they don't see a pic, you could dispel that thought with the little disclaimer. I was just wondering if you are a professor because I can see how that would be...awkward...if your own students saw your profile. There's just something about wanting not to be seen in "dating mode" to students who you teach. I'm a community college instructor, myself. (I teach English). I don't consider myself a "professor" because I associate that title with those who have PhDs and teach at universities. I have a Master's degree only and teach at three community colleges; I consider myself a teacher or an instructor. Some of my students call me Professor anyway, though. That said, I've not concerned myself with it when I was on OkCupid. I just figure...that's life, if I'm seen. But then, I'm not a university professor. I think it's different for you.
RedRobin Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I'm in the public eye and also have a job that would consider this sensitive. I'd argue the quality of the men responding went UP, not down when I pulled my pics. I would reassure them (like you did) about the reasons why I did not have them. Plus, a couple of my past dates were very kind to write a little recommendation for me (unsolicited!!) that they found me to be very attractive That was nice. If you feel the need to show some pics, then something showing your bod might be good. If I did it again, I'd probably opt for one of me on my motorcycle with my helmet on Even though I'm not a fan of OLD... I'm going to say... GOOD LUCK! Wish you the best! 1
Emilia Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Funny, in real life most people understand why I would want to keep it private. Well, at least my colleagues do. Probably because they don't use OLD and don't realise how small the odds of your students finding you are.
NeverDated Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 [sits back] I will finally understand what all the fuss is about. Haha that's the spirit! FWIW, it can be really fun to putz around the sites. My neighbor and I used to sit on my porch in the morning, after our kids got on the bus, with our coffee and laptops, and go "man shopping." Very few dates resulted from the shopping sprees, but I got to know some really fun people.
RedRobin Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Probably because they don't use OLD and don't realise how small the odds of your students finding you are. When I did it, I had people of different age ranges way outside mine have no problems finding me. Some 'youngsters' do it for 'fun' because their friends talk about MILF, etc. They are curious. Even had one email me. That was it for me. Pictures came down.
Els Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Eh, K, I totally understand why you would want to keep it private. Honest to god, if word ever got out in my classes that one of our profs was using OLD.... On the other hand, correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you put your real name and such on OLD? I'd think that if you did, the possibility of your students finding you would be similar?
FitChick Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 If you use a popular, especially free, dating website, it should be relatively easy to find you. An obscure niche site, not so much. I'd recommend doing the opposite of what I normally recommend -- post a full length photo of yourself with your back to the sun, putting your face in shadow. That way a guy can see your shape. Then keep the headshot private.
NeverDated Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 That's disgusting. :-( It's only disgusting if I was in any way leading these guys on. Which I didn't. Do you find it disgusting when women go out with their friends and check out all the guys? Because it's pretty much exactly the same thing.
january2011 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 When I did OLD, I didn't put up any pictures. I wanted to minimise the number of guys who contacted me purely because of my picture, ignoring my profile. I wrote back to most guys, even if it was a "thanks, but no thanks." Spammers and obvious trolls, I ignored. I continued an email conversation with those with whom I felt some compatibility and/or they mentioned something they'd read in my profile - brownie points for reading my profile and making an interesting observation. I sent pictures to those I felt a degree of attraction to, when they requested pictures but only if they also sent some (additional ones) in exchange. I have now been in an LDR for over one year with one of the guys I met on the site. 1
Author Kamille Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Well, today, I decided it would just be much easier on me if I knew the guys already knew what I looked like when contacting me. So I made my pics public. I have to say. This OLD thing seems to be a bit of hit and miss, but it's a lot of fun! 2
FitChick Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I have to say. This OLD thing seems to be a bit of hit and miss, but it's a lot of fun! Don't worry, the novelty will soon wear off, especially when you realize no one bothers to read your profile but contacts you anyway.
Author Kamille Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 Don't worry, the novelty will soon wear off, especially when you realize no one bothers to read your profile but contacts you anyway. Well, that's the thing: I'm impressed by the amount of guys who actually pick up on something in my profile.
Author Kamille Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 First impression of OLD: This town is filled with cuties. Like too many of them. How do I manage that? Pick my favorites an go from there? Kid in a candy-store = Kam in OLD sites. 3
Author Kamille Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 Another observation: since I made the pics public, the guys who write to me are a lot more my style. I'm trying to figure out the math of it. I guess a picture is really worth a thousand words.
yongyong Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Guys don't care about what girls write on their profile. If they pass 'face and body test' through pictures, then guys might read the profile to get to know more about them I am pretty sure it's the same for women. Another observation: since I made the pics public, the guys who write to me are a lot more my style. I'm trying to figure out the math of it. I guess a picture is really worth a thousand words.
carhill Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Things have certainly evolved from the days when a picture was a pure pleasure which took a couple minutes or more to download. You'll see one such picture of a former lover in my albums here, whom I first contacted without ever seeing a picture, and wouldn't until a month or so hence, after I was preparing my travels. Needless to say I was quite impressed. Learning to connect with a person versus the pixels when OLD was in its infancy was a new experience. My background as an amateur writer and interest in reading probably helped, as it was easier to form and grow images in the mind's eye from words. Happy to read, though no dates yet, your experience is going well.
Author Kamille Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 Guys don't care about what girls write on their profile. If they pass 'face and body test' through pictures, then guys might read the profile to get to know more about them I am pretty sure it's the same for women. I'd say the fact many men wrote to me when I didn't have pics up disproves that theory. Or maybe the peeps in my town are just that awesome. First date tomorrow! 1
Recommended Posts