cloudsinmyhead Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Ok, so my girl friend met this guy she was working with, and told me that because of our past, and her new found connection with him, she was going to leave me for him. The pain from this was pretty intense. I felt heartbroken, betrayed, and rejected. She had already found someone new and was making love to him while I was depressed and thrown to the curve. We met up after about four months, and she told me she still loved me. I guess I felt good to be loved again. We hung out a few more times, had sex, and she told me she loved me so more, but was still doing things with the other guy. She eventually broke up with him, and we got back together. I guess at first I felt good, as if I had won her back somehow, but over time it started to feel extremely unfair, as if she cheated on me. I started to think of them together and it made me really bummed out and sad. So thats where Im at now. Im really confused. Should I be happy that I won her back, should I feel mad because I got cheated, should I stick it through, so I just drop it, am I making a bigger deal out of this than I should? Has anyone ever been in these shoes?
nofool4u Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Should I be happy that I won her back Well first off, to think that you won would be to suggest that she is a prize....she isn't. should I feel mad because I got cheated Yes and should have told her to go blow a goat when she wanted you back. should I stick it through, so I just drop it, am I making a bigger deal out of this than I should? No you are not making a big deal out of this. She cheated, left you, it didn't work out with the guy, so she is back with you until the next good looking guy looks in her direction. I'd get rid of her if I were you. Has anyone ever been in these shoes? Yes, old gf wanted me back after breaking up with me to be with the guy she cheated on me with and I told her to go to hell. 3
John123 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 You need to talk to her about it and let her tell you everything that is going on in her head. You need to ask her why she did the things she did...if she doesn't seem 100% genuine and extremely happy to be with you, tell her you cannot see her anymore. Do what makes you happy but keep your heart guarded.
Exit Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 You deserve better than someone who did that to you. I've been in a situation somewhat like this. There was no cheating while we were actually together, and I didn't get dumped "for" anyone else. It was just a normal breakup, some time afterwards she met someone else, kept talking to me, eventually we got back together, but it just blew up in a disaster anyway. I think initially it is an ego thing to want the person back. It's pretty plain to see with how many times you used the phrase "win her back". As someone else said above, it should never really be about having to "win" someone. But in a situation where you've been left behind for someone else, I think our ego can take over if we let it, and we think we want the person back, but really it's about wanting proof that we were the better person and that we can indeed have this person back. Nobody likes the feeling of defeat. But now you're past that stage, the ego has been satisfied. The ego is notoriously childish and doesn't look at the bigger picture, all it knows is that it felt wounded that you were left for someone else, and it wanted the satisfaction of getting her to come back. The ego got what it wanted and now your rational mind is starting to come back into the picture and suddenly you feel like wait a minute... everything that happened was pretty crappy. I think your instincts are bugging you for good reason. She did something pretty crappy. She showed how little you really mean to her, she showed that she could imagine a better future with someone else being her partner. But now she is back. Is it really genuine love and regret that brought her back, or did it just not work out too well with the new guy? You'll probably never know the truth. If it's bugging you like this, I don't think it's just going to go away on its own. It'll probably continue to eat away at you. You may need to try to talk to her about it, although that could end up being pretty disastrous. But if she isn't willing to have an open and honest conversation about everything that happened, then she isn't owning up to the serious consequences of some of her decisions. I won't say it's doomed completely. If you really want it to work out, anything can happen, and I wish you the best. Sometimes when people come back, they stay. Other times, unfortunately the cynics are right, "if they leave once, they'll probably do it again". I really regret that I tried to get past what my ex did and give it another chance, it just ended up burning me in the end and now I have more emotional damage than I did if I had just left her alone after the first breakup. I don't want to see anyone end up in my position so you have some thinking to do about this situation. It's not wishful thinking to say that there is someone out there who would never do that to you, who wouldn't one day suddenly think they might have a better future with someone else, and then decide to come back. There is someone out there who would stick with you. So maybe this person just isn't the one. It is very hard to forget about someone being with someone else. And even if you really want to forgive and forget, it can be nearly impossible. Sometimes it's a mutual thing where people breakup and both have their fun with other people before getting back together, but it sounds moreso like you were heart broken while she was in someone else's bed, and that's when it's really hard to get over it and offer a clean slate to the other person. Good luck... 2
GaelicSoul Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 If she has done it once, and you took her back... She will bot be afraid to do it again. I had the same thing happen before with an Ex. You made it too easy for her, and that's why your feeling this way now. Your gut is now saying "are you mad?" Sorry dude. I would ditch her, you can do better. I know it sucks. 2
D-Lish Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I'm not surprised you are questioning things. A woman like this can't be trusted, and furthermore, shouldn't be given your trust again. She's done it once, she will absolutely do it again given the chance. 2
Author cloudsinmyhead Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 yeah this thread really helped me a lot actually. I think I was so hurt when it happened, I had to prove myself I was worth her love, but then when I did get her back I was like, whoa, wait a minute, she more or less cheated on me and had sex with another person. I have tried so hard to get it out of my head, but I just cant. Everyday I think about it sometimes, and it makes me so sad because I really did truely love this person and wanted a future with her, but now it just seems so ****ed up. I feel somewhat selfish taking her back and then dumping her, but what else can I do?
gibson Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I feel somewhat selfish taking her back and then dumping her, but what else can I do? Dating / Relationships are not a marriage. You both took a chance to see what could happen and you have come to the conclusion that this is not the person you want to be with. So you break up and and end the relationship. 2
EgoJoe Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Dating / Relationships are not a marriage. You both took a chance to see what could happen and you have come to the conclusion that this is not the person you want to be with. So you break up and and end the relationship. Agreed, if you're looking for a Woman of character, why settle for one without? Too many promises in young love in a transitory existance.
