Afraid of losing her

[Loss]

Hi guys,

 

I really really need your help. I went out with the most amazing girl this past Friday, we have a lot in common and I really like her. I am very shy, and she is too. A lot of times we had that awkward moment where neither of us knew what to say but I enjoyed myself and I think she did too. At the end of the night I walked her home and gave her a kiss on the cheek after asking her to kiss her and I also told her that I like her.

 

In any case, we talked a little bit on Monday and she told me that we should take it slow. I texted her today and asked her to go out with me this friday. We decided on a place to meet on Friday, but just not the time. Usually when I text she responds almost instantly but today she would only respond every hour or so and didn't respond to my last text where I expected her to say something and I'm afraid she's losing interest in me. Do you guys think I was too straight forward with her by telling her that I like her or that I'm being too pushy?

 

I've been thinking about her all this time and I really want to text her and tell her how much I miss her and that I can't stop thinking about her but again I'm afraid I'll ruin any chances I have because she said we should take it slow.

 

What do you guys think?

[doomage]

Hey what's up man.

 

Alright so it sounds to me like you still have a chance but you have to have a bit of self control in order for things to work out in your favor. First off you're probably new to dating so of course there's going to be some trial and error, it's pretty tricky. One thing though is you have to be wary of showing any type of needyness and or being desperate for the attention of a woman.

 

After one date and she already has you wrapped around her fingers? It's cool to like a girl and even if one date goes well it doesn't lock you in her life yet. It's pretty much testing the waters. Refrain from telling her any verbal declarations of your attraction for her. Just show it by your actions instead, it's subtle but girls are much better at reading our actions more than our words.

 

Now when she said to take it slow you have to listen to what she is saying, she is not saying it's over, she is just saying "hey let's move at a slower pace" even if she likes you a lot.

 

With text messaging you should never expect a reply, don't be outcome dependent because texting is one of things where an automatic reply might not be warranted, depending on the context. Don't bombard her with text messages though, just send one and if she doesnt reply to that one then send another one the next day and then leave it at that until she replies back to you or initiates.

 

I know it sounds counter intuitive but the more you try to keep what is the object of your affection the more damage you will do. As per your title your afraid of losing her which in turn will result in you acting in ways that will be bred from fear instead of enjoyment in the moment. Nothing is ever set in stone so just live with the moment and enjoy the beginning of you and this girl getting to know eachother without getting so serious so early with her.

 

Instead of worrying of whether she likes you or not just worry about whether you still like her and have fun without putting pressure on yourself to keep the flame going, it's a two way street.

 

Best of luck.

[Loss]

Hi Doomage,

 

Thank you so much for your reply. It was really helpful.

 

On both occasions that I've met her I told her that I liked her and I believe she told me to take it slow when I said on the second time. I will take your advice and try to avoid saying anything like that to her. I really want her to know that I miss her and that I think about her a lot but I guess I should keep it to myself.

 

It's gonna be a hard second date, I think I'm also worried about trying to hold her hand when we're out, and if I should try to kiss her on the lips this time.

 

I'm such a newbie at this Thanks so much for your advice.

[doomage]

I know you want to tell her you miss her and all but just because you say something to a girl doesn't make them like you even more. It doesn't work that way, but your actions are what count.

 

I mean so far you know she likes you since she's agreeing to go on dates with you, so instead of telling her every time you see her that you like her, just take it easy and have a great time with her. Let her tell you all that mushy stuff first. Girls definitely control the pace of relationships but don't let that stop you from ramping up physical affection every now and then.

 

For instance you should already be holding her hands while your on a date with her, for alittle while and then let it go, then later hold her hand again.

 

You don't wan't to be a cling on and hold her hand the whole night straight lol.

 

And I think it's a good idea for you to try and kiss her. Don't worry about rejection it's not that bad. Try the shoot first and ask questions later mentality. If kissing her is what you really want to do on the next date then do it, and if she's cool with it she'll let you, if not she'll later you know too. Don't be afraid bro.

[amantis]

go bowling , go for a drink

 

This time do something fun , make her laugh alot , this way you keep her happy and you dont feel the need to tell her that you like her

 

PLEASE dont go for the kiss ... only near the end of the date IF she had a good time .

 

If she touches you during the date its a good sign .

 

During the week , make her laugh again ( dont be stupid ) just send a random sms telling her something that happened with you but tell her in a funny way

 

believe me , the more you tell her that you like her the less she likes you .

make her laugh

Edited April 18, 2012 by amantis

[Loss]

Thanks guys.

 

Well on Friday afternoon we're going to a museum which I guess is not that exciting, but since she suggested it I think it should be ok. We tried to go bowling on our first date but it was already late in the evening and we didn't have our ID's on us so couldn't get in. If I ask her if she wants to go bowling again, is that too repetitive?

 

What would be a good place I could take her after the museum? Neither of us drink even a little.

[amantis]

Museum ? she wants to go to a museum ? lol

 

Ok , first you need to look like you are very interested .

Just be relaxed and dont tell her that you like her .

if you really like her and you want to impress her a bit just make sure that you know stuff about the museum .

 

Do you drive ? do you have a beach near you ? Do you have a place with a nice view? does she likes ice cream ? a nice hot chocolate ? If you go to one of does places and if its cold make sure you have a jacket with you , they love to say that they are cold and you make your move lol jacket then kiss lol

 

Think about the places you have around you , have fun and remember , you dont need to tell her that you like her ... show her by doing stuff with her

 

About the bowling , leave for other day

[sid3]

Do you guys think I was too straight forward with her by telling her that I like her or that I'm being too pushy?

