Overthirtymale Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Sometimes when I be walking and cross paths with a couple (its obvious they are together) the guy would start holding hands with his girl. This really annoys the heck out of me. Does it ever happen to you? I actually feel quite insulted when it happens.
HokeyReligions Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I just had to answer! I've been married for nearly 26 years and my husband and I hold hands all the time. Even at home when no one is watching. For us its an outward sign that we are still in love, still value each other, and are proud and happy to be together. We convey more intimacy and closeness to each other in simple hand-holding than in other ways. It has nothing to do with insecurity and, for us, its much more respectful for those who see us. We've always found it somewhat vulgar and offensive when we've seen some couples who practically devour each other in public. 5
irin Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 im grown up and i still hold my moms hands sometimes. its just affection!
Jane2011 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I love hand holding. Loved that the guy I was last with was a constant hand holder. Even when we were just driving along in the car, he'd grab my hand and hold it while driving with the other hand. I know what you (the OP) mean, though, about men who make a move to show "she's mine" when other men are around. I've had some male friends/acquaintances tell me explicitly that it is an act of "claiming" in some situations. I had a boyfriend do that with me when we were around other guys, especially if another guy seemed to be looking at me; my boyfriend at the time would put his arm around me. I don't know if it's insecurity so much as it is a signal of "don't get any ideas." Maybe that's the same thing, but I don't think so. Insecurity is thinking your position with someone is not safe. Signaling to someone to "not get any ideas" is more what you think that other person might try. 1
garycoleman Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 it sounds like you are bitter at people who have a happy relationship
Els Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Ummm. So if a couple holds hands in front of you, clearly it HAS to be because of you, out of insecurity, and they didn't just decide to hold hands for some other reason? I'm sure some of them are doing the 'don't get any ideas' thing, but geez. Other couples' actions don't necessarily revolve around you. 3
g450 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 it sounds like you are bitter at people who have a happy relationship I was thinking the exact same thing. My Fiancee holds my hand even when we are driving alone down the road. So what? My first wife never did this. It feels good to be with somebody that is not afraid to show affection for a change. And yes, I do on occasion let guys at the club know that she is my Fiancee because inevitably there will be the one dumbazz who doesnt know an engament ring if it bit him on his azz. And then you sometimes have the inevitable ex bf that is still clueless. It's my way of circumventing a possible embearasing moment for the wannabe player. Has nothing to do with insecurity. She does the same thing for me.
threebyfate Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Love holding hands with my H. His hand just engulfs mine. So sweet and lovely!
wwwjd Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 people, his post says when he is around, THEN the guy grabs her hand. Not, insecurity, just what others have said: - claiming - dont get ideas - and I will throw in protection. If a nearby person pulls a knife or gun or goes to grab her, I could pull her out of harms way. Same reason to walk on the sidewalk nearest traffic: to protect her. Or hold something over her head in the rain Nothing wrong with any of it, and many girls like this gesture also.
ascendotum Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Based just on the subject alone. 'Is it a sign of insecurity when couples hold hands', my answer is a definite no. I loved doing that when I was out with my gf. When I read your post though it sounds like when you first see the couples they are not holding hands, but as you get closer to them, the guy grabs her hand, then this a little different. Its not a spontaneous act of affection, the guys prompted to do by your approaching presence. In these situations, then yes I do think its a sign of insecurity. Like he's threatened by you approaching or wants to exhibit his success with women by touching her in front of you.
ascendotum Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Not, insecurity, just what others have said: - claiming - dont get ideas I still consider this insecurity.
