El Brujo Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I think the majority of people who are very nervous about a girl or guy, and posts lots of questions about what to do, are going to fail. I think you're right. But at the opposite end of the spectrum are people like me... I'm WAY beyond caring anymore.
johan Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 But how did you acquire such super confidence? If women are never interested in you ever how could you be so confident that you are such a "great catch" and that all women you have ever encountered are just missing out? Women are not good judges when it comes to men. So don't rely on their judgment. Decide for yourself you're a good catch. Of course, you need to bring something to the table that supports your claim. Then figure you can't convince them all. Just like you can't tell teenagers what is good for them. But some will listen. And it only takes one. Be good to yourself. Do the right thing every time you have a chance (call your mom, help someone do something, work on your financial situation, educate yourself, etc). Then hold your head high. Be good-natured and a little arrogant, but not obnoxious. Be playful. Some woman will think you're the most amazing guy on Earth. She'll call you "the one".
truth_seeker Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I think the majority of people who are very nervous about a girl or guy, and posts lots of questions about what to do, are going to fail. It doesn't matter what kind of encouraging signals they got, how the other person is, what their next steps are going to be, it's not going to work out. The nervousness and insecurity will make their object of desire lose interest or maybe already made them lose interest. It was doomed from the start. I think the successful people are successful, because they believe in themselves and do not depend on a surefire plan. They don't care about having security that the girl/guy is interested in them. They just go for him/her and make their move. You're right on. This is why I lost my opportunity with my girl.
threebyfate Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 The best parts of this site are the break up and coping subforums. The dating subforum has a lot of ineffective advice. Dating is so easy. Either piss or get off the pot.
ascendotum Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I agree with the OP.... to a point. She did say most and not all people who are nervous & insecure are going to fail, and I don't think its as extreme as they will fail 100 times out of 100 approaches, so they might as well give up, because no one will ever like them the way they are, but by and large until the person makes improvements on this aspect of their personality it will be a big handicap, and a bit of a vicious cycle. The main aspect I disagree with the OP however is the "nervous about a girl or guy" part. This situation is much more applicable to males than it is to females. Guys will write off a girl they found attractive for being 'nervous & insecure' to a much less extent than women would do for the equivalent male. Being 'nervous & insecure' would stop the initial attraction to begin with for many women, so its not a seperate reason to dismiss the guy, but its fundamental to his personality/looks. As guys get older, and have had experience with insecure gfs, many will give them a miss in future. Many wont care though if the physical attraction is still there or they are insecure themseleves. Whereas with girls the disinclination for insecure guys is not something that develops as they get older after having had a number of bfs like this (some yes tho), its simply the opposite of confidence. Many 'nervous & insecure' girls I have known over the years had no interest in their male equivalent, which does make it hard if you are one these guys.
Star Gazer Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Worried posts are a symptom of insecurity and inexperience, but I don't know that much else can be said about it.
carhill Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Well, yeah, there is a whole pack of fail on these forums, in one way or another, along with success. TBH, I think it's a mixed bag. I've seen some of these hand-wringers succeed, so it's not all fail. It's life. Logging in and reading only about successful people succeeding would become pretty boring, dontcha think?
Author PlumPrincess Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 I think you're right. But at the opposite end of the spectrum are people like me... I'm WAY beyond caring anymore. No, you do care. You just feel so jaded that you claim to not care so that it's less painful. Obviously, I'm in the mood to know everything better than everybody else... I already told a co-worker at lunch today that I thought he and his girlfriend where only together because they both were afraid to leave. He denied it, but it was so obvious.
Teknoe Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 (edited) It was doomed to fail whether they made a thread or not. At least with making a thread about it and having a discussion, one can get feedback on what they did wrong and how to handle it for the next one. Not exactly. Show me 5 guys who "go for it" without having to create a "help me ___" or "how do you ____" thread on a message board, and show me 5 guys who "go for it" who feel the burning need to create a thread asking for help, I'll take my chances that more guys in the former group will get dates. It's confidence. When you are asking strangers to help hold your hand, it tells me you lack belief in your own self. And if you are questioning the product you are trying to sell (i.e. yourself), more often than not, no deal. And just because someone makes a thread doesn't always mean they benefit from the discussion, especially when they only want to hear good things, and especially when they lack a teachable spirit. Posting can become abuse instead of wise use. Edited April 19, 2012 by Teknoe 1
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