blessedandfavored Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) As painful as it is, I know I made the right decision. Ihave tears in my eyes as I write this post; because I still love my ex and Imiss our friendship. However, it wastime to end the relationship. In thebeginning, he was recently divorced and I was fresh out of a relationship. A friendship developed, and as the years wenton, we developed a serious, committed relationship. Our families knew each other, we celebratedholidays together, we traveled together as a family, and we raised our kidstogether. We helped each other throughjob losses, deaths, devastating acts of nature, etc. About two years into the relationship, Istarted to want to move towards marriage, but he resisted. Being in love andhaving a great relationship (so I thought), I continued the relationship inhopes of receiving a marriage proposal eventually. Now, 5 years had passed, but “eventually”never came. I continued to push theissue of marriage, but he continued to give me the “I’m not ready yet.” So, at the 6 year mark (March 1,2012), I ended the relationship for good. It was actually a very mature, adult break-up, as he told me he loved meand respected me, but was not available to be my husband “anytime” soon. I did understand that he went through aterrible divorce previously. I didunderstand that he had lost a job that he had held for the majority of hislife, and was dealing with issues of inadequacy. Also, I knew that had I stayed in therelationship, another 6 years could easily pass with me being his “girlfriend”and I would have eventually lost my own identity trying to hold out for my loveto marry me. Now, what I did not expectwas for a past high school “friend” to contact him on Facebook and for the twoof them to start hanging out “prior” to our official break-up. This was DEAVASTATING to me. Why? Because it jolted me into a reality that I was not prepared for. Yes, I chose to end the relationship. But, not because I did not love him, butbecause I loved me more. So, where am Inow? I am lonely. I am hurt. I still love him. And, I miss ourfriendship greatly. Foolishly thinkingwe could still maintain a friendship, I have sent him text messages and emails(not a good thing to do), but he did not respond. This was a shock to me, because I did notunderstand why my phone calls and messages went unanswered. I still don’t know why, but I am sure it hasto do with his own pain, or maybe he has a full fledge relationship with theold high school friend……….I don’t know, and it really doesn’t matter, becausehe is not the one for me. About twoweeks ago, he called me out of the blue and said he was sorry for “everything”(whatever that means), and that if he had the chance, he would do thingsdifferently (again, what does that mean? He would marry me or he would not have started to hang out with an oldhigh school friend prior to the ending of our relationship?) I don’t know! But, at the conclusion of that conversation,we both said we still loved each other and missed each other. I have not heard from him since then, and Iplan to maintain NO CONTACT. So, whathave I learned from the past 6 years and ending this relationship? When someone shows you who they are, believethem. I should have NEVER stayed in arelationship for six years, when I knew my partner was not available to marry me. Never chase after a man. If he is able to walk out of your life andvoid the promises he made to you, let him. Don’t lose your self-respect. Go NO CONTACT no matter how hard it is. Be wise in the next relationship. Set boundaries and standards and stick tothem. If a man loves you, he will notonly tell you, he will show you with his actions. Lastly, breaking up is like a death. You must grieve the loss of a relationshipjust as you would if someone died. I amstill grieving the loss of this relationship. I am a Christian, and I know I did the right thing. So, I have put my trust in God to heal mypain and make me whole again as I wait patiently on my KING. Edited April 18, 2012 by blessedandfavored
Philosoraptor Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Sounds like you did the right thing by taking care of yourself first. It's an important lesson we all must learn. It sounds like you learned a lot from this experience. I wish you the best in the continuation of your healing.
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