Getting friends to introduce you to their single friends

[irc333]

There was a post in here, where people were talking about introducing their other single friends to their single friends through networking, parties, etc.

 

But, in my case, I know very little people that even KNOW other UN-attached friends, I guess couples start limiting their interactions with other couples only. lol

 

But anyhow, as a better option to online dating, have you introduced or ever introduced BY friends?

 

I did one time, my married female friend found someone that she thought would be great for me, very sweet girl, into the same kind of nerdy stuff I'm into.....I checked her out on her female friends list, turned out it was a woman that rejected me from on online dating site a while back. LOL

 

I told my married friend this, but...to perhaps this is another opportunity to get to know her, but at least by different means....that I was a believer in 2nd chances....and she concurred.

 

I followed up on this...and she said she's now dating some douche' bag. lol

[phineas]

Let me tell you something right now, if a woman you knew knows someone single & they aren't trying to set you up, it's because they don't want you dating that person.

 

Women LOVE LOVE LOVE to set people up.

If they aren't doing it for you then it's because they think something is wrong with you.

 

trust me, i've been there.

[oaks]

I've been trying to introduce two of my single friends to each other over the last few months. They've met a few times when I was there, and now a couple of times on their own, but I think the attraction is one-sided. Oh well, I tried.

[irc333]

Let me tell you something right now, if a woman you knew knows someone single & they aren't trying to set you up, it's because they don't want you dating that person.

 

Women LOVE LOVE LOVE to set people up.

If they aren't doing it for you then it's because they think something is wrong with you.

 

trust me, i've been there.

 

AH well, good thing there's nothing wrong with me, because someone has tried to set me up.

 

Anyhow, I hear people aren't hardly thrilled with setting others up, for fear it might backlash if it doesn't work out, and then get blamed for it or something.

[RedRobin]

It's true that I don't know alot of unattached people (male or female).

 

I only set up people that I think would be very compatible. I don't randomly set up friends. I look at it like a personal recommendation.

 

If your friends aren't setting you up with other friends, you might ask them why. Some people just assume you are doing fine on your own, or they don't want to be involved (drama).

[RedRobin]

AH well, good thing there's nothing wrong with me, because someone has tried to set me up.

 

Anyhow, I hear people aren't hardly thrilled with setting others up, for fear it might backlash if it doesn't work out, and then get blamed for it or something.

 

Well, after this last incident with one of the guys my friend set me up with, I can understand that.

 

There was some wierdness, and his friend wasn't exactly honest in some ways.

 

Turns out the guy who set me up with him didn't do his homework. He told me the guy was single. I found out after the fact that he didn't know if the guy had a GF. WTF?!! "single" means no GF!! I definately got the impression that his friend had someone in the works or had a GF and was doing a bit of post-divorce playing the field. Totally not my thing.

 

If you are going to be the setter-upper, make it clear what your level of knowledge is about the person. If you don't know them all that well, then say so up front.

 

If you are the settee-uppee... I'd make sure I got some basics going in. The whole idea of using your social network is to eliminate some red flags right off the bat. Red flags being mostly about character, emotional stability, and maturity.

[Kamille]

Most of my friends also hang out with couples. But you never know who else they know in their broader networks. I don't ask my friends to set me up, but I do tell them I'm looking for a relationship. What's the shame in that? I do this specifically so that they might invite me if ever they're throwing a dinner where there will be single men around (without specifically setting me up).

 

Also: I prefer to meet men through friends. So, I might give a guy more of a change if I met him at a friend's dinner party than if he contacted me on-line. In my view, the fact we have a friend in common indicates we might have more in common. It also increases the chances that he's a decent guy (since most of my friends are decent people).

[namenottaken]

I only did this once. It was so bad I will never do it again. (I kinda did want to blame her, but I didn’t). I mean, what the heck was she thinking?

 

My friends and I are alike in so many ways, but when it comes to men, we are completely different in what we find attractive. I’ll never do that again...

