Signs are showing already.....

[jude007]

2 years ago I posted on this and it really helped me......

 

now I am back as I do not have anyone to turn too......I am hoping for help.

 

I am now relocated to Dubai, I met this girl at the gym - we date for 6 months - at times, strained as we both have busy careers, and have to globally fly different places....

 

When we first 9 months ago - met she was with an man older (15yrs) - he was a money man - treated her well by all accounts. I got friendly with her friends and they invited me to a party, she was there with her man, he got jealous at the amount of time she was spending with me at the party just talking... (but there was an attraction there). then basically she found out he was cheating on her and we were in contact not long and dating after this.

 

It was amazing, it felt right, everything within months, we were telling each other we are so right for each other. Everything was amazing, and we returned from an amazing weeks holiday together recently again all is fine, she is everything I want in a women and more, and really, I feel blessed and lucky, and fortunate. I have for the first time opened up about many secrets I have held, and she has understoood, in turn she has also told me everything. It feels right.

 

However - here is comes....

 

She mood swings, she plays a baby sometimes, and talks in a baby accent - when she is playful, but continues it for a long time. Then there is the nice girl in her, and generous, and then there is the over the top, dramatic, arguments, updates on her Blackberry status - after we had disagreements "Ive had it, its broken why fix it" - to "sometimes you have to say good bye"...... then I speak to her after a disagreement and its resolved - "i love my man, he is my rock" is then displayed.....

 

At the moment - currently she is in Asia and I am in Dubai.its becoming strained - I went over to see her last week, a great relaxing time, and then return. She is unwell and she has some family issues, and she took it out on me. And recently hangs up the phone on me.....

 

Recently we decided 3 things -

1 she would meet my parents and go back home to the UK for a short break.

2.We made a commitement of looking at rings/houses in the summer.

3. I would give up my contract in dubai and travel to NYC with her.

 

One local found out through a leak at my work - about my resignation she went completey crazy - and again hng up - advising that i has not been careful enough with the process, and she hated being the local focus of gossip at teh gym.

 

Next we talk about the wedding - and who we would invite - and she asked about my Ex (8 years I was with her) - she says that she doesnt want my 2 friends there (who are married to my EX's friends). Then calls me saying she is not prepared to make a commitment when she is worried that I was with someone for so long she thinks I would end up going back to her! (which is a crazy thought). I assure her I have not spoken to my EX in a long time, nor heard anything.

 

Then later on after it calms down, she tells me how much she loves me, how much she cares, and how I need to hold on in there!!!

 

We are now at this stage, I have handed my resignation in, she is obviously having some different thoughts, in fact the last few days, we havent really communicated - everything I said has got under her skin, and I really dont know why.....

 

its all the over the top, messages, when we fight, I then reassure her and its resolved, but it takes alot of this.....

 

The way I see it I am about to give a great life, and job up to be with her, and really just getting alot of uncertainty. It doesnt help we are 1000's of miles away from each other.

 

I just dont get it, when we are together, we are amazing, when apart its difficult to communicate, despite - messages of how much she misses me, loves me, then it all goes entirely the other way. She sent me expensive gift to say she was thinking about me.... she does all the right things, then as soon as the first hint of a argument, or disagreement its like I am fighting for my relationship!

 

And recently one other thing that I have come to find out she has been married twice, and engaged 6 times!

 

Both in mid 30's....what do I do?

[TaraMaiden]

....What do you do...??

 

RUN!! RUN LIKE THE WIND AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!

[jude007]

Well an update.

 

Things got better, we got engaged, everything was going well, we relocated to NYC. She started her job, then was due holidays, in these holidays she decides to get plastic surgery - liposuction! No way she needed it! But you could never tell her that.

 

I have struggled to get a job in NYC, and we had a huge argument and now I am in Toronto staying with my aunt as she asked me to leave.

 

We talk everyday, but she is now saying that I cannot move back, she felt I am not the man she met. Don't go to gym, started eating bad... And don't have a job! But thinks that I was like this because I wasn't focused or working. Hell I applied for 1000 jobs since I came back!!

 

I'm looking for advice, I'm deeply sad as we were so happy. Now it's everything on her terms. I feel powerless I don't have any money as it went back to tax.

