reallyhotguy Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Well, you came to the right place, then---no shortage of nuts here...... http://i.imgur.com/GSstl.gif 1
Author Kamille Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 Is it weird? I do that all the time. Well, in your case it's just realism. And I for one, love celebrating the most positive aspects of reality. Go ReallyHotGuy. Well, as I said, good for you, I just don't get the idea. I mean, if something is awesome and doesn't need to change, why talk about it? Still, neat for you and all. I didn't say nothing needs to change. Clearly, I'm open to letting someone into my life: that would be a welcomed change. Nor do I believe I'm a fixed entity who will never change. I see nothing wrong at all with stating the positive. In fact, I believe stating the positive is as realistic as stating the negative. Neither one is a pure perspective. Reality sits somewhere in the middle. So, really V, I invite you to join me. What do you have to offer a guy that will make him a lucky guy?
Author Kamille Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 How do these focuses explain people who never have anyone enter their lives? (Of which there are multiple examples here on LS.) More specifically, people who can't attract anyone? Would that be your case V?
verhrzn Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I didn't say nothing needs to change. Clearly, I'm open to letting someone into my life: that would be a welcomed change. Nor do I believe I'm a fixed entity who will never change. I see nothing wrong at all with stating the positive. In fact, I believe stating the positive is as realistic as stating the negative. Neither one is a pure perspective. Reality sits somewhere in the middle. So, really V, I invite you to join me. What do you have to offer a guy that will make him a lucky guy? Sarcasm and the reassurance he will never be cheated on, because no other guy would ever offer. What I meant more was, if something is awesome, does it need to be stated? Isn't it self-explanatory? Does it make sense to "vent" positivity? Again, maybe I just live on another planet.
betterdeal Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 What I meant more was, if something is awesome, does it need to be stated? Isn't it self-explanatory? Does it make sense to "vent" positivity? Again, maybe I just live on another planet. Well, they say expressing your feelings can be quite a good way to process / manage / live with / experience them.
verhrzn Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Well, they say expressing your feelings can be quite a good way to process / manage / live with / experience them. *Scratches head* But why do you need to process or manage good, positive feelings? It's like, you don't analyze why puppies are cute. They just ARE cute.
zengirl Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) *Scratches head* But why do you need to process or manage good, positive feelings? It's like, you don't analyze why puppies are cute. They just ARE cute. I mean, analyzing cuteness in general is kind of impossible, as it's subjective. But you SAY puppies are cute. I mean, saying it doesn't sound wrong or bad does it? I guess that's "venting" positive thoughts in your view, though I think there's a huge difference between expressing and venting, even with negative feelings. I say positive, true things all the time. Why not? Part of criticism, I learned in writing and art critiques, is saying what you like and why you like it, not just the opposite. Puppies are cute because they're small and furry and they have those cute little noses. The dachshund hubby and I have is especially cute for his floppy ears and wiry fur and weird shape. Is that analyzing cuteness? I don't know. It's just saying what's cute about pups. Edited April 18, 2012 by zengirl
Author Kamille Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 Does it make sense to "vent" positivity? Yes it does. Seligman, the "founder" of happiness studies (positive psych) shows that outlining successes and celebrating them with others increases well-being for self and others. It also, increases the chances that people will reach their goals. And, couples who celebrate each other's successes are more likely to have staying power. Conclusion: society needs more "raving" about positivity, not less. Any other questions?
january2011 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 What about you? What's your attitude about dating and how does it inform the ways in which you interact with the potential prospects? It's stressful. I applaud those who keep smiling and putting themselves out there. I realised that I'm not built for dating, though I'm built for LTRs and thankfully manage to get into them fairly easily. I think the only things I really enjoyed about dating were getting to know the guys, their backgrounds, how they got to where they were and learning a few things about people and culture or getting the inside track on whatever the guy did for a living or was interested in. The whole romance/dating roadmap was a minefield and I didn't particularly enjoy navigating it. So instead, I re-framed it into a quest for knowledge and practising my people skills as well as getting out of the house. Romance was a bonus.
betterdeal Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 *Scratches head* But why do you need to process or manage good, positive feelings? It's like, you don't analyze why puppies are cute. They just ARE cute. Why do you need to process or manage bad or negative feelings? It's like, you don't analyze why puppies puke on the carpet is rank. It just IS rank.
verhrzn Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Yes it does. Seligman, the "founder" of happiness studies (positive psych) shows that outlining successes and celebrating them with others increases well-being for self and others. It also, increases the chances that people will reach their goals. And, couples who celebrate each other's successes are more likely to have staying power. Conclusion: society needs more "raving" about positivity, not less. Any other questions? *Shrugs* I'm just bizarre, I think. "Raving" about positivity just comes across as forced to me... like a pep rally, or those ungodly meetings they make my department go to every month where we have to stand up and say one good thing about the person next to us. Like I said, I'm an alien, and cannot comprehend these Earthling rituals. Carry on.
betterdeal Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Spring really does get the sap rising, doesn't it?
