This Is Not Suggested

[verhrzn]

To all the multi-daters and people doing online dating:

 

Creepy Finance Guy With Spreadsheet of Match.com 'Prospects' Says He Was Just Trying to Be Organized

[dasein]

This isn't advised either:

 

Duke coed

 

but have had two women I dated from OLD, one for ten months, who kept a spreadsheet of various guys. NBD really, well NBD if a woman does it apparently, the sign of a hideous monster if a guy does it.... ewww CREEPY!!

[verhrzn]

This isn't advised either:

 

Duke coed

 

but have had two women I dated from OLD, one for ten months, who kept a spreadsheet of various guys. NBD really, well NBD if a woman does it apparently, the sign of a hideous monster if a guy does it.... ewww CREEPY!!

 

Um, how in the world does gender matter? It's creepy if EITHER gender do it.

[veggirl]

If he wants to organize his contacts / dates in that fashion...more power to him, I don't know if it's creepy (clicked on the spreadsheet, was fairly innocuous IMO...not something I'd do but eh).....BUT sending it to the "winner" :o d'oh

 

It's kinda like a more detailed "little black book"...and should be kept private

[verhrzn]

If he wants to organize his contacts / dates in that fashion...more power to him, I don't know if it's creepy (clicked on the spreadsheet, was fairly innocuous IMO...not something I'd do but eh).....BUT sending it to the "winner" :o d'oh

 

It's kinda like a more detailed "little black book"...and should be kept private

 

I guess I find it creepy that he makes comments like "great bod," or "kind of jappy." Like, whittling another person down to two or three phrases and a row of text in a spread sheet... It also just bothers me that someone who date so many people that he needs a spread sheet to keep them straight.

[dasein]

Um, how in the world does gender matter? It's creepy if EITHER gender do it.

 

Read both articles and note the vast difference in tone towards the offending parties based on gender. Get back to me.

 

I fail to see how organizing one's dates is creepy in the least, but keeping a trophy hunt PP presentation of men one has slept with as sport and then distributing that? If a man did this?? Where was the jezebel article on the Duke woman? and if one existed was it condemning? or attagirl?

[verhrzn]

Read both articles and note the vast difference in tone towards the offending parties based on gender. Get back to me.

 

I fail to see how organizing one's dates is creepy in the least, but keeping a trophy hunt PP presentation of men one has slept with as sport and then distributing that? If a man did this?? Where was the jezebel article on the Duke woman? and if one existed was it condemning? or attagirl?

 

The articles were written by two different people. Either way, why are you focusing on how the blog wrote it instead of the actual issue itself? I don't think it's creepy because Jezebel tells me it's creepy, I think it's creepy cause I think it's creepy. Quit trying to make it about gender.

[gaius]

I guess I find it creepy that he makes comments like "great bod," or "kind of jappy." Like, whittling another person down to two or three phrases and a row of text in a spread sheet... It also just bothers me that someone who date so many people that he needs a spread sheet to keep them straight.

It's just how he organizes his thoughts on paper. Veggirl is right that it's the nerd equivalent of a black book. I'm sure he has other thoughts about the women but those spreadsheet cells only hold so much info.

[zengirl]

I actually don't think it's creepy. I think some of his comments were a bit creepy and it's REALLY odd to send it, but I don't think the act of organizing that way was creepy. Definitely suggests he wasn't ready for a serious LTR. I'd say the same of the woman, except she seems actually a bit more out there. My impression from reading both articles.

 

fwiw, I like spreadsheets. Never used them for that, but I see nothing wrong with making a list to decide something.

[verhrzn]

It's just how he organizes his thoughts on paper. Veggirl is right that it's the nerd equivalent of a black book. I'm sure he has other thoughts about the women but those spreadsheet cells only hold so much info.

 

... The cells hold infinite number of characters. He just "prioritized," and what a shocker, they were all about the girl's looks.

 

I'm also bothered that he's dating SO many women he has to "organize" them. But, I guess some people are just amazing... they get dozens of messages a day to the point they can't remember people's names without notes, and others of us get nothing.

[dasein]

The articles were written by two different people. Either way, why are you focusing on how the blog wrote it instead of the actual issue itself? I don't think it's creepy because Jezebel tells me it's creepy, I think it's creepy cause I think it's creepy. Quit trying to make it about gender.

 

It's about gender to the extent that a man who does something maybe a little nebbishy that is essentially NBD is exaggerated into a newsworthy creepster, while women are treated 180 degrees different.

 

But you are right in the OP in one thing, guys don't dare do anything that women may find "creepy" like keep an address book on your computer or you may end up being the target of Jezebel's latest exercise in misandry.

[FitChick]

There is nothing wrong with making notes about various people you date. I've done it myself because I am a note taking, list making type of person. I don't have the greatest memory and I don't want to hurt a guy's feelings if he thinks I haven't been paying attention to what he said. The guy in the story was an idiot for sending his list out.

[verhrzn]

It's about gender to the extent that a man who does something maybe a little nebbishy that is essentially NBD is exaggerated into a newsworthy creepster, while women are treated 180 degrees different.

 

But you are right in the OP in one thing, guys don't dare do anything that women may find "creepy" like keep an address book on your computer or you may end up being the target of Jezebel's latest exercise in misandry.

 

OR they could possibly be taking issue with the fact that he reduced all of these women down to their looks, made racist comments about them ("seems jappy"), commented that a few he'd only bang once, and then sent it out to a potential interest.

 

If you're determined to make this about gender, let me point this out... you seem very upset about the Duke woman not getting slammed by the media. If you think the Duke woman deserved to be slammed, then why are you equally slammed about this guy?