 

And tonight she sent me this "I'm not sure where we will end up but I know we both deserve to be happy" "if that's together then we are blessed. If not then we will be hurt but whatever happens we need to ensure we are truly happy. There is nothing worse than a bad relationship so use this time to think about what makes you really truly happy and will do the same"

[TaraMaiden]

....What do you do...??

 

RUN!! RUN LIKE THE WIND AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!

 

Ditto this.

But this time - Do it.

[johan]

Take her at her word. She says it's over, so let it be over. Once you put yourself in control of the situation, you will feel better and you'll be more able to see things objectively. At least take a step back and think about whether you have a single need that is being met by this relationship. If the answer is no, then you know you can do better.

[jude007]

Is it over? Maybe I am in denial.

She was talking about coming to see me this weekend.

 

I'm so confused. Down we are a far cry away from the love she has shown previously.

[jude007]

And how do I control the situation?

[johan]

It's good when she wants it to be and bad when she wants it to be. Without any regard for what you want or need. You're hanging on to a fantasy and hoping that's what reality will magically turn into.

 

When you get off the rollercoaster ride she has turned your relationship into and start taking care of yourself, then you will be in control. Your future doesn't include her.

[ffw]

And how do I control the situation?

 

You can just control situation from your side. You just seeing the trailer now. Imagine how the movie will be.

[jude007]

I really don't know whether to give it more time, I guess my rashness and well what I thought belief in her - caused this.

 

She said what's a few months to a possible lifetime?!? She has been stressed, and the surgery didn't go well.

 

However I am livid the fact we are engaged and I'm living apart....

[Titanwolf]

Walk. Away. GTFO!. Grow a pair.

 

/Thread.

[jude007]

Wish it was that easy..... I'm no pushover , andim confident about myself, but she is telling me to have space, I've seen it workfor others

[TaraMaiden]

I hate to say it jude007, but you don't come over as confident at all...

 

look at how long this has been grinding on.

And for what?

Where has it got you?

It's pathetic.

I'm sorry, but it is.

[I'm nuts]

Hey dude, she's nuts, just look at the stats and do the math, doh, get out fast.

[truth_seeker]

And recently one other thing that I have come to find out she has been married twice, and engaged 6 times!

 

Both in mid 30's....what do I do?

 

I got involved with a woman years ago who was divorced twice. Right away, I saw the red flags, but I was single and found her attractive so I decided to date her. It wasn't long before I bailed. The mood swings were so extreme I found myself losing focus on my work and devoting all my time to just her. These kinds of women are very unstable. They want you to feel their pain. They want you to adapt to their moods. It's unhealthy. It's unfair. It will bring you down and you will become an extension of who they are: a nut job.

 

Break it off. This woman will ruin your life.

[TaraMaiden]

Of course, he won't.

He didn't in April, and he's not going to now, because there is a co-dependency there.

if there wasn't, he would have seen the sense of running, ages ago.

With everything she seems to have, going against her - he's still there?

 

Puh-leeze....

[jude007]

Ok,

 

I thank you for your comments its appreciate, its a very difficult time right now I really do not know what to do.

 

When I met her, and the months, after that, it felt unbelievable, just amazing, beautiful she thought the world of me - she "believed in me", she realised life long ambitions that I had long set myself, she helped concur them. She was open and honest about stuff she has never told anyone, it was good, I let her have a few moments we all have them. and now we have one bad month, and she shuts down on us.

 

All the above is the reason I love her, and think if its worth fighting for I agree there is alot to be cleared up, however I really would be heart broken, my family would, and I would look an idiot. Engaged planning wedding, she just met all my friends family, and now, I am on the verge of telling them, well actually its over..... its soul destroying, I really dont know what to do or say to her? she still has alot of my money, belongings, and clothing.

 

So if I am to have showdown talks, then what should I say? Im sorry you feel its pathetic, I feel pathetic. But I do not know what to do - when I last saw her she was in tears, and tears on facetime last night, talking.....

[Radu]

Wish it was that easy..... I'm no pushover , andim confident about myself, but she is telling me to have space, I've seen it workfor others

 

It's easy to say something like this, but in reality actions speak louder than words.

And your actions in this relationship have consistently shown that you are a weak willed individual in romantic relationships.

 

She :

- was married twice and engaged 6 times by her mid 30's

- blows arguments over the top

- has a hard time controlling her emotions

 

And you are just staying there, taking all this abuse for what ?

