My story (kind of long)

[Artie Lang]

On my way home from work they passed by me in his truck.

 

that sucks.

[96nole]

you must not care about her .. move on. she is not your wife anymore .. she is a BIITCCHHHH

I know. But is still bothers me.

[96nole]

 

I know and understand that you love her and feel this great attraction for her, but she will never be able to love you the way a man needs his wife to love him.

She used to. I guess I'll never understand the change.

 

then work your butt off for the next week or two to afford the next high.

You're giving him too much credit. He only works a few hours at night. He spends his days sitting in mommy's house. That's why it was so easy for him to talk to my STBXW during the day when she was working.

 

the race has barely started and it is already over.

Before I found out last year about the first time she cheated with him. She kept asking if we could go see him at the track and watch the drag races. I asked why. It's boring. I've been to drag races before and the race ends in 10 seconds. Then you sit there for the next 10 minutes while they get the next set of cars ready. It's pretty boring for the spectators. And while doing it in the hot South Florida sun really sucks.

 

Your wife will always be in last place. For a driver, the car comes first. There is no second place. It was all about me and my car. All of my time and money went into the car so I could have my weekend fix.

I don't think he does any driving. I think he does more with building cars and taking photos. But his ex wife that divorced him a few years ago left because she resented him. He has another ex posting on his FB page that he wasted 6 years of her life. And that he won't fool her again because she's on to him. So it appears that racing takes precedence over everything else. We've noticed that he is now trying to sell parts on his FB page. He never did that before. I wonder where he got the money for the inventory. Perhaps the $7000 my wife has hidden? I tried to tell her last year after the first affair that he's after her for her money. I guess she didn't believe me.

 

A few months ago after I threw her out, she said that she needed to be in a more loving relationship. I guess she thinks she has it because he's saying all the right words, or as everyone here calls it, the affair fog. I guess we'll see after time goes on how "loving" it will remain. Especially if he has two ex's that just flat hate him. But my ex has shown that she's not too bright if this loser is what she wants to be with. I wonder if one of those times she fainted and hit her head if it caused more damage than the CT scans showed. Maybe then I'll be able to understand this.

[96nole]

You are a winner and deserve to share you life with another winner.

 

Thank you very much for the kind words.

[96nole]

OK, having a bad morning. So I'm sorry if I sound whiny. Mediation is in a few days. i know i won't be able to keep the house. Her parents are going to help her buy the house. She'll move back in and bring him with her. So it boils down to that in the past few months I've lost my wife, my house, the cruise I was looking forward to. And that f*cking dirtbad is getting it all. Everything I've worked so hard for has been taken from me and given to a lying dirtbag. How the hell is this fair? I was there for her and supported her in everything. But she throws me away like a piece of trash. And then replaces me with a piece of trash. WTF!

[Furious]

OK, having a bad morning. So I'm sorry if I sound whiny. Mediation is in a few days. i know i won't be able to keep the house. Her parents are going to help her buy the house. She'll move back in and bring him with her. So it boils down to that in the past few months I've lost my wife, my house, the cruise I was looking forward to. And that f*cking dirtbad is getting it all. Everything I've worked so hard for has been taken from me and given to a lying dirtbag. How the hell is this fair? I was there for her and supported her in everything. But she throws me away like a piece of trash. And then replaces me with a piece of trash. WTF!

 

 

So sorry for what you are going through.

This stinks. I don't get it. Are her parents blind?

[96nole]

So sorry for what you are going through.

This stinks. I don't get it. Are her parents blind?

Her parents are her parents so they are obviously on her side and supporting her. These are the same people that referred to me as much of a son as their own son. I respected them and their family the moment I first walked through their door. That dirtbag hasn't respected them or her. He wanted to break up our marriage so he could have her. he didn't care what it did to the families. And then throw on top of it that her parents were OK with the dirtbag going on the cruise just eats me up inside.

[Furious]

Right or wrong she is their daughter, but don't they see the OM is a loser.

[96nole]

Don't know. i haven't talked to them in a few months. After finding out about the cruise, I stopped talking to them as well. I know her dad wasn't thrilled with the guy. But I don't know their feeling about him now.

[96nole]

Oh and thanks Furious. You've been awesome. Your post about the Unknown role of the betrayed spouse is one of the best.

[Furious]

Thank you

 

Hey, I believe when you put all this crap behind you and embrace a new and better life you'll look back and be glad she's not your problem anymore.

