Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 There was a thread similar to this if not the same, but I really want to get to the bottom of a question I want to discuss: '' If your ex was amazing, do u stop having feelings for them, once u meet a new girl who you genuinely love?" I am working on improving my life and in turn, self esteem. I know I have a lot to offer, but I am still a bit insecure about myself, and am not quiet the person I know I could be yet.Therefore, I am insecure, because I do not quiet think the person I am NOW, is enough to offer. i could be much better. I will not go into the details. I am self aware though and know exactly how to go about changing for the better and am in the process. As a result... I am insecure and feel less desirable than my boyfriends ex.... I have a long nose, she has a cute, upturned feminine nose that looks great in profiles.. Where my nose is terrible in profiles, like a witches nose. not big, but has a tiny dent, and nostrils are long. The other girl is also skinny and petite, where as I am curvy. He loves my bubble butt and my curves though, he sais he loves it. I can get to 120 - 125 lbs when I work out hard and eat well, though. I am heading towards 125 lbs now.... 120 currently. MY theory is: if I do my best in life, and try to be a true and good version of myself, I just need to be a good version of myself, try hard, and A GUY will love who I am, for my uniquness that no one else has. I ask because: my boyfriend has been around a lot of girls his entire life but none have been remarkable, until he went travelling. He met a girl who is ridiculously beautiful, skinny, knows several languages, and has a masters degree. She is also into extreme sports and is just a truly funny, one of a kind type - amazing girl. My boyfriend is into travel and adventure and partying, the 3 things she is also into, and she is also crazy ( ccrazy fun, partys hard and does crazy things while doing it). She is a women unlike ANY women he has ever met. The chicks around here, at least in his high school social circle, are not as remarkable as this girl, or even close. They met, travelled together for a few months, and went back to their home countries ( her Germany, him Aus). She told me, when I chatted to her, that they were in her view, very good friends with benifits, and she never saw a future with him. I have talked to her, and she is highly intelligent, and a cool person to talk to. She has many options and although she was very upset to leave him, she was always cool and casual with him, because she does not NEED to get attached or close to any particular guy, as she can have ANY GUY, any time. She sent him long letters at first apparently, but they tapered off after months, as she was super busy, studying and partying literally every night. girls with a lot going on cannot always stay in touch. A year later he met me. I am just as happy, positive, and as much of a cool person as she is. I am the same in a lot of ways - into travel, adventure, crazy... Except, she is much better looking, skinnier, and more highly educated than me. In the next year or so me and my b/f want to travel to Europe, and will prob meet up with that chick he travelled with. If me and my bf are genuinely happy, do you think her outstanding looks, and her amazing personality, will be enough to break up a great relationship? Surely, if I am totally confident in who I am by then, and me and my boyfriend are really, really happy with each other and deaply in love, a model chick who is an oustanding person will not come between us? .. He has told me that I am his first true love, he did not have enough time to truly fall in love with her,but was indeed falling in love. He says he loves and cares for me far more than he did for her, as we have both been together for over a year. I believe, he does truly love and care for me unlike ANY women/ girl he has ever met. He has never been in a loving relationship before me. He has never hugged a girl every night in bed while he slept, called girlfriends gorgeous and beautiful, and acted in the way he has towards me. he is nto the type do act that way and call girls beautiful often, and does not do it every day to me, even. Please help me:( I am his first love, and want to improve myself and be the person I KNOW I can be, so I do not need to WORRy about him leaving for some girl he once hooked up with, who is prettier than me.
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 I know this is LONG long long, but can the longtime posters who tend to help me often with my other threads, PLEASE help me? I believe my self esteem will be fine soon, and when it is, I will not need to worry about a more attractive girl who is remarkable - because I will be enough for my b/f, even though I am not as pretty as his ex.
Els Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Why do you think he is with you, and not her, for the past year?
