Went on date with ex, now what?

[my body is a cage]

After being broken up and NC for about two months, I went on a date with my ex about two weeks ago:

 

My ex broke up with me at the end of January because things had gotten "too serious" and after a long dishonest screwed up relationship he had just had, he was "not ready." He called me "beautiful, intelligent, tasteful and fun" and said that he thought things would be very different at a different time.

 

Out of the blue I decided to chat with him to apologize for not making it to an event he had invited me to. He said it had been forever since we had hung out, that he had been thinking of me, and immediately asked if I wanted to go out that night or the next night. I said I could not but suggested a few nights into the distance.

 

I decided to not pursue it but to see if he came to me and lo and behold he texted me multiple times. I agreed to go out with him to a wine bar.

 

I met up with him, we had a great time. Fun, not awkward, laughed a lot, talked a little about things - he said he felt terrible when he broke up with me, I asked if I had been pressuring him he said no, I asked why we hadn't spoken and he said he didn't think I wanted to speak to him. I asked why it was ok for us to hang out now and not then and he said he didn't know.

 

Anyway, he insisted on paying. We ended up sleeping together, he spent the night, we cuddled, he called me by pet names again, complimented me etc, kissed me goodbye emphatically. He said "see you soon."

 

My questions: now what? Does he want me back in his life or did he just want to see me again once because it had been a while?

 

After our great date I didn't hear from him for a few days, then he texted me asking about plans. I said I was unsure and he said he was also unsure and would want to hang out but had to nap first. I told him to get some rest and he said, "I wish I could have you as a napping partner!"

 

A couple of days later he texted me at 2 am saying he was "thinking of me." At first I thought this was cute at first and responded in the morning, and he wrote back with a sideways smile emoticon - idk if this was embarrassment at having texted me that or if it was mild amusement at my response.

 

Anyway, the next day he chatted me with a cute link. We talked for a while, I asked what his weekend plans were, he said he was going out of town.

 

Now, thats about it. I assume he has just gotten back from out of town. I realize none of this is too substantial, and obviously we're not "back together," but I would be OK with taking it slow and easing into seeing each other again... I just feel worried he doesn't actually want to see me, or if he does, its only for the occasional booty call.

 

I suppose I am mostly confused by why this wasn't OK a few months ago but is now, especially if he thinks I wasn't pressuring him. In a way, I'm worried that this casualness belittles the earnest/serious email he sent me- did he care too much about me to use me then, but is OK with using me now?

 

Also, I am concerned: does he actually want to see me? Why isn't he more proactive about making plans? I know that generally he is a low-key passive person, and this is sort of his MO for making plans with people. But we used to sleep together and slept together recently, so I am not just "people." Does he think because he broke up with me because things were serious that I should know it should be casual? OR is he secretly worried about leading me on or that things will get too complicated, so he is not sure if he actually wants to see me? Or is he just not invested anymore/ doesn't care anymore and this could just fizzle out?

 

I was planning on contacting him tomorrow and seeing how it goes, but I am very anxious about this. I am worried he will just disappear on me, and then I will feel even worse because not only did he break up with me respectfully, but then decided he could use me again, and then afterward decided I wasn't worth ending things with in a legitimate manner.... Thanks for reading.

[kyle77]

I don't know much so take my advice with a grain of salt...but maybe you guys should take it slow... If the problem last time was it got too serious and he was a little messed up from a previous relationship then taking it slow might be a good idea. I don't know your situation but I often see the whole I slept with him and then he disappeared thing on the internet so I wouldn't do that, at least not now. Take it slow...build it up as if its a brand new relationship with someone you just met.

[CaliBabe]

I think sleeping with him was way too soon. You should have held out for awhile longer. I know it's hard but it brings your stock up just that much. He would have had to work harder for it.

[M2155]

You need to be careful before you end up being a FWB. We see why he was texting at 2am and being too busy to make plans. My guess, guy is having a boring day in his days of freedom and calls up his favorite ex he likes being with, shows her a good time and gets the prize in the end. No need to work. Now if you are not jumping at the 2am texts anymore, he will come around when he is willing to put in a little more effort for whatever void he needs that day (sex, companionship etc...). I'm sure he likes you but this sequence does not sound like anything that will lead into a relationship. Make him be a boyfriend or a friend (if that's what you want)...if you go down the FWB road (although i know that isn't your intention) it is very hard to get back

[my body is a cage]

I think sleeping with him was way too soon. You should have held out for awhile longer. I know it's hard but it brings your stock up just that much. He would have had to work harder for it.

 

Thanks for your responses. Kyle I agree we should take it slow and right now we are on a good track for that, communicating slightly but not too much.

 

Calibabe: do you really think sleeping with him was so bad? I told him I wasn't sure if I could and was a little tipsy, I guess I got caught up in the moment. It just felt very comfortable, it is ewhat we are used to doing. Do you think he would not be interested in seeing me now because of that? I know people say this but he is very progressive and doesn't think like most guys...

[Dark Phoenix]

You are a booty call/FWB. Your emotions are blocking your clear judgement in seeing this

 

I used this the other day on a girl when she told me she was going to the gym and I was tired and wanted a nap and someone to sleep with me

 

"I wish I could have you as a napping partner!" She did skip the gym and I had a great nap afterwards

[my body is a cage]

You need to be careful before you end up being a FWB. We see why he was texting at 2am and being too busy to make plans. My guess, guy is having a boring day in his days of freedom and calls up his favorite ex he likes being with, shows her a good time and gets the prize in the end. No need to work. Now if you are not jumping at the 2am texts anymore, he will come around when he is willing to put in a little more effort for whatever void he needs that day (sex, companionship etc...). I'm sure he likes you but this sequence does not sound like anything that will lead into a relationship. Make him be a boyfriend or a friend (if that's what you want)...if you go down the FWB road (although i know that isn't your intention) it is very hard to get back

 

Thanks. Don't worry I don't jump at his 2 am texts... I responded the next morning to be polite but that was all. I am worried he doesn't actually like me at all ... I just don't know what his intentions are.