[Steen719]

OK, having a bad morning. So I'm sorry if I sound whiny. Mediation is in a few days. i know i won't be able to keep the house. Her parents are going to help her buy the house. She'll move back in and bring him with her. So it boils down to that in the past few months I've lost my wife, my house, the cruise I was looking forward to. And that f*cking dirtbad is getting it all. Everything I've worked so hard for has been taken from me and given to a lying dirtbag. How the hell is this fair? I was there for her and supported her in everything. But she throws me away like a piece of trash. And then replaces me with a piece of trash. WTF!

 

Do you have to sell the house to them? Can you afford it on your own? I don't think they can just buy it for her if you still want it.

 

If they do buy you out right now, this is a bad market and you won't get as much.

 

I don't think I would jump on this right away without knowing more about your rights.

[96nole]

Do you have to sell the house to them? Can you afford it on your own? I don't think they can just buy it for her if you still want it.

 

If they do buy you out right now, this is a bad market and you won't get as much.

 

I don't think I would jump on this right away without knowing more about your rights.

Both of our names are on the mortgage. She doesn't want me living in the house with her name on the mortgage and I don't want her in the house with my name on it. The house, like most others is upside down.

 

Back in January, before d-day #2, I asked her to find out how much it would be to refinance the house. Since she was studying to be a teacher and would be making half the salary she is making at the bank (I know, what a jerk I am to be supportive of her making a career choice that would cut her salary in half), we were already seeing where we could make some cuts. She found out that it would be about $45-50,000 cash out of pocket to refinance. That would wipe out our savings. Now that we are getting divorced and the money is being split in half, there is now way I can come up with that much cash on my own. But she said her parents are going to help her.

 

Originally she didn't want the house. But I think since I had her served at work in front of everyone, and the papers show that she is hiding money and having an extra marital affair and spending money on him, that she and her parents are being a little spiteful.

[2.50 a gallon]

Why would you want to keep the house? To me it would be forever haunted with evil memories.

 

Fight like hell to find that money she is hiding, and make her and her parents pay you for your half.

 

It is bikinini blossom time. For your new digs, check out the local apartments for this years best crop, and never look back

 

Her path is already chosen and it isn't a pretty one. In a few years she will be older and probably greatly in debt as he going to squeeze all that he can out of her, leaving her a broke old lady, living in that house full of evil memories.

 

The hardest part for her will be her seeing you walking arm in arm and happily in love with a hot looking babe a good 5 to 10 years younger.

 

Better days lay ahead for you, go get them

[96nole]

 

Her path is already chosen and it isn't a pretty one. In a few years she will be older and probably greatly in debt as he going to squeeze all that he can out of her, leaving her a broke old lady, living in that house full of evil memories.

 

Thanks 2.50. Do you have any good stories of that happening?

[Steen719]

I agree with 2.50, but I was trying to make sure they did not bulldoze over you. Don't let them give you too little for your part of the house.

 

And yeah...find the money!

 

Here is a little story for you....I worked with 2 people who were married to other people. They had an affair and everyone at work knew it and I worked in a big hospital. Their spouses found out and they divorced each of their spouses and married each other. The woman lost custody of her son...not sure what that was all about, but I remember he was 12 years old. They were blissful together, supposedly. About 6 months later, he came to my office (I knew him quite well as I played softball with his hospital team...they had to have 2 females & I played). Anyway, he asked me out! I asked him if he was nuts; he had just lost his family, she had lost hers and they finally had what they wanted and he was in my office asking me out? I said, no, of course, and he said he just was not happy. Good grief...all of that secrecy, meetings, hiding their affair must have been what kept it going so long. So...you see, sometimes it just does not work out as they planned. I always have thought you just cannot start a new relationship which is built on another person's pain and expect it to be good.

[96nole]

The house is upside down, so i'll get to walk away without owing anything or being owed. I don't want the house because of the memories. Actually it sometimes has been hard the past few months living here because of the memories. But I didn't want to leave any sooner because I don't want them playing house, in my house. Let them keep living with his mommy.

 

This mornings rant was because I was very happy before this all happened. Then her selfish immature actions ruined that. And it just pisses me off to no end that some dirtbag is getting what I've worked for. When we got married we were in a one bedroom apartment. Then we bought a 2 bedroom house. Then we bought this place. 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 car garage, screenroom, pool. I've improved or upgraded everything in this house except the kitchen. But the appliances are all less than 6 years old. And the dirtbag is going to move from mommies house to here because he said all the pretty words. Like it has been described in other threads, the spouse just can't compete with the new romance.(affair fog)

 

But there is a method to my madness. I'm hoping that when she buys the house, she won't be able to afford a pay cut by becoming a teacher. Thus forcing her to stay working at the bank. Where she hates working and is a source of her depression. Then dirtbag will drain more money out of her since they will probably try to start a raceteam again.