[BeyondtheClouds]

Let me tell you something right now, if a woman you knew knows someone single & they aren't trying to set you up, it's because they don't want you dating that person.

 

Women LOVE LOVE LOVE to set people up.

If they aren't doing it for you then it's because they think something is wrong with you.

 

trust me, i've been there.

 

the other possibility is that sometimes married women or women in LTRs still like the attention of other men and therefore, to the extent possible, try to avoid introducing their male friends / acquaintances to other women.

[ASG]

I've never done online dating. I always meet people through other people, just like Kamille said.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but I've also never been set up on purpose.

[fortyninethousand322]

Every time, somebody says "I should introduce you to so and so" or "I should introduce you to some of my single friends" it's been all hot air. They never actually get around to doing it and I'm no beggar so I stop asking.

 

So as far as I'm concerned, until someone actually introduces you to a friend of their's who's single, you need to be really skeptical about what they're saying. Usually they're full of it.

[RedRobin]

... just as an aside... I really think more people ought to at least make an attempt at getting their single friends together...

 

a social event or party would be a good, low stress way to do that. To the extent that we've allowed the OLD, FB, Meetups take over more conventional filtering, I think, has gotten us off-track.

 

I know people will say that those other ways introduce them to people they wouldn't normally meet IRL. In my experience, that hasn't been a good thing.

 

I LIKE having social filters....

[Jane2011]

I've let friends set me up before, but there's always an exercise we go through beforehand where I make them promise they're not gonna resent it if I don't like the guy. (I think it's easy for friends to claim "you're too picky" if you don't like the person they set you up with, so I pre-empt ....).

 

I don't worry too much about the quality of the guy and/or him being 'weird'. I wouldn't hold my friends responsible for how someone else is, especially if my friend makes clear that *she* doesn't necessarily know him that well.

 

Also, even though I do think it's best when friends set you up with someone you have some chance of liking, I'm not bothered if a friend is off the mark in trying to gauge what I like. Most people have a variety of potential attractions, and friends aren't gonna always know every nuance of your attractions. I've liked guys before who, when my friends found out about it, said "I had no idea you were into....(such and such type)..." In the same vein, they may often think I'm potentially into a certain type/personality that I'm not.

[zengirl]

Let me tell you something right now, if a woman you knew knows someone single & they aren't trying to set you up, it's because they don't want you dating that person.

 

Women LOVE LOVE LOVE to set people up.

If they aren't doing it for you then it's because they think something is wrong with you.

 

trust me, i've been there.

 

Or they think something is wrong with that person you want to be set up with, or they know something you don't know about that person's dating situation, or they don't know anyone compatible to you (in their minds), or they've been burned setting up others recently, but generally phineas is right -- just a few more scenarios to add.

 

I set up people sometimes. Only if I think they'll work out and both want the same things, etc, and no drama will come from it, though. Which means there are many times someone asks for a setup and I say I'm not getting involved. Because I do not want to be drama-adjacent.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Don't get me started on this one.

 

I had friends criticise me for being on a datingsite because "only weird people" did that (so I was also weird I guess ). But they never introduced me to single men and these were people who had a lot of acquintances.

Fact is that couples very often are friends with couples. Moreover, it's often the woman who is in charge of the social contacts of the couple. And they prefer to invite single men rather than single women because by inviting single men they make sure their husband won't go to a pub with the single friend. However they don't want to invite the single women because those could go after their husband. BeyondTheClouds is right that jealousy plays a role here.

 

People have a lot of comments on single people and the way they look for a partner but I would like them to put themselves in my shoes and tell me what they think I should do to meet a partner.

 

But to be honest, I prefer to get to know someone without peer pressure so I kind of enjoy meeting people who I have no friends in common with.

 

If I would know 2 single people who I think are compatible, I would not doubt for a second to introduce them to each other. Definitely not when I know how hard it is to be single and wanting a relationship. This said, I don't really know single people.