[my body is a cage]

You are a booty call/FWB. Your emotions are blocking your clear judgement in seeing this

 

I used this the other day on a girl when she told me she was going to the gym and I was tired and wanted a nap and someone to sleep with me

 

"I wish I could have you as a napping partner!" She did skip the gym and I had a great nap afterwards

 

Oh, seriously? Was that supposed to be a line too? I thought that was just him being "cute." Either way, though, I didn't take the bait, and he chats with me just to chat... I guess I'm concerned he doesn't actually want to see me at all, as a friend or FWB or otherwise.

 

 

I mean, if he is going to try to get me to be a FWB, that is fine he just needs a serious talking to, I will tell him we can only be friends. Maybe I'm remorseful about what happened on our date - I am worried i won't even get the chance to bring it up with him.

[Dark Phoenix]

Welcome to the dating world, where a date and a hookup afterwards is normal. I've been suckered by girls that just wanted to hookup and not actually be in a relationship, its screwed up and funny at the same time and then NC me afterwards

 

No need to talk to him, go NC watch how little and if at all he contacts you (at his own convenience)

[my body is a cage]

No need to talk to him, go NC watch how little and if at all he contacts you (at his own convenience)

 

So basically you're saying he doesn't really like me then...? Which is sad because we used to have a relationship and he was so respectful?

 

I haven't been contacting him at all, he has been contacting me... I was going to give it a go but you seem to think he doesn't really care, no?

[M2155]

Sit back and relax. Don't be so all into him right now, make sure you are hanging out with other people and things in your life. He may like you but he doesn't want a relationship right now. You have set a precedence in sleeping with him, you dont want him to see you as a low-work option. He wants the benefits without the work. Don't give him the benefits until he shows he will consistently give you what you want (spending time out together etc..). Once he sees you are not caving to his advances you will find out if he's interested enough to work for you or was just wanting a FWB. The not making plans etc that you are seeing right now, he is showing you want he wants.

 

I have had/used the nap line too:D

[macardent]

After being broken up and NC for about two months, I went on a date with my ex about two weeks ago:

 

My ex broke up with me at the end of January because things had gotten "too serious" and after a long dishonest screwed up relationship he had just had, he was "not ready." He called me "beautiful, intelligent, tasteful and fun" and said that he thought things would be very different at a different time.

 

Out of the blue I decided to chat with him to apologize for not making it to an event he had invited me to. He said it had been forever since we had hung out, that he had been thinking of me, and immediately asked if I wanted to go out that night or the next night. I said I could not but suggested a few nights into the distance.

 

I decided to not pursue it but to see if he came to me and lo and behold he texted me multiple times. I agreed to go out with him to a wine bar.

 

I met up with him, we had a great time. Fun, not awkward, laughed a lot, talked a little about things - he said he felt terrible when he broke up with me, I asked if I had been pressuring him he said no, I asked why we hadn't spoken and he said he didn't think I wanted to speak to him. I asked why it was ok for us to hang out now and not then and he said he didn't know.

 

Anyway, he insisted on paying. We ended up sleeping together, he spent the night, we cuddled, he called me by pet names again, complimented me etc, kissed me goodbye emphatically. He said "see you soon."

 

My questions: now what? Does he want me back in his life or did he just want to see me again once because it had been a while?

 

After our great date I didn't hear from him for a few days, then he texted me asking about plans. I said I was unsure and he said he was also unsure and would want to hang out but had to nap first. I told him to get some rest and he said, "I wish I could have you as a napping partner!"

 

A couple of days later he texted me at 2 am saying he was "thinking of me." At first I thought this was cute at first and responded in the morning, and he wrote back with a sideways smile emoticon - idk if this was embarrassment at having texted me that or if it was mild amusement at my response.

 

Anyway, the next day he chatted me with a cute link. We talked for a while, I asked what his weekend plans were, he said he was going out of town.

 

Now, thats about it. I assume he has just gotten back from out of town. I realize none of this is too substantial, and obviously we're not "back together," but I would be OK with taking it slow and easing into seeing each other again... I just feel worried he doesn't actually want to see me, or if he does, its only for the occasional booty call.

 

I suppose I am mostly confused by why this wasn't OK a few months ago but is now, especially if he thinks I wasn't pressuring him. In a way, I'm worried that this casualness belittles the earnest/serious email he sent me- did he care too much about me to use me then, but is OK with using me now?

 

Also, I am concerned: does he actually want to see me? Why isn't he more proactive about making plans? I know that generally he is a low-key passive person, and this is sort of his MO for making plans with people. But we used to sleep together and slept together recently, so I am not just "people." Does he think because he broke up with me because things were serious that I should know it should be casual? OR is he secretly worried about leading me on or that things will get too complicated, so he is not sure if he actually wants to see me? Or is he just not invested anymore/ doesn't care anymore and this could just fizzle out?

 

I was planning on contacting him tomorrow and seeing how it goes, but I am very anxious about this. I am worried he will just disappear on me, and then I will feel even worse because not only did he break up with me respectfully, but then decided he could use me again, and then afterward decided I wasn't worth ending things with in a legitimate manner.... Thanks for reading.

 

 

I am a guy I did that to a girl once(I dont feel good about it) He is just looking for self esteem boost. What YOU should do is dont reply to his messages and calls.. and please please please dont contact him. He is leading you ON.. Like ignore him a few times and say that you are busy or something. And he will come crying begging you to take him back and then u say you want to take it slow. Sometimes you gatta play games with people you love..