todreaminblue Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Well an update. Things got better, we got engaged, everything was going well, we relocated to NYC. She started her job, then was due holidays, in these holidays she decides to get plastic surgery - liposuction! No way she needed it! But you could never tell her that. I have struggled to get a job in NYC, and we had a huge argument and now I am in Toronto staying with my aunt as she asked me to leave. We talk everyday, but she is now saying that I cannot move back, she felt I am not the man she met. Don't go to gym, started eating bad... And don't have a job! But thinks that I was like this because I wasn't focused or working. Hell I applied for 1000 jobs since I came back!! I'm looking for advice, I'm deeply sad as we were so happy. Now it's everything on her terms. I feel powerless I don't have any money as it went back to tax. And tonight she sent me this "I'm not sure where we will end up but I know we both deserve to be happy" "if that's together then we are blessed. If not then we will be hurt but whatever happens we need to ensure we are truly happy. There is nothing worse than a bad relationship so use this time to think about what makes you really truly happy and will do the same" doesn't sound promising i am an emotional person.I have mood swings to do with mental illness.I dont make major decisions when i am down or feeling unhinged....I just try not to do it......i take some time out.I am not big on confrontation i may journal but i wouldnt post for the world to see that.....when you suffer with mood swings you have to find your center to discuss anything basically she is discussing and as arguing when she is not centered......i explain i cant talk now, dont want to fight, not thinking straight.....and hope whoever i am speaking to understands.You have problems with this relationship she needs to get some therapy to develop strategies.......and you need to read the triggers and develop strategies to deal with her swings.... hard work huh? I have done so much therapy intensive over the years i can talk myself around look crazy doing it but that's good to recognise......every body goes through crap some more than others its all good in the end the more crap you deal with and find answers on how to deal with the more you take with you, more strategies more strength...its a learning process.....and that is life long learning........life is strategic it depends on your acceptance of that and your ability to learn and grow from mistakes to benefit......thats strategy..gods grand design....deb
thatone Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Well it's over, the final straw was ridiculous, but I had to share it with you She called said she wanted to sort things out, I said ok, what about coming to see you - I still have all my stuff there. She said nope - I can't I'm going away on a yoga trip to Mexico. I was like so rather than sort out this you have booked a trip away? **** you. I'm in two minds to throw the tag Monaco watch in the river just so I can feel release if anger! I now am looking to repeace my life together - any I inspiration stories you can pass on please help! Just really gutted you think you know someone. That's the lesson you have to take away here, don't ever make these mistakes again. I work by a 'three strikes' rule. Three signs of crazy before we're showing 'relationshp' status on FB and the girl in question is history. Doesn't matter how big or how small, just three.
CptObvious Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Run!!! Run like carlos condit!!! Run like kalib starnes!!!
todreaminblue Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 You can just control situation from your side. You just seeing the trailer now. Imagine how the movie will be. Love and life dont have trailers and you dont remember the beginning of the movie of life.....life has flashbacks not trailers.....the most important two parts of the movies are the backing soundtrack and the closing credits where you thank everyone for being a part of your movie.......and the biggest letters should be for the producer of said love or life movie.....imagine if he gave up on it...huge issues....deb
Author jude007 Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Agreed, its just a really lonely feeling, engaged - it all felt like a dream at the start. Then the honeymoon period wears off... She would hang the phone up, dish out arguments, really go crazy at me.... She has her great job, money, and standards - let someone else realise!! All i did was try to be a good guy - beginning to think being a bad guy would be better!! all my buddys seem to be absolute bastards sometimes to there women. Lost a great job, friends, and life abroad in UAE. now back to looking for another job........ biggest mistake of my life. You just wonder if she can sleep at night, she prob has someone lined up already! thanks for posting.....