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 ... She left because she has options, and knows she can find great guys easily, and has problems keeping guys away from her any way. Why change her life around for a guy she knew for 3 months, but loved? My boyfriend, I am sure, would have done long distance with her if she had asked, but she did not, and he is not the type to initiate that sort of thing... He needs a girl to show she wants it, or he will leave them alone. He feels " desperate" if he chases a girl in any way. *sigh* she is just so dang amazing, in looks and all aspects of personality, and frankly, I do not totallllly, 100% like myself right now. For NOW, though, I do not feel great about myself, so it made me wonder; if an ex has something really different and special about themselves, much more than any girl u had prevously met, and you only left her due to distance........ ... Wouldn't u have some kind of spark if you were to meet again? Logic tells me, once I feel better about myself, me and my boyfriend will happily be able to talk to amazing women together on our travels, who are FAR more beautiful than I am, and just enjoy their beauty and company. Currently, I am at the stage in building my self esteem, where I am thrilled to be me, and do not feel " jealousy" anymore. I honestly, truly, wish people the best, and feel at ease with beautiful female friends. I seriously do not WANT to be them, I want to be ME. I do not want to be perfect, I am so proud to me MYSELF. I am just not the best version of myself right now and could do much better.
tommycapnpants Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 you are the best version of you right now. and you know what? you are only going to get better and more beautiful. i would not be concerned about the other girl, if you and your boyfriend love each other. but, i would be just a little concerned if he constantly spoke of other women...which i do not think i read. on a side note, i have been with mostly skinny to curvy women 125lbs max, and all are beautiful in their own way. i used to have a thing for Mediterranean noses on women, but now really do not care. if i love some one, i love her for everything that she is and is not.
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 you are the best version of you right now. and you know what? you are only going to get better and more beautiful. i would not be concerned about the other girl, if you and your boyfriend love each other. but, i would be just a little concerned if he constantly spoke of other women...which i do not think i read. on a side note, i have been with mostly skinny to curvy women 125lbs max, and all are beautiful in their own way. i used to have a thing for Mediterranean noses on women, but now really do not care. if i love some one, i love her for everything that she is and is not. I am normally 125 lbs but gained to 130 through being sedentary and not watching what I eat. F8ck.... You know what? When I am a fitness junkie again and have a hot body from working out a lot, I feel instantly worthy adn good enough. Mann.. this is mostly because ilet myself go, my body go - I DO NOT feel fat but I am not the fit girl I have always been the past few years. Iam passionate about being fit and in good shape, so I feel out of sorts. Also, I am 25 and have yet to establish my career. BUT, at least I know what it is and how to go about it.... Once I start working this year sometime, and get into shape, those things alone will stop my worries, regarding his ex... I like my base personality enough to know being myself is enough for the guy I love, and who truly loves me.
tommycapnpants Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 pssssh. 130 is still pretty damn perfect if you ask me. in my teens and early 20s i was pretty big into fitness (gym/running/surfing) but became rather bored with it over the years, well running and the gym that is. i joined a crossfit gym and am loving it. i know there are many in australia *where you are from correct?* so, i would definitely look into that if you really want to get inspired for hitting the gym again. believe me, you will never feel any better about your body after training crossfit for a while.
maysj18 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I consider 125 to be skinny, not curvy. I'm 5'3, 133, and only a size 4. Regardless, your body is not what makes you special. Don't obsess, just be healthy! If 125 is healthy for you, then that's great. If he goes after this girl because she's got a nice body, he's obviously shallow and not worth your time.
matte123 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I think if he truly loves you, he wouldn't care if you can measure up to his ex and wouldn't leave. I don't believe someone's looks and personality can steal your bf away from you since it will be your bf's own decision that cause the breakup if he decides to leave you for his ex. I wouldn't worry too much about that because if he actually leaves/cheats on you with his ex, then know that he wasn't worth it in the first place. Also I don't think you should measure your worth by how much weight you lose and your body type. It just seems unhealthy to me. Try not to worry about body image so much and dress in clothes you feel comfortable and pretty in. I think that might help give you a little confidence boost
Jane2011 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 As a result... I am insecure and feel less desirable than my boyfriends ex.... I have a long nose, she has a cute, upturned feminine nose that looks great in profiles.. Where my nose is terrible in profiles, like a witches nose. not big, but has a tiny dent, and nostrils are long. The other girl is also skinny and petite, where as I am curvy. He loves my bubble butt and my curves though, he sais he loves it. I can get to 120 - 125 lbs when I work out hard and eat I'm petite and thin, and plenty of guys in my life have chosen taller, curvier women over me...
