It Does Get Easier

[Paige1377]

Hello Loveshack!!!

 

I wanted to put a post on here because it's been about six months since my last post and I wanted to give some hope to everyone going through a nasty divorce or breakup right now. My story if you will look at my past posts is quite sad and depressing. My ex and I were together 6 years, at that time had a nine month old daugther together and were living in Texas. He kicked us out, put us on a bus and gave us absolutely nothing financially. He had spent a month prior texting this woman non-stop. And it was not until later that I found out he was not only dating her, he had married her within two months of meeting her and got her pregnant.

 

Now when I first started posting on Loveshack I was an emotional wreck. I cried non-stop, couldn't focus, was very heavy and lacked any kind of confidence at all. My ex had literally controlled me for so long I didn't know who I was anymore, and I certainely didn't know how to take care of myself. I spent most of my time obsessing over him, him coming back, driving my family crazy and eventually they suggested therapy and trying anti-depressants. After two months of living with my parents my ex convinced me to move back to Kansas and told me we could possibly work it out. I was so desperate to win him back to complete my "family" that I went along with it. The ride there was brutal...he basically told me he would never want to sleep with me again b/c of having a baby made my stuff "ruined". Yeah, you read that right, he's a huge dick.

 

I lived in Kansas, started a new job and was miserable for awhile as the therapy started to work and the anti-depressants kicked in. I stayed there with my daugther for almost five months and slowly but surely I started to get stronger. I started to realize I could be on my own and raise a child by myself...that all the years he put me down and said I was worthless was a bunch of crap and that he was the one who was wrong not me. The only thing that held me onto him was our daugther, that I wanted her dad in her life so I still waited for him, but kept getting stronger.

 

Now I think with any break-up there is a trigger for you to start to change your thoughts towards your ex...to let go of that emotional connection and realize they were never good for you. I had two triggers...first was when my ex brought his new wife up to kansas behind my back and lied to me about her being around my daugther. The fact that he had the balls to bring that homewrecker around my daughter made me belligerently mad...especially since he said my daughter was so happy around her. That was the first trigger to completely move on. My second trigger was I started visiting my family in Iowa...I took my daugther up for Thanksgiving and then Christmas solidified this trigger. I saw how happy my daughter was around my family, with the constant attention and also how much more at ease I felt b/c I had my familys love and a fresh start. I realized on Christmas day that I really had moved back to Kansas for my ex, and it was not for me or my daughter, it was to benefit him and I was done with that.

 

So once those triggers started, I started letting go...I stopped talking to my ex...deleted all his pictures, got rid of every single item of anything we had ever shared. I decorated my house, started hanging out with guys and realizing that I was beautiful and my ex was a moron. I lost alot of weight too....in the ten months since we split I have officially lost 87 pounds and am now 5'6'' and 150 pounds and I work out and keep it off. I started to get my confidence back and then I decided to move my daugther and myself back to Iowa.

 

Now me moving my daugther up to Iowa I did in a very spiteful way and I knew it would make my ex frantic b/c that meant he would lose all control, but I had to do it, to completely stop his control. I casually told him 30 days before I was going to move that I was considering moving...he said if I did he would take me to court and get 50/50 custody of my daugther. So I waited patiently...I found an apartment in Iowa, got a job, and everything else set up. I put my notice in at work, and the night before I sent him a text telling him I wanted to tell him something. He said he wanted to know what it was, and I told him his mom would tell him the next day.

 

So his mom was in Kansas and she didn't want us moving either b/c she liked seeing her granddaughter, understandably, but she was not my family anymore, and she would always side with her son, so I didn't tell her until the day I moved that we were moving. All she said was "You did me dirty" and hung up. My ex immediately started calling....fifteen times and sent me a text saying "I know what you are doing" and I responded with "See, I told you your mom would tell you!"

 

That move to iowa was the beginning of something amazing I tell you. Not only did it give me some more freedom, it allowed for both my daugther and I to florish. My mom decorated our house, and my motivation level went sky high. I now do my hair, wear makeup and am confident and am going back to school. My daugther has all my siblings and her cousin that she adores and she is getting so big. This was truly the best move for my daugther and I, and of course my ex was upset b/c that puts 12 hours before him and his daugther, but he was not thinking of her, only himself as usual.

 

Taking back control of my emotions I now have control of my life. The only emotion I have towards my ex is hatred. He claimed our daugther on his taxes and took 1500 dollars away from us b/c he wanted control and he did not have her half of the year last year. He also took her off his insurance without my knowledge sticking me with a 127 dollar bill. He is a big huge douche bag, I now see that. I get mad b/c he never asks about her, never sees her and does not pay child support. He wants child support put into an account he can control b/c he knows b/c he makes 4k a month I will get around 600 to 700...he told me if I filed child support he would hate me forever. I filed for child support two months ago ...but it's a long process.

 

Sometimes as any single mother does we wonder what if, but I quickly take back those thoughts. When he told me he was considering moving closer to see our daugther I called him and told him to stay the hell out of Iowa, and he said sometimes I miss being with you guys, and I told him to sign over his rights.

 

The truth of it loveshack, is time does help, but the main thing is realizing your ex was not good for you for whatever reason. Mine was a controlling douche bag who never really loved me, just used me up, but I have re-hydrated myself and my daugther in this game of life. I am in control, and off anti-depressants and actually ready for a serious relationship with someone who will love Savannah and I both.

 

Oh side note, my ex dumped his little bride...left her alone with the new baby....I am waiting for the day where he tries to comeback...so I can tell him to eat **** and die...truth be told I am way too good for him and so is my daugther. We do just wonderful by ourselves without him, she's happy, I am happy, so I would never be able to let someone that horrible into our life again. I am really pushing for him to sign over his rights, b/c it's been almost a year and he has no interest in her, granted I might be hostile, but that's just because I think he needs to work for his daugther, support her, and he doesn't, so I won't make it any easier for him.

 

I look back at my first couple posts on loveshack where I would analyze my responses from you guys...would make the story sound better than it was in hopes someone could tell me if he would comeback. It's amazing the strength I have now...I have pushed him away as much as I can and my heart no longer hurts, in fact it feels wonderful to be rid of him. I can do what I want, when I want. It feels great to be honest and upfront, to tell him I hate him b/c I don't care if he wants to ever comeback, bc I just want savannah and I to be happy...and want him out of her life unless he will support her and actually be a father.

 

So Loveshack folks...if you just went through a split...read this...promise it will help give you hope...look at the sh** I went through and I came through on the other side happy and ready to meet the world!!!

[sad puppy]

I truly believe this is the most inspiring story I have ever read here. You have a lot to be proud of and are an amazing model for your daughter! Everyone here can learn from your strength and incredible attitude! Thanks for sharing, you are a strong example for anyone looking to change their life 100%!

[Furious]

Your story made me cry.

Bless you and your beautiful girl.

[Paige1377]

No need to cry, I am just glad to share my story. I am proud of where I have come from and where my daugther and I are at now. I have learned how to do things on my own and am a very strong independent woman and showing that to my daughter everyday. It's awesome....