namenottaken Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 If I could afford to provide a life of luxury for the man I love and cherish I would. If he didn’t want to work, he wouldn’t have to. Why wouldn’t I? I love him and he loves me. I also refuse to spend my life thinking up worst case scenarios, and basing my decisions on that; I’ll enjoy it and take it as it comes. 1
JesseJames Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 How do you feel about being a kept man? Would you be happy to stay at home if a woman millionaire/billionaire took care of you? **** sure I would. I've never understood what the difference is. If you love someone, then you want to be with them. I don't sit around claiming I don't want women, don't need women, and rant away about women and their money. It's lunacy. Why can't you just out with it and say you hate all men? Really, it will be good for you.
zengirl Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 From a ways back, but: I can't really fathom how someone can love cooking and cleaning and doing laundry lol I hate chores more than anything else in life. I'd never want to be a SAH wife or mom, but I like doing plenty of household chores. Cooking is not my thing, but dishes, laundry, dusting, organizing, gardening, and even prepping for cooking (chopping, etc) are all really enjoyable. I feel really in-the-moment when I do them.
JesseJames Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I don't hate men; I just don't want to be in a relationship. I don't believe in love. Doesn't mean I hate men; I just want to be alone. People have the right to be alone if they want; it's a free country. Really? You pick this thread and this site to say you don't believe in love and leave me the hell alone? Kinda makes me wonder what your intentions are here.
sally4sara Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Not wanting to be a kept person isn't about proving to men that you don't want or need them. Thats just what some men jump to, perhaps because they have trouble believing women will want to accomplish things in life that are not stereotypical. So they try to marginalize it and make it just another thing women do because of men? Or in spite of men? What if it has absolutely nothing to do with men? Maybe that's what scares some of them about it? Its that there is a peace of mind that comes with knowing that no matter what comes, you can take care of yourself. Striving, overcoming some obstacle, accomplishing something will show you who you are. Its about knowing what you're made of and defining yourself. Maybe some men don't recognize that about themselves when they go to work everyday? Its something society has expected of them for so long it is taken for granted by them? If they had other expectations placed on them like looking pretty, being nurturing, mothering skills, not making waves or standing out is the crowd in anyway that isn't showcasing femininity, it might be more obvious to them? Do they know what it feels like to have people, sometimes even ones who claim they care about you, not expect or even believe you're capable of accomplishing as much as half of the population of the planet simply due to your gender? I can say it lights a fire under your ass if you didn't grow up in monetary excess. It can make you want to show them different. It feels like that at first "I'll show them!". But one day you doubt yourself about something and you realize its YOU you are trying to prove it to. You were raised with so much self doubt you almost don't believe in yourself. Not many people will watch a group of small girls and think things like "You know Katie is so confident in herself and articulate; I bet she grows up to be a preacher or a politician." Or "Misty is always in the biology section at the library when we go and dissecting insects in the garage; I bet she grows up to be a doctor or a scientist." I can remember many conversations like this however with parents of boys. I have a boy and I know I do it. People look for aptitudes and try to put boys in the direction of where those aptitudes would shine. Among the wealthy, its appalling how ruined parents will raise their daughters. Their sons are almost as awful but they do carry themselves like they will have purpose one day. Its all expensive purses and pink hued promises of material reward for their daughters however, like its some status symbol to have idle women about. Of course their daughters would jump at the chance to live like their "ladies who lunch" mommy. They don't know any different. Some of the moments where I have to be around these people I want to vomit. I don't admire them. They would be a blubbering mess in situations where I wouldn't even flinch. How could I ever admire them or wish for their life? I'm better than that and I'd have to become half of what I am to be in their shoes. 5
Woggle Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 While I would never want a woman who felt she needed to prove how much she didn't need me I am glad I am not the financial provider for my wife. There is nothing worse for a man than being the provider for a woman that does not really love you. Why would any man actually want to be treated as if their sole purpose is to support a woman who probably hates their guts and cheats on them behind their backs?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 You hit on something Sarah. When I hear people compliment their little girls, it's focused around how cute and pretty they are. When I hear people compliment little boys, it's about their actual accomplishments.