 

I've been thinking about her all this time and I really want to text her and tell her how much I miss her and that I can't stop thinking about her but again I'm afraid I'll ruin any chances I have because she said we should take it slow.

 

What do you guys think?

 

 

I can already see the smoke, you're going down in flames. I suggested the exact opposite of what you're doing in your other thread. Stop texting her, stop telling her how much you like her, and for the love of god, don't tell her you miss her.

[Loss]

Oh, no I screwed up..I guess we'll see what happens...

 

Somehow a certain museum was brought up that I never went to but she did while we were talking on the first date, so I guess she just remembered it. I don't know

 

I'll let you guys know how it goes.

 

Thank you!

[Loss]

Hi guys,

 

So I have an update and so worried again, obviously Please tell me if I still have a chance.

 

As I mentioned earlier I told the girl that I like her and she told me to take it slow. Of course being a nervous wreck that I always am I went to my friends for advice. They said that she probably thought that I'm looking for sex when I said that I like her. It's gonna get a lot worse now..Being the idiot that I am I texted her and tried to explain to her what I meant and in the process didn't explain myself properly and she thought that I wanted to stop dating her. When the following day I texted her and asked if our date is still on I realized that we misunderstood each other again and this time I told her what I meant in a more clear way. I asked if she still wanted to go out with me and she agreed, but I think she's really doubting me and I don't know what to do.

 

I know this is a train wreck...What should I do?

[doomage]

Hey again alright well first off your shooting yourself in the foot by overreacting for no reason. One of the biggest mistakes you can do is explain your self for wanting a girl.

 

You dont have to explain anything and your friend gave you bad advice that scared you and made you make an ass out of your self lol. It's okay though she said the date is still on so trust her and show her a great time on the date and by no means bring up any worries you have. Also dont explain or apologize for being a man would you say sorry for having a mushroom tip?

[amantis]

Come on man , stop being crazy .

She is having alot of patience with you .

She told you that she wants to go slow , that means that you have to go slow

Stop with everything that you are doing

Stop and think

Does she like sms ? does she like 1 sms a day ? 10 a day ?

Does she prefer talking to you on the phone ?

If she say that she likes you , you can tell her back

No need to tell her everytime you see her ... she fking knows

stop listening to your friends , they dont know wtf they are talking about .

 

just relax and have fun

[sid3]

Starting to smell the smoke now, it won't be long. No more advice, you do the exact opposite anyhow.

[Loss]

Sorry for not following your advice, Sid. I will from now on.

 

Just came back from the date few minutes ago and I think it went really well. I didn't talk to her about my feelings or my worries which seemed to disappear when I met with her. She just makes me so happy I forget everything I felt we were a lot more comfortable with each other this time than last week, and she let me hug her and hold her hand as much as I wanted. We hung out for 8 hours and they seemed to fly so fast. I went for the kiss when I was on her doorstep but she gave me her cheek again and I'm not sure what it means and wanted to ask you guys what I should do next for this week?

 

We agreed on another date for next Saturday (28th).

 

Thanks so much for everybody's help. I really appreciate it.

 

Loss.

 

Edit: I just wanted to add that she's Chinese and shy. Maybe that will help a little

Edited April 21, 2012 by Loss

[yongyong]

you need to go to one of those pick up artist forum.

They will bixch slap you with their advices.

 

In America, this is how you do with girls.

You ask her out. I am 89% sure she would say 'let me check my schedule or I am busy this weekend' (it doesn't matter if she works at Mcdolands or VP of a big company)

So you meet her on one of her open dates.

After a date, you don't send those stupid txt 'it was good to meet you, good night'

Just wait for couple days and hit her up

If you met her on Sat, expect to see her a week later.

You would have to initiate the txt or call first.

If she takes 2 hours to reply, give her the same treatment.

Acts like you are banging other girls and she is not the only option.

Don't confess your feelings till you bang her 10s times.

It's easier to think about her all the time if you are putting all eggs in one basket. So work on several chicks at the same time.

 

It's not too late. Don't act desperate. As you show more disinterest from your stage, she will be more interested in you. funny huh? welcome to America

[Loss]

The thing is I know she liked me before I became so open with her after the first date. When I told her my feelings that's when things went downhill. It's no longer the unknown, does he like me or not...So the question is how do I become the "unknown" again. What if I pretend that I'm losing interest?

 

I asked her out again but didn't get a definitive yes or no. More like "final exams are approaching and I need to study but I might some time to hang out with you" answer.

 

I am playing with the idea of telling her that if she has time to just text me but I'm not sure if that's a good idea.

 

Thank you everybody for your help. I really do appreciate all the advice.

Edited April 22, 2012 by Loss

[Loss]

I really need help! lol

 

So we went out on 3 dates and they went well. I think we both have a good time when we're hanging out together. I asked her for a 4th date yesterday but she asked for it to be postponed because she has a lot of studying to do. I wasn't pushy and agreed to postpone it.

 

I really like her and she knows that but she wouldn't open up to me at all and it's driving me crazy. I think about her all the time and knowing that I won't get to meet with her this week makes it so much worst.

 

We communicate a lot via text and text each other almost every day. Would it be a bad idea if I don't text her at all this week? How do I make her open up a little bit? I feel so bad every week about not knowing what's in her head.