[Woggle]

This isn't advised either:

 

Duke coed

 

but have had two women I dated from OLD, one for ten months, who kept a spreadsheet of various guys. NBD really, well NBD if a woman does it apparently, the sign of a hideous monster if a guy does it.... ewww CREEPY!!

 

That is different. She is empowered while this guy is a creep.

 

Just kidding but you know some people think like that.

[ThaWholigan]

I can see why this would be seen as creepy, but this is very common, a lot of guys have something similar where they keep a log of the girls they are seeing. Perhaps not a spreadsheet, but still.

 

The furore is a little bit laughable to be honest. Remember Will Smith's "Chicktionary" in Fresh Prince??

[TheBigQuestion]

OR they could possibly be taking issue with the fact that he reduced all of these women down to their looks, made racist comments about them ("seems jappy"), commented that a few he'd only bang once, and then sent it out to a potential interest.

 

If you're determined to make this about gender, let me point this out... you seem very upset about the Duke woman not getting slammed by the media. If you think the Duke woman deserved to be slammed, then why are you equally slammed about this guy?

 

"Jappy" isn't racist per se. It refers to a specific type of uppity, spoiled, and sheltered Jewish female, of which there are many where I live. Grow up in the NYC metropolitan area and you'd understand too.

[verhrzn]

"Jappy" isn't racist per se. It refers to a specific type of uppity, spoiled, and sheltered Jewish female, of which there are many where I live. Grow up in the NYC metropolitan area and you'd understand too.

 

... It's still referring to a specific ethnicity in a derogatory way. How else would you define "racist"?

[gaius]

... The cells hold infinite number of characters. He just "prioritized," and what a shocker, they were all about the girl's looks.

 

I'm also bothered that he's dating SO many women he has to "organize" them. But, I guess some people are just amazing... they get dozens of messages a day to the point they can't remember people's names without notes, and others of us get nothing.

If you type too much it starts looking very out of proportion and you have to resize everything. If you learned how to talk to men you would have much more success, I don't think I've ever even seen you laugh at a guys joke on here or at the last forums we both visited.

[verhrzn]

If you type too much it starts looking very out of proportion and you have to resize everything. If you learned how to talk to men you would have much more success, I don't think I've ever even seen you laugh at a guys joke on here or at the last forums we both visited.

 

Um... do most people laugh at jokes on this forum? And, what jokes? What do you even mean?

 

Yeah, it'd just be awesome to be a row in this guy's spread sheet: "Fat and whiny, but laughs at my jokes. Bang once then ignore texts."

[dasein]

If you think the Duke woman deserved to be slammed, then why are you equally slammed about this guy?

 

He didn't do one thing wrong, other than send the thing out. Keep peddling that "jappy" is racist somehow, especially if the guy himself is jewish. Yet he has been shamed and humiliated across the internet as a creeper for something people in this thread are telling you is not unusual at all, keeping notes on dates.

 

OTOH, Duke gal sportf-cks a bunch of different athletes who likely had no idea that was her intent (or some would have wisely made her get an STD test or refused her), compares their various physical attributes and sex styles, then "leaks" it out teeheee!!

 

How would you like it if a guy did that, rated you sexually WITH PICTURES, then "accidentally on purpose" it got leaked out? Would you feel that media treatment of that as "well men have been bragging about their conquests forever" was sensitive to your position? No?

[dispatch3d]

I actually don't think it's creepy. I think some of his comments were a bit creepy and it's REALLY odd to send it, but I don't think the act of organizing that way was creepy. Definitely suggests he wasn't ready for a serious LTR. I'd say the same of the woman, except she seems actually a bit more out there. My impression from reading both articles.

 

fwiw, I like spreadsheets. Never used them for that, but I see nothing wrong with making a list to decide something.

 

being organized=not ready for an ltr?

 

girl selection is pretty funny sometimes.

 

Anyways I liked the way he used bold for high priority. The color scheme seems kinda obvious to anyone that organizes stuff. He made me think of other ways I could be sorting my tasks. I have an organization system right now but he made me think of improvements for sure (it isn't for dating obviously).

 

and yeah, avoid those organized types lol

[TheBigQuestion]

... It's still referring to a specific ethnicity in a derogatory way. How else would you define "racist"?

 

Considering the fact that you're confounding "ethnicity" with "race" when there is no consensus among Jews on whether they consider themselves a distinct ethnicity or just followers of a religion (and they're certainly not a "race"), you have a long way to go to prove that calling someone "jappy" is racist. It denotes a stereotype, yes, but it is one rooted in reality. Would it have made you feel better if he had instead said "This girl is really spoiled, really sheltered, and really prone to suffering from her family's guilt trips, and she happens to be Jewish too, hence somewhat conforming to a stereotype?" FWIW, I know plenty of Jews, and the only Jews who have ever taken offense to the term "jappy" or any of its derivatives are women for whom the term is an apt description.

 

In any event, no, it isn't creepy to keep a spreadsheet. Sending it to a prospective date is a dumb move unless she's impressed by big numbers. I don't think what the Duke student did was creepy either. She liked having casual sex and she objectified the men she slept with. Who cares?

 

You're just envious of the fact that a guy can get a bunch of online dates (most guys cant; it would make more sense to direct your envy to women) to justify making a spreadsheet out of them.

[FitChick]

I know plenty of Jews, and the only Jews who have ever taken offense to the term "jappy" or any of its derivatives are women for whom the term is an apt description.

 

I never even heard the term until I dated a Jewish guy. If anything, it was Jewish women who used the term J.A.P. more often to describe another Jewish woman.

[verhrzn]

Well how awesome to know that guys are out there cataloging the women they date based on their superficial qualities, and color-coding them based on interest level with comments like "bang once." Real eye-opening.

[phineas]

For being a supposedly creepy guy he sure seems to get a lot of action from OLD.