 

So hopefully 2.50's projection will become true. If it does, then I will laugh in her face at some point. I tried to warn her last year that he wanted her money.

[findingnemo]

96, I don't think you have to wish she will realize she messed up. This whole thing looks like a train wreck to me.

 

Just move on...forget about her parents. My in-laws did some stupid things when I first left but in the last 2 months have been begging me not to file for D. Told me that I'm the best thing that happened to their son, I frankly told his mother that he is NOT the best thing that happened to me.

 

Your W is stupid but thank God it isn't your problem anymore.

[96nole]

I agree with 2.50, but I was trying to make sure they did not bulldoze over you. Don't let them give you too little for your part of the house.

 

And yeah...find the money!

 

Here is a little story for you....I worked with 2 people who were married to other people. They had an affair and everyone at work knew it and I worked in a big hospital. Their spouses found out and they divorced each of their spouses and married each other. The woman lost custody of her son...not sure what that was all about, but I remember he was 12 years old. They were blissful together, supposedly. About 6 months later, he came to my office (I knew him quite well as I played softball with his hospital team...they had to have 2 females & I played). Anyway, he asked me out! I asked him if he was nuts; he had just lost his family, she had lost hers and they finally had what they wanted and he was in my office asking me out? I said, no, of course, and he said he just was not happy. Good grief...all of that secrecy, meetings, hiding their affair must have been what kept it going so long. So...you see, sometimes it just does not work out as they planned. I always have thought you just cannot start a new relationship which is built on another person's pain and expect it to be good.

Hey Steen: What ever happened to that couple?

[96nole]

Now the whore and her lawyer are playing games. We are supposed to have mediation this Thursday. Today they are claiming that I haven't provided all financial disclosure and they will cancel if I don't provide it. I have provided everything that was asked for the previous 12 months.

 

However the whore has not. She's only provided 3 months or nothing at all. Originally I was fine with it. But now that they are playing games, I'm going to demand they provide everything. I told my lawyer I'm not going to be pushed around by them. Since D-Day 2, everything I've done has been what the whore has not wanted. I will continue that way. After all, I didn't want a cheating whore for a wife.

-I threw her out of the house again (she didn't want)

-I got a lawyer first without her knowing

-I filed for divorce first without her knowing

-I had her served at work in front of all her coworkers with out her knowing

-I put in the divorce papers (public records) about her hiding money and having an EMA and spending our money on him, using the cruise as an example

 

I WILL NOT BE HER'S, OR ANYONE'S, DOORMAT ANY MORE!

[Snowflower]

Both of our names are on the mortgage. She doesn't want me living in the house with her name on the mortgage and I don't want her in the house with my name on it. The house, like most others is upside down.

 

Back in January, before d-day #2, I asked her to find out how much it would be to refinance the house. Since she was studying to be a teacher and would be making half the salary she is making at the bank (I know, what a jerk I am to be supportive of her making a career choice that would cut her salary in half), we were already seeing where we could make some cuts. She found out that it would be about $45-50,000 cash out of pocket to refinance. That would wipe out our savings. Now that we are getting divorced and the money is being split in half, there is now way I can come up with that much cash on my own. But she said her parents are going to help her.

 

Originally she didn't want the house. But I think since I had her served at work in front of everyone, and the papers show that she is hiding money and having an extra marital affair and spending money on him, that she and her parents are being a little spiteful.

 

Hi Nole, I am not on LS much anymore but used to post here a lot. I read your thread and wow, I can really relate.

 

I wish you had PM privileges because some of what I would type is too private for the public forum.

 

A couple of thoughts that I had as I read through...

 

I know it is upsetting about the house when you put a lot of work (and love?) into it and now she gets to move back in with her OM and her parents' help. But maybe look at it as a blessing in disguise...you said the mortgage was underwater anyway so here is your chance to get out from under that albatross without damaging your credit hopefully. I am very familiar with the FL real estate market (found out the hard way myself) and I know how much it has sucked for the last 5 years. Here is your chance to dump the house! Yay!

 

Also, do you really want to live there any more with all the painful memories? Maybe it is for the best.