Author jude007 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 well i thought i would post an update, as this got better, then..... So she turned up at where I was staying, very upset and telling me how much she loves me and she is sorry, don't leave her. it was heart warming, she said she has been focusing on getting better, and preparing for a new job she had secured, and wanted a life with me. We spoke at great lengths - i explained to her how she made me feel. She was sorry and we worked it out..... I returned to live with her, it all felt good again.... then i was offered a one month contract helping out an old friend about an hours flight away...... I took this, we figured that we would work it out at weekends.....and see each other as much as possible..... While we were together, something really concerning happened - her EX sms'd her.... (i could see on the summary on her locked phone when it flashed up)... i asked her - she said oh its relating to the Game that was on last night, I just ignore it honey!!!... (i was not happy).... but I let it slide.... I returned to work on a month contract, we are getting on great - amazing again.... however she tells me she had a miscarriage - and she couldn't tell me as it was really hard for her to trust me - as I ended it before/left her as explained above.......to compound matters - then get offered another role in the UAE - we talk about it,she agrees that it makes financial sense to go... she says she would follow in 6 months. I go over mid november. while I am over there, She has contacted my mother and family, to express how she wants to build a relationship with them, and how proud of me, and how much she loves me..... I arrived in UAE - there is breakdown of what was agreed (through the agency) and what the arab's expect to pay.... I decide to leave UAE as they were messing me about. 2 days before I leave I tell her about the job is not looking good - and get a less caring response, and little communication from her. When I return, she doesn't get in contact, despite me calling I SMS her, and email, she just cuts off... 2 days later she SMS. its her birthday, I want to see her, she says she is busy with work, I send her flowers, my parents send her presents and card, no response....... and then the next day - I get a sms "I am not happy with us, I thought I could forgive you for leaving me, but I can't, I think we should stop pretending everything is ok, its not, I want to be alone" i'm then deleted of her SKYPE, Facebook, and Viber....... she looks like she has totally cut me out now - you cannot help who you love even if her mind has shown irrational behavour...., and yes its all been crazy. I'm hurt on many levels, now no job again, and really don't know what to do........ She wont return any of my calls.... and looking at the relationship - its not been the best at times, I know that, but I was hoping that I could change or stop the issues that have happened.... I do feel at rock bottom tho - I do miss her..... but I dont miss the bull****.....
Author jude007 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 But i do not understand how one minute she can be admitting she was wrong, wanting to build a future, tell me she had a miscarriage, call my parents, tell me I was amazing to with in one week - CUT everything off....... the bad thing is I love her. i just dont know what to do now.......
dasein Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 So sorry you have had this in your life. Your GF is significantly personality disordered, the infantilization is the surest sign there is, together with all the other horrendous behavior. It would have NEVER gotten better, only worse, the closer you two were to get. But why doesn't matter, what matters is how fast you can move to a better place in life and forget this nightmare. Best wishes and good luck.
Author jude007 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 thank you for your time to respond I was thinking that as well. it doesnt happen all the time but when it does - its crazy...... I just do not understand why she is so cold hearted.
zebracolors Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Hi Jude. I think she had really given up long before she sent you that SMS saying she was not happy, no? But she shouldn't have strung you along as long as she did. You are right that we can't help who we love, and no relationship is ever always perfect. The circumstances around the break up will always be there no matter how much you convince yourself that you might make it work again. Im sure you already know the first thing you should concentrate on is finding work, and getting back on that track. Give yourself time to mentally heal, then you'll know when you'll be ready to try dating again.
Author jude007 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 I gave up she was horrible to me for a long time, prepared to accept it, and then she flew to see me, pleaded with me. and blames me for leaving her. Apparantly I broke her!.... she broke me - not telling me about kid, making me feel unwelcome after giving up a life and job for her, and now no contact at all!
colombiana28 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 is it not obvious? the minute there's no more certainty about your job, she bails. "I thought I could forgive you for leaving me..." BULLSH&T! this girl NEVER loved you, she loves money. do you really want to settle for a relationship with a spoiled bitch who would discard you by the dumpster because you're not giving her enough $$$?? grow a pair, dude. i hope you become insanely wealthy and successful and then say F&CK YOU when she comes sniffing around again. ugh, gold diggers just make me sick...
MyPoutine Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I know you must feel so hurt and confused right now, knowing how much you invested in her and your relationship but trust me it's for the best. Do what you must to heal and walk away and NEVER go back, good luck.
Author jude007 Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 hopefully my final post, I got another contract - which is a great package. I then was organizing my belongings to be picked up, and had to let her know... she then said I hope you are sending the watch I gave you for your birthday? its inappropriate that you should keep this after we only dated for 14 months. What do you respond to that - its a TAG monaco..... ??? thought please.
