What am I doing?

[Confusedguy1988]

So I made a post relatively recently about an ex who I believe is rebounding. Long story short I dated my boyfriend for about 2 years we broke up in january and were on and off for the first couple months. We still lived together. He started dating other guys nothing really stuck. I sort of started dating a mutual friend of ours in secret and realized it was a rebound. One of my ex's best friends from home introduced him to a friend of hers and they began texting. They met about a month ago and have been dating since. I am having the hardest time getting over him and I still want him back more than ever. I've had people tell me that if i want him back and if he does still have feelings I need to give him his space. Last week I decided to start going home to my parents more often and I told him I was going to move home for good. He didn't believe me as we've both said we were gonna move back in with our parents. I spent the weekend at my parents and had plans to day drink with him. We went to lunch together and he paid for my lunch and asked why I was going home so much. He said it seemed kind of sketchy because in all the time we lived together I hated going to my parents. He later asked me if I was seeing someone and thats why I was really going home. We were pretty drunk and he got a little handsy with me grabbing my butt at one point. There was also a moment where we were wrestling a little and there was some tension. I was feeling pretty good about things. My roommate called me out about my "rebound relationship" and my ex just asked me what she was talking about. I was pretty drunk and so was he and i tried to explain it to the best of my ability. I dont remember all the details but I think I told him that the most we ever did was kiss and that we've never done anything sexual. He seemed ok with it at first and then went home shortly after and passed out on our couch. I went home after that and went to sleep. He woke me up because he was bored and wanted to hang out. We hung out and then both went to bed. I didn't see him this morning but I went to see him this afternoon. I casually brought up the talk and he acted like he forgot about it. I tried to re-explain it and said that me and my rebound were never really seeing each other and that we were both just lonely and that my rebound drunkly kissed me once. He seemed ok with the explanation but at the same time i'm single and I can do what I want so i shouldn't feel guilty even though I do. He told me he was gonna go visit the guy hes seeing tonight which obviously upset me. I packed up some of my stuff and I told him that I was moving home and wasn't sure when I would see him again. I asked him to help me bring a box to my car. It was really quiet and I told him that i wasn't sure when I would see him again but he could txt me if he needs me. He seemed pretty sad about it and just told me that I should visit him soon. We gave each other a long hug said bye and said we'd talk soon.

 

Does he miss me?

[Philosoraptor]

You needn't feel guilty for kissing someone. You are single and free to do what you want. Does he miss you? That's irrelevant right now because the choice has been made to split.

 

But this is the reason why it's so hard to maintain any sort of contact with someone you still care about as more than a friend. It will eat you up inside as you constantly question anything and everything they do.

[Confusedguy1988]

Ok so by moving home I've now tripled my commute to work. It went from 15 min to 45. I work really early on saturdays (7:15am). My mom has suggested spending one night at the apartment with my ex on friday nights but spend the rest of the week at home. She thinks that by this way I have little contact with my ex but just enough where he still sees me once in a while. You know what they say out of sight out of mind. Now I've talked to other people and a good friend of mine told me that I should not go to the apartment at all. Our lease is up at the end of may so either way in a month I won't be seeing him very often anyways. She thinks that if i cut off contact from him we'll both realize our feelings for each other and either I'll move on from him or he'll miss me and realize that he wants to be with me. I see points from both sides. what do i do?

[Philosoraptor]

I'd stay away and work on myself. I would avoid all contact and hope that they come back, because in the end it only brings pain. Work on finding acceptance that things are over and take care of yourself.

[Confusedguy1988]

So its now been about 2 and a half months since I really ended things with my ex and about a month and a half since he started dating this new guy hes seeing. Up until about 2 weeks ago we were living together since the breakup in the same bedroom in separate beds. About a week and a half ago I finally made the decision to move back in with my parents for a bit. Our lease is up at the end of next month and I assumed that he would just stick it out at our apartment mainly because the new guy hes seeing is a lot closer to our apartment than his dads house where he would be moving. What does he do? He moves out almost the same day I do. We hadn't really talked much since I moved out and he would send me a random txt once a day or every couple of days just to keep in contact. Wednesday he send me a text asking me what I was up to and we had a small conversation regarding him moving home and he told me the reasoning was because our cable and internet were out for a few days and that because I moved out there wasn't anyone to hang out with (one of our roommates is always there and the other is there about half the time). He told me he left some stuff on my bed and that he would pick up it up the next night if that was ok with me. I took this as a lets hang out so i asked him if he wanted to hang out. He immediately says yes. We meet up on thursday night at my apartment and we start drinking together. He is on his phone a good portion of the night and at one point he apparently doesn't hear his phone go off and he gets a voicemail. He lies and tells me that its just one of his friends and then locks himself in our bedroom for about 20 minutes and talks to his new guy on the phone. This gets me upset and when he finally comes out I tell him that I'm just gonna go to bed. He gets upset and begs me to stay up and hang out with him so I finally agree to it. I'm still pissed but I tell him no more cell phones for the rest of the night. He agrees and so we go into our room and continue drinking. I'm still pissed so i start texting a friend of mine. He asks me if I'm texting a guy and I tell him its none of his business. He tries to get it out of me for about 5 minutes and when I don't tell him he tells me that its not fair and that he told me about his new guy. He then apologizes and tells me that hes sorry and that he didn't mean for any of this to happen and that this thing with this new guy wasn't something planned. I cry and tell him that I'm not over him and that I miss him and he tells me that he misses me too and that he does still have feelings for me and that it makes him feel horrible and doesn't want me to think that he just moved on quickly. We end up going to bed and the next morning he asks me if I want to go to lunch. I tell him no but then I tell him we need to talk. I had been texting with a friend all morning and she tells me that the only thing that might bring him back to me is space and time and no contact. My ex comes into the room and asks me what I wanted to talk about. I told him that I was sorry but after the conversation we had the night before that maybe we should not talk for a while. Hes taken by surprise a little and he says ok and storms out of the room. I wait a minute and then I follow him into the kitchen. I tell him that I'm sorry and that I'm not doing it to punish him. I'm also just in boxers and he tells me to put clothes on. (We had a talk about not hanging out in our boxers because he still finds me sexually attractive) He says that its fine and that hes just losing one of his only and best friends. (hes been a firm believer that we will remain close and best friends even after he has a strong relationship with someone else). I tell him that unfortunately I'm not over him and that I still have strong feelings for him and that for my own sake that I need to straighten myself out. Hes still kind of mad and I tell him that I missed him and that i was so excited to see him after a week. He said that he missed me too and that it was really nice to see me as well and that again he didn't mean for any of this to happen. He went and picked up food came back. We made a little small talk and i finally left for work. I said bye and he said bye. There was no hug or anything. I wanted to make it very clear that we won't be talking for a while. I've had a couple people tell me that this is probably the best course of action and that theres no way that after being with me for over 2 years that a month after we officially broke things off for good that he could be completely over me and with this new person. I feel worse than ever now. Did I make the right decision? The way I see it, worst case scenario we don't get back together but I finally start to move on. I feel that now that he doesn't have me in his life maybe he'll start to realize what hes losing. Anyways any thoughts?

Edited April 27, 2012 by Confusedguy1988