What on earth do I do now?

[usabup]

I'm in a tricky situation. I'm not sure if I'm the good guy or the bad guy. I'm not sure if iv been played or not. So any help and honest advice would be appreciated.

 

Last year a new women started at my work. She was stunning, the type of women that can have any guy she wanted and I'm not ashamed to say was way out of my league. She also had a boyfriend of about 9 months at the time.

 

All the guys in the office took an instant like to her but strangely after a few days, she seemed to be taking a huge interest in me and my life. Everybody said she liked me, but I found this hard to believe as she had a boyfriend and was so stunning.

 

Anyway, we became friends and she soon started to open up to me. She started to tell me more and more about her boyfriend.......and it quickly became obvious that he was verbally and emotionally abusive towards her. She always told me I was such a nice guy and I realised that's where the attraction was.

 

I'm a good guy and I would never dream to trying to take somebodys girlfriend, but this guy sounded so bad that I didn't care and just before we broke up for Christmas break, I told her how I felt about her. And first she seemed so happy and responsive, and we grew closer. Then over Christmas she cut off from me and I didn't hear from her for a couple if weeks. I asked her why when I saw her in January, she said that although it was flattering, she didn't want to hurt him. I accepted this and we stopped talking for a couple of weeks at work.

 

Towards the end of Feb, we became close again and she started to cling to me once more. This time even more so then the last. We spent a bit of time with each other outside if work and she began to open up more about her boyfriend. He seemed nuts, would always get angry with her and try to control her. She said she loved him and cared for him but wasn't "in love" with him.

 

She began to talk about a future for us and how she had feelings for me. But then a few days later, she distanced herself again. Saying how she didn't know if we would even like each other in a romantic way. So again, I backed off.

 

Then around a month ago, she announced she was leaving our work. I saw this as my last chance with her so I wrote her an e-mail telling her how I felt about her. She loved it and told me how it had made her cry and want to be with me. We then spent the next week or so becoming close again, again with her opening up about her boyfriend and how bad he was being. Talking of a future for us. It took it's toll on her and me both. She came into work looking tired and saying how confused she was.

 

Then a week before she left, she became distant again, like she was trying to keep away from me. Although this time, we kept civil with each other. She would chat to me in the day and try to get my attention but at the same time retreat.

 

Then last week she took the week off and I didn't hear from her. when we came back to work on Monday, our boss let us all know she had left! Just gone. One of my work colleagues e-mailed her to say goodbye and in her reply, she mentioned me and that she would miss me as well as others.

 

Now I can understand her leaving. And I could accept the fact that she didn't want to be with me, but why no goodbye to me personally? I'd been her rock for months. So I decided to send her an e-mail saying my goodbye to her. I told her how I felt about her but I also told her I was letting her go and wouldn't contact her again. I told her to look after herself and also to be carefull with her boyfriend.

 

Her reply was crazy. She thanked me for my e-mail and told me not to worry about her. She said that yes, she had gone through a bad patch with him and that she moaned about him from time to time, but it was a two way thing and she wasn't silly. That she wouldn't be with him if she didn't really want to be. (this was after she had been telling me and others that he was abusive, insecure, that she didn't love him and didn't know why she was with him)

 

then she went on to say she hadn't actually realised how much I liked her and that she should never been so flirty with me. (this was after we had discussed getting togther about a million times and her saying how confused she was)

 

She ended it by saying good luck and take care of myself.

 

So that's my story. She has obviously run from me before, but this time it seems pretty final as she has left and the chances are I won't see her now.

 

A couple if points that may make a difference. Although she is stunning, she has a lot of insecurities. Her Dad had an affair and left when she was younger. She needs a lot if re assuring in relationships from what I gather. Also, she is a genuinly nice girl, always looking to help people and is really kind. It's not as if she is a nasty piece of work.

 

So my issue is, we were extremely close and above all else, good friends. We always looked out for each other and got on great. I know iv got to let her go for now and I'm not about to beg and plead. But how do I keep her in my life in the long run?

[Philosoraptor]

This entire situation was bad and you should be thankful nothing came of it. It would have been a mess as she is very attached to the man who treats her bad and you would have continued as the emotional support without any true reward. I believe the word they used for it is "friendzoned".

[usabup]

Thanks for the reply.

 

Yeah it was a bad situation to be in. To be honest, it never really hit home how crazy the whole situation is until I just read my own post back! Wow.

 

I do feel down, almost like iv been dumped. (which I suppose in a way I have) but at the same time I'm having a chuckle to myself at how stupid iv been!

[Philosoraptor]

Just learn from the experience. It's all you can ask of yourself.

[Chi townD]

If she was saying that her boyfriend was verbally and emotionally abusive, chances are the guy is a Prince and a really nice guy, just probably boring. She probably told you that stuff because she liked the concern and the attention you gave her as a result. For her to write you back stating that if she really knew how you felt about her she wouldn't have been so flirty. She trying to convince herself that she "willingly" didn't do anything wrong. That it was your fault that you misunderstood her. Therefore, easing her own guilt about what she did.

 

I agree with the other posters. Thank your lucky stars that it ended when it did. Could have been a hellva lot worse. Now go find a girl that doesn't play mind games.

[usabup]

Thanks Chi TownD.

 

I'm starting to think the same about this guy, maybe the stuff she was saying wasn't all true.

 

Also, I agree with what you say about her e-mail reply. She was trying to ease her own guilt for sure. It's sad really, I'm starting to think she has a lot more issue's then I probably realised.