KungFuJoe Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 hopefully my final post, I got another contract - which is a great package. I then was organizing my belongings to be picked up, and had to let her know... she then said I hope you are sending the watch I gave you for your birthday? its inappropriate that you should keep this after we only dated for 14 months. What do you respond to that - its a TAG monaco..... ??? thought please. Does she have any of your stuff? If it was a gift from her I would return that. Regardless if it was a tag or a Casio. Clean break. But if she still kept any of your gifts, eBay that ASAP!
todreaminblue Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 hopefully my final post, I got another contract - which is a great package. I then was organizing my belongings to be picked up, and had to let her know... she then said I hope you are sending the watch I gave you for your birthday? its inappropriate that you should keep this after we only dated for 14 months. What do you respond to that - its a TAG monaco..... ??? thought please. the watch is yours....it was given as a gift fourteen months to me is long enough considering you were talking marriage....to me if i gave a gift as a birthday present even if i had known that person for a week and we fell out i would not ask for it back....that's low class and spiteful to ask for birthday gifts back...in saying that if someone was spiteful with m e......and nasty as she has been to you i wouldnt want a reminder fo that person on my wrist,that i was able to see every day, i would give the watch back and have it done and dusted...I am sorry that your relationship ended the way it did am happy to hear about your contract......I hope the next relationship you have is happy and long lasting....best wishes.....deb
Author jude007 Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 I thought about selling it and buying another one!
todreaminblue Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I thought about selling it and buying another one! lol you do what you feel you should do in your heart..... if you have a conscience it may affect you later, might not now, might later.......I have never asked for something back i have given.....never...i think its low.....but i do have a conscience if i was asked for something back i would feel guilty selling it......but thats me i am a bit of a sucker that way....would rather give it back and feel good in my heart....damn heart my heart sucks....smilin.....but then again....i can smile freely..would you smile freely?.. i have had relationships where my actual possessions were kept....i let them go....chalk it up to done and dusted.....no blackboard required..i also have not had a situation where someone asks for something given back....i have thought about it though what i would do concerning, two engagement rings and a solid gold bracelet a few trinkets here and there....never came to that decision being final though was never asked for anything back.....probably due to my nature....i am never spiteful in a relationship i dont get spited because i dont let myself be i let things go...,.........deb
xpaperxcutx Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Just sent it back. Any gift over a certain value is something that might force her to sue you for; I don't know too much about international law, but if it's something that might make her come after you, you're better off getting rid of it. Likewise, why keep something that might remind you of her? You want to walk away clean. Don't hold onto anything that's going to keep a tie between you two.
Author jude007 Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 I agree - but when my money that went into her account we did spend alot but not 18000 usd. I am entitled to it, did I ask for the ring back or the golf clubs I bought her father??? No.. Did I ask for the Sonos system I bought. The amount if time she has been cruel and unkind I've earned it. I'm a good guy - and gave up a life and career for a packet full of lies and hurt.
KraftDinner Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I agree - but when my money that went into her account we did spend alot but not 18000 usd. I am entitled to it, did I ask for the ring back or the golf clubs I bought her father??? No.. Did I ask for the Sonos system I bought. The amount if time she has been cruel and unkind I've earned it. I'm a good guy - and gave up a life and career for a packet full of lies and hurt. Oh for the love of Pete! Definitely keep it! This woman caused a trainwreck through your life.
Author jude007 Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Well, it went from bad to worse. I received a SMS advising all my belongings were left outside in a suitcase in the street. its clothes, electricals, and of value. I tried to contact her, to no avail, I contacted her mother(which I prob shouldn't have done) - but I wanted to try get her to mediate the situation, or assist in making her daughter see wrongs..... I got a horrible email back, and CC my parents.... saying they are hurt at my actions!! To make matters worse she has posted pictures on FB at the weekend, with her friends, and she looks amazing, the smile I fell in love with, the people I met. Pretty low on life, yes it was a disaster, but in the good times, it felt pretty amazing, she said and did all the right things. where do you go from here? I worry hitting mid 30's next year, single - career has had to take a backward step as I could not get a job. Money is getting tight. It really puts me of going through the hurt and pain again, and I constantly think is there anything I could have done to change the situation. Was it me? When I first met her I remember looking up to the stars - I want to marry this women, and I guess that's where it hurts, I saw the mother of my kids in 80% of her, but the crazy 20% - I have never met someone so cold, hurtful, terrible temper, and selfish in all my life....... I am having to go away on a break - I have been on medication for stress, and depression, something that I never thought I would get. For some reason I have always wanted women to be the focal point in my life, I had a girl for 8 yrs before - got engaged, realized we were not meant to be we continually broke up. I took that bad, as I despite our differences I missed her. Then I met a beautiful blonde from Oz, she was very much like my current Ex, filled my head with I've met my man, i'm amazing, then she just vanished, cited she felt pressure!, then single for a year, and met this girl while working away. As Jude Law said in Alfie - whats it all about...........
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