Tsud Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Spring really does get the sap rising, doesn't it? Ya ain't kidding! You should see all the things I've left sticky! 2
Author Kamille Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) It's stressful. I applaud those who keep smiling and putting themselves out there. I realised that I'm not built for dating, though I'm built for LTRs and thankfully manage to get into them fairly easily. I think the only things I really enjoyed about dating were getting to know the guys, their backgrounds, how they got to where they were and learning a few things about people and culture or getting the inside track on whatever the guy did for a living or was interested in. The whole romance/dating roadmap was a minefield and I didn't particularly enjoy navigating it. So instead, I re-framed it into a quest for knowledge and practising my people skills as well as getting out of the house. Romance was a bonus. Thanks for these words J2011. I certainly don't want to make it sound like finding love is a breeze or like I've never encountered pitfalls. I have faced heartbreak and rejection. It doesn't feel good. It should be noted that I'm not actively dating (that would require that men approach me ). Right now, I feel like I'm coming out of hibernation and ready to put myself out there. For me, it'll likely be very organic. I don't intend on kissing a lot of frogs. I intend on living my life, open to the possibility of romance and ready to recognize the right guy for me when he walks in. (FYI, the last sentence is probably an almost direct quote from Meeting your Half Orange.) Edited April 18, 2012 by Kamille
RedRobin Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 For me, it'll likely be very organic. I don't intend on kissing a lot of frogs. I intend on living my life, open to the possibility of romance and ready to recognize the right guy for me when he walks in. Same here. Good for you on staying optimistic! We are all challenged to live every day to it's fullest... no matter if it is with a partner or without a partner.
january2011 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) Thanks for these words J2011. I certainly don't want to make it sound like finding love is a breeze or like I've never encountered pitfalls. I have faced heartbreak and rejection. It doesn't feel good. It should be noted that I'm not actively dating (that would require that men approach me ). Right now, I feel like I'm coming out of hibernation and ready to put myself out there. For me, it'll likely be very organic. I don't intend on kissing a lot of frogs. I intend on living my life, open to the possibility of romance and ready to recognize the right guy for me when he walks in. (FYI, the last sentence is probably an almost direct quote from Meeting your Half Orange.) I know that's not what you're trying to do, Kamille. I think you might even be going through similar experiences as the other people on the site, you just choose not to let it get you down and prefer to focus on the positive. It's a brilliant and refreshing way of looking at things. We have so much sadness and pain on the forums that we do need bright sparks of happiness to balance everything out. I remember experiencing a similar phase last year in terms of feeling very high on life and relationships in general, even though I was single, and it was a great feeling. It was also very liberating. Enjoy! I've heard zengirl mention that book. I'm going to have to add it to my reading list as it does sound interesting. Edited April 18, 2012 by january2011
Author Kamille Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 A well-known dating website just sent me an add on one of my email accounts. I'll take that as a sign that it's time to finally put up a profile. So hard not to want to make "The best kept secret" my catch phrase... But don't want to be traceable to my LS account, so I have to come up with something else.
NeverDated Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 To me this goes back to what Neverdated about being able to accept that people either like me or they don't. Other people are allowed to decide they don't see me as their life partner without me turning it into a case against all men. And like she said, this doesn't change the fact that I will eventually meet the right guy for me. Similarly, I get to decide who I choose to let into my life. Not everyone will fit, but once I find him, I'm not going to let him go. If love was easy to find, we wouldn't value it as much as we do. Too big a focus on the negative aspects of the other gender is pernicious for two reasons: 1. It might make people give up or reinforce bitterness or 2. It might make them indiscriminate about who they let into their lives. I'm often left with the impression that people who believe "all women are drama-queens" are more likely to put up with poor behavior (or less likely to express their boundaries properly, or bother to focus on building a relationship). Note: #1 is likely the result of #2. It's a vicious cycle. One of the biggest trends I see on here is that people want to "change", and not in that good, personal development kind of way. They want to make themselves into the person that other people want to have. Unfortunately, this transfers to their partner. They think because they "changed" they can "change" an imperfection in their partner. A very good friend recently came to me and said something akin to, "You know, I really really like this guy. I just wish he didn't [giant gaping deal breaking character flaw]." I asked her if she heard herself - she was saying, "He'd be the perfect guy if he would just change who he is." Nobody is perfect, but people really need to adopt a take-me-as-you-find-me mindset and apply it to their partner as well. They either are or aren't a good fit...don't get into a relationship with a project. Then there's the flip-side of people setting such strict rules that it's impossible to find the "right" person. I have known people to actually have a check-list of "must have" common interests, and they would not date someone who didn't have 3 of 5 or whatever arbitrary number. There's no longer a sense of just getting along with someone. My boyfriend and I had next to nothing in common when we first got together, and it was OK. We had a ton of fun learning about the other's interests for the first time. In fact, I'd dare say I prefer it that way to sharing everything from the start. What's to learn? What's to get to know? You're dating yourself. :-/
Pyro Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I agree and at the same time I think that I have to be receptive to romantic opportunities. well that is a given. What I am trying to say is don't go out seeking it or expecting it to happen. Definitely interact and have fun.