Author wwwjd Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 I dont understand men who feel threatened by financially independent women. whoa! lot of pages to read since last night, but this Q stuck out to me so far. Yes, we have all heard of this men feeling threatened by this. So, apparently, this is a REAL thing that many people notice, and does exist not just in theory. At the CORE of this I think we all know why. And I stated it many pages ago. And NOBODY is gonna like it or accept it: women can have babies, men can have... what? a job? Men are "threatened", because the part of us that is threatened involves taking away the ONLY thing we can do: provide for our family. When the women does that, WE no longer have purpose. (keep an open mind and of course I am not saying ALL and EVERYONE is this way or forcing it on anyway, just saying it outloud is all) So, the "threat" is a removing our manhood: that being us PROVIDING. This is all deep at the core. How else would you explain why man is threatened by a woman's paycheck? (and for the record I have no problems with it, I understand the income dynamic of the modern world, I usually date high placed women, so please don't run of on some side tracked tangent BLAMING ME directly as if *I* am trying to change people or say what is right, I AM JUST MAKING CONVERSATION for crying out loud, ok?) Again, this all comes back to the basic roles (not saying right or wrong) of men and women. We are NOT equal, we never will be, are roles are different even if they blend and cross over many ways... and this thread is simple about one angle on these roles. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT. and jwow, we got your drift after your first post. there is no need to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on about how you hate kept women. it does do anything here but waste space. give it a rest, please.
Author wwwjd Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 Really? You pick this thread and this site to say you don't believe in love and leave me the hell alone? Kinda makes me wonder what your intentions are here. Yeah... she or he is an odd duck with that. People hating on a website that exists ONLY for people to dialog. And her/his agenda seems pointless too. Unless trying to convince others to be ANTISOCIAL.... on a SOCIAL website? I'm kind of ignoring her/him/it.
sally4sara Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Men are "threatened", because the part of us that is threatened involves taking away the ONLY thing we can do: provide for our family. When the women does that, WE no longer have purpose. We are NOT equal, we never will be, are roles are different even if they blend and cross over many ways... and this thread is simple about one angle on these roles. The only thing you cannot do is give birth. It doesn't mean you cannot have a child. But in the end, you're right. You are not equal to me. I can do both; have a child and a job. You insist you cannot. So you're accepting yourself as less capable because you're unable to believe you can raise a child. I bet if you tried, you'd find you can do both too. But unless you believe in yourself, you will not be equal to me and not because of your gender either.
Author wwwjd Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 Its just that its easier for women to find a man who is willing to provide for them than the other way around. Would anyone like to take a crack at explaining why this is the case in today world? I've got some ideas... but I need a mental break.
Woggle Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I don't believe that providing is the only thing men are good for but after having it thrown in our faces how useless we are now that women make their own money it does give men a complex about it. Nobody likes to feel disposable and when men are not needed for providing some feel like that.
Author wwwjd Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 The only thing you cannot do is give birth. It doesn't mean you cannot have a child. I can not PHYSICALLY create a life out of my own body, no. This is why we are not equal. I can NEVER KNOW the connection or feeling of accomplishment or purpose that can bring. I can only find that from a job and purpose by providing for my wife.
Author wwwjd Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 **REALITY CHECK** Please please remember, I am not saying that I am any of these things, none of this relates to me PERSONALLY, I'm not saying EVERYONE or ALL women or men should be this or that, I am merely taking counterpoint on occasions to keep this conversation interesting and movtivated. All opinions here are requested, respected an valuable and I hate having to make these stupid frickin disclaimers but if I don't, all of a sudden it becomes a personal attack that I have to defend and then that sounds like name calling and hate crimes and I get written up.... all just for trying to stimulate interesting conversation. Please don't make it personal. I'm just a guy, discussing a topic on the net, nothing more.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Here's another reality check: Because a family decides that one parent will stay home and raise children, maintain the home, etc. does not necessarily make that person "kept," a moocher of any kind, a "princess," etc. Because a woman chooses to achieve outside the home, whether that means making a paycheck, working at something she cares about, or whatever does not necessarily indicate that she doesn't need or love her man and kids. Kids cared for in groups or by nannies are not necessarily deprived by not having their mom with them all day long. Women having these choices about what to do with their lives is not harmful to society. Men have the same choices when it comes to deciding how they want their marriage and family to function. People should and can choose a mate with a compatible view to their own. And, finally, I certainly do agree that it is much easier and more accepted socially for a woman to be in either the "kept" or the SAHP role than it is for a man. Those roles have been the primary ones available for women for a long time. But, if a guy wants to be "kept" or stay at home with the kids, as long as he has the proper attributes I do believe it's possible to arrange.