coltsfan1 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 If she has done it once, and you took her back... She will not be afraid to do it again. I had the same thing happen before with an Ex. You made it too easy for her, and that's why your feeling this way now. Your gut is now saying "are you mad?" Sorry dude. I would ditch her, you can do better. I know it sucks. As much as it pains me to agree I will, with 1 stipulation. If it was a few years and a relationship or two under both belts she might have changed. I know for a FACT that i have changed since I was a younger man. In my early 20's all I wanted to do was work, party, and chase women. Now in my early 30's all I want to do is work, chance my lady around the house, and save for a future. People do change but only with reflection and generally a dramatic event.
oldshirt Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Well first off, to think that you won would be to suggest that she is a prize....she isn't. Yes and should have told her to go blow a goat when she wanted you back. No you are not making a big deal out of this. She cheated, left you, it didn't work out with the guy, so she is back with you until the next good looking guy looks in her direction. I'd get rid of her if I were you. Yes, old gf wanted me back after breaking up with me to be with the guy she cheated on me with and I told her to go to hell. This pretty much nails it
oldshirt Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 You deserve better than someone who did that to you. I've been in a situation somewhat like this. There was no cheating while we were actually together, and I didn't get dumped "for" anyone else. It was just a normal breakup, some time afterwards she met someone else, kept talking to me, eventually we got back together, but it just blew up in a disaster anyway. I think initially it is an ego thing to want the person back. It's pretty plain to see with how many times you used the phrase "win her back". As someone else said above, it should never really be about having to "win" someone. But in a situation where you've been left behind for someone else, I think our ego can take over if we let it, and we think we want the person back, but really it's about wanting proof that we were the better person and that we can indeed have this person back. Nobody likes the feeling of defeat. But now you're past that stage, the ego has been satisfied. The ego is notoriously childish and doesn't look at the bigger picture, all it knows is that it felt wounded that you were left for someone else, and it wanted the satisfaction of getting her to come back. The ego got what it wanted and now your rational mind is starting to come back into the picture and suddenly you feel like wait a minute... everything that happened was pretty crappy. I think your instincts are bugging you for good reason. She did something pretty crappy. She showed how little you really mean to her, she showed that she could imagine a better future with someone else being her partner. But now she is back. Is it really genuine love and regret that brought her back, or did it just not work out too well with the new guy? You'll probably never know the truth. If it's bugging you like this, I don't think it's just going to go away on its own. It'll probably continue to eat away at you. You may need to try to talk to her about it, although that could end up being pretty disastrous. But if she isn't willing to have an open and honest conversation about everything that happened, then she isn't owning up to the serious consequences of some of her decisions. I won't say it's doomed completely. If you really want it to work out, anything can happen, and I wish you the best. Sometimes when people come back, they stay. Other times, unfortunately the cynics are right, "if they leave once, they'll probably do it again". I really regret that I tried to get past what my ex did and give it another chance, it just ended up burning me in the end and now I have more emotional damage than I did if I had just left her alone after the first breakup. I don't want to see anyone end up in my position so you have some thinking to do about this situation. It's not wishful thinking to say that there is someone out there who would never do that to you, who wouldn't one day suddenly think they might have a better future with someone else, and then decide to come back. There is someone out there who would stick with you. So maybe this person just isn't the one. It is very hard to forget about someone being with someone else. And even if you really want to forgive and forget, it can be nearly impossible. Sometimes it's a mutual thing where people breakup and both have their fun with other people before getting back together, but it sounds moreso like you were heart broken while she was in someone else's bed, and that's when it's really hard to get over it and offer a clean slate to the other person. Good luck... And this too
oldshirt Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 If she has done it once, and you took her back... She will bot be afraid to do it again. I had the same thing happen before with an Ex. You made it too easy for her, and that's why your feeling this way now. Your gut is now saying "are you mad?" Sorry dude. I would ditch her, you can do better. I know it sucks. And this as well.
westrock Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 she was going to leave me for him. Sounds like she broke up with you before getting with the new guy. Not a great feeling for you, and you deserve better, but is what she did cheating on you? We met up after about four months, and she told me she still loved me. I guess I felt good to be loved again. We hung out a few more times, had sex, and she told me she loved me so more, but was still doing things with the other guy. She eventually broke up with him, and we got back together. Wait... maybe I'm misreading what you wrote, but the way you describe what happened it sounds like she cheated on the other guy. Im really confused. Should I be happy that I won her back, should I feel mad because I got cheated, should I stick it through, so I just drop it, am I making a bigger deal out of this than I should? What she did to you wasn't fair to your feelings, but you can't go back to the way it was. If you want to be with her, your only choice now is to accept her for what's happened. Otherwise, if you can't accept her and everything that's happened, your only other choice is to move on for your own well being.
threebyfate Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 She cheated on you and then she cheated on her new boyfriend. Is there anything else you need to know? 2
Jethro Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 she more or less cheated on me and had sex with another person More or less? How less? She cheated on you man, no other way to look at it. She will do it again unless something changes, and people aren't very good at changing. You prepared for that? She cheated on you and then she cheated on her new boyfriend. Is there anything else you need to know? Yeah, there you go. Sometimes people need to be told the obvious, so here you go. She is cheating on you as well as others. The simple fact is that she is cheating because of something that is going on in her head. It has nothing- NOTHING to do with you what-so-ever. Do not give yourself any credit in that repsect- you are not special. It's all her. Do you see her ready to make some huge changes in her life? And be warned that a cheater says anything to get thier way.
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