PJKino Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I think its easier to have a positive outlook on when youve attracted the opposite sex in the past and know that opportunites will come,when you feel you arent attractive to the opposite sex then its hard to blindly believe youll get many opportunities to find the right person.. I really like the premise of the thread though..i dont think i ever thought of what i bring to the table its more self loathing and how women dont like me
zengirl Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 *Shrugs* I'm just bizarre, I think. "Raving" about positivity just comes across as forced to me... like a pep rally, or those ungodly meetings they make my department go to every month where we have to stand up and say one good thing about the person next to us. Like I said, I'm an alien, and cannot comprehend these Earthling rituals. Carry on. Well, school pep rallies if you don't have school spirit or most company "morale boosting" (I've worked at some companies that have done it right, but that usually means buying people good booze, good food, and letting them just hang out somewhere fun) are fake to a lot of people because they're not actually things THAT person is excited about. I've certainly experienced that. I was never peppy at a pep rally. **** if I care if my school wins the football game. *shrug* (And I'm in the South where I'm supposed to care, mind you.) Raving about positivity only works when you actually BELIEVE what you're saying and are truly excited about it. 1
D-Lish Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Yes it does. Seligman, the "founder" of happiness studies (positive psych) shows that outlining successes and celebrating them with others increases well-being for self and others. It also, increases the chances that people will reach their goals. And, couples who celebrate each other's successes are more likely to have staying power. Conclusion: society needs more "raving" about positivity, not less. Any other questions? You're absolutely spot on Kam- celebrating the successes and spreading positive energy does in fact create an environment of further success. It's what I like to call an intangible reward system and it's good practice in relationships, friendships as well as a huge motivator in the workplace. Sometimes a pat on the back can be worth more than a financial bonus. The more positive energy you put out there, the more you get back- and that's a powerful managing tool as well. When times were tough at my last job, it was corporates choice to go at people with a heavy hand. I choose to run my territory with positive support and intangible rewards. My district was flourishing in comparison to the others. My boss decided if I could just find it in my heart to be someone to be afraid of that my sales would have made me a better boss. The opposite is true. Celebreating your own success along with that of others can only lead to more positive outcomes for yourself and those around you. It's good business practice, but it's also something you should transfer to your social circle, relationships, family relationsips, etc. Keep celebrating, and keep enjoying the praise you have earned.
betterdeal Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 There's a world of difference between feeling bubbly and enjoying it / celebrating the good things in life, and plastic positivity, which is driven by "should" which is always going to disappoint. Getting used to being happy is good preparation for further successes, and the good times in a relationship. It also gives you some respite from doubt, fear, sadness, guilt, which makes it easier to experience these feelings too when they arise. We are made to laugh and cry, smile and frown. If you don't like appreciating your successes (and it doesn't have to be done by fist in the air whooping like a demented Gerry Springer guest) and savouring the good things, what is it you're afraid will happen if you do? For me, it was fear of being mocked, ridiculed, dismissed - invalidated in other words. Get out of that invalidating environment and learn to accept some people will be miserable when you're happy, and that's for them to deal with. I like this thread, it made me smile
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I'm as single as they come. I've been single and prospectless since December. Men aren't throwing themselves at me or asking me to help them pick melons at the grocery store. I'm not ugly, but I'm not hot - I don't spend much time on my looks. And yet, I'm far from feeling anxiety about my romantic future. Today, as I checked out guys while walking into a cafe, I figured out why: I think I am one of the best kept secrets in my city. I seriously do. I'm kind, I'm funny, I'm not big on drama, I'm loyal, I value intimacy, I'm a good cook, I'm in shape and the list could go on. And the best part is, the fact I believe this about myself makes me walk around wondering who's going to "discover" me. It's fun, and it gives me courage to check out guys. What about you? What's your attitude about dating and how does it inform the ways in which you interact with the potential prospects? I'd say your future is so bright you gotta wear shades.
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