elizabeth26 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I've been dating an older guy for over three months now. We get along great, we're both very easy going, I have some major reservations though... 1. He is still in contact with his ex, they dated for 9 years, pretty troubled she cheated. (She had a kid and is getting married) 2. He's been talking alot about "when he has kids" hinting that he'd like to have kids soon. 3. He is very jealous of my ex boyfriend, who has been trying to stay in contact with me (I don't stay in contact though!!!) I really like so much about this guy and, yeah, I'd like to have kids soon, but the ex texting him late at night (he says he doesn't text back) is too much for me. I know it's a dead end situation but would like to give it a month or so... I basically decided I want to have fun for a bit, too much seriousness in my past relationships, maybe it is good to be in this type of relationship for a summer. I don't feel too emotionally invested at this point. He is like a really good friend that I have a good time with and we have crazy good chemistry in bed. I just hope I'm not setting myself up. From what we've talked about he doesn't want to strart trouble with his ex, she's his best friend's gf's sister and his friend has kids with her sister as well. I have met her and she's definitely trying to put a wedge between us, she talks to him and is a dick to me. I ignored her behavior and talked to other people. I just like hanging out with him and his friends have been really cool to me too, but it's honestly just nice that I wouldn't feel too bad if I left also. would it be a bad idea to talk with him about just casually dating openly? He says he wants to be exclusive but the ex texting says to me he's not serious. He says he would be with her if he wanted to but he wants to be with me. I have no idea what is actually going on in his brain but I don't believe him. I would love a guy's honest opinion or anyone who's been here before....
sid3 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I've been dating an older guy for over three months now. We get along great, we're both very easy going, I have some major reservations though... 1. He is still in contact with his ex, they dated for 9 years, pretty troubled she cheated. (She had a kid and is getting married) 2. He's been talking alot about "when he has kids" hinting that he'd like to have kids soon. 3. He is very jealous of my ex boyfriend, who has been trying to stay in contact with me (I don't stay in contact though!!!) I really like so much about this guy and, yeah, I'd like to have kids soon, but the ex texting him late at night (he says he doesn't text back) is too much for me. I know it's a dead end situation but would like to give it a month or so... I basically decided I want to have fun for a bit, too much seriousness in my past relationships, maybe it is good to be in this type of relationship for a summer. I don't feel too emotionally invested at this point. He is like a really good friend that I have a good time with and we have crazy good chemistry in bed. I just hope I'm not setting myself up. From what we've talked about he doesn't want to strart trouble with his ex, she's his best friend's gf's sister and his friend has kids with her sister as well. I have met her and she's definitely trying to put a wedge between us, she talks to him and is a dick to me. I ignored her behavior and talked to other people. I just like hanging out with him and his friends have been really cool to me too, but it's honestly just nice that I wouldn't feel too bad if I left also. would it be a bad idea to talk with him about just casually dating openly? He says he wants to be exclusive but the ex texting says to me he's not serious. He says he would be with her if he wanted to but he wants to be with me. I have no idea what is actually going on in his brain but I don't believe him. I would love a guy's honest opinion or anyone who's been here before.... It sounds to me that he likes making you feel jealous. He could politely put his ex in her place if he wanted to. From what you've said, I wouldn't believe him either. Personally, I think the grass will be greener for you on the other side of the fence.
Author elizabeth26 Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 My thoughts as well, I'm just realllly tired of dating right now and if I'm not getting hurt and neither is he then maybe it's not all bad. I'm usually very sensitive to how others feel in a relationship but after "the talk" about the ex I know we're going nowhere.
sid3 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 My thoughts as well, I'm just realllly tired of dating right now and if I'm not getting hurt and neither is he then maybe it's not all bad. I'm usually very sensitive to how others feel in a relationship but after "the talk" about the ex I know we're going nowhere. Then I think you should trust your instincts. It doesn't sound like you are very happy. Its better to be alone than with the wrong person IMO.
irin Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 too much drama for only three months of dating, you should having fun falling in love
ascendotum Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 *He is very jealous of my ex boyfriend, who has been trying to stay in contact with me *but the ex texting him late at night (he says he doesn't text back) is too much for me. It seems to me the thing you are critical of him for, you have the exact same situation going on in your life. You complain about him being jealous, but so are you! He has to put up with the same thing from your side and trust you still don't have feelings for your ex or that you aren't having secret trysts with him, but you don't extend the same trust back to him. Let me guess, but its different for you.
Author elizabeth26 Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 *He is very jealous of my ex boyfriend, who has been trying to stay in contact with me *but the ex texting him late at night (he says he doesn't text back) is too much for me. It seems to me the thing you are critical of him for, you have the exact same situation going on in your life. You complain about him being jealous, but so are you! He has to put up with the same thing from your side and trust you still don't have feelings for your ex or that you aren't having secret trysts with him, but you don't extend the same trust back to him. Let me guess, but its different for you. I didn't think of it that way, it is different though. My ex was being threatening and I had to tell him because we were being followed around by my ex. His ex on the other hand he is in constant communication with. There is a major difference. She was tripping over herself to talk to him when I first met her, and he didn't introduce me or anything, maybe it was just awkward for him but it gives me a bad feeling that his words don't match his true feelings.
Author elizabeth26 Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 too much drama for only three months of dating, you should having fun falling in love Irin, you are very right... I did have my hopes high at first now, not so much...
g450 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 I agree. Too much drama early on. Not a good sign. And then there is this: You said "3. He is very jealous of my ex boyfriend, who has been trying to stay in contact with me (I don't stay in contact though!!!)" This will cause problems in any relationship, even a new one. My question is what does "had been trying to stay in contact with me" mean exactly? That was kind of a red flag for me. Only way somebody can try to stay in contact with you is if you let them, short of physically showing up at your job or something creepy like that. And even in that case you could have gotten a restraining order or such. You could simply block his calls and his emails etc. Your XBF should have been invisible. How exactly did your current BF know your XBF was trying to contact you?
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