threebyfate Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Did everyone grow up without physical affection, living in sterile bubble environments? Human touch is one way to express love and caring. 3
runner Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Sometimes when I be walking and cross paths with a couple (its obvious they are together) the guy would start holding hands with his girl. This really annoys the heck out of me. Does it ever happen to you? I actually feel quite insulted when it happens. i'm sorry if this disappoints you, but they're most likely holding hands cos their in lurv 1
xxoo Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 You really think it is because you are walking by? Maybe this is something you are sensitive about, so you notice it whenever it happens by chance. A couple who grabs hands randomly will likely do it when somebody is walking by--and sometimes that somebody will be you. In any case, why let something like this insult you? You don't know these people, or their motives. 1
g450 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 You really think it is because you are walking by? Maybe this is something you are sensitive about, so you notice it whenever it happens by chance. A couple who grabs hands randomly will likely do it when somebody is walking by--and sometimes that somebody will be you. In any case, why let something like this insult you? You don't know these people, or their motives. Ill tell you why. Most likely it bothers the OP because he is insecure. Why just the other day I hit my GF over the head with my club and dragged her into my mancave by her hair to fornicate. :bunny: And my neighbor accross the street was looking at me all insecure and crap. I told him to mind his damn business! 1
Ursa Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 My husband and I fell asleep holding hands last night. Nobody was watching. 8
carhill Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Maybe it was just coincidence. I think determining a person's insecurities by hand-holding will be problematical, at least.
FitChick Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Another hand holder here, but then I have a tendency to not look where I'm going and trip, so it's a survival instinct in addition to affection. 1
loversquarrel Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Sometimes when I be walking and cross paths with a couple (its obvious they are together) the guy would start holding hands with his girl. This really annoys the heck out of me. Does it ever happen to you? I actually feel quite insulted when it happens. Honestly......why tf would that bother you???
Woggle Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Have we as a society become so cold and cynical that even the most innocent displays of affection are cause for suspicion?
johan Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 It's not suspicious at all. But most hand-holding and arm-around-waist gestures in public are less about affection, and more about possession. You'll see people give little gestures like this all the time. In general it's meant to establish territory. A girl will grab onto her guy when another girl enters the room. A guy will somehow touch his girl, in a close, familiar way when another guy is around. As an experiment, take your most attractive friend to the mall, and have them approach people from different angles or have them stand in certain places. Then watch how people of the same sex as your friend act when they are with their mate. It's expected, too. If you're with your girlfriend, and some other guy comes around, and you don't somehow grab onto her, she'll subconsciously interpret it as a sign something isn't right. She'll either come and nudge up against you if she really digs you, or she'll get upset for what seems like no reason. 1
dasein Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 What OP describes is definitely a territorial display, not sure if "insecurity" is at the root of it, or a sense of possession, but it's definitely not about a mere display of affection, nor is it coincidental IME. IMO it's not something to be annoyed at, nor is it a reason to accuse or characterize OP in a nasty way. I also wonder at people who grab the hands of their SO when certain others are around, what stimulus leads to it in response to some people but not others. There may be some internal calculation of threat or attractiveness or rivalry. It's definitely an interesting behavior people do. I don't do it myself, but do hold hands.
insertnamehere Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Actually, they're locking hands because they're getting ready to clothesline you. 6
matte123 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 It might be just coincidence or just a "claiming" act. It only happened one time to me but I wasn't sure if it was because of that or because they want to show other people that they love each other very much. I walked into one of the rooms at the museum where this couple was located in and the couple actually looked directly at me and then proceeded to make out right in front of me lol. The guy made the move so I'm not sure if it's a claiming act or not unless he thought he should show me that he's taken.
firehawk_1 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I just had to answer! I've been married for nearly 26 years and my husband and I hold hands all the time. Even at home when no one is watching. For us its an outward sign that we are still in love, still value each other, and are proud and happy to be together. We convey more intimacy and closeness to each other in simple hand-holding than in other ways. It has nothing to do with insecurity and, for us, its much more respectful for those who see us. We've always found it somewhat vulgar and offensive when we've seen some couples who practically devour each other in public. +1 the whole point on relationships etc... is to be in love, be affectionate...hold hands, kiss... otherwise why even have relationships? this comes as the package! Relationships and marriage. obviously not one night stands....
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