Owl Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Gonna say it again. Expose this directly to the board that governs his church. He WILL leave you alone at that point, since he'll be losing his church, his profession, and likely his marriage as well. Why HAVEN'T you taken this step yet???? Seriously...stop waiting for something to change, and take action yourself.
Author TrebleClef Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Gonna say it again. Expose this directly to the board that governs his church. He WILL leave you alone at that point, since he'll be losing his church, his profession, and likely his marriage as well. Why HAVEN'T you taken this step yet???? Seriously...stop waiting for something to change, and take action yourself. IDK. Outing him will out me. I'm still struggling with that. I'm not trying to hurt his W, family, etc. When this comes out that's exactly what will happen. He's such the charmer that I'm positive I will be made out to be the slut, whore who stalked him. I have plenty of evidence, gifts, emails, texts, v/m's etc. Like some others have said on LS, it seems like a waste of time and energy though. I'm torn. I want him to hurt as much as I am hurting. That tells me I'm still in revenge/avenge mode...an unhealthy mode. He won't be the only one hurt. His innocent children and wife will take blows as well. Do you agree?
Owl Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 IDK. Outing him will out me. I'm still struggling with that. I'm not trying to hurt his W, family, etc. When this comes out that's exactly what will happen. Outing him outs you...to who??? The church you don't go to? His wife that sounds like she already knows? The members of his church board that probably aren't even in his state? Don't know why anyone else would even hear your name. And even if they did...how would that get back to you? Sounds to me like you wouldn't know any of them anyway, or don't interact with any of them on any kind of regular basis. As far as "hurting his family"...HE did that, not you. Keep that firmly in mind. He's such the charmer that I'm positive I will be made out to be the slut, whore who stalked him. I have plenty of evidence, gifts, emails, texts, v/m's etc. Like some others have said on LS, it seems like a waste of time and energy though. OK...again...who is he gonna tell that to? His wife? His church board? His deacons? Who he was with doesn't matter to the church...he's a pastor...and he's in violation of his oaths. That simple. There's no talking your way outta that, no blaming that on someone else. He can say what he likes...those who listen don't matter. Those that matter...will know better. I'm torn. I want him to hurt as much as I am hurting. That tells me I'm still in revenge/avenge mode...an unhealthy mode. He won't be the only one hurt. His innocent children and wife will take blows as well. Do you agree? Doesn't matter if you want to hurt him or not. What he's doing is wrong, and you have no other way to finally put an end to this. His wife and children will indeed be hurt...by his choice to cheat on them. That's the source of the pain...not the fact that something was finally done about it. Again...keep that in mind.
SomedayDig Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 He won't be the only one hurt. His innocent children and wife will take blows as well. Do you agree? I, for one, do not agree. As Owl said ~ HE hurt his family. In my opinion, if you don't out him, another woman in a few years will. Guaranteed.
Author TrebleClef Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Outing him outs you...to who??? The church you don't go to? His wife that sounds like she already knows? The members of his church board that probably aren't even in his state? Don't know why anyone else would even hear your name. And even if they did...how would that get back to you? Sounds to me like you wouldn't know any of them anyway, or don't interact with any of them on any kind of regular basis. As far as "hurting his family"...HE did that, not you. Keep that firmly in mind. OK...again...who is he gonna tell that to? His wife? His church board? His deacons? Who he was with doesn't matter to the church...he's a pastor...and he's in violation of his oaths. That simple. There's no talking your way outta that, no blaming that on someone else. He can say what he likes...those who listen don't matter. Those that matter...will know better. Doesn't matter if you want to hurt him or not. What he's doing is wrong, and you have no other way to finally put an end to this. His wife and children will indeed be hurt...by his choice to cheat on them. That's the source of the pain...not the fact that something was finally done about it. Again...keep that in mind. Oh I get what you're saying now. Me being outted is my guilt. And he's a minister not a pastor. No, I don't interact with his church or anything but my going to them will definitely i.d. me as a participant in this crap. The board is in the same state. My late uncle who was also my pastor (died 5 mos ago) is close friends with the president of the board. UGH! You're right, you're right, you're right. I'm just scared. I don't want to be on the news, Snapped, Dateline, Forensic Files etc.
SomedayDig Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Of course you're scared. It would be embarrassing. That is a totally normal feeling. However, have you considered how many other women this minister may have taken advantage of? If he were a psychiatrist or a doctor or anyone else you put absolute trust and faith in, don't you think it would only be right to make sure they don't hurt someone else. You have an awful lot of responsibility in your decision here. I definitely understand your reluctance. But again...when is enough enough with this guy?
nofool4u Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 You need to tell his wife, and you need to inform his deacons/congregation. This man should NOT be preaching anything to anyone. Amen my brutha!
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