Stillgrowing Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 (edited) my husband and I lived together for years before we married. Met in college, after we graduated I rented an apartment, he would stay overnight to help me paint, etc... and just never left. There was no formal discussion, it just happened. We knew it was headed towards marriage. I was happy we lived together as long as we did bc I would have been freaked out if I was married and having fights over folding vs. rolling socks. I would have felt so stuck. This way I knew I had an out....no kids, no joint bank accounts, no mortgage or ownership of things together. We were married about 5 or 6 years after we moved in together. We weren't in any hurry until then. It was after we decided to buy a house we decided to get married, we knew kids would follow that. I don't plan on marrying again, but if I did I would want to live together before marriage, but in reality wouldn't because I have children. We've been married 17 years so, if we do divorce, living together before-hand has nothing to do with it. Edited April 24, 2012 by Stillgrowing
newmoon Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 i wouldn't live together before marriage. my current bf spends about 2 nights over with me a week and i sometimes go to his place overnight. for me, that is sufficient to see if we could live together peacefully. i don't need to know every single detail about him before marriage - if our values and general habits are compatible and our communication is great then the rest will work itself out, imo. living together is wasted time and effort and is really just a trial marriage that often leads nowhere for women.
Michael Johnson Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I read this interesting article in the NEw York Times today about couples who live together before getting married and wondered what your thoughts are on this cohabitation trend. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-downside-of-cohabiting-before-marriage.html?pagewanted=2&ref=general&src=me In my experience, living with a SO has been a learning experience, but now that I'm older and after having been through it, I don't think I will be cohabiting with an SO unless there are clear expectations for marriage. Is that fair? Would I want someone to place those types of demands on me? No. But living together out of convenience? Isn't that what drains the passion out of a relationship eventually? It's easier to lose sight of your own goals and perhaps of who you are when you allow yourself to, as the article states it, "spend too much time on a mistake". I'd love to hear your opinions! I've been raised not to congregate with someone who's not my official mate with a ring on it and I've adhered to it until recently, when I moved in with my now wife when we were fiances and our wedding was almost immediately following. I don't think it is a good idea if both are simply significant others as a break-up can occur within a snap of a finger, and catty fights will ensue along with that stubborn one refusing to pay their share of the rent. Not saying marriage excludes all of that but at least when married most know what they're getting into. At the end of the day, to each their own but caution should be on the forefront of their minds.
Woggle Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I wold never marry a woman without living with her first. You need to have a test drive before you make the sale.
threebyfate Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Whatever works for the individuals. For myself, I've been married twice and neither time, moved in prior to the wedding. Why give up freedoms before you have to?
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