Because she has a vagina ?

 

I don't know what her problem is, but if i were to guess, i would suspect insecurity, dysfunctional family life when growing up [if she goes over the top on arguments] ...

And you know what, in this situation even her last relationship ... a guy 15yrs older than her [a daddy], who cheated on her ends up saying a lot about her character.

 

This woman will wake up at 60 asking herself what happened, do you want to wait a few decades for it to happen or do you want to start respecting yourself.

 

And on the matter of respect ... this a basic rule of life :

'People respect people who respect themselves.'

When you allow this child [because she is emotionally immature] to walk all over you, it says something about you.

 

You gave up your job that included traveling, in this **** economy, you gave up your own place to her in NYC because of her whims.

What else do you want to give to this spoiled brat who feels empowered to walk all over you and does not have the ability to look into herself and realise that she is sabotaging every relationship where she was treated right, and where the guy wasn't moneybags.

 

She is broken, an uncompleted human being, and untill she makes the decision to complete herself there is nothing that anyone can do, no matter what 'damsel in distress' she wants other guys to be.

Do you know why it felt so good to be with her at first ?

Because she turned you into a fantasy, of you being a knight.

Edited September 4, 2012 by Radu

[jude007]

your right so what do i say?

[Scott68]

I think you have 2 choices here.

1. Shoot yourself

2. RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Marrying a woman like this will be a fate worse than death. You will suffer daily. Get away from her run far, run fast, and never look back.

[Emilia]

your right so what do i say?

 

Nothing. Just realise how fickle she is and how little you can count on her! Leave her

[jude007]

Well I am going to take your advise, its the hardest thing, I have to do.

 

We spoke last week, I got blasted for

 

"Giving up my job to soon"

"No being financially secure"

"Cant live together as we live in too a small apartment"

I cant expect to live of her...

And if I moved back we would surely split up....

 

I see all the points above, I was hoping it was the medication, and the stress...

but I am looking at emails, messages, showing nothing but love, even messages to my friends and family CC me in on them.... showing how amazing she can be....

 

and then - the true stark reality..... we really are too different people, and the scary dam thing about it is, I gave up a great job, had money banked, and ive lost everything. My apartment is being rented out.

 

She starts a new contract with Wall Street Traders - im sure she will meet someone that has plenty of $$$$$..

 

lost but wont give up on life.

 

thanks you all.

[weallfalldown]

she sounds like a right bitch..........no one likes a drama queen, self obsessed too......UGH!!!!!

[jude007]

Well it's over, the final straw was ridiculous, but I had to share it with you

 

She called said she wanted to sort things out, I said ok, what about coming to see you - I still have all my stuff there.

 

She said nope - I can't I'm going away on a yoga trip to Mexico. I was like so rather than sort out this you have booked a trip away? **** you.

 

I'm in two minds to throw the tag Monaco watch in the river just so I can feel release if anger!

 

I now am looking to repeace my life together - any I inspiration stories you can pass on please help!

 

Just really gutted you think you know someone.

[thatone]

Ok,

 

I thank you for your comments its appreciate, its a very difficult time right now I really do not know what to do.

 

When I met her, and the months, after that, it felt unbelievable, just amazing, beautiful she thought the world of me - she "believed in me", she realised life long ambitions that I had long set myself, she helped concur them. She was open and honest about stuff she has never told anyone, it was good, I let her have a few moments we all have them. and now we have one bad month, and she shuts down on us.

 

All the above is the reason I love her, and think if its worth fighting for I agree there is alot to be cleared up, however I really would be heart broken, my family would, and I would look an idiot. Engaged planning wedding, she just met all my friends family, and now, I am on the verge of telling them, well actually its over..... its soul destroying, I really dont know what to do or say to her? she still has alot of my money, belongings, and clothing.

 

So if I am to have showdown talks, then what should I say? Im sorry you feel its pathetic, I feel pathetic. But I do not know what to do - when I last saw her she was in tears, and tears on facetime last night, talking.....

 

So you quit your job and simultaneously gave her 'a lot' of money, while moving halfway around the world for this girl that you knew was at least somewhat psycho to start with.

 

You can't 'clear up' her damaged brain. It won't ever 'clear up'.