xxSRMxx Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Okay so, My ex and my parents had an amazing relationship, my dad actually really annoyed me this morning when he said ''Its a shame because he was a nice guy'' - yeah alright dad shut up. so anyway, my mom gave him a call today to see how he was (not to try and get him to get back with me), he said he would call her back in half an hour after his dinner n wanted to talk to her anyway so was glad she called. They ended up talking on the phone for about 45 mins, i eavesdropped a couple of snippets but i pretty much stayed out of it, she explained the reasons why i was the way i was etc, he explained his side.... he told her he loved me but he just wants me to work on myself, and to give him space so that he can sort his head out... Im not going to hold onto a reconciliation, if something can be worked it will be a lengthy process that will take alot of patience, He told me last week to be PATIENT, my mother told me today that was half my problem, if i want something i want it NOW, thats something I must work on :/ ...I would do anything to work things out with him though, but at the same time im going to protect my heart and move on either way and concentrate on me. So best thing to do i thought, is exactly what it says on the tin??! its kind of spurred me on to just stop this crying in my bedroom and sort myself out, not just for him, but for me and my sanity because i am SICK of looking at my bedroom walls. My friend had some upsetting news today so i went round to comfort her, felt nice to listen to someone elses problems instead of whinging about my own...she actually tried to get on my subject and i was like NO IVE HAD ENOUGH OF MY PROBLEMS! I have a girls night out saturday, Im going to politely request to the girls that nobody mentions his name and im definately taking it easy on alcohol... He said to my mom to tell me that he will be in touch, Im not going to sit here and follow the NC rule and say if he gets in touch im NOT responding... IF i can save my relationship i will....Im not banking on alot though. Any Thoughts???
darkmoon Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) your mother should stop interfering/controlling/refereeing - i mean, you didn't ask her to phone your ex, he is not her son, but yes ask your freinds to not mention him and ask your mother to get involved and onside on request it would make life better for you; i don't like the two of them confering over you with you out of the discussion you are not a child i feel sorry for you Edited April 18, 2012 by darkmoon
Author xxSRMxx Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 No - I wouldnt say she did it to be interfering at all, she said to me earlier in the week she was going to talk to him at one stage and i said thats fine. I guess Im just going to have to get on with my life now I know the score.
Zahara Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 If you're going to be in an adult relationship, parents need to stay out of it. You could have stopped it but you didn't and you know why. If I were him, I would have felt that your mother was calling to interfere or even to try and test the waters on your behalf. Of course he is going to say kind things to your mother. The call pushed him into an uncomfortable corner and he had to say the right things. Whether he meant it or not is not the issue but standing round the corner eavesdropping is exactly how he would have been picturing the both of you. Not good. Time to grow up. Keep yourself away and keep your family away. If your parents wants to keep that bond with him, they can do so once you have healed and moved on. They should be putting your well being first. 2
oldguy Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 ''Its a shame because he was a nice guy'' - yeah alright dad shut up. I heard my daughters voice, when she was younger, so clearly as I read that Any Thoughts??? Just questions; Your mom & even your dad like him & so do you. Why did you & Prince Charming break up?
Kamila Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Good question above. Why did you guys break up ? And I'm amazed that your parents and your ex keep contact. It's not that they're interfering, they're just concerned and want to help you guys. I remember me and my ex and how he couldn't get along well with my parents. I always found that that a pity, because I wanted them to get along... he just told me they didn't 'click' and that my mom was too honest. Whatever that meant... Btw, I clicked perfectly with his mother... It's not because you're all grown up that no one has got a say into your relationship. As an example: if you were physically abused in your relationship, wouldn't you like your parent to interfere ? Of course, it's an entirely different situation... I would be glad if a more older and wiser person would have interferred between my ex and I to mediate or to give us a different point of view. Sometimes we don't see things when we're actually in a relationship, a person more aside could shed some light on the current situation. We're not obliged to follow their opinions, but it's nice to have some contructive criticism. 1
Author xxSRMxx Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 We broke up because of the way I was... You know the old saying ''If you cant love yourself, then you cant love anybody else'' Theres some things that I havent dealt with right from my past and it caused me to be insecure, negative and stress him out. He'd had enough and left me. I do not blame him because its got me to face my demons (im getting regular therapy now) and slowly building up my self esteem and confidence and believing in myself. Thats what he wants me to do, and thats what i want to do... 2
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 We broke up because of the way I was... You know the old saying ''If you cant love yourself, then you cant love anybody else'' Theres some things that I havent dealt with right from my past and it caused me to be insecure, negative and stress him out. He'd had enough and left me. I do not blame him because its got me to face my demons (im getting regular therapy now) and slowly building up my self esteem and confidence and believing in myself. Thats what he wants me to do, and thats what i want to do... You should do this because YOU want to do this; not because someone else wants you to. Parents should stay out of it. Very odd for your Mom to call; sorry but it is. This is your business, not theirs. Don't they have friends their own age they can call? Hope that you are starting to feel better now that you are in therapy; it's a huge step to take and you are doing it.
Author xxSRMxx Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 I dont find it that weird, we were all really close... obviously we are not now but he had texed her when we first broke up and she never got back to him until yesterday. I do want to change for me, not just because of him, because in a future relationship i dont want to make the same mistakes. I feel like an addict coming off drugs or something! hes my addiction and i need to break it.
geegirl Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I dont find it that weird, we were all really close... obviously we are not now but he had texed her when we first broke up and she never got back to him until yesterday. I do want to change for me, not just because of him, because in a future relationship i dont want to make the same mistakes. I feel like an addict coming off drugs or something! hes my addiction and i need to break it. One way to break the addiction is to stop your parents from dabbling with the ex. Any tie to the ex will keep you attached. Time to tell your parents to NC on him just as you are doing for yourself. 1
Author xxSRMxx Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 Oh my lord - she spoke once to him, they havent exactly been going round for dinner and keeping in regular contact. I did not mind, and if anything its HELPED me to maintain NC.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Oh my lord - she spoke once to him, they havent exactly been going round for dinner and keeping in regular contact. I did not mind, and if anything its HELPED me to maintain NC. ...because you were satisfied at what you heard by listening in. Seriously...the fact that your Mom called him made it look like you put her up to it===though that's not the case; first you break NC, now your Mom's calling him. Leave the guy alone. I can't see this thing being saved. You have to work on you and love yourself.
Author xxSRMxx Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 Hes well and truly been left alone. The relationship they have, he would not have thought i put her upto it, she didnt call him to beg for him to come back to me. As i said before, he texed her after we split and she did not get back to him until now... Im also working on myself and getting out the house finally.
geegirl Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Oh my lord - she spoke once to him, they havent exactly been going round for dinner and keeping in regular contact. I did not mind, and if anything its HELPED me to maintain NC. NC means cutting every tie to the ex and that means no calls, no smoke signals, no pigeon carriers, no secret calls from mom while you eavesdrop. Don't get pissy. Read your threads. There is a reason why you're still stuck. It's just a call, but it's you still feeding an attachment. 1
Author xxSRMxx Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Im not being pissy... I just don't agree with certain things being said, and im perfectly entitled to that, just as you are perfectly entitled to express your opinion.
geegirl Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Im not being pissy... I just don't agree with certain things being said, and im perfectly entitled to that, just as you are perfectly entitled to express your opinion. Great, I hope you progress to brighter, bigger and better.
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