Radu Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) 1 - i checked your pics, your nose is fine. I don't think you have Cyrano de Bergerac as an ancestor. 2 - you can't look into this girl's mind, what you are fighting now is your projection of her in your mind. Fact is, she might be very insecure and desperate for aproval from her parents. Who knows ? Nobody is perfect and we all have our demons. 3 - even if she is all that, he chose you ... are you worried that he chose you because he can't get with her ? If you see this as a possibility, why do you want to go with him to Europe to meet her ? Just go with him in Europe and have fun the both of you. I don't think you should go to Europe with this guy with the purpose of meeting her. You think it might be your jealousy (that shows both some lack of self-esteem and some humility ... what this other girl lacks i suspect) that might make you feel that way, but from your description he sounds like an orbiter. Someone who orbits a hot girl who rejected him for aproval and potential sex. Yes, guys do this. I also think you should do something to stop contact with these 2, and if he won't ... let him have her (or his fantasy of her). If your guy can't find fault in a woman who is a potential and in his life, be on the lookout. I'll tell you 3 bad things about her from your original post ... maybe it will help you : 1 - her family supports her. It is against the law to work in Germany if you study in college. College ain't exactly cheap there and neither is life ... so who is paying for this ? 2 - she has yet to suffer a major setback in her life, and when she does ... oh boy. 3 - she may continue to act like she has a ton of options untill her options dry up, then she will settle and curse her ways when she was younger. Edited April 18, 2012 by Radu
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 Thanks guyss:) I realise, if I am totally at peace and happy with who I am, I will not worry if a super model wants to come and steal my b/f. He will be about me. I am on my WAY to true contentment within myself, I honestly do like myself and respect my body and only associate with guys who treat me right. As for that chick? We are going to Europe, so we plan, to travel, NOT to mean that girl!!! She just happens to be there, so we will no doubt have a few nights with her partying and taking in the sights. Her father died when she was a kid, so she has gone through hardships. Even beautiful people go through perils of some sort. The fact all guys, or MOSt guys, want her, means she would have to face more guys troubles than me, who has less options because I am not as accomplished, and am not super beautiful like she is. Honestly, she has told me she is not jealous upset, and is very, very happy ANdrew found me! She told him I am seriously caring, and a better than good, great girl from what she knwos of me. They comminucated by messages on facebook, but seldom talk now. She is busy and HE has a girlfriend now, so... He says he feels like he barly knows her anymore, any ways. They seldom talk, communication tapered out in the end, even though they were very close for the 3 months they travelled, and even got kidnapped in central america together and have been through a lot together.
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 I consider 125 to be skinny, not curvy. I'm 5'3, 133, and only a size 4. Regardless, your body is not what makes you special. Don't obsess, just be healthy! If 125 is healthy for you, then that's great. If he goes after this girl because she's got a nice body, he's obviously shallow and not worth your time. I am 5 ' 6 ish with huge boobs and a curvy butt. I am very c urvy, but was skinny for my curvy build - always 116 ish lbs the past 6 years, cos I worked out and ate well. Recently, i stopped working out and over ate when bored not hungry..... and gained to 130. Now that I am working otu again daily, and walk and climb trees on my days off ( I am a big kid, really..) SO, soon I will be 125 ish and it is eary enough for me to maintain at that weight - ya know, I eat my fave foods every day, dont starve to maintain.. LOSING weight is just a b!tch,though! I have to work out more cos I hate to eat much less...
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