asiangirl996900 Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 I think my boyfriend is addicted to sex,porn and masturbating..I don't understand why after we just had sex that he still has to jacks off when i go to sleep..Isn't having sex with me enough???? Sometimes if i'm asleep he watches porn and masterbates,and if i ask him about it he lies.Even if he gets caught he still denies it.He told me that it's normal for a guy to masterbate but why will he masterbate if we can just have sex.One time I caught him that he paid money for an internet porn site.I think he needs help...And he always tells me that he's gonna stop looking and watching porn,but he can never fullfill he's promise,he just still keep doing it. HE made me feel insecure that every time we have sex that we have to turn the light off coz I don't look as sexy as the girls he looks at,I just had a baby 4 months ago..One time we watched porn and we had sex,after having sex we watched a movie n I went to sleep as soon as I went to the room he started to watch porn again and masturbates,I don't really understand why he does this..
uriel Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 There's a difference between sex with another person, in which you are together with him / her, and the fantasy sex that masturbation allows. Sounds like your boyfriend has both a high sex drive and a desire to be alone with his thoughts sometimes -- to have the sort of sexual responses that his fantasies bring. You might be able to turn his attention more in your direction by improving the quality of his sexual experiences with you. Sounds like your feeling badly about your body might be undermining the confidence / sexiness you feel. That's a huge turn-on for guys. Why not cover your trouble spots with some sexy lingerie so you can keep the lights on next time? I'm definitely not saying your boyfriend's sexual practices are about your failing to turn him on. Obviously, he likes sex with you. It's more likely about a certain quality or intensity of experience he's after -- one that's in his head. Some of the best sex starts there. Of course, apart from worrying over bedroom matters, you're also dealing with issues of not feeling pretty enough -- your own self-esteem. You need to address that too -- since how you feel about yourself is seriously affecting your own quality of life. You need to think about what else he might be doing to make you feel this way -- or whether it's in your head. If it's in your head, do some nice things for yourself and start losing the weight if you can. Make a list of all the incredible and unique qualities you have apart from just looks. Make a list of your good physical features, too. Don't let this get you down! Finally, keep track of whether you might be suffering from post-partum depression. If you think that may be a factor in your responses, consider going to see someone. That doesn't have to last. -- uriel
mindy79 Posted June 26, 2004 Posted June 26, 2004 I think it's great reading people's reponses to the factor of a women not enjoying the factor that her spouse or significant other is viewing porno, espically on the internet. It's really nice to hear that again society and in general people are laying the blame on the women, becasue as we know it's all her job. Not even looking into the factor that many viewing porno( internet), should not be so excepted. Just food for thaought most all sex offenders befroe committing there sexual act against anothere person, looked at porno on a reguar before offendong. I'm not saying that everyone who looks at porno is a sex offender but it does make you wonder, why we as a society are readliy excepeting that it's ok. Shame Shame man, we aren't the bad girls here.
uriel Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Mindy, I'm not a man -- I'm a woman. And I think looking at porn is a pretty mainstream activity. Many women enjoy it as well as men. It's a natural visual stimulus. Frankly, I don't see anything wrong with it, provide it's of consensual adults viewed by consensual adults. Your suggesting that some sex offenders look at porn before commiting crimes is, as you say, no evidence that mainstream pornography (e.g., Playboy) is social endangering. Certainly, an obsession with pornography is unhealthy, and an attraction to illegal or more extreme forms of sexual play represented in fringe porn (such as non-consensual sex) is a prime sign of dysfunction. Not all porn should be accepted as harmless. However, adult sexuality involves some degree of objectification, even between loving partners. Let's be honest about that dimension of desire and the act. I'm not blaming any woman for her partner's looking at porn. I'm saying that people enjoy private sexual fantasies -- these can be physically stimulating in a way that partnered sex isn't. If someone wants partnered sex to be more exciting for themselves and the one they're with, they can attempt to learn what appeals and help their partner act some of that out (to the point to which they feel comfortable, and not beyond). What's wrong with that? Sex should be a mutually stimulating experience -- one about sharing what's going on inside together on the outside. That's how it becomes an intimate act, instead of merely going through the motions with one partner after another. Also, in this case, the writer said she'd become so ashamed of her body, she had sex only in the dark. I'm sure her insecurity also translated into holding back / not participating fully -- for her own enjoyment as well as her partner's. That's no good -- something she needed to remedy for her own sake, as well as for the relationship's. She has a right to enjoy her body and experience mutual pleasure, rather than worrying all the time that she's not enough for him. -- uriel
Recommended Posts