sally4sara Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I can not PHYSICALLY create a life out of my own body, no. This is why we are not equal. I can NEVER KNOW the connection or feeling of accomplishment or purpose that can bring. I can only find that from a job and purpose by providing for my wife. Yes you can. You have to believe yourself capable and seek it out. Just like women had to do in the work force. Don't hold yourself back with these antiquated concepts. You can be more than a paycheck. If you don't try to be more though, it is you that makes you only a guy with a job and a paycheck. I have known amazing fathers. Even single fathers with sole custody. What do you think a man does if his wife dies? He steps up to the plate and discovers he can be more than just a man with a paycheck. If he doesn't it isn't because he, being a man, was not capable. It means he didn't try.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Originally Posted by wwwjd I can not PHYSICALLY create a life out of my own body, no. This is why we are not equal. I can NEVER KNOW the connection or feeling of accomplishment or purpose that can bring. I can only find that from a job and purpose by providing for my wife. That's sad. You don't need to have a wife to feel a great sense of accomplishment, and every woman doesn't need to bear a child to feel it, either. Equality does not mean identical.
OliveOyl Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 The idea that we can all maintain "independence" to prevent us from relying on others, or to ensure an onward and upward career path is somewhat idealistic, in my opinion. The reason why I say this is that in my own experience, and a large percentage of the couples I know, some circumstance, event, or series of events has caused one partner in the couple to cut significantly back (or quit) working altogether, even when they intended to go back to work. In my own case it was having a disabled child. My good friend's husband was affected by a massive layoff after working 25 years for a well-known company and has not been able to find work for 2 years. Yet another friend had to quit work to care for an elderly parent whose health is failing. Unless one is independently wealthy, there is never any guarantee that one will always be able to maintain their "independence" and even with sufficient funds, they may find themselves depending on others in ways previously unimagined. Just some food for thought.
OliveOyl Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I don't hate men; I just don't want to be in a relationship. I don't believe in love. Doesn't mean I hate men; I just want to be alone. People have the right to be alone if they want; it's a free country. Why are you posting on LoveShack.. .the interpersonal relationship center then??? It's like posting on a cooking forum saying you hate cooking and never plan to do more than use your microwave... :confused:
FitChick Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 After a decade being out of the workforce, where is she going to work at? Walmart? She was an accountant. I doubt she will have a problem unless 1+1 no longer equals 2.
FitChick Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Why are you posting on LoveShack.. .the interpersonal relationship center then??? It's like posting on a cooking forum saying you hate cooking and never plan to do more than use your microwave... :confused: I suspect she is an earlier poster reincarnated under a new identity. I'm sure some people remember her.
Author wwwjd Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 Not many people will watch a group of small girls and think things like "You know Katie is so confident in herself and articulate; I bet she grows up to be a preacher or a politician." Or "Misty is always in the biology section at the library when we go and dissecting insects in the garage; I bet she grows up to be a doctor or a scientist." just to do my conversationalist counterpoint thing.... Would we think it cool if we saw parents dressing their little boys in pink frilly clothing and showing them flower arranging and playing with dolls and doll houses, while dressing the girl in blues or army fatigues and showing her how to blow stuff up and build forts in mud? (examples are stereotypical role based examples only, and not meant to imply any sort of forced male/female role stereotypes beyond the so painfully obvious ones that I shouldn't have to point them out in a goofy disclaimer)
Content Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 (edited) I dont get some guys who have a desire for a women to NEED them and be dependent on him I want a women whos with me because she loves being with me and who iam not just what i provide her Edited April 20, 2012 by Content
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