[Mr. Slim]

It's actually one of the few avenues still available to me but it's not something easy for me to do. As someone else mentioned, lots of people are thinking you have it all together so to actually come to someone and solicit it is pride swallowing. I have several good female friends who know a lot of single women (hell, I could literally look at their Facebook friends list and find dozens that I would definitely date) but I just can't bring myself to ask them. Maybe I just haven't gotten desperate enough.

[Feelsgoodman]

Let me tell you something right now, if a woman you knew knows someone single & they aren't trying to set you up, it's because they don't want you dating that person.

 

Women LOVE LOVE LOVE to set people up.

If they aren't doing it for you then it's because they think something is wrong with you.

 

trust me, i've been there.

I don't agree with this. From my experience, a woman will never try to set you up with a female friend who is hotter than she is. Also, if a woman finds you attractive, she will not introduce you to any of her single female friends even if she herself is in a relationship.

[irc333]

I've let friends set me up before, but there's always an exercise we go through beforehand where I make them promise they're not gonna resent it if I don't like the guy. (I think it's easy for friends to claim "you're too picky" if you don't like the person they set you up with, so I pre-empt ....).

 

Funny you mention that, I saw this online dating profile of an attractive woman, living in my rural neck of the woods, one of the rare few women that isn't a married with children, butn ever married, with no children, which is ideal for me.

 

In her profile she said the REAONS she's doing online dating is because her friends who ahve tried to introduce her to THEIR single friends, just weren't soeone they were attracted to.

 

Making it look like online dating was her only resort. Too bad, she passe dup on some real face to face encounters.

[FitChick]

A friend set me up with his friend because I'd set him up with a coworker. Neither match worked out.

[somedude81]

None of my female friends has every introduced me to any of their friends or ever talked about doing something like that.

[dasein]

Let me tell you something right now, if a woman you knew knows someone single & they aren't trying to set you up, it's because they don't want you dating that person.

 

Women LOVE LOVE LOVE to set people up.

If they aren't doing it for you then it's because they think something is wrong with you.

 

trust me, i've been there.

 

Agree generally, but that's not the whole story. Women and men can be jealous of their friends as well as romantic interests. I have female friends who would never ever set me up because they are jealous both ways, of me on one side and whomever they might set me up with on the other.

 

It's annoying, but NBD, you can tell these by how they start acting possessive in a GFey kind of way when their single female friends are around, and if you start hitting on one of their friends they will act guarding and possessive of them too.

 

I find it much easier to get set up by mild acquaintances than by close friends for this reason, OP.

[phineas]

AH well, good thing there's nothing wrong with me, because someone has tried to set me up.

 

Anyhow, I hear people aren't hardly thrilled with setting others up, for fear it might backlash if it doesn't work out, and then get blamed for it or something.

 

It's usually my friends wives that didn't want me dating their friends. LOL!

[phineas]

the other possibility is that sometimes married women or women in LTRs still like the attention of other men and therefore, to the extent possible, try to avoid introducing their male friends / acquaintances to other women.

 

yeap.

Hence why I don't currently have any female friends.

They get in the way / cockblock.

[phineas]

I don't agree with this. From my experience, a woman will never try to set you up with a female friend who is hotter than she is. Also, if a woman finds you attractive, she will not introduce you to any of her single female friends even if she herself is in a relationship.

 

yeap.

I was thinking from my standpoint where my friends wives never wanted to set me up with any of their friends.

 

I was THAT friend that always brought their husbands home drunk.

[phineas]

Agree generally, but that's not the whole story. Women and men can be jealous of their friends as well as romantic interests. I have female friends who would never ever set me up because they are jealous both ways, of me on one side and whomever they might set me up with on the other.

 

It's annoying, but NBD, you can tell these by how they start acting possessive in a GFey kind of way when their single female friends are around, and if you start hitting on one of their friends they will act guarding and possessive of them too.

 

I find it much easier to get set up by mild acquaintances than by close friends for this reason, OP.

 

yeap again. I knew all this too.

I was probably only on my first cup of coffee when I posted this morning.