 

But wow, a teaching career vs. banking. Especially in FL? I know so well that of which you speak!

 

PM me if you are able. I will check back. Good luck. I've been where you are although it was my husband who did the cheating. Yuck.

[96nole]

[sIZE=2]8 hours of mediation

 

Holy crap was that long and painful. It didn't help that her lawyer is not a divorce/family law lawyer and didn't know what the hell he was doing. Even the mediator had to tell him what he could or could not do.

 

At first she didn't want to pay me back for the cruise that she took her dirtbag boyfriend on. That went back and forth until finally the mediator said " look, you did the guy wrong, you took the boyfriend, give him his money back."

 

Then to try and get back at us because she didn't want to have to pay for the cruise and the other monies she hid, she tried to nickle and dime me over various bills she paid the past few months. So we would just find something else that she needed to pay me back for, like last year when she cheated the first time and spent money on trying to start a race team with the dirtbag.

 

Originally I was just going to say I'll take the car, you take the Ford Explorer without worrying about the values. Then she tried to come up with something else that I would have to pay for. So I countered with, "blue book the value of the vehicles". My car is worth $5000, the Explorer is worth $11,000. So that shut her up.

 

Then there was a big fight over the house and her 401k. She's going to buy the house from me. But wanted me out in 5 days. Nope! So we haggled and i've got until June 15. At which point I'm out and she and the dirtbag can move in.

 

She didn't want to give any of her 401k to me. It's worth 3x what mine is. She lost. And in a few months my 401k will almost double. (yea me)

 

Oh, and I got the XBox with the NCAA football game.

 

She tried to fight me over my cats ashes. Nope, not happening. That was worth the 5 minutes.

 

Overall I got everything I wanted. Every time she tried to take control, we didn't let her. She cheated on me but tried to play the poor innocent victim. The mediator wasn't buying it. He was actually getting tired of her and her lawyer. they were unprepared, argumentative and would start yelling. Me and my lawyer were prepared, cooperative, and calm. It also helped that me and my lawyer were in the mediators office the whole time. So as he was writing up the separation agreement, my lawyer was right there telling him to make changes as he wrote it.

 

So ultimately, I walk away with some cash, no alimony, and will get out from an underwater house. I guess I should consider myself lucky. Still sucks that I married the girl of my dreams, only to have her turn into a lying, cheating, soul sucking whore 11 years later.[/sIZE]

Edited April 27, 2012 by 96nole

[Wanderer25]

Don't they have a speck of dignity or shame? How can she even justify what she did? And how did you not notice this train wreck of a person all this years? How is her health these days?

 

Atleast you had a good mediator though.

[96nole]

Don't they have a speck of dignity or shame? How can she even justify what she did? And how did you not notice this train wreck of a person all this years? How is her health these days?

 

Atleast you had a good mediator though.

Well...she wasn't always a train wreck. She has changed greatly in the past year or two. She used to not be able to lie. Now she can lie with the best of them. That's why I can't understand the change. But she's wrapped up in this fantasy with the dirtbag.

 

At one point towards the end of the day and they were getting frustrated the mediator came in and said that she's tired of all this and doesn't want to ever see me or talk to me again. So some how this is all my fault still. She took the steps to lie and cheat, but somehow it's my fault that I'm not just laying down and letting her have what she wants. For most of our relationship, I let her have what she wanted, except some big ticket items. So i guess she didn't think that I was going to stand up for myself. As much as it hurts, I had to do what is best for me. She sure as hell isn't thinking of what's best for me when she's f*cking him.

 

As far as the last 3 months, I don't know how her health is. About 8 months ago she went in to have blood drawn and she passed out and her heart went into AFIB. That was the first time in about 2 years since it happened the last time. But the issue still exists. She even made a comment then that it's probably a good thing she hasn't been pregnant. But yet she still wants to have her own baby.

 

My lawyer and the mediator worked well together. The mediator was good. Most of the time he agreed with us. But he was fair for them when he needed to be.

 

If anyone in South Florida needs a good divorce lawyer, I can recommend one. She's a little bulldog. She didn't put up with any crap. And she knows what she is doing. The other lawyer didn't have a chance.

[Snowflower]

Well, hopefully the difficult part with the mediation is over and this will be another step toward you moving forward. (I know, I know, terrible term!) When will the D be final?

 

It sounds like you are finding your anger at your STBXW. That is good! It is a vital part of the healing process and will give you the energy to do what you need to do next, like moving out of your house and planning your next steps.