t1m Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Hopefully im posting in the correct forum, anyway... here goes. Im currently 16 years old and a junior in high school. Last year I went out with a girl for nearly 7 months. And just I thought I was doing everything alright with her... she dumped me. This happened in September 2011, now its April 2012. I don't know what to think or expect. I thought I pushed the whole fiasco out of mind, but it turns out it's still affecting me. Meaning, my confidence with girls in general is at an all time low. I mean, there's always these little reminders whenever I talk with some girl in high school randomly or whatever, and like something as insignificant as a smile, a laugh, or gesture reminds me of her. Then I start to shrivel a little. Its not that I cant talk at all to girls, but that I guess im sorta depressed that I dont have someone out of my family who I can share my experiences with. I miss making her laugh, making her smile, all of that. I dont miss her exactly though. It was that feeling knowing that I mattered for someone and that I was there to make her happy. I'm not an ******* nor a pimp, I was, you could say, the "good" bf. She told me she left me because she "needed some time to figure herself out..." Yet, I heard this from her friend with surprise (I didnt ask her about it) that my ex was going out with a new bf, and what's worse, that this friend caught her sexting with him. At the time (This was October) I just brushed it aside I guess... since I probably expected this to happen. But the thing is... I guess the loneliness has gotten to me, I miss the 1 AM chats I had with her on the phone and on AOL, I miss the days where I would try to make up a get well card for her if she was sick or injured (she was on swimming/ tennis team), I miss having that feeling everyday I went to school there was someone there who would listen to me and who I could tell everything to. She did love me, at one point, but I dont know what happened that really turned her off by me nor I probably will ever find out. I went to her the monday after the breakup (Thursday) and asked with a straight face why she really broke up with me... she acted like a total Bitch to me, saying that "I told you already, why are you asking?" and when my friend came over to say what's up guys (not knowing I broke up with her) she just left me without looking back. Its not as painful as when it first happened, but I have two classes with her everyday, and I havent said a word to her (nor she to me) since that Monday, and seeing her all happy and EXACTLY the same as I remembered her when I first met her, it makes me wonder... I mean the fact that she found someone else in such a short period of time, and that I dont nearly have as much confidence as I used to have to be able to talk to girls (making funny jokes, getting to know more about them not awkwardly, even a little flirting- all innocent ofc). I have this depression that I will never be able to get back to my "old self" and that I will be able to be that "flare" that I was so used to being. I dont know what happened to me... it's like something died off during these 6 monthes, is this permanent? Thanks in advance for advice/tips/whatever that helps.
GaelicSoul Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) Hey Dude, How are you! I liked reading your post, it reminded of myself back in the day. However i was very shy with women, and being honest it was not until college i came out of my shell. Your going to hate me saying this, but you are young dude. Enjoy that! She is young too, and you are both growing as young adults. Most young women get in and out of relationships all the time, and don’t ever want to feel tied down. Now it’s time to experience different things. Take up new hobbies like music/sports etc Have some fun. Get out of the house!!!! Make some new friends, and learn to relax. After a while you will stop comparing other girls to your Ex. But you must be willing to give new girls a chance too. Your ex may come back, but it will only when you have moved on, and if she sees you are happy, confident and have value. You need to be selfish right now, and focus on yourself. I guarantee if women see a young guy who is confident, happy and having fun, they will be attracted. Don't get serious too quick, and just enjoy the experience of being in a relationship. You may have scared her off by being too clingy and cosy too quick. Women do not like that. You need to have a life of your own, and so do they. Give them space. If you were spending all day, every day, messaging each other, talking on the phone until all hours of the night, and seeing each other every day of the week, well that isn't healthy for any relationship. The attraction wears off very quickly. You will always be improving yourself man, that's the beauty of life. Learning as we go along. Be Scarce Show your value Respect each others space Make sure Quality time is just that, Quality Now when you do spend time with her, give her your 100% attention undivided attention, and make that time special. They will respect you a lot more for that time than anything else. Don't worry. We all went through this as guys. Hit the gym, and hit us up if you have any questions. Have fun! Edited April 18, 2012 by GaelicSoul 1
Author t1m Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 Hey, its me again. Yeah I read your post and it did help a little trying to understand what's going on with me. I've come to the conclusion that I really didn't get over her. See, I have two classes with her, and I always thought that something she would say or do would cause me to become frankly pretty ticked off. I only sit two seats away from her in both classes (just by coincidence- teachers moved either me to her/ her to me) and well in one of those classes today she started talking about her boyfriend and stuff (one thats not in this school) and about the plans or w.e with her and how he asked to go with her to the banquet (which I wont be going to). So, surprising to me, I was first annoyed that the teacher didn't shut her up for talking out of turn/ off topic, then I was angry that she would talk about it so loudly with her friends, there was no way I could ignore it/ pay no attention to it. So naturally Im just sitting there forced to talk about her "wonderful" life with her bf. Like i said in my first post, I suppose this was the new bf I learned back in October, less than a month after we broke up. The sad part is I wasn't face book stalking her or looking her pictures up or anything of that, I was literally doing the NC rule to a tea. I was told this by one of her good friends, which I know pretty well as well. At the time, I thought it wouldn't bother me (also mentioned in my last post) but of course it didnt based on my reactions. There was anger, annoyance, and sadness. Sadness not due to the fact that she HAS a bf, but due to the fact, he seemed to be a much better job at doing it than I was, she was literally doing her signature cheery, stupid laugh that I used to love and that now I hate so much. I don't know how I can try to completely get over this if Im forced twice everyday to sit in the same damn room with her literally 5 feet away from her. What's weird is, I'm doing the best than I ever had done in this school academically, and I'm also working out, and have gotten to become one of the most fit guys in the school, yet I still feel like utter crap. Literally most of the people i hang out with have had girl friends or boy friends for years, and they did have their fights, they did have their "separations" yet they always manage to come back together and be happier than ever somehow. I hear stories about how wonderful "he" is (from my feminine friends) and see other couples going at it. It's like I'm forced to see what I used to have when im trying to become better, smarter, and stronger, when im trying to change myself and finally get rid off this stupid thing that is playing hell on my emotions. I guess what I'm asking for is how you guys coped with this during high school/ college/ work where you were forced to literally over hear or see stuff that you would want the last thing you would want to hear/see.
Mr Scorpio Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 First off, welcome to the board! Hopefully you'll find that this site is a great help. Not only can you get excellent advice from caring individuals, but you can also read through literally thousands of stories from people who went through what you are currently dealing with. Now, as it pertains to your situation, it may seem callous of me to say this but here it goes: you're sixteen! Virtually no couple that begins dating at your age lasts until college age. Of those that do, maybe 0.001% of them last until 30. I know it doesn't seem like it now -- and I'm not saying this to belittle your pain -- but it is better that you got your first heartbreak out of the way sooner than later. Again, you're sixteen. You are both just starting to learn about who you will be as adults. I know it sucks. I know being next to her in class must wrench your heart. But seriously, did you really think you were going to spend the rest of your life with this girl? Would you walk into a restaurant and try one item on the menu and say to yourself "thats it! Cucumber sandwich with a glass of milk on the side! That's all I want for the rest of my life!"? No. You'd want to try the lobster ravioli, the stuffed flounder, the meatloaf, and the gumbo. So it is with romantic partners. You have a long way to go and many different types of situations to experience. Trust me, worry more about what you think you might like to do for a living, so that when you do find that special someone, you'll be in a position to create a great life with her. Don't be like me! I spent years pining after a woman and neglecting other areas of life because the only thing that mattered was being with her. Then, when I finally got her, she left me because I couldn't help her live her dream of raising a family. Think long-term.
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