women: would you like to be proteced and kept?

[AngelDollFace]

WWWJD,

 

I am an old fashioned woman and staying home would allow me to take better care of my family and my husband (if I were married). So I'd love to do that, but I feel like that is a recipe where the man could undoubtedly begin to feel taken advantage of and I'd love my husband too much to ever let that happen. When you love someone you want to serve them and care for them and take care of the things that are important to them so I offer this alternative as my preference to your suggested lifestyle:

 

If I could have my ideal situation:

My husband would work and financially support our family- he'd be loving and doting toward me and play with the kids when he had time- and be sure to make me feel special every day. He'd want to touch me, kiss me and make love frequently. If you're staying home with the kids you start to lose human contact which can become lonely so it's very important that a husband remember that and give his wife who stays home a lot of love and attention when he can.

 

What I'd offer:

For my loving, doting, hard working husband:

I'd stay home with our children and keep them active and happy. I'd have them cleaned up when "Dad" gets home.

I'd take special care to remain beautiful and always be dressed and looking pretty every day that I could. I wouldn't become a complacent pajama wife.

I'd try to make dinner or have a plan for dinner every evening.

I'd understand that even though my husband understands that I get lonely during the day he still needs time for his guy friends here and there.

The house would be clean and inviting.

I'd make love with my husband every chance I got.

 

That would be my ideal relationship. I posted something like this a few years ago and everyone instantly said I wanted to freeload and that just isn't the case. I just want my full time job to be loving the people who need me the most.

[wwwjd]

WWWJD,

 

I feel like that is a recipe where the man could undoubtedly begin to feel taken advantage of

 

There is probably plenty of guys that would NOT feel this way at all.

To most, I bet your position might sound like some 50's retro nightmare from hell, but, to be honest, there is NOTHING WRONG with it in the slightest. Might even be very healthy compared to other ways.

 

Now, if you were not doing ANYTHING, sitting around eating bon bons and watching soap operas all day, I might start to suspect that *I* have failed to provide support to help you find yourself, some purpose and positive direction in life and I would assess, and help my wife recover from being a free loader....

but raising the kids, cooking and cleaning and just being there as a woman, a wife, a lover, is not freeloading.

Sure, there ARE freeloader women out there, but your propsition does not sound like that, as long as you are happy in it. If you just do it to survive and loose yourself and please your man, that is the wrong reason.

 

And, man, would my chin be held high and how proud I'd be to support my woman on every level possible. Financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, playfully, lovingly... some men long to do this, but it is becoming a lost "guy thing" I don't know the right word there.

[AngelDollFace]

I think you failed to read the true meaning behind what I said. Your situation (to me suggested) that it was okay with you to have a woman who sits around eating bon bons and watching soap operas. Maybe I read it wrong. What I was saying though is that I like the idea of a woman staying at home but not if she is just going to eat "bon bons". I think we see eye to eye on this topic generally speaking and given the scenario I suggested I don't think a man would become resentful at all.

[zengirl]

To most, I bet your position might sound like some 50's retro nightmare from hell, but, to be honest, there is NOTHING WRONG with it in the slightest.

 

fwiw, I agree with this entirely. I know 2 SAH spouses very well -- they just happen to be men. I've not had any female friends who chose to SAH yet, but I think it's a fine way to live, if it works for the team.

 

This tone is what I've disagreed with in this thread:

 

Might even be very healthy compared to other ways.

 

I think we're better off not trying to call one way or the other way right or better. Whether it's 2 working spouses, a female SAH spouse + working spouse, or a male SAH spouse + a working spouse, I see no value difference. All of them seem equally good to me. Everyone will want something different, of course, and one of those is better for me, but calling any of those dynamics unhealthy is where I think we get into trouble, as a society. Obviously, unless you're independently wealthy, 2 SAH spouses doesn't work, though!

[wwwjd]

my healthy statement is just looking over the devaluing of family over the last 3 decades, higher divorces, more therapy and depression meds etc etc

 

AngelDollFace, YES! We agree completely*. Guess I should have said that in my previous post.

* We agree on the terms and execution of said terms. Not that, I, personally, am perpared for that or even looking or chasing that ideal. I do think it is pretty cool, so maybe I should look for that next time out.

 

Maybe some guys would see your proposal as freeloading, but they are not REAL men.

[xxoo]

There is probably plenty of guys that would NOT feel this way at all.

To most, I bet your position might sound like some 50's retro nightmare from hell, but, to be honest, there is NOTHING WRONG with it in the slightest. Might even be very healthy compared to other ways.

 

Definitely not healthier for the woman who feels depressed, isolated, and stifled at home.

 

The point is--we are all individuals.

[zengirl]

I don't feel like the family has been devalued over the past 3 decades. I feel like fatherhood has become more valued and gotten its proper due, womanhood has seen an evolution and little girls are able to imagine a variety of lives for themselves. I feel like no one is immediately dependent upon a partner or forced to leave their job when they get married (i.e. how many women back in the day had to choose between their careers and marriage, leaving their careers when they got married or got children, automatically) but rather gets to work with his/her partner to make the individual choices that are best for them. I feel like divorce rates may be higher, but less people stay in unhappy marriages --- I'd rather go through a divorce than several decades of a bad marriage, personally. So, I guess I just disagree with the whole premise that the "family" is worse off these days.

[wwwjd]

I don't feel like the family has been devalued over the past 3 decades.

 

I'd love to branch out there, but that is a completely different topic than this part of the forum.

[FitChick]

Most of my co-workers with kids would like to work part time and be a SAHM part time. Best of both worlds for them.

 

I also know a SAHM who home schools. That is a tough job. I asked how they could afford it. She said she and her husband aren't materialistic and don't need the latest electronic gadgets or luxury cars. She cooks all the meals and saves a bundle there. They value time spent with their kids more than "things." They shop at yard sales for kids' stuff, like clothes and toys. She knows that when the kids are older they will want what their friends have but by then she will be back in the work force and their household income will rise.

[EasyHeart]

I like Disney Princess movies!!!!

[musemaj11]

I dont understand the stupid logic that its better for the mom to stay home because the daycare costs more than her wage.

 

Yeah thats true if she is some uneducated 50 year old with no skills who is going to remain making minimum wage for the rest of her life.

 

But if you are young with education, you are going to suffer for a while paying for the kids daycare. But you are not going to make that same amount of money forever. The years you invest in your career rather than staying home caring for your baby is going to pay off in the long run for you and for your kid also. Once your career improves, the extra money you bring in will give the kid comfortable home, good education and most importantly, unless you are married to Mitt Romney from whom you can steal countless amount of money in the case of divorce, you will be independent and not reliant on a man to provide for you if something bad happens to your marriage.

 

Both of my parents worked when I was small and I was cared for by nannies. Honestly I really dont feel like I missed out on anything. In fact Im grateful that due to my parents decision, I grew up with quite a comfortable life and had my material needs met thanks to the double salaries.

Edited April 19, 2012 by musemaj11

[xxoo]

Most of my co-workers with kids would like to work part time and be a SAHM part time. Best of both worlds for them.

 

I also know a SAHM who home schools. That is a tough job. I asked how they could afford it. She said she and her husband aren't materialistic and don't need the latest electronic gadgets or luxury cars. She cooks all the meals and saves a bundle there. They value time spent with their kids more than "things." They shop at yard sales for kids' stuff, like clothes and toys. She knows that when the kids are older they will want what their friends have but by then she will be back in the work force and their household income will rise.

 

Working pt, while being the primary "at home" parent, is my ideal, too. That's how we've made it work, without paying childcare. The bonus is, dad gets to be the primary parent while I'm at work, and he's got an amazing relationship with his kids!

 

Like the SAHM you know, we've sacrifice material things, vacations, etc to make it work while our kids are young. No regrets

[musemaj11]

She knows that when the kids are older they will want what their friends have but by then she will be back in the work force and their household income will rise.

After a decade being out of the workforce, where is she going to work at? Walmart?

[Swenea]

That SAHM could start her own business, she doesn't have to be tied to looking for any employer. She probably has some skills that she could put to some use. Maybe she could right an ebook about homeschooling and put it on a blog for moms that want to do the same. He life isn't over just because she didn't pursue the corporate ladder.

 

But back to the original post. An astounding "Yes!" I would LOVE to be a pampered, cherished and kept woman. I have a lot of hobbies that range from crafting to forex trading to discussions about string theory. I doubt I would be bored. I just don't have enough time in the day to do my hobbies and hold a 9-to-5.

 

And being single, I have to do EVERYTHING by myself. It's tiring. I don't think anyone was meant to do things by all by themselves all the time. I think it's best when two people are a team. But having the option to take it easy is wonderful. I would probably end up doing all I can to make him happy anyway.

[DjinnAgain]

General very broad, sweeping question:

 

If it was an option, would you like to be a loved, protected, provided for, "kept" woman?

 

Like maybe, stay home all day messing about in a garden, doing whatever hobbie you want (sewing, crosswords, rock climbing, whatever) MAYBE cooking the dinner IF you wanted - or maybe a maid or service does this, hanging with girlfriends, shopping, have kids if you want, be a stay at home mom if you wanted, and feeling pampered and loved and cared for and charished without having the stress of bringing home money for mortgage, car payments, cell phones etc, or job stress?

 

I know this is the age of equality, enlightenment, woman's rights, and independent gals and all of that, but what I am asking about is DEEP DOWN in your "id", way down at the core, does a life like that appeal to you?

 

I'd like to hear some feedback before I respond further about where I am going with this. And, of course, there is no wrong answer.

 

 

If I loved the guy, and it were a mutual arrangement that he enjoyed to, and he wasn't a control freak who refused to allow me to endulge my hobbies, then yes absolutely.

 

I was a stay at home mom in my marriage until I couldn't handle the cheating anymore. I am staying at home now because I think it provides things more important than material goods.

I couldn't imagine not cleaning the house and making dinner and taking care of things though.

 

 

But still, yes. I also would like to win the lottery and never have to think about money again and both my spouse and I stay home, but so it goes.

 

In the end, there is a lot more important. I would never give up on love for comfort. (Or I would still be married and looking the other way as he slept with anything that moves even to turning me down, because his income was far more comfortable than I would ever need.)

[Jane2011]

I'd like a life like this:

 

12 hours a week of work (teaching, for me) [and that 12 hours is *total* -- no additional take-home things to do.]

 

The rest of the time I get to spend writing a novel, pursuing creative/artistic/personal interests like learning a musical instrument or a new language, hanging out with family and friends, traveling, getting plenty of exercise and sleep.

 

If I had that, life would be beautiful.

[wwwjd]

SugarDaddies.

 

Not sure if I should keep dragging this topic along, but another segment to this role interests is the whole "SugarDaddy" thing. A sugar daddy provide monitarily for a woman, buy her stuff, keep her provided for... not really too unlike the topic at hand.

 

There was a girl at the office who was miss quoted and the running joke ended up that she was after a sugar daddy to take care of her. Normally, I move on from these jokes, but this stuck for an extra minute while I pondered.... even though it was a joke, she'd said something that ended up that she was a seeking a guy to take care of her. She was doing fine taking care of herself, but whatever she said ended up into a joke about finding her a sugardaddy.

 

IIRC, there is a whole industry of dating sites based solely on the sugardaddy concepts. So, there must be plenty of peeps interested in this arrnagement.

Now, I don't know if it is ALWAYS old rich guys chasing young model wannabees, or just typical people wanting a relationship based on the ROLES presented in this thread, as I have not researched sugardaddys at all.

 

But, isn't that the same idea? Man brings bacon, women caters and enjoys?

 

To be fair, there are sugarmommy sites out there also ( I just looked!)

 

The desire for this role structure DOES exist here today, and seems in full effect in this modern world. Must be more than just a few here and there and the female friends of mine.

 

Also, if I remember correctly I think most of the MARS/VENUS book was based on the writters decades of experience with counselling men, women, couples and the end result was Men are at thier best GIVING, women at their best RECEIVING. (don't read too much into that, that is just what that book narrows it down to, IIRC)

 

 

 

* again, not saying EVERYONE is like this, not saying I am like this, or am seeking this, just making conversation

[wwwjd]

never understood where people get the idea a "Kept" woman meant: in chains, locked at home, a simple play toy for the man at his whim. I never said anything remotely resembling that and kind ASSUMED people in 2012 on a website would understand kept to be in the modern context.

 

OF COURSE, she should have her own life and hobbies, etc. As a man, I would WANT her to get out and be diverse and enjoy life, not be a domestic maid sex slave. This is 2012. Just can't believe people took the word KEPT so literally to be like the 1400s or something.

 

As noted, the women that chimed in with a resounding YES, didn't sound like freeloader types at all. They seemed to completely understand what I was talking about without much discussion over it. some even outlined exacting detail of what they WANTED to do for their man.

 

 

 

 

* again, not saying EVERYONE is like this, not saying I am like this, or am seeking this, just making conversation

[wwwjd]

There is nothing I would detest MORE than being a kept woman. First of all, I don't want kids EVER (simply don't like them) and don't believe marriage is necessary since I am non-traditional.

 

Yes, jwow, I know from your other posts that you do not like people. Fine. Why are you here? In a forum filled with people?

[DjinnAgain]

SugarDaddies.

 

Not sure if I should keep dragging this topic along, but another segment to this role interests is the whole "SugarDaddy" thing. A sugar daddy provide monitarily for a woman, buy her stuff, keep her provided for... not really too unlike the topic at hand.\

 

Sugardaddies implies an almost business like transaction. The primary object of interest for both is different.

 

To me, it's nothing without the love driving it. If you aren't doing it for love and to please as the primary reasoning, with perhaps other reasons there, then it's worthless. People who love each other give to each other - and one possible situation is one person (man or woman) working and one person (man or woman) staying at home and raising the kids and taking care of details. Other situations are possible, of course, but from what I know having a child, this one is most desirable to me. I am most fulfilled nurturing, and completely fulfilled nurturing those I love and who love me.

[wwwjd]

Would you be a little more specific? I'm not sure I got it yet.

[wwwjd]

hahahahaha I just LOL'd hahahahahha

Thanks for that!

[mesmerized]

WWWJD,

 

I am an old fashioned woman and staying home would allow me to take better care of my family and my husband (if I were married). So I'd love to do that, but I feel like that is a recipe where the man could undoubtedly begin to feel taken advantage of and I'd love my husband too much to ever let that happen. When you love someone you want to serve them and care for them and take care of the things that are important to them so I offer this alternative as my preference to your suggested lifestyle:

 

If I could have my ideal situation:

My husband would work and financially support our family- he'd be loving and doting toward me and play with the kids when he had time- and be sure to make me feel special every day. He'd want to touch me, kiss me and make love frequently. If you're staying home with the kids you start to lose human contact which can become lonely so it's very important that a husband remember that and give his wife who stays home a lot of love and attention when he can.

 

What I'd offer:

For my loving, doting, hard working husband:

I'd stay home with our children and keep them active and happy. I'd have them cleaned up when "Dad" gets home.

I'd take special care to remain beautiful and always be dressed and looking pretty every day that I could. I wouldn't become a complacent pajama wife.

I'd try to make dinner or have a plan for dinner every evening.

I'd understand that even though my husband understands that I get lonely during the day he still needs time for his guy friends here and there.

The house would be clean and inviting.

I'd make love with my husband every chance I got.

 

That would be my ideal relationship. I posted something like this a few years ago and everyone instantly said I wanted to freeload and that just isn't the case. I just want my full time job to be loving the people who need me the most.

 

I can't really fathom how someone can love cooking and cleaning and doing laundry lol I hate chores more than anything else in life. I think I have my mother's attitude when it comes to this. She did most of the house chores and did them perfectly well yet she hated them. She always believed her time and talents are getting wasted because she is capable of so much more. Mind you, she went to school and worked even when we were young kids and still is working. But she expected even more of herself. I'm very proud of her and as bad as it sounds, I don't think I'd think of her the same way if she was just a stay at home mom, happy with cooking and cleaning and looking pretty lol.

[OliveOyl]

I can't really fathom how someone can love cooking and cleaning and doing laundry lol I hate chores more than anything else in life. I think I have my mother's attitude when it comes to this. She did most of the house chores and did them perfectly well yet she hated them. She always believed her time and talents are getting wasted because she is capable of so much more. Mind you, she went to school and worked even when we were young kids and still is working. But she expected even more of herself. I'm very proud of her and as bad as it sounds, I don't think I'd think of her the same way if she was just a stay at home mom, happy with cooking and cleaning and looking pretty lol.

 

Laundry is at the bottom of my list, but I do enjoy both cooking and cleaning (in moderation). Cooking can be a very creative art form -- look at the plethora of cooking shows, books and videos. Edible art. Cleaning, well it's not exactly creative. But it can be relaxing if you get into the "zen" or "present moment" with it. Oddly enough I'm one of those possibly rare people who finds cleaning somewhat enjoyable. Maybe it's because the results are obvious and immediately apparent.

 

My mother was a SAHM, which was not unusual in her day, but not only did she cook and clean and decorate and sew and garden (all incredibly well), she also was extremely well read, NYT crossword puzzles in ink, built furniture, painted, danced, and sang, and was an occasional political activist. I look at her with the highest admiration.

[Titania22]

General very broad, sweeping question:

 

If it was an option, would you like to be a loved, protected, provided for, "kept" woman?

 

Like maybe, stay home all day messing about in a garden, doing whatever hobbie you want (sewing, crosswords, rock climbing, whatever) MAYBE cooking the dinner IF you wanted - or maybe a maid or service does this, hanging with girlfriends, shopping, have kids if you want, be a stay at home mom if you wanted, and feeling pampered and loved and cared for and charished without having the stress of bringing home money for mortgage, car payments, cell phones etc, or job stress?

 

I know this is the age of equality, enlightenment, woman's rights, and independent gals and all of that, but what I am asking about is DEEP DOWN in your "id", way down at the core, does a life like that appeal to you?

 

I'd like to hear some feedback before I respond further about where I am going with this. And, of course, there is no wrong answer.

 

Sure, the way you write it, it's